02x01 - Blueprints

[bunniefuu]

Gwen kisses me,

and I, I just stand there?

What's with that?

I mean, I battle

super-bads daily

but I can't handle

a little kiss?

Even Black Cat didn't

induce paralysis!

Does that mean

that Gwen's the one?

I, I know Venom thought so,

but

[GRUNTS] VENOM: Miss us?

Venom! But I, I

Come on, bro,

join us.

[GRUNTS] You know you want to.

No!

[GRUNTS] No!

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[PANTING]

[SIGHS]

Living on the edge

Fighting crime

Spinning webs

Swinging from

the highest ledge

He could leap

above our heads

Villains on the rise

And the city's victimized

Looking up with no surprise

Arriving

in the speed of time

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

So it was only

a nightmare.

Ah, still

Looks like Eddie grabbed

everything but his roommate

and bailed.

So, bro,

where are you?

Oh, perfect.

These long johns keep

the knees from knocking

but they also make me look

like the Spectacular

Spider-Mush.

[SIGHS] That's what I get for

designing my Spidey-suit

in the spring.

Fun in the sun,

not so much in the snow.

Now I'll have to buy

a pair of those expensive

skintight thermals.

Ugh, add that

to my To-Do list.

[SIGHS] So that's,

one, talk to Gwen.

Two, find Eddie.

Three, write Harry.

Four, buy thermals.

Oh, and five,

take care of Aunt May.

Aunt May, you're supposed

to be recuperating

from a heart attack!

I can still make pancakes.

No, no, no.

I will do the cooking.

[SPLATTER]

[CHUCKLING] Whoops.

Peter, I'm not sure

my heart can take

watching you cook.

Okay, number one,

talk to Gwen.

He's a little just confused.

Um, hi.

Hi.

[BELL RINGS] Wow, class.

Yeah.

[SHIP'S HORN BLOWS]

You know when you put your

tongue on the side of

the ship,

and it sticks there?

I hate when I do that.

Just sayin'. Hey, Stan! Call ESU.

Let 'em know the hardware

for the new computer

department arrived!

Behold! I am Mysterio!

Here to save the world

from the evils of technology

corrupting the human spirit!

Are we being punked?

I hate that!

Silence, fool!

These hands possess

all the powers

of the Arcane Arts!

Dormite!

Ha! Such weak wills.

Your dependency on

machines has ravaged

your spirits.

But I can save you. Behold!

[SPEAKING IN LATIN]

[LAUGHING OMINOUSLY]

AARON: The final will cover

interactions of various

biological systems.

And be prepared to define

the terms we've

learned this semester.

For example

"Survival of the Fittest,"

"Natural Selection"

[BELL RINGS]

All right,

more review tomorrow.

But start studying tonight!

This is ridiculous.

Just talk to her.

Petey! This biology

final's going to destroy

my GPA!

I'll never pass unless

you tutor me again.

Please?

Uh, sure.

Oh, Petey, you rock!

[HORNS HONKING]

[THUNDERING]

Behold! Another purveyor

of the poisons of progress

that banished the old arts

from this world.

Hey, how 'bout

we banish you?

[SPEAKING IN LATIN]

[ROARING]

[BOTH SCREAM]

[BOTH GRUNT]

SPIDER-MAN: Wow.

Nice trick, bubble-brain.

And I bet the cheesy

magician act really goes

over big with the tourists.

You dare call

Mysterio a magician?

Fool! Mysterio is

no illusionist,

playing parlor tricks!

Mysterio is the master

of the Arcane Arts!

Seems to me

Mysterio is the master

of talking about

himself in the

third person.

We shall see.

Dormi!

[GROANS]

Your will is strong,

Spider-Man.

Should you turn

your mind to the spiritual,

you might one day

make a formidable foe.

But not today.

[CHANTING]

You have one chance

to abandon

your hateful cargo!

I'm thinkin'

it's safer inside!

[GRUNTS]

We'll make a believer

out of you yet.

[CHANTING]

No!

Cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold.

Okay, that woke me up.

[PANTING]

[SNEEZES]

[PETER SNEEZES]

[SNIFFLES]

"Photo by Peter Parker."

Huh, very nice.

And just one of

your many talents.

