01x03 - Charity

[bunniefuu]

Orel, that pig died
for you to eat, not pet.
Sorry, mom.

For you to eat, not pet.
Sorry, mom.
And I'm not going to throw

Sorry, mom.
And I'm not going to throw
away your breakfast again.

And I'm not going to throw
away your breakfast again.
It's a waste, and the good lord

Away your breakfast again.
It's a waste, and the good lord
hates waste.

It's a waste, and the good lord
hates waste.
He does?

Hates waste.
He does?
Yes.

He does?
Yes.
Why do you think he won't even

Yes.
Why do you think he won't even
throw the devil away?

Why do you think he won't even
throw the devil away?
Oh.

Throw the devil away?
Oh.
Your mother is right, orel.

Oh.
Your mother is right, orel.
What's more, your track coach,

Your mother is right, orel.
What's more, your track coach,
mr. Stopframe has just

What's more, your track coach,
mr. Stopframe has just
sent me a 12-page letter.

Mr. Stopframe has just
sent me a 12-page letter.
What does it say?

Sent me a 12-page letter.
What does it say?
Oh, many, many things.

What does it say?
Oh, many, many things.
But here on page 7, he mentions

Oh, many, many things.
But here on page 7, he mentions
you.

But here on page 7, he mentions
you.
Oh, but why did he send you--

You.
Oh, but why did he send you--
he says that you've been

Oh, but why did he send you--
he says that you've been
coming in with slower and slower

He says that you've been
coming in with slower and slower
times at practice.

Coming in with slower and slower
times at practice.
What else does he write

Times at practice.
What else does he write
about, dad?

What else does he write
about, dad?
Well, that's all as far as

About, dad?
Well, that's all as far as
you're concerned, but don't you

Well, that's all as far as
you're concerned, but don't you
think that's enough?

You're concerned, but don't you
think that's enough?
Gee, I didn't even know

Think that's enough?
Gee, I didn't even know
you've met coach stopframe.

Gee, I didn't even know
you've met coach stopframe.
I don't think I have, but

You've met coach stopframe.
I don't think I have, but
your performance must have made

I don't think I have, but
your performance must have made
a large enough impact on him so

Your performance must have made
a large enough impact on him so
that he would mention it

A large enough impact on him so
that he would mention it
offhandedly in the middle of

That he would mention it
offhandedly in the middle of
this beautifully written letter.

Offhandedly in the middle of
this beautifully written letter.
[Sniff]

This beautifully written letter.
[Sniff]
hmm...

[Sniff]
hmm...
Yeah, well, it's only track,

Hmm...
Yeah, well, it's only track,
not church.

Yeah, well, it's only track,
not church.
Only track?

Not church.
Only track?
Young man, track is very

Only track?
Young man, track is very
important for your future.

Young man, track is very
important for your future.
What happens when you grow up

Important for your future.
What happens when you grow up
and need to sprint 30 meters to

What happens when you grow up
and need to sprint 30 meters to
the unemployment office?

And need to sprint 30 meters to
the unemployment office?
Hmm.

The unemployment office?
Hmm.
I never thought about it

Hmm.
I never thought about it
that way.

I never thought about it
that way.
Kids your age seldom do.

That way.
Kids your age seldom do.
It's called stupidity, and it's

Kids your age seldom do.
It's called stupidity, and it's
a very natural thing.

It's called stupidity, and it's
a very natural thing.
Anyway, I suggest you eat all of

A very natural thing.
Anyway, I suggest you eat all of
your breakfast and don't waste a

Anyway, I suggest you eat all of
your breakfast and don't waste a
bit.

Your breakfast and don't waste a
bit.
And remember

Bit.
And remember
the 14th commandment:

And remember
the 14th commandment:
thou shalt always clean thy

The 14th commandment:
thou shalt always clean thy
plate, and not waste anything

Thou shalt always clean thy
plate, and not waste anything
whether thy stomach is full

Plate, and not waste anything
whether thy stomach is full
or not.

Whether thy stomach is full
or not.
I'll remember, mom.

Or not.
I'll remember, mom.
Good.

I'll remember, mom.
Good.
Now, have fun on your scout

Good.
Now, have fun on your scout
trip.

Now, have fun on your scout
trip.
Thanks.

Trip.
Thanks.
Bye!

Thanks.
Bye!
So, boys, remember if you're

Bye!
So, boys, remember if you're
ever lost somewhere without food

So, boys, remember if you're
ever lost somewhere without food
or water, the most important

Ever lost somewhere without food
or water, the most important
thing is to preserve your

Or water, the most important
thing is to preserve your
energy.

