01x01 - The Pest

[bunniefuu]

[SIRENS WAILING]

[♪♪♪]

Greetings, Bat fans.
This is Batman.

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

Welcoming you to The New
Adventures of Batman.

Watch us wage our
never-ending battle

of good versus evil.

ROBIN: Ride with us, as we chase
the greatest array of villains

the world has ever seen.

Proving that crime
does not pay.

BATMAN: Get set for
thrills and action.

Join me, Batman.

And me, Robin the Boy Wonder.

And Batgirl.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

In the super New
Adventures of Batman.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[JOKER LAUGHING]

JOKER: Well done, Giggles.

That's a good hyena.

[LAUGHING]

Yes sir, there's nothing
like the sound of laughter

to make a house a home.

[LAUGHS]

What's this?

Ooooh, what funtastic news.

[LAUGHS]

Giggles, my boy, we're
going to be rich.

Rich beyond our
wildest dreams.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[♪♪♪]

Set point, Dickie boy.

Service.

[BUZZING]

Nice shot.

I was lucky to win that one.

You're getting tough, d*ck.

Are you really gonna
hold me to our bet?

I sure am.

You're cooking all the meals
for a whole week, my boy.

Which reminds me, I'm starving.

What's for dinner?

What else?

My specialty.

Not peanut butter
and sardine pie?

That's the one.

I'm glad we didn't
play winner take all.

[BEEPING]

Bruce. The Bat-signal!

The commissioner wants us.

To the Batcave!

[♪♪♪]

Hold it, Robin.

What's wrong, Batman?

Someone's been
snooping around here.

You don't think it's--?

BAT-MITE: Hello,
hello, Dynamic Duo!

Alright, where
are you, Bat-Mite?

Ta-da!

[SIGHS]

Bat-Mite, I
thought we told you

to stay in your own world
and out of our hair.

I tried.

I really did,

but it was dreadfully boring.

Besides, you need my
help to fight evil.

Three's a crowd, Bat-Mite.

But-- But all I
wanna do is help.

Let's face it, Bat-Mite:

You're a nice guy, but
you're also a royal pain.

All right, I'm
going. I'm going.

I know when I'm not wanted.

Think we were a little
hard on him, Batman.

Don't worry. He'll
be back soon enough.

Come on, we'd better see
what the commissioner wants.

[REVS ENGINE]

ROBIN: Poor Bat-Mite
was really disappointed.

Relax, Boy Wonder.

It's better that
he stays behind.

But not too far behind.

[GIGGLING]

This videotape
cassette just arrived.

I-- I think you two
better take a look.

[LAUGHING]

The Joker!

Greetings, Batbrain
and Boy Blunder.

[LAUGHING]

This evening, at
precisely 7 o'clock,

I, the notorious Joker, will
stage the biggest rip-off

in the history
of Gotham City.

[LAUGHING]

And I will do it

right under your very noses,

Batman and Robin.

[LAUGHING]

Doesn't he know it's
not polite to point?

And since you'll need all
the help you can get,

remember this clue:

Oil and water don't mix.

[LAUGHS]

Do you have any idea
what the Joker's up to?

Not yet, commissioner, but we--

I know.

I know, I know,
I know, I know.

The Joker's clue, oil
and water don't mix,

is full-- Is full
of hidden meanings.

Good, good. Like what?

Well, how should I know?

He's the brains of the outfit.

[SIGHS]

We'll get right on
it, commissioner.

Let's go, Robin.

We have less than an hour

to figure out what
the Joker's up to.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, wait for me!

I fed the Bat-computer
everything in our crime file

on the Joker, Batman.

Well, if you want my opinion--

That's just it. We
don't want your opinion.

Now, the best way
you can help us,

is not to help us.

But-- Don't call
us. We'll call you.

There's not much here, Batman.

I'm afraid our investigation's
running out of gas already.

Gas!

Robin, that's it!

Look at this:

ROBIN: "Scientist to unveil

amazing new car tonight."

"Professor Julius
Erwin will demonstrate

"his revolutionary new car

"that runs on water
instead of gasoline,

at 7 o'clock this evening
at the Convention Center."

