01x14 - Horn of the Rhino

[bunniefuu]

[energetic music playing]

♪ spider-man, spider-man ♪

♪ does whatever a spider can ♪

♪ spins a web any size ♪

♪ catches thieves just like flies ♪

♪ look out ♪

♪ here comes
the spider-man ♪

♪ is he strong?
listen, bud ♪

♪ he's got radioactive blood ♪

♪ can he swing from a thread ♪

♪ take a look overhead ♪

♪ hey, there ♪

♪ there goes
the spider-man ♪

♪ in the chill of night ♪

♪ at the scene of a crime ♪

♪ like a streak of light ♪

♪ he arrives
just in time ♪

♪ spider-man, spider-man ♪

♪ friendly neighborhood spider-man ♪

♪ wealth and fame he's ignored ♪

♪ action is his reward ♪

♪ to him, life is a great big bang-up ♪

♪ wherever there's a hang-up ♪

♪ you'll find the spider-man ♪

[train horn blows]

here it comes,
right on time,

and in one of those cars,

is the first component

of the army's newest secret weapon.

"army, top-secret,
danger."

i'm right on target.

this component must reach its destination.

spider sense is tingling.

something's wrong up front.

what in the name of j. jonah jameson is that?!

[train horn blows]

i am the rhino!

nothing can withstand me!

the first component!

soon, i will get
the other 2,

and then i will control the world!

wow. what hit us?

i don't know.

it all happened so fast.

either i was
seeing things,

or we were hit
by a rhinoceros.

it's gone!
the box is gone!

i'd better
get out of here

before they suspect me.

hey, look, it's spider-man!

officer: come back or we'll sh**t!

after him, men!

second officer: which way did he go

officer: that way! through the trees!

ah-choo.

i could just hear
old jameson

when he gets this story.

[as jameson]: army's top secret component...

...stolen by that menace to society spider-man!

the other 2 components

of the world's most fearsome weapon

will arrive within the next week by jet,

submarine, and armored car.

all precautions should be taken to protect them

from that traitor
spider-man!

miss brant!

jameson: get peter parker on the phone!

yes, mr. jameson.

ah-choo!

[telephone rings]

aunt may:
i'll get it, dear.

mr. jameson?

uh, m-mr. jameson...

...the biggest story of the century,

and i want you to get out there and get pictures!

this is peter's aunt may speaking.

he's in bed
with a bad cold.

ah-choo!

there, you see?

so you'll just have to find someone else.

that mr. jameson gets so excited.

what did he say?

oh, something about you taking pictures

of a crooked spider.

what is it?

this cold remedy has been in the family

for over 100 years.

tastes like it, too.

get some rest now.

i'd never be able to get near the scene

of the wreck
in broad daylight,

but as soon as it's dark...

and now, to find out

what or who caused that train wreck.

somewhere, there's got to be a clue.

wallopin' webshoes!

rhinoceros prints!

maybe i wasn't
seeing things.

maybe they'll lead me to what's behind this.

soon, the other parts will be mine,

and my destructive power

will be the greatest in the world!

then i will destroy... destroy...destroy!

i've lost the trail.

think i'll check this area from above.

[siren]

what's that?!

it's charging! duck!

[tires screech]

uh-oh. trouble.

wallopin' websnappers!

it really is a rhino!

ah-choo!

[siren]

you ok?

yeah.

but what hit us?

caught in my own parlor that time.

officer: fan out, men!

cover every corner!

ah-choo!

ok, come on out!

with your hands up!

ok, we're coming in.

[g*nshots]

aunt may: peter? are you awake?

peter: ah-choo!

oh, you poor boy.

you should have been better by now.

i feel better, honest.

well, just to be sure,

here's a nice cup
of senna tea,

cod liver oil,
and lemon juice.

[telephone rings]

i'll get it!

yes? oh, good evening, mr. jameson.

aunt may: i'm sorry, but peter is not going anywhere

until he gets over
the cold.

imagine wanting you, a sick boy,

to go to the airport this time of night.

airport?! uh, aunt may, i feel kind of sleepy.

that's because of the soothing potion

i put in your tea, dear.

sleep well, peter.

"sleep well."

just my luck when i've got to stay awake

long enough to get to that airport.

it must be the second component coming in.

[yawns]

got to stay awake.
got to.

flight code 400, ok to land on runway 2.

wind velocity 10 miles. over and out.

pilot: loco, over and out.

this has to be it.

maybe the rhino
won't show.

i spoke too soon.

there's more than one way to catch a rhino.

spider-man: ah-choo!

spider-man: general, look out!

it's the rhinoceros!

he got the component!

where did he go?

he's got to be here
somewhere!

spider-man: ah-choo!

aha, let's try this for a spin-off!

ha ha ha ha ha.

he ran in here!
i saw him!

maybe he went
through the hole!

maybe he used that gasoline truck

to trick us.

he might even bust a hole in the wall

to lead us
the wrong way.

ah-choo.

we know you're in there!

come out or we'll sh**t!

this is your last chance!

soldier: come out!

he got out
through that vent!

made it.

that fool spider-man thought he could stop me,

but i can't be stopped.

only one more component
to go.

tomorrow, the world!

if spider-man gets that third component,

he'll destroy us all!

but, mr. jameson,

the report said it was a huge rhinoceros.

