01x01 - Pyramids of Terror

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building!
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR:
And this is Jessica Drew

who, as a child while visiting
her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil

while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[ROARING]

[WIND WHOOSHING]

What's happening, Mother?

I don't know, Abdul. I've never seen
anything like it.

[RUMBLING]

Look, over the desert!

Great Pharaohs of Egypt, another pyramid
arises from the sand.

-Abdul!
-Mother!

Hello, my little friend.

Abdul!

Don't you know you're not allowed to fly
without a pilot's license?

Oh!

You're all right.
Thank you for saving my...

Oh, he's gone, and we don't even know
who he was.

It was Spider-Man, Mother.

I better check out this pyramid
before any other strange things happen.

Well, I'll be a wall-crawling web-head.

This place is as dead as a tomb.

Although I get the distinct feeling
I'm being watched.

[GROWLING]

You're the one who's been blowing sand
in everybody's faces.

My spider web will keep
even a mummy under wraps.

[WEB sh**ting]

[GROWLING]

[VIBRATING NOISE]

This guy's not fooling around.

[THUDS, CRASH]

[ROARS]

MAN:
Hold it right there.

MAN:
That's perfect. Now smile.

[CAMERA CLICKS]
Got it.

Great. It'll make a perfect cover
for my next issue of Justice Magazine.

Those Egyptians were really something,

mummifying their kings and burying them
in the pyramids.

Yeah, this old guy has been sleeping
for more than 3,000 years.

JESSICA:
My spider sense is picking up trouble.

[ROARING]

What on earth was that?

[STUTTERING]
What? You mean you heard that, too?

Heard it? It shook the walls.

[RUMBLING]

JESSICA:
The mummy, it's come alive!

[GROWLING]

JESSICA: I've got to get out of here,
so I can change into Spider-Woman.

You better get out of here, Jessica.
I'll handle that monster.

-But, Jeff...
-Do what I say, Jessica.

Okay, you're the boss.

JESSICA:
It's just the break I needed.

[GROWLING]

[STUMBLES]

Oh, no.

Help!

JEFF [SCREAMING]:
Help! Help!

I haven't a second to lose.

[SCREAMING] Help!

[RIPPING NOISE]

Hmm. Looks like it's curtains for Jeff.

[ZAPPING NOISE]

[GRUNTS]

-Mildred, look at that!
-Wow.

And now to take care
of that mummified menace.

[GROWLING]

End of the line, mummy.

A venom blast will take care of you.

[CRACKLING AND ZAPPING NOISE]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

Nice work, Spider-Woman.

[STAMMERS] Of course I could've handled
that mummy myself,

but I had to make sure
Jessica got to safety.

Wait a minute, where is Jessica?

She might be in trouble.

She's perfectly safe.

I believe I saw her hightailing it
for her office at Justice Magazine.

I don't understand. How did the mummy
come to life, and where was it going?

Oh, don't worry about it, Jessica.

It's probably just some publicity stunt
the museum dreamed up.

JESSICA:
My spider sense says otherwise.

But these photos seem sinisterly real.

JEFF:
Forget it, Jessica.

It was just a one-in-a-million
freak accident.

I'm sure we'll hear nothing else about it.

Aunt Jessica, have you heard?

There've been mummies spotted
all over the country.

One in a million, huh?
I better call Chief Cooper.

Thanks a lot.

[BEEP]

Chief Cooper.

Hi, Chief. What's the latest scoop
on those wild mummies?

Mummies? What mummies?
I haven't heard about any mummies.

If this is another one
of your exaggerated news items...

MAN: Hold it, Chief,
this APB just came over the wire.

Mummies have been spotted in cities
all over the world,

And that's not all,
I've just received a report

that Spider-Man has been captured
by a mummy in Egypt.

JESSICA: Sounds like my old friend
could use some help.

Thanks for the info, Chief.

Now, see here, Miss Drew,

this is police information-- [BEEP]

Whoops, [LAUGHS] must've been cut off.

Now, if we can get to wherever
those mummies are headed,

we'll have a chance
for the story of the century.

JESSICA:
And Spider-Woman will have a chance

to get to the bottom of this puzzle.

That's not a bad idea, Jessica.

Only there's no way we can figure out
where they're headed.

Sure there is.

All I have to do is multiply
their previous locations

times the angle
of their estimated courses.

