01x06 - The Invisible Hand

[bunniefuu]

OCTAVIUS: It's not

that kind of suit,

Mr. O'Hirn.

You will never

be able to remove it.

But it's tough,

right, Doc?

Indeed. But your skin

will fuse to the armor,

a thick

titanium-resin armor.

A permanent change.

Is it me,

or is your boy tryin'

to talk my boy out of this?

Look, O'Hirn,

you'll be tough,

tough enough to bring down

you know who.

Then what's

the holdup?

[SCREAMING]

Better finish it, Otto.

You owe me a success,

no more flukes

like the Sandman.

I need super-mercenaries

I can mass-produce,

no matter how many th*gs

we have to go through,

or how many doctors.

[SCREAMING]

What's with

the jungle look?

Ah, the animal

kingdom. Offers

many useful ideas.

That armor is

a part of him now,

a thick,

impenetrable hide.

The extras up top there

provide offensive

capabilities,

making him

unstoppable.

The good doctor

has his quirks,

but this

approaches competence.

Your Mr. Lincoln

will be pleased.

Ixnay. We don't ever

use the "L" word.

Call him "the Big Man."

What's goin' on?

HAMMERHEAD: Mind your

own business, O'Hirn!

Right. My business.

Better get to it,

then.

'Cause the Rhino don't wanna

keep Spider-Man waitin'!

[CAR ALARMS BLARING]

Livin' on the edge

Fighting crime

Spinning webs

Swingin' from

the highest ledge

He could leap

above our heads

Villains on the rise

And the city's victimized

Looking up

with no surprise

Arriving

in the speed of time

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

PUNK: Hit it! Go!

Help! Police!

Must be 2,000

in here. Score.

Yeah, and Spidey's

too busy poppin' big bads

to worry about us.

Ta-da!

Say my name, and I

magically appear.

Okay, you should fasten

your seat belt,

and you should pull over.

[STUTTERING]

Right. Okay. Yeah.

No way!

[SIREN WAILING]

Surf's up!

Yee-haw!

So, uh, guess it's

fall formal time in Midtown.

Pete ask you yet?

Pete says

he isn't going.

Tell you what.

Let me be your date.

I'll even dance.

You don't even

have to dance.

Plus, if you say yes,

I promise to stop asking.

Parker! I pay you

for front-page material.

This stuff belongs

back with the funnies.

So you don't

want 'em?

Not the point.

"What is the point?"

Here's the point!

Quit harassing

my secretary and get me

a page-one web-head blowout!

Trust me,

Mr. Jameson,

when Spidey

goes into action,

I'll be there.

Listen, you

insufferable whelp,

when you're publisher

You! Benny!

I said corned beef,

not pastrami!

What, you wanna

give me gas?

You're only

four years older.

When you're 70 and

I'm 66, uh, I'll seem

quite the catch.

[LAUGHS] All right.

I'll think about it.

That's great!

You won't regret it.

It's just a maybe!

Whoo-hoo!

I'm wearin' her down!

[LAUGHS] Goodness!

What's this?

It's a great day.

For starters,

I sold more pics.

Here's 90%

to pay the bills

and 10% for

my new-camera fund,

and that's not even

the best news.

I'm goin' to

the formal, Aunt May!

I got a date!

Almost for sure.

That's wonderful, Peter.

I had hoped

you'd change your mind,

so I took in

your uncle's tuxedo

to save you money

on a rental.

The corsage and car service

will be expensive enough.

Car service?

[GROANS] This'll barely

pay for the corsage.

Oh, what am I gonna do?

I can't ask Betty

to take the bus.

Betty? Who's Betty?

Miss Brant,

I'm May Parker,

Peter's aunt.

Might I buy you

a cup of coffee?

Well, it's official.

I'm goin' to the fall formal

with Glory Grant.

I can top that.

I'm almost definitely

going with Betty Brant.

[LAUGHS] Hey!

Grant, Brant.

Our girls rhyme!

[SCOFFS] Puny Parker's

got a date? Right!

You wouldn't

know her, Flash.

She's 20 years old

and hot.

Come on! At least

tell a good lie.

Bet you show up

without any date.

Or you don't

show up at all.

I'll take that bet.

Loser dresses as

a cheerleader for Halloween.

You're on!

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]Oh, look. My girl's

texting me now.

"Having coffee

with Aunt May."

Um, how old you say

your girl was?

[TEASING]

Uh, I gotta go.

No one goes up to the Bugle

without a pass, sir.

Make an exception.

Hit 22, please.

These don't work so good

on the little buttons.

