01x26 - Scavenger Hunt

[bunniefuu]

BEN: Steady as she goes...

Almost there.

What are you doing there, big guy?

Not today, Johnny. Not today.

If you trip me, if any of my food burns up,

if I sit on a whoopie cushion,
anything, it's all over for you.

Me? Never.
Besides, I don't need to do any...

Yeah, well... Keep it that way.

[EXCLAIMS]

Flame brain, what are you...

How long have you been
looking forward to this game? Hmm?

Months, right?

Torch, I swear.
This is the final match of the World Cup.

- If you mess this up...
- Haven't you learned after all this time?

I don't have to do anything.
Your bad luck will take care of it for me.

It could be Doom,
maybe the Skrulls, I don't know.

But something is gonna
mess this up for you.

Go ahead. Try it.

[BEN GRUMBLING]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the start of
the World Cup final.

[BEN LAUGHING]

[TV AUDIO CUTS OUT]

Huh?

JOHNNY: See?

[BEN GRUMBLING]

Johnny!

Hey, it wasn't me. I told you.
It's your bad luck.

BEN: Huh?

JOHNNY: Huh?

Uh, Ben,
I think you're gonna miss your game.

WOMAN: No! No!

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

MAN: Look!

So, what is this?
Your standard end-of-the-world death ray?

We should be down in the city
trying to help people.

I really, really like red.

The beam is moving, but it's leaving
behind some kind of energy residue.

REED: Hang on.

That bad, huh?

HERBIE, access our satellites.

Give me an image of the entire area
the beam is affecting.

Will do.

And see if you can get me
the score of the game.

Incredible. It's writing.

HERBIE, run the image through
the universal translator.

- Translator running.
- Reed, what could do this?

This is taking forever. I'm hungry.

Can we grab some drive-through?
Come on, it'll be quick.

REED: What do you have, HERBIE?

The score is 2 to 1, Brazil!

- REED: What?
- You're kidding. We're down?

HERBIE, the translation.

The word translates as, "Mine."

JOHNNY: "Mine"?
Man, someone graffitied the planet!

That's just crazy.

Does anyone hear something?

HERBIE: Proximity alert.
Incoming object approaching from space.

Um, right behind you.

BEN: Oh, nuts. Everybody hang on!

[GROANING]

Well, I guess that answers my whole
"What could do this?" question.

[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[CAR ALARMS SOUNDING]

In the name of Terminus,

I claim this world called...

Earth.

Earth! I knew that.

Earth is mine!

That is all.

[SCREAMING]

ALL: Ew!

Huh?

The Fantastic Four.

Johnny, be ready
in case our large visitor attacks.

Susan, be ready
in case Johnny does something...

Well, you know.

JOHNNY: Something awesome?

[EXCLAIMING]

SUZY: We're on it.

Just let me do all the talking.

Don't worry. I'm just gonna go and say hi.

Johnny, wait!

Hey, buddy. In town for a little R&R,
doing some sightseeing,

maybe catch a show?

Well, too bad.
You're too tall and way, way too ugly.

I hate you.

I cannot believe it. The Fantastic Four.

Legends of your heroic exploits
have reached even the Xondemite Galaxy.

Yeah. That's swell and all,
but we're a little more interested

in your 200-foot-tall buddy over there.

Yes. Terminus.

We had heard of him prior
to his arrival on our planet.

Terminus is a scourge on the universe,

going from planet to planet,
stealing technology and natural resources.

- Stealing? How?
- How? Destructively.

He would have done
the same to my planet

had I not told him of a much richer,
more valuable planet. Earth.

[GROANS]

Thanks a lot, pal.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

So... Hello!

Welcome to Earth.

Welcome? Terminus is not welcome.

I am here to scavenge your planet.

JOHNNY: What?
You're on a scavenger hunt?

JOHNNY: Whoa!

This energy is mine!

These minerals, that building...

Maybe that one over there, too.
It's all mine.

Reed!

What have you done?

[STAMMERING]

Please. No. You misunderstand.

My planet's scientists theorized
that of all the beings in the universe,

only you were capable
of stopping Terminus.

- How can we stop him?
- We don't know.

It was only a theory.

BEN: Little twerp.

You got a plan, right, big brain?

- Stretch?
- He's really big, isn't he?

BEN: Uh-oh.

Johnny! Johnny, move!

Whoa!

Huh?

[GRUNTS]

Susan!

Get your brain in gear, Stretch.
I'll grab Suzy.

You find a way to stop that thing.

Come on, Suzy. Come on. Wake up!

Got you.

[BEN GROANING]

[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[GROGGILY] Did I get him?

Yeah, Suzy. Sure you did.

SUZY: [GRUNTS] Come on.

[GROANING] Just five more minutes, Suzy.

[GRUNTING IN EXERTION]

Reed, what's the plan?

Terminus' lance is doing incalculable
damage to the earth under the city.

His metal armor is an unknown element.

He's converting all the materials in range
into an unknown energy.

Wait a minute. You don't have a plan?
Are you saying we can't stop this guy?

No, we will. I just need more time.

I'll see what I can do.

Johnny!

JOHNNY: Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!

Time out.
Major misunderstanding here, dude.

You came here to, um, scavenge?

Well, you're in the wrong spot.
All the good stuff is way over there.

- What just happened? Why'd he stop?
- Oh, what did Johnny do?

I... I think he came up with a plan.

Oh, crud.

What kind of stuff is over there?

Uh...