And there you have it. They're headed
for the pyramids in Egypt.

Come on, how'd you really figure that out?

Where else would a mummy go?

Good work, Billy.

Now we'll take the Justice jet-copter
and get there in no time.

That's super, Aunt Jessica.
I'll get my coat.

Not so fast, boy wonder.

The Egyptian desert
is no place for a 12-year-old.

Now you just sit tight until we get back.

-JEFF: Pyramids, dead ahead.
-JESSICA: What?

Hang on, I'm going in for a closer look.

JEFF:
Hand me my camera, Jessica.

Those pyramids will make
a great cover shot.

-Here you go, Jeff.
-Billy!

I thought I told you...

Oh, you never let me come along.

Besides, you may need someone
to advise you on cultural protocol

or to translate hieroglyphics.

Okay, okay, you win.
Just stay out of trouble.

I don't get it.
This place is totally deserted.

MAN:
Go back!

Go back where you came from
or you will be doomed.

What do you mean, doomed? By what?

A new pyramid, it rose
from the sand to get us all.

Go back! Go back!

A new pyramid? But that's impossible.

JESSICA:
My spider senses indicate

those mummies are getting
dangerously close.

[GROWLING]

JESSICA: Uh, uh, I've got some
urgent business to take care of.

I'll meet you at the pyramid later.

What? What business?

[STUTTERS]
Well, I forgot to put the cat out.

I got to call home
and make sure she's okay.

I don't remember her having a cat.

Oh, well. Come on.

Good, they're gone.

And now to take care of those mummies.

MUMMY:
Your efforts are futile, Spider-Man.

You are no match for my power.

Our pyramid ships landed on your Earth
thousands of years ago.

My fellow crewmen and I were placed
in suspended animation

until the time our planet was ready
to colonize Earth.

That time has come.
[ZAPPING NOISE]

Soon our pyramid fleet will arrive
for the final takeover,

but first my crew and I will mummify
all Earth inhabitants.

You'll never get away with it.

Yes, I will, Spider-Man...

[LAUGHS]

...with the help of them.

[GROWLING]

This must be the new pyramid.

I don't ever remember
seeing it in my history book.

What's taking Jessica so long?

Jeff, look!

[DOOR CREAKING]

-It's a secret entrance.

Come on, Billy, let's take a look inside.

This place gives me the creeps.

Come on, let's keep moving.

BILLY [WHISPERING]:
Jeff, where'd the pyramid come from?

I don't know. It took the ancient
Egyptians years to build one of these.

[LOW-HUMMING NOISE]

[RUMBLING]

Oh, no!

We're sinking into the sand.

Help!

JESSICA: Great dangers.

-Billy and Jeff are in trouble.
-BILLY: Help!

I've got to stop these mummies
with another venom blast.

There's no sign of trouble,
but my spider-senses indicate otherwise.

Great pyramids!

I've studied hieroglyphics before,

but I've never seen anything like these.

They look like scientific symbols
of some advanced civilization.

KHUFU:
That is correct, Spider-Woman.

So advanced that we must rid the Earth
of your inferior humankind.

I'll admit we're not perfect,

but I wouldn't say
we're any less civilized

than you and your gift-wrapped friends.

Your inferiority is quite evident
by the ease with which you're trapped.

[ZAPPING NOISE]

I don't think I like the looks of this.

Don't worry, Spider-Woman,
you won't be seeing it for long.

[LAUGHS]

[RUMBLING]

Oh, no. I got to think of something fast,

or I'll look like a spider
that's been stepped on.

[CHANTING]
Khufu! Khufu! Khufu!

Attention, crewmen!

The attack fleet from our home planet
Hotep will be arriving in two vortons.

The signals from their approaching ships
have awakened us

so that we may prepare for the takeover.

Go to your pyramid ships.

[RUMBLING]

Proceed with master plan one:
mummify all earthlings.

[BEEPING NOISES]

[RUMBLING]

[GRUNTING]
It's no use. Nothing can stop these walls.

Wait a minute, my high frequency
spider hearing is picking up something.

Of course, sand spiders.
[SCRATCHING NOISES]

My only chance is to command them
with my spider telepathy

to chew through the limestone wall.

[WARPING NOISES]

[SCRATCHING NOISES]

[GRUNTING]

Now to find Jeff, Billy and Spider-Man
before it's too late.