[SNEEZES]

[GROANS] I wish another

talent was keeping warm.

Maybe I can help.

Least I can do,

after all the tutelage.

Uh [STAMMERS]

"Authorities recovered

the armored car,

"but the cargo was

washed out to sea."

Um, uh

The Bugleblames

the whole mess

on the web-head.

But, but how's Spider-Man

supposed to battle

a real life sorcerer?

Uh, oh, wait,

that's, um, subphylum

Chelicerata.

Oh, right, thanks.

And, and don't worry

about Spider-Man.

My dad books

magicians at his hotels

all the time.

Used to take my brother

and I backstage

to see how the tricks

were done.

It's all about

misdirection.

You wind up paying

attention to one thing,

when you should be

paying attention

to another.

So spill, girlfriend,

what happened?

Um, happened?

Please. You can't take

your eyes off him,

but you two don't talk.

[WHISPERS] I kissed him.

Oh, that's great!

What did he

I don't know.

I ran away.

And he hasn't said

a word to me since.

[SIREN WAILING] [HORN HONKS]

CURT: Miles, I can't tell you

how pleased we are

that Norman convinced you

to join us at ESU.

I'm truly

looking forward

to working with you again.

Thanks, Curt.

Feeling's mutual.

Well, I'm just

glad my hotshot

little brother's

back in New York.

Mother'll be thrilled, too.

So, Dr. Warren,

what changes can we

expect at the lab?

[CLEARS THROAT]

[STAMMERS] Uh, Miles'

past successes

have already attracted

much-needed grants,

as well as lucrative

private funding.

In fact,

with this new capital,

I was hoping to rehire

our lab assistant,

Eddie Brock,

but I've been

unable to reach him.

Hmm. I'm bringing in

my own person.

And I'm happy

to share.

Plus, you have

your student interns.

How's Gwen

working out?

Oh, wonderfully. Wish we had more like her.

Well, there is

Peter Parker.

Uh

We had trust issues

with Peter.

I realize

you dismissed him,

but he's still

the brightest

student I have.

I know Peter.

A friend of my son's.

I've always found him

very impressive.

All I care about is

having the best available

minds at our disposal.

Everyone deserves

a second chance.

[SIGHS] Fine.

Peter's reinstated.

Wonderful.

Here's to continued [CELL PHONE RINGS]

OsCorp business.

[SIREN WAILING] [CARS HONKING]

Mr. Osborn's

on his way.

Dormite!

I summon

the Dark Forces!

Show us your

master plan for this

sullied world.

[CHANTING]

[MYSTERIO LAUGHING]

Fools, your technology

cannot harm

the Serpents of Elvem!

But don't touch

their poisonous skin.

[SPIDER-MAN SNEEZES]

Don't mind me,

just had to get in

out of the cold.

[SNEEZES]

Dorm The word's "Gesundheit!"

So, what did I miss?

Besides getting tagged

by one of your

will-weakening spells?

Nothing.

I've saved the best

for last and for you.

[CHANTING]

[CREATURES SHRIEKING

AND LAUGHING]

[SCREECHING]

[GRUNTING]

Hey! Ow!

I'm cold enough! Ow!

I don't need

ventilation!

[EXCLAIMS IN PAIN]

Whoa!

Wow, that's some

retirement plan.

[SQUEALING]

[CHANTING]

Embarrasink!

Oh, come on!

[CHATTERING ANGRILY] [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Big bully! SPIDER-MAN:

What do you know?

Guess Mysterio

isn't quite the technophobe

he claims to be.

And Spidey

strikes out the side!

Now to eject

their manager.

[CACKLING] Oh, No you don't,

girlfriend.

My work here is done.

Farewell, Spider-Man!

[CHANTING]

Bye-bye.

Ow! You couldn't

let go first?

If I'm wrong about this,

at least I'll finally

be warm.

And for my next trick

A prop house.

Liz was right.

Old Mystie's nothing

but smoke and mirrors.

Misdirection.

Now for the man

behind the curtain.

[SNEEZES]

[COUGHING]

[MYSTERIO LAUGHS]

[MYSTERIO CHANTING]

[MYSTERIO CHANTING] Oh, enough with the Latin!