I don't get it.

What is gasoline made from?

Oil.

Hey, well, the Joker's clue:

Oil and water don't mix.

He was talking about that car.

Right, old chum.

I'll alert the commissioner.

All right, I'll capture
the Joker myself.

Now, which button
do I push first?

Eeny, meeny, miney, Mite!

[♪♪♪]

Oops! Wrong button.

[CRASHING]

The Batmobile.

Talk to you later,
commissioner.

Clear the way!

Bungling baloney, Bat-Mite!

Come back here.

This will stop him, Robin.

All I wanted to do was help.

I know, Bat-Mite, but
unless you stop interfering

we'll never catch the Joker.

What are you trying to
tell me, Caped Crusaders?

We'll catch the Joker
without your help.

Do you understand?

[♪♪♪]

Professor Erwin
is due any moment.

He's scheduled to
give a short speech,

then demonstrate the car.

That's probably when the
Joker will make his move.

My men are ready.

Here comes the professor.

Thank you, ladies and
gentlemen, and honored guests.

Today marks a major milestone
in automotive history.

Here sits a car

that will run perfectly

on nothing more
than plain water.

[♪♪♪]

[AUDIENCE GASPS]

Commissioner, I've heard
the professor speak before,

and there's something
different about his voice.

PROFESSOR [ON MONITOR]: And now I will
personally demonstrate my invention.

First, we fill the power
cell with ordinary tap water.

Robin, zoom in on the
professor's hand with Camera 3.

I'm zooming.

Jumpin' jewelry, Batman!

That ring-- It's the Joker's!

Let's clinch this
car caper, Robin!

[♪♪♪]

Batman and Robin!

Holy goof-ups, Bat-Mite.

You just blew
our sneak attack.

I spotted him first.

He's mine. He's mi--

Help!

Yeeowwwww!

So long, Dynamic Dud-os!

[LAUGHING]

Too bad your little
friend decided to drop in.

[LAUGHS]

BAT-MITE: Look out!

Batman, you saved my life.

We all have our weak moments.

We found the real professor
tied up in that shed.

You have to get
my invention back.

It's not perfected yet, and
under certain conditions

it can explode with the
force of a nuclear b*mb.

Smokin' smithereens!

What kind of conditions?

That's just it.

When the Joker grabbed me,

I got bumped on the head,

and now I-- I can't remember.

[♪♪♪]

The Joker could've hidden that
car anywhere in Gotham City.

That's a lot of
territory to search.

We have to warn everyone.
The whole city's in danger.

I'm afraid that would only
result in mass panic, professor.

Somehow we've got to locate
the Joker and your car

before it's too late.

The only question is:
Where do we start?

JOKER [ON MONITOR]:
Greetings,

citizens of Gotham City.

[LAUGHS]

The Joker.

BATMAN: He must be jamming
every TV set in town.

[WHISTLES]

Come and get me,
boys. Ha, ha, ha.

Why, that's our
parking lot out back!

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

When I fill her up,
I don't mess around.

But now I present my
new AquaCar! Ha, ha.

It's an idea that
really holds water.

[LAUGHS]

And I'll sell it to
the highest bidder!

[LAUGHS]

I've always said you
coppers are all wet.

[LAUGHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Give us the car, Joker.

Only for a price,
Caped Creeps.

[LAUGHS]

Then here's our down payment.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Now who's laughing, Joker?

Hey, wait, Batman. I'll help.

BAT-MITE: I'll stop him.

Batman, duck.

Whose side is he on, anyway?

I dunno, but he's
wearing our colors.

All I wanted to do was help.

COMMISSIONER: Please
think hard, professor.

Try once more to remember.

What is it that might
trigger your car to explode?

I'm sorry, I just don't...

Wait a minute!

It has something
to do with salt.

Now I remember. Salt.

Salt?

Salt?

Okay, thanks, commissioner.

Salt?

Keep talking, professor.

If salt contaminates
my car's power unit,

it will reverse polarity.

And...?

And the car will
begin converting

all the water near
it into energy,

until it explodes.