Thing is to preserve your
energy.
You lose a lot of vitamins with

Energy.
You lose a lot of vitamins with
unnecessary physical activity

You lose a lot of vitamins with
unnecessary physical activity
and through urination.

Unnecessary physical activity
and through urination.
In fact, drinking your urine

And through urination.
In fact, drinking your urine
will reuse some of those lost

In fact, drinking your urine
will reuse some of those lost
minerals when you do go number

Will reuse some of those lost
minerals when you do go number
one.

Minerals when you do go number
one.
Now, the way to build a fire--

One.
Now, the way to build a fire--
eh, yes, orel?

Now, the way to build a fire--
eh, yes, orel?
Mr. Carvedson, I'm not

Eh, yes, orel?
Mr. Carvedson, I'm not
sure I understand the whole

Mr. Carvedson, I'm not
sure I understand the whole
urine thing.

Sure I understand the whole
urine thing.
It's very simple.

Urine thing.
It's very simple.
Urine can keep you alive if you

It's very simple.
Urine can keep you alive if you
don't have any food or water.

Urine can keep you alive if you
don't have any food or water.
How?

Don't have any food or water.
How?
You just drink it.

How?
You just drink it.
But where do I get it from?

You just drink it.
But where do I get it from?
From you, it's yours, in you.

But where do I get it from?
From you, it's yours, in you.
So my urine is good for you?

From you, it's yours, in you.
So my urine is good for you?
Well, not just yours,

So my urine is good for you?
Well, not just yours,
anyone's.

Well, not just yours,
anyone's.
Gosh, I don't know if I could

Anyone's.
Gosh, I don't know if I could
drink just anyone's urine.

Gosh, I don't know if I could
drink just anyone's urine.
Well, that's the beauty of

Drink just anyone's urine.
Well, that's the beauty of
this.

Well, that's the beauty of
this.
You don't have to drink just

This.
You don't have to drink just
anyone's.

You don't have to drink just
anyone's.
If you have it, by all means

Anyone's.
If you have it, by all means
drink your own.

If you have it, by all means
drink your own.
How?

Drink your own.
How?
When it comes out,

How?
When it comes out,
you just drink it.

When it comes out,
you just drink it.
But what if I miss my mouth.

You just drink it.
But what if I miss my mouth.
Put it in a cup first.

But what if I miss my mouth.
Put it in a cup first.
Can I mix it with anything

Put it in a cup first.
Can I mix it with anything
like orange juice?

Can I mix it with anything
like orange juice?
You're kind of missing the

Like orange juice?
You're kind of missing the
point, orel.

You're kind of missing the
point, orel.
If you have orange juice,

Point, orel.
If you have orange juice,
you should just drink

If you have orange juice,
you should just drink
the orange juice.

You should just drink
the orange juice.
You don't have to drink urine.

The orange juice.
You don't have to drink urine.
Yeah, but I wouldn't want to

You don't have to drink urine.
Yeah, but I wouldn't want to
waste it.

Yeah, but I wouldn't want to
waste it.
That's a sin.

Waste it.
That's a sin.
Believe me, urine is there to

That's a sin.
Believe me, urine is there to
waste.

Believe me, urine is there to
waste.
I don't know.

Waste.
I don't know.
Sinning is bad.

I don't know.
Sinning is bad.
Come on, orel!

Sinning is bad.
Come on, orel!
I want to learn how to build

Come on, orel!
I want to learn how to build
a fire.

I want to learn how to build
a fire.
[Humming]

A fire.
[Humming]
stir, stir, stir.

[Humming]
stir, stir, stir.
Oh, there's your thermos.

Stir, stir, stir.
Oh, there's your thermos.
I was looking for that.

Oh, there's your thermos.
I was looking for that.
Oh, yeah, I got it.

I was looking for that.
Oh, yeah, I got it.
Bye, mom!

Oh, yeah, I got it.
Bye, mom!
Oh, hold on.

Bye, mom!
Oh, hold on.
I didn't fill it yet.

Oh, hold on.
I didn't fill it yet.
I did.

I didn't fill it yet.
I did.
With what?

I did.
With what?
My juice.

With what?
My juice.
Oh, good boy.

My juice.
Oh, good boy.
Love you!

Oh, good boy.
Love you!
But there's his juice.

Love you!
But there's his juice.
Orel?

But there's his juice.
Orel?
Yuck, this lemonade is too

Orel?
Yuck, this lemonade is too
sour.

Yuck, this lemonade is too
sour.
Can I have some of yours, orel?

