02x13 - Doomsday

[bunniefuu]

[man] Amongst the mightiest, the most

savage of all Earth's creatures,

I sit in peace,

I dwell in safety.

For food has been plentiful,

and no longer do they hunger.

Unlike the humans who call you beast,

there's no violence in your heart,

no hint of avarice,

no smoldering hate.

Yet man, who has won dominion

over all this worid,

is a stranger to peace,

a prisoner caught in the net

of his own nameless fear.

And here stand I,

hopelessly trapped

in a worid of madness,

where reason is shunned

while violence prevails.

But no longer shall the Silver Surfer

be part of man's insanity.

Let humanity do what it will.

As for me,

I shall dwell amongst the beasts,

or search for some semblance of freedom

in the polluted skies of this mad,

orbiting prison which men call Earth!

I, who have crested

the currents of space,

I must resign myself

to this pale blue orb

upon which Galactus

has sentenced me to remain

forever.

[man] The web is woven.

My prey is in sight.

[woman screams]

- What?

- Help me! Oh, please, help me!

What has this woman done?

Nothing, I swear! I was merely bringing

Grandfather some firewood

- [soldier] Cut from the royal forest.

- Wait.

This does not concern you, alien.

The law forbids it.

[woman screams]

[woman gasps]

[woman] I thank you for your kindness,

stranger.

Please have tea

with Grandfather and me?

Grandfather? We have company.

You!

Welcome to my humble cottage.

[cries out]

[Doctor Doom laughs]

[Doctor Doom] Yes.

Power enough

to challenge Galactus himself.

Your Highness.

Well done, my dear subject.

You have earned

the greatest reward of all.

The gratitude of your sovereign.

Imagine, I now possess the power

to end hunger, to abolish disease,

to eliminate crime,

to establish a perfectly content,

perfectly ordered worid.

All under