Treasure.
Loads of great resources, fossil fuels,

all kinds of great technology. You name it.

Lead me to this treasure, human.
But know this.

If you're trying to trick me,
I will destroy you and your planet.

Not necessarily in that order.

Trick you? Please!

[CHUCKLES INNOCENTLY]

Just follow me to the goods.

[THINLY] Help me!

You've gotta hand it to him.
He got the big guy to stop.

REED: No. Terminus won't stop.
But Johnny did buy us some time.

Everybody in. We're going after them.

All right. One side, everybody.
Giant alien coming through.

Look, bricks. Those are...
Those are totally valuable. Tons of those.

And... Well, there's tons of...

Oh, sewage. Did you want some sewage?
It's the best.

You take all the yummy,
raw sewage you want.

- JOHNNY: Mmm! Tasty.
- You're doing great, Johnny.

Just keep Terminus occupied

while we come up with something
to stop him.

Occupied. Yeah, sure. No problem.

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

I don't think there's anything down there.

[GROANS IN DISAPPOINTMENT]

[BEN SNICKERING]

[GROANS]

REED: Johnny, I've got something.
Lead Terminus to Central Park.

This will work, but it could be messy.

"Johnny, lead Terminus this way,
Johnny, lead Terminus that way."

We should just take him to Doom's castle,
and have him eat that.

REED: Johnny!

Enough! I demand this treasure now!

It's right here. I mean, it's over there.
Well, it's around here somewhere. I think.

You try my patience. Oh, wait.

Did you mean over here this way,
or over there, that way?

Huh?

Is there something on my back?

The anti-gravity devices are active.
Johnny, clear out.

[TERMINUS EXCLAIMING]

[JOHNNY SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

- What was that?
- Way to go, Stretch.

- Where did Terminus go?
- Actually, Terminus didn't go anywhere.

The Earth did.

My device has simply separated
Terminus from Earth's gravity,

and Terminus was left behind, as...

[RUMBLING]

As...

That is it.

I was going to just raid your little planet.

But now?
Now, I am going to shatter your world,

and take whatever scraps are left.

HERBIE: Hi, guys, I've got the final score
of the game.

BEN: HERBIE, your timing stinks.

JOHNNY: So this is it, huh?
SUZY: Well, that could have gone better.

Man, I should have told him the moon
was made of cheese, or something.

- Everybody loves cheese.
- Don't feel bad, kid.

Sure, the planet's gonna get destroyed
and all, but you showed some real spunk.

I'm just glad we were able
to get outside today.

I mean, aside from this energy storm,
it's a really beautiful day out.

What is the matter with you three?
You're making jokes?

Everything we tried was useless.

All the foes we faced,
Doom, Annihilus, Super-Skrull,

we've always beat them.

But this? This is different.
Terminus is unstoppable.

How can you not take this seriously?

Because it's you, Reed.
You'll come up with something.

JOHNNY: You know how many times
you've let us down, ever?

- About zero.
- "There's always a way."

You know who told me that?
You did, Stretch.

So let's get out there and clobber this guy.

Thank you.

REED: Now let's go clobber this guy.

Flame on!

Johnny, blast the joints
of Terminus' armor.

Look for any weakness you can find.

Susan, Ben, Maneuver 73.

Wait, I forgot which one that...

[BEN EXCLAIMING]

BEN: Whoa!

TERMINUS: Knock it off, insects.

Hi, did you miss me?

[TERMINUS EXCLAIMS]

Ben, Susan, now!

[GRUNTS FEROCIOUSLY]

JOHNNY: Ben, incoming!

Okay, you miserable little gnats.

When I get my hands on you,
I'm going to...

To eat you, maybe.

[WHISTLES APPRECIATIVELY]
That's some tough armor.

Maybe we can convince him
to beat himself up.

Of course! How could I be so blind?

- The lance!
- We already tried taking...

[EXCLAIMING]

[TERMINUS ROARING]

You could have just said, "Watch out."

I was so caught up in the crisis
that I didn't realize

there was something
that could hurt Terminus.

- Himself.
- Whoops!

So, what's the plan?

Johnny, get Terminus to sh**t at you.

REED: Get ready, Ben.

JOHNNY: Ha, ha. You're dumb.
There never was any treasure.

What?

Will your deceptions never end? Whoa,
I will destroy you for this!

- Missed.
- Wait for it. Get Johnny between us.

Now!

[SUZY GRUNTS]

- REED: You're up, Ben.
- What are you...

Oh, got you.

[BEN EXCLAIMS]

No! Stop!

Ew!

[WHIMPERING]

Terminus the scavenger is helpless
without his armor.

No. I am Terminus. You are nothing to me.

Don't look at me. Don't look at me!

[SCREAMING]

I am Terminus!

[SCREAM FADING]

Man, shouldn't he have hit bottom
by now?

I fear that Terminus may have actually
found one of Earth's greatest resources.

Steaming hot magma.

What'd I miss?

- They beat him.
- You're kidding!

Huh! Didn't see that coming.

We won!

Yes!

The game. My team won the game.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Sorry.

Good thing you taped it
so you can watch it later, huh?

[GROANS]

I forgot to tape it.

See? You did it.

- You found a way.
- No. We did it.

As a team.

BEN:
We don't have to clean this up, do we?

[JOHNNY CRYING MOCKINGLY]

You big whiner.

BEN: Matchstick!

[SCREAMING]

[WHIMPERING]

Do you mind?

[GRUNTS IN EXASPERATION]

TERMINUS: All of this is mine.