Actually, uh,

22's already pressed.

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

So, you goin' to the Bugle?

Yeah. Your name

ain't Parker, is it?

[CHUCKLES] No point in

paying city prices

when there's

perfectly good

coffee here.

Oh, I do appreciate

a sensible girl.

[PEOPLE EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Bring me Peter Parker!

What does that awful man

want with my nephew?

[WHISPERING]

Shh. We'll ask Peter later.

I ain't stupid.

Peter Parker takes all

the web-creep's pictures.

Gotta hurry,

before Aunt May

destroys everything.

Who do you

think you are?

Oh! Or what

do you think you are?

I'll give you 15 seconds

to write me a check

for these damages, or

[GASPING]

I mean, how may

I be of service?

Peter Parker!

[GROWLING] Now.

Parker? Parker,

the photographer?

Oh. Never

met the guy.

Uh, no address either.

Only makes contact

by e-mail.

What a fine, brave man

to protect my nephew

that way.

I'm glad Peter's found

such good people to work with,

but you're too old

for him, dear.

[BOTH GASP]

What do you think,

I'm stupid?

Well, you are

dressed stupid.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

Put me down!

It's for your own safety,

pickle puss.

What do you want

with Parker?

You. Just you.

And payback

for all the times

you took me down.

O'Hirn?Not anymore.

Call me Rhino!

Hey, watch it!

Glass doors

are expensive!

[GRUNTING]

Your goop's useless

now, creep.

SPIDER-MAN: First Marko

becomes Sandman,

and now this?

What's the Big Man's

next move,

turning Flash Thompson

into the Belligerent

Bug-Zapper?

If I can't stop

this bruiser,

maybe two feet

of concrete will.

[ROARING]

No!

[SIRENS WAILING]

[STRAINING]

[CHUCKLES]

Thrill ride.

Attention, Rhino.

Lay down flat

In your crater

and keep your hands

where we can see them!

You see 'em now?

[GRUNTING]

[SHOOTS WEB]

[METAL CREAKING]

This one's mine, Detective.

Hey, needle nose!

Party's over here!

[LAUGHS] You like

being hunted, freak?

Would you please

look who's talking?

Oh, I may be a freak,

but I'm not a coward!

Even the old O'Hirn

never ran away scared!

SPIDER-MAN:

I'm scared, all right.

Scared some bystander'll

get hurt.

Gotta lure Rawhide

someplace deserted.

Hurry up, hippo!

Whoa!

But where

do you find "deserted"

in a city of eight million?

[GROWLS] Stupid truck.

Made me lose spider-creep.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[GROANS]

That's gonna

leave a mark.

[GROANS]

This always works

in the cartoons.

[SIGHS] Television

so cannot be trusted.

[GRUNTS]

Remember what I did

to them bowlin' ba*ls?

Wait. Wait!What?

Weight!

[EXCLAIMS]

Where'd you go?

[GLASS SHATTERS]

How's that

for confident?

He stops to satisfy

before smashing me.

Unless it's

not confidence.

Okay, break's over.

Ha! You missed.

[GRUNTS]

Over here, moose!

Let's play

follow the leader.

Think you can hide

from me down there?

Think again.

Whoo!

Hot enough for you?

Come on, you big lug.

Let's go for a run.

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

Can't help noticing

you've stopped

spoutin' off.

What's the matter?

Mouth a little dry?

[CAR ALARMS BLARING]

See, my mistake was

trying to crack open

that hide of yours.

Huh? Nothing

can do that.

[PANTING] Big Man's guys

told me I'm impenetrable!

Too true, and if

nothing can penetrate,

you can't perspire.

Your face is sweating

for your whole body.

It's probably enough

under most conditions,

but in a steam tunnel

[PANTING]

I gotta get out of here.

[GASPING]

Yeah. Good luck

with that.

[MOANING WEAKLY]

[GASPING]

Come one, come all!

Before your very eyes,

the world's largest

dehydrated turtle!

[PANTING] I swear

I'm gonna crush you.

Promised Big Man

I'd crush you.

Crush you!

Crush you

[WEAKLY] Crush you.

Are we losing it

a bit, Alexander?

Only Mama

calls me Alexander.

You're not my mama!

Not my mama.

[DELIRIOUSLY] Mama.

[CHUCKLES]

Yes, I think we are.

[WHINING] Mama,

do I have to

go to school?

So, Alexander,

tell Mama.

Who's the Big Man?

Ixnay. We don't ever

use the "B" word.

Call him Mr. Lincoln.

[GROANS]

You're gonna

need a crane.