I know it's an act!

MYSTERIO: Ah,

but it's such a good act.

And Latin adds just the right

Mysterioso touch.

For example

[SPEAKS LATIN]

You're in for

a world of hurt!

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

Another illusion.

Projected on mist.

You're catching on.

But what is illusion?

And what is reality?

Around here?

Not much.

[GRUNTS]

[ROARS]

MYSTERIO: So many

threats to life and limb.

But which are real?

Only one way to find out.[WEB SPINNING]

Ignore what I see and hear.

And may the spider-sense

be with me.

[ROARS]

[POWERING DOWN]

You know,

to the unblindfolded,

I'm sure this is all

very entertaining.

But effective?

Not so much.

[EXPLOSIONS]

So how about we

put the showbiz

on hold and finish this?

MYSTERIOS: As you wish.

[SIGHS] Didn't we

just make it clear

that your illusions

won't work on me?

ALL: So we did.

[GRUNTS]

Hey.

[GRUNTS]

[HONKEY TONK PIANO PLAYING]

Robots!

And to think I used to

like 'em as a kid.

[GROANS]

[SUSPENSEFUL ALIEN

MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, come on!

What are you gonna do,

bite my kneecaps off?

Oh, wait, you can't.

No mouth.

Oh, somebody doesn't

want to play.

Misdirection.

Dormi!

SPIDER-MAN: Magic spell

to sap my will?

Or maybe magic gas,

colorless, odorless,

to bring me to my knees?

Either way, I'll pass.

Oh, built-in

remote controls. Nice.

I'm guessing this one

has a head.

So now you know

it's me.

Right.

Um, who are you again?

You put me away.

Oh, did I? Cool.

Don't pretend

you've forgotten!

I was the Chameleon's

right-hand man!

Oh, right.

On the boat.

You were You were

dressed as the crewman.

As the waiter!

You remember

"Demitasse, Spider-Man?"

Sure, sure,

if you say so.

[SNEEZES]

[SIGHS]

Gesundheit.

Okay, one,

talk to Gwen. Nope.

Two, find Eddie. Nope.

Three, write Harry. Nope.

Four, buy thermals. Nope.

Five, take care

of Aunt May. Nope.

Aunt May,

we talked about this.

Oh, Peter,

don't start.

I'm hardly

over-exerting myself.

I went to bed

early and had a

good night's sleep.

[SNEEZES]Bless you.

Seems I'm not the one

burning the candle

at both ends.

Oh, this came

for you yesterday.

A registered letter

from The Bugle.

Aunt May,

it's an exclusive

freelance contract,

and an advance!

Robbie said this

was coming,

but I figured Jonah'd never

unclench enough to

Peter, that's no way

to talk about I, I gotta tell Gwen!

Uh, wow.

Of everyone I know,

she's the person

I most want to tell.

That means something, right?

I'll call.

We'll meet for breakfast.

And, and we'll talk

about everything.

That sounds

like a plan.

[CELL PHONE RINGS] Perhaps her ears

were burning.

PETER: Uh, no.

[BEEPS]Mr. Osborn?

Peter. I have

some good news.

Curt and Martha Connors

want to give you another

chance at ESU.

PETER: What? Really?

That, that's great!

You deserve it, Peter.

Your talents

should be nurtured,

and I'd like to do my part.

I'd like to be your mentor.

I, uh

[STAMMERS] I don't know

what to say.

Except, sorry, Norm,

you give me the creeps.

NORMAN: Then you accept?

I can't think

of a reason not to!

Excellent.

We'll start today.

Come to OsCorp.

We'll have breakfast.

Talk.

PETER: Um, breakfast?

I was going to

Big things are happening

in your life, Peter.

Doesn't pay to waste time.

Okay. I'll,

I'll come right over.

[LAUGHS]

They're gone.

But you're a fool.

Why make your android

look just like you?

You could have made it

look like anyone!

What, and let anyone

take credit for

the role of Mysterio?

Actors.

Master Planner?

It's Tinkerer.

Spider-Man and the cops

have come and gone.

They recovered nothing.

Everything you wanted Mysterio

to steal is still right here.

MASTER PLANNER:

Of course it is.

Everything proceeds

according to my master plan.