JEFF:
There's no way out. We're doomed.

And we may not be discovered
for another 3,000 years.

SPIDER-MAN: Don't worry, you guys.
I'll have you out in no time.

Spider-Woman!

Are we glad to see you.

[ZAPPING NOISE]

Any minute now and...

There!

Hang on, fellas.
You'll be free in a, uh... Huh?

You were saying?

Spider-Woman?

You were expecting maybe the Hulk?

What are you doing here?

I'm here to stop those marauding mummies,
the same as you.

The mummies, they're probably on their way
to take over the Earth by now.

I've got to stop them.

-Wait!
-Oh, no. We forgot about Aunt Jessica.

She was supposed to meet us here
hours ago.

Oh, she said to meet her
at the jet-copter.

Come on, Billy.

Look, in the sky.

WOMAN:
It's some sort of alien craft!

It's landing. Run!

[LOUD CRASH]

What on earth is that?

[ZAPPING NOISES]

[ZAPPING NOISES]

[ZAPPING NOISES]

[ZAPPING NOISES]

KHUFU:
You cannot resist.

Soon the entire planet
will be under our control.

That fiendish space mummy has turned
everyone into spaced-out mummies.

I've got to stop it.

My spider web should clog up
his control center.

[WEB sh**ting NOISES]

You waste your time, Spider-Man.

[ZAPS]

You cannot escape.

[ZAPS, RUMBLES]

Oh, no, I'm starting to change
into a mummy.

[LAUGHING]

JEFF: Well, Jessica, it looks like
we've lost your story.

Those mummies are nowhere in sight.

JESSICA:
I'm picking up another spider-sense.

Spider-Man's in trouble.

Quick, get us to London, fast.

London? What's in London?

A woman's intuition.
Now don't ask questions, just hurry.

JEFF:
Well, we're in London. Now what?

Aunt Jessica, look.

BILLY:
The pyramid's attacking Spider-Man.

One more blast from that pyramid,
and I've had it.

JESSICA: I've got to figure a way
to change to Spider-Woman unnoticed.

This door lock should do the trick.

[DOOR OPENS]

BILLY:
Aunt Jessica!

She's fallen out!

[ZAPS]

I haven't got time to thank you now.
I've got to stop that mummy.

I think we'd better figure out
how to get you back to normal first.

The Institute of Egyptology in Geneva
may be able to help.

MAN:
You are incredibly lucky, Spider-Man.

These strange wrappings
are indestructible.

If they had covered you completely,
you would have been mummified forever.

But there must be some way to free
the people from their mummy bondage.

Maybe not, Spider-Woman.

There's much we do not understand
about the ancient Egyptians,

especially their mummies and pyramids.

Some people believe that the energy
created by the angle of the pyramid

may be the secret
to the mummies' preservation.

Pyramid power, of course.

Of course what?

I think I know how to stop those mummies.

Let's go.

The Earth is nearly ours.

With the entire population mummified,

our colonization fleet
will have no resistance.

Well, there they are.

Sure hope this plan of yours works.

So do I.

Hey, you bandaged bandit, try to catch me.

Fool! No one can stop me now.

[RUMBLING]

I'll make her pay for her insolence.

Ha! She's backed herself into a corner.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, Spider-Man, now it's your turn.

[WEB sh**ting]

[WEB sh**ting]

Oh, no, they've changed my pyramid
into a cube.

Khufu to Pyramid Fleet,
they've discovered our weakness.

Abort mission.

Repeat, abort mission.

[RUMBLING]

[CRACKLING]

[LOW-HUMMING NOISE]

[LOW-HUMMING NOISE]

Well, your little scheme worked perfectly.

You really are a super Spider-Woman.

Thanks. Maybe we'll work
together again someday.

I hope so, but goodbye for now.

I can't believe it. Aunt Jessica is gone.

And it's all my fault.
I never should have let her come.

Say, what are you guys moping around for?
There's a story to be written.

Jessica! What happened?
We thought you were...

Oh, Spider-Woman saved me.

I told you this work was too dangerous
for a woman.

You could've been k*lled.

JESSICA: Don't be ridiculous.
I'm as brave as any man.

[SCREAMS] It's a spider!

Oh, Aunt Jessica, if only you could be
a little more like Spider-Woman.