HAMMERHEAD: I'm impressed.

Rhino's still underground,

and Oscorp's already

got the contract

to build his prison cell.

After our success

containing Sandman,

whom else

would the city call?

Meanin' you get paid

comin' and goin'.

Sweet.Very.

But these

Midtown brawls,

people are beginning

to ask questions.

Best to let things

cool off for a bit.

We cool off

when the Big Man

says so, see?

Or do you want people

to know who created

freak one and freak two?

Please. There's nothing

to trace them back

to Oscorp or myself.

Really? Tell that

to Dr. Octavius.

Hey, Dad,

great news.

I got straight A's

on my midterms,

I made the varsity

football team,

first string,

and I have a date

to tonight's fall formal

with one of

the hottest girls in

Harry, can't you see

I'm in a meeting? Get out.

Yes, sir. Sorry.

Didn't mean

to interrupt.

JAMESON: That wall-crawler's

as bad as the Rhino!

I'll sue him blind!

Is it, uh,

safe to come out yet?

[GASPS] Peter! Were you

here this whole time?

It's okay.

I was hiding.

I'm good at hiding.

I can also be

very heroic. Honest.

Could we talk

for a minute?

About tonight,

I can't go with you.

I'm too old for you,

and it's just too weird.

You think I'm weird?No, you're not weird, Peter.

It's weird.

I'm sorry.

Oh, dear.

How disappointing.

I imagine you need

some time alone.

I'll find my own way home.

PETER: Gotta make

something go right.

Uh, Mr. Foswell,

do you know anything

about a Mr. Lincoln?

Our 16th president?

Uh, not that Lincoln.

This one might also go

by the name "Big Man."

[SCOFFS] You must mean

L. Thompson Lincoln.

Yeah, a rumor surfaces

every few years

that he's some kind

of crime lord,

but, hey,

I checked it out.

Lincoln looks

a little odd,

but he's one

of the good guys,

a true philanthropist,

straight as they come.

Hey, if there is

a Big Man out there,

his name's not Lincoln.

[EXCLAIMING]

[THUDDING]

JAMESON: Ow.

[BOTH GRUNT]

I'm here to see

Mr. Lincoln.

Then you should

make an appointment.

But perhaps

we'll make an exception

for the hero of the day.

I am

L. Thompson Lincoln.

Please. You're the Big Man.

In my life, I've been

called many names.

My favorite

is Tombstone.

Back off.

I just took down

the Rhino.

A pale guy in a suit

doesn't stand

[SPUTTERS]

Don't move.

Just listen,

and I'll teach you

the facts of life.

The Big Man,

whomever he might be,

has nothing

against heroes.

No hero can

thwart enough crime

to dent his income.

But you,

you frighten criminals

off the street entirely

except when you're off

battling the likes

of the Rhino.

Then the Big Man's

profitable army

of petty th*gs

think themselves beneath

the Spider-Man's notice.

So as long as I keep

fighting crime,

you'll keep making

bigger and badder

Now you're learning.

But there is a way out.

Come work for me.

You can still

save the world

like a good hero.

I'll even pay you.

All you have to remember

is to look the other way

on occasion.

On any occasion I choose.

I can't ever look

the other way again.

Let's finish this.

[SIGHS] If you insist.

[BUZZING]

Officers, Spider-Man

has trespassed

on my property,

assaulted my employees,

and threatened

my person.

Wait. You can't

listen to him.

He's the bad guy.

He's

[GRUNTING]

Freeze, Spider-Man!

You're under

No!

SPIDER-MAN: I never ran

from the cops before.

I mean, this reeks.

I've won

all the battles

and never came close

to winning the w*r.

But Tombstone

did make one mistake.

Now I know

there is a w*r.

So bring it on.

[CHUCKLES] See?

A perfect fit.

[SIGHING] But

what's the point?

Betty said no.

Gwen's not home.

I already lost

the bet to Flash.

Showing up alone would

just make it worse.

Well, then,

isn't it lucky that

Anna Watson's niece,

that sweet

Mary Jane,

is on her way over?

Miss Wonderful

Personality

[SHUDDERS]

is coming here?

Now?There she is.

Oh, my, what

a lovely dress.

Here. I bought

her corsage.

Couldn't afford

the limousine, but

[IN SHOCK]

You planned this?

Aunt May, you're

an evil mastermind!

[DOORBELL RINGING]Just answer

the door, dear.

[GASPS]

You mean you're

Mary Jane Watson?

[CHUCKLES] Face it, tiger.

You just hit

the jackpot.