jameson: the report also said spider-man was there!

there's no doubt about it, miss brant,

spider-man and that rhino character

are working together.

but, mr. jameson...

jameson: don't argue, miss brant!

just get peter parker on the phone!

betty: yes, sir.

but if a lady answers,
hang up!

hello, peter?

how are you feeling?

peter, my boy,
i need you.

the third component arrives today by submarine,

jameson: and if i don't get pictures,

we'll be scooped by every newspaper in town!

you wouldn't want that

to happen to the daily bugle, now, would ya?

of course not, mr. jameson, but--

mr. jameson, peter is not going anywhere

until he's over this cold.

it seems to me,

if you'd learn your job properly,

you could take your own pictures.

of all the nerve!

imagine suggesting that i, j. jonah jameson,

take my own pictures!

say, maybe she's right.

i could put on a disguise

and pretend i'm a cub reporter again.

poor boy. he must be sicker than i thought.

oh, well, sleep is the best medicine.

no admittance, eh?

heh, heh, heh. nothing stops the press.

this is a restricted
area, sir.

please keep 5 feet back from the fence.

i'm from the daily bugle.

sorry, sir. there is positively no admittance.

that doesn't mean
the press.

i'm afraid it does, sir.

jameson: who do you think you're talking to?!

i don't take orders from anyone!

why, i'll have you busted to buck private!

i'll...i...

well, it looks like i've caught a real, live spy.

you can't do this to j. jonah jameson.

i'll call the mayor, the governor!

i'll report this to the president!

looks like old j.j.j.'s got himself snafued.

i'd like to help,

but i'm collecting rhinos today.

spider-man: there's the sub...

and there's the rhino!

unidentified object approaching bow.

prepare to fire.

captain: fire!

ready torpedoes.

fire one!

oh, no!

[alarm]

abandon ship!

here we go again!

now that i have the last component,

watch out, world!

he got away.

that rhino has got to be stopped.

i just can't understand

why you're not better,
peter.

my cold remedies have always worked before.

nothing like barley soup,

plenty of pepper to keep your strength up.

thanks, aunt may.

now eat your soup like a good boy.

yes, aunt may.

extra, extra, read all about it!

rhino escapes police dragnet around central park!

boy: get your daily bugle here!

extra, extra, get your daily bugle here!

i wish you were well enough to come in, peter.

everything's gone wrong.

the rhino got away and...

got away? but the police had him surrounded.

they've combed every inch of central park.

they've even taken the real rhinoceroses

out of their pool,

and mr. jameson has disappeared.

oh, peter,
what shall i do?

just carry on, betty.

i'm sure old j.j.j

can talk himself
out of...

er...wherever he is.

how many times do i have to tell you?!

i'm j. jonah jameson, publisher of the daily bugle!

i'm a patriotic citizen!

i'll take this to the highest court in the land!

i'll have you all court-martialed!

i'll--i'll...

i'll be scooped by every newspaper

in the country,

and it's all the fault of that hypochondriac teenager!

i don't know how long i can fool aunt may,

but spider-man's
needed now.

ah-choo!

wow. between my cold and that pepper...

pepper! hey, i bet that's the answer.

but first, i have to find rhino.

nothing can get past those security units.

rhino must be in here somewhere.

now, if i were a rhino, where would i hide?

that's funny.

betty said the rhinos have been moved out of the zoo.

rhino in
the rhinoceros pool?

why, it's so obvious.

no one would think of looking there.

if that light ahead means what i think it does,

i've found rhino's hideout.

a perfect fit.

it's the most dangerous weapon in the world,

and it's mine! ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

ah-choo!

you! why, you...

ahh...ahh...ah-choo!

rhino: ah-choo!

ah-choo!

choo!

ah-choo!

the more you squirm, rhino, the deeper you'll sink.

instant-bake mud. that should hold you.

grrr!

say cheese!

grrr!

in case you want more prints, here's my card,

compliments of your

friendly neighborhood spider-man!

so long, rhino, i'll let the police know where you are.

no. mr. jameson hasn't returned yet.

i'll have him call as soon as he comes in.

why, mr. jameson! where have you been?!

never mind
where i've been!

is it true about spider-man?!

yes, isn't it wonderful?

he captured the rhino, saved the b*mb,

and now they say he may even get a medal.

stop! stop!

[door slams]

now that everything is back to normal--

ah-choo!

ha ha ha. i had better go home and try some more

of aunt may's
cold remedies.

[energetic music playing]

♪ spider-man, spider-man ♪

♪ does whatever a spider can ♪

♪ spins a web any size ♪

♪ catches thieves just like flies ♪

♪ look out ♪

♪ here comes
the spider-man ♪

♪ is he strong?
listen, bud ♪

♪ he's got radioactive blood ♪

♪ can he swing from a thread ♪

♪ take a look overhead ♪

♪ hey, there ♪

♪ there goes
the spider-man ♪

♪ in the chill of night ♪

♪ at the scene of a crime ♪

♪ like a streak of light ♪

♪ he arrives
just in time ♪

♪ spider-man, spider-man ♪

♪ friendly neighborhood spider-man ♪

♪ wealth and fame he's ignored ♪

♪ action is his reward ♪

♪ to him, life is a great big bang-up ♪

♪ wherever there's a hang-up ♪

♪ you'll find the spider-man ♪