Sour.
Can I have some of yours, orel?
Um, well, doughy, I'm not

Can I have some of yours, orel?
Um, well, doughy, I'm not
drinking lemonade really.

Um, well, doughy, I'm not
drinking lemonade really.
I don't care.

Drinking lemonade really.
I don't care.
Let me have some of

I don't care.
Let me have some of
whatever it is.

Let me have some of
whatever it is.
You wouldn't like it.

Whatever it is.
You wouldn't like it.
[Sniffs]

You wouldn't like it.
[Sniffs]
it smells good.

[Sniffs]
it smells good.
It does?

It smells good.
It does?
I know that smell.

It does?
I know that smell.
What is it?

I know that smell.
What is it?
Does it have vitamin c?

What is it?
Does it have vitamin c?
No, I think just vitamin p.

Does it have vitamin c?
No, I think just vitamin p.
Vitamin p?

No, I think just vitamin p.
Vitamin p?
Let me have some!

Vitamin p?
Let me have some!
Sorry, only enough for me.

Let me have some!
Sorry, only enough for me.
Gulp, gulp, gulp.

Sorry, only enough for me.
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
Oh, hmm.

Gulp, gulp, gulp.
Oh, hmm.
I got to go pee all of a sudden.

Oh, hmm.
I got to go pee all of a sudden.
Want to come along?

I got to go pee all of a sudden.
Want to come along?
Nah, already went!

Want to come along?
Nah, already went!
Good practice, orel.

Nah, already went!
Good practice, orel.
Thanks, coach.

Good practice, orel.
Thanks, coach.
I gather your father got my

Thanks, coach.
I gather your father got my
letter.

I gather your father got my
letter.
Oh, yeah.

Letter.
Oh, yeah.
He said you mentioned me in it.

Oh, yeah.
He said you mentioned me in it.
Yes, in passing.

He said you mentioned me in it.
Yes, in passing.
I guess it helped anyway.

Yes, in passing.
I guess it helped anyway.
You broke a lot of records

I guess it helped anyway.
You broke a lot of records
today, especially all of them.

You broke a lot of records
today, especially all of them.
Really?

Today, especially all of them.
Really?
You're not worshipping satan,

Really?
You're not worshipping satan,
are you, son?

You're not worshipping satan,
are you, son?
No, sir, never.

Are you, son?
No, sir, never.
Mm-hmm.

No, sir, never.
Mm-hmm.
Because I know for a fact

Mm-hmm.
Because I know for a fact
that praying to god never helps

Because I know for a fact
that praying to god never helps
this much.

That praying to god never helps
this much.
I think I know what it is.

This much.
I think I know what it is.
I'm drinking this new...

I think I know what it is.
I'm drinking this new...
Health drink.

I'm drinking this new...
Health drink.
It really gives me a lot of

Health drink.
It really gives me a lot of
energy.

It really gives me a lot of
energy.
I see.

Energy.
I see.
Well, in that case.

I see.
Well, in that case.
[Whistle]

Well, in that case.
[Whistle]
gather up, boys.

[Whistle]
gather up, boys.
Yeah, what's going on?

Gather up, boys.
Yeah, what's going on?
What's up, coach?

Yeah, what's going on?
What's up, coach?
Orel here is drinking this

What's up, coach?
Orel here is drinking this
new health shake.

Orel here is drinking this
new health shake.
Now, I want all of you on it by

New health shake.
Now, I want all of you on it by
tomorrow, you hear?

Now, I want all of you on it by
tomorrow, you hear?
Sure thing.

Tomorrow, you hear?
Sure thing.
Love to.

Sure thing.
Love to.
Good.

Love to.
Good.
Baa.

Good.
Baa.
It's your lucky day, curly.

Baa.
It's your lucky day, curly.
You've been saved by a beverage.

It's your lucky day, curly.
You've been saved by a beverage.
Baa.

You've been saved by a beverage.
Baa.
Ok, god, I'm back.

Baa.
Ok, god, I'm back.
Hey, uh, so where do we get

Ok, god, I'm back.
Hey, uh, so where do we get
this new drink, orel?

Hey, uh, so where do we get
this new drink, orel?
Hmm, I kind of have a special

This new drink, orel?
Hmm, I kind of have a special
source.

Hmm, I kind of have a special
source.
Well, we'll pay you for it,

Source.
Well, we'll pay you for it,
orel.

Well, we'll pay you for it,
orel.
Yeah.

Orel.
Yeah.
I got money.

Yeah.
I got money.
Give a little.

I got money.
Give a little.
How much?

No cereal this morning, orel.
We're out of milk.
Oh, that's ok, mom.

We're out of milk.
Oh, that's ok, mom.
Well, you certainly can't

Oh, that's ok, mom.
Well, you certainly can't
have cereal without milk.

Well, you certainly can't
have cereal without milk.
Oh, yes, I can.

Have cereal without milk.
Oh, yes, I can.
Drink!

Oh, yes, I can.
Drink!
No, shapey, that milk's

Drink!
No, shapey, that milk's
expired.

Orel, I am your father.
I demand to know what you put in
your cereal.

I demand to know what you put in
your cereal.
Golly, pop, I never ask you

Your cereal.
Golly, pop, I never ask you
personal questions.

Golly, pop, I never ask you
personal questions.
This isn't personal.

Personal questions.
This isn't personal.
I remember constantly telling my

This isn't personal.
I remember constantly telling my
father what I put in my cereal.

I remember constantly telling my
father what I put in my cereal.
In fact, I was proud of it.

Father what I put in my cereal.
In fact, I was proud of it.
Oh, I'm proud of this.

In fact, I was proud of it.
Oh, I'm proud of this.
I just don't want to brag.

Oh, I'm proud of this.
I just don't want to brag.
God hates bragging about good

I just don't want to brag.
God hates bragging about good
deeds.

God hates bragging about good
deeds.
What good deeds?

Deeds.
What good deeds?
Well, that's between the lord

What good deeds?
Well, that's between the lord
and me.

Well, that's between the lord
and me.
Oh, you and god, always with

And me.
Oh, you and god, always with
your secrets.

Oh, you and god, always with
your secrets.
Orel, god and I don't have

Your secrets.
Orel, god and I don't have
any secrets.

Orel, god and I don't have
any secrets.
Are you trying to drive us

Any secrets.
Are you trying to drive us
apart?

Are you trying to drive us
apart?
Gosh, no.

Apart?
Gosh, no.
Then move aside.

Gosh, no.
Then move aside.
Yes, sir.

Wait a minute.

Hmm.

Yep.
I've been around the block
a few times.

I've been around the block
a few times.
I know that taste.

A few times.
I know that taste.
What is it, dear?

I know that taste.
What is it, dear?
[Whispering]

What is it, dear?
[Whispering]
oh, orel, not in my good

[Whispering]
oh, orel, not in my good
china!

Oh, orel, not in my good
china!
Are you telling me that this

China!
Are you telling me that this
is what you've been selling at

Are you telling me that this
is what you've been selling at
school for a considerable

Is what you've been selling at
school for a considerable
profit?

School for a considerable
profit?
Well, it's all profit.

Profit?
Well, it's all profit.
Mister, we are going to have

Well, it's all profit.
Mister, we are going to have
a little talk right after

Mister, we are going to have
a little talk right after
school.

A little talk right after
school.
But right after school is our

School.
But right after school is our
victory assembly.

But right after school is our
victory assembly.
As captain, I have to make a

Victory assembly.
As captain, I have to make a
speech.

As captain, I have to make a
speech.
Oh, you'll make a speech all

Speech.
Oh, you'll make a speech all
right.

Oh, you'll make a speech all
right.
But not the one you expected.

Right.
But not the one you expected.
Uh-oh.

But not the one you expected.
Uh-oh.
Mmm!

Uh-oh.
Mmm!
We're so proud of you,

Mmm!
We're so proud of you,
and your team, orel.

We're so proud of you,
and your team, orel.
We haven't had a state

And your team, orel.
We haven't had a state
championship since the 1952

We haven't had a state
championship since the 1952
national praying bee.

Championship since the 1952
national praying bee.
Hmm!

National praying bee.
Hmm!
To victory!

Students, teachers, friends,
this is the proudest day in
diorama elementary history.

This is the proudest day in
diorama elementary history.
Never has the elimination of the

Diorama elementary history.
Never has the elimination of the
arts from the budget been so

Never has the elimination of the
arts from the budget been so
triumphantly justified.

Arts from the budget been so
triumphantly justified.
[Cheering]

Triumphantly justified.
[Cheering]
and now, introducing the

[Cheering]
and now, introducing the
captain of your fighting

And now, introducing the
captain of your fighting
vanishing americans...

Captain of your fighting
vanishing americans...
Orel puppington!

Vanishing americans...
Orel puppington!
[Cheering]

Orel puppington!
[Cheering]
students, coaches, teachers,

[Cheering]
students, coaches, teachers,
and well, gosh, everybody,

Students, coaches, teachers,
and well, gosh, everybody,
I guess you could say this

And well, gosh, everybody,
I guess you could say this
victory is bittersweet--

I guess you could say this
victory is bittersweet--
especially for everyone who's

Victory is bittersweet--
especially for everyone who's
been drinking my special energy

Especially for everyone who's
been drinking my special energy
juice.

Been drinking my special energy
juice.
You see, the sweet is that we

Juice.
You see, the sweet is that we
won state!

You see, the sweet is that we
won state!
[Cheering]

Won state!
[Cheering]
the bitter is that you've all

[Cheering]
the bitter is that you've all
been drinking my urine.

The bitter is that you've all
been drinking my urine.
[Gasps]

Been drinking my urine.
[Gasps]
I'm afraid it's true.

[Gasps]
I'm afraid it's true.
That beverage I've been selling

I'm afraid it's true.
That beverage I've been selling
came from inside me, and though

That beverage I've been selling
came from inside me, and though
I can never take it back, I will

Came from inside me, and though
I can never take it back, I will
be giving out refunds all day

I can never take it back, I will
be giving out refunds all day
in the lunch room tomorrow.

Be giving out refunds all day
in the lunch room tomorrow.
Thank you.

In the lunch room tomorrow.
Thank you.
Go, vanishing americans.

Thank you.
Go, vanishing americans.
And I'm very, very, very, very,

Go, vanishing americans.
And I'm very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very...

And I'm very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very...
Well everyone was understanding.

Very, very, very, very, very...
Well everyone was understanding.
See, all you ever need to be

Well everyone was understanding.
See, all you ever need to be
is honest, dear.

See, all you ever need to be
is honest, dear.
Stinking dead-end job.

Is honest, dear.
Stinking dead-end job.
Hello, sweetheart.

Stinking dead-end job.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hi, honey.

Hello, sweetheart.
Hi, honey.
Orel, it's time for you and I

Hi, honey.
Orel, it's time for you and I
to have our little talk.

Orel, it's time for you and I
to have our little talk.
To the study, son.

To have our little talk.
To the study, son.
[Gulp]

To the study, son.
[Gulp]
frankly, orel,

[Gulp]
frankly, orel,
I'm disappointed.

Frankly, orel,
I'm disappointed.
Not only in you, but in myself

I'm disappointed.
Not only in you, but in myself
as well.

Not only in you, but in myself
as well.
When I found out that you were

As well.
When I found out that you were
selling your urine at school,

When I found out that you were
selling your urine at school,
the urine that god gave you, the

Selling your urine at school,
the urine that god gave you, the
urine that flows endless from

The urine that god gave you, the
urine that flows endless from
your bladder, I lowered my head

Urine that flows endless from
your bladder, I lowered my head
in shame.

Your bladder, I lowered my head
in shame.
You don't pay for your urine,

In shame.
You don't pay for your urine,
son.

You don't pay for your urine,
son.
Why should you make other people

Son.
Why should you make other people
pay for it?

Why should you make other people
pay for it?
I just wanted you to see that

Pay for it?
I just wanted you to see that
I could make a living doing

I just wanted you to see that
I could make a living doing
something...

I could make a living doing
something...
So I wouldn't have to sprint to

Something...
So I wouldn't have to sprint to
the unemployment office.

So I wouldn't have to sprint to
the unemployment office.
Oh, orel.

The unemployment office.
Oh, orel.
You have a long time to decide

Oh, orel.
You have a long time to decide
what you do for a living.

You have a long time to decide
what you do for a living.
And, remember, when you do start

What you do for a living.
And, remember, when you do start
working, it's not going to be as

And, remember, when you do start
working, it's not going to be as
easy as peeing in a tupperware

Working, it's not going to be as
easy as peeing in a tupperware
container.

Easy as peeing in a tupperware
container.
Working is a very hard,

Container.
Working is a very hard,
soul-numbing, and joyless

Working is a very hard,
soul-numbing, and joyless
experience, son.

Soul-numbing, and joyless
experience, son.
Gosh, thanks for preparing me

Experience, son.
Gosh, thanks for preparing me
for the future, dad.

Gosh, thanks for preparing me
for the future, dad.
You're the best.

For the future, dad.
You're the best.
If I can make sure you're

You're the best.
If I can make sure you're
ready for the dead-end bleakness

If I can make sure you're
ready for the dead-end bleakness
of adulthood, then I've done my

Ready for the dead-end bleakness
of adulthood, then I've done my
job.

Of adulthood, then I've done my
job.
Now, let's go eat, kid.

Job.
Now, let's go eat, kid.
[Captioning made possible by

Now, let's go eat, kid.

Hello, good-bye!