The more water, the
bigger the expl*si*n, eh?

Commissioner, bring Professor
Erwin to the waterfront

as fast as you can.

Robin, if our hunch about
Joker's location is right,

we don't have much time
to head off a disaster.

We'll have to
surround the harbor.

Take the Batboat.

I'll meet you with
the Batmobile.

I'm on my way, Batman.

[♪♪♪]

BAT-MITE: Guess who?

Bat-Mite!

Aww, you peeked.

Never mind that.

You've caused us enough
trouble, so buzz off.

[SOBBING]

Hey, you don't have
to cry about it.

I can't help it.

Nobody wants me around.

That's because
you never listen.

We have to find the professor's
car before it explodes,

and we can't afford
any more foul-ups!

Come on, don't take it so hard.

Okay, okay.

You can stay on one
condition. All right!

Promise me you'll sit still
and not touch a thing.

I promise.

On, James.

Okay, Bat-Mite, you stay
here and keep quiet.

I'm gonna take a look around.

Aww, what'll it hurt

just to sneak one
eensy-teensy little peek?

Robin?

R-Ro-- Robin?

[GASPS]

[LAUGHS]

[JOKER LAUGHING]

So with a ridiculous
getup like that,

you can only be the Bat-Mite.

[LAUGHS]

And the Dynamic Do-Nothings
can't be far behind.

[LAUGHS]

Come, Giggles.

We're going to give them
a little surprise party.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Go ahead and laugh. I'm
gonna warn Batman and Robin.

You'll see.

Uh-oh, I forgot...

steel is the one
thing that stops me.

Hey!

[LAUGHS]

Welcome aboard, Boy Blunder.

Joker, you have to give
up the professor's car.

It's going to explode!

Sure, sure, and
I'm Santa Claus.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

Give that back.

[CLEARING THROAT]

[AS ROBIN] Robin to Batman.

Come in, Batman.

Go ahead, Robin.

I've located the Joker.

Pier 7. Berth 2.

Nice going, Boy Wonder.

See ya there.

I'll be waiting.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Batman!

Commissioner, we've found
the Joker at Pier 7.

The salt air.

That makes the danger
even greater, Batman.

The more water, the
bigger the expl*si*n.

That's what I was afraid of.

The waterfront is the
worst possible place

for the Joker to hide the car.

I have to warn Batman that he's
walking into a trap, but how?

I don't know, but you'd
better do it fast...

before this car explodes.

Huh?

Holy nuclear time b*mb.

Robin's Batring signal.

Something's up, and it's
going to be me in the Batgyro.

[LAUGHS]

Here comes the
Batmobile now, Giggles.

In a minute, we'll have
that Caped Creep caught.

[LAUGHS]

Wait a minute.

Where's Batman?

BATMAN: Right
behind you, Joker.

Up you go.

No fair, Batman.

No fair.

Come on, professor.

Let's find that car of
yours before it's too late.

Robin.

Get out, Batman.

Save yourselves while you can.

Professor, how do you
shut this car down?

Professor!

There--

There's a fuse box

on the right side
of the engine.

There's a trip
switch at the bottom.

We have a lot of
hot water here.

Anyone for tea?

[♪♪♪]

ROBIN: Well, here's
my special supper.

Just in time for breakfast.

That's okay, Robbsie.

I'm starving.

Well?

I think the sardines
add a certain tang

to the peanut butter.

Hey, where'd he go?

Never mind him.

Dish me up some of
that, will you, Robin?

Sure, but I thought
you didn't like it.

Listen, anything that
gets rid of Bat-Mite,

I love!

Ugh.

[LAUGHS] [CHUCKLES]

COMPUTER: Bat-message.

Some people never learn.

But Professor Erwin certainly
learned something today.

He was so worried about looking
good in front of others,

he presented a car to the public
that he knew was dangerous.

Right.

And he learned the most
important lesson of all:

It's not what other people
think about us that's important,

what's important is
doing what is right.

I learned a lot too,
Caped Crusaders.

Next time Robin cooks
supper, I'm eating out.

[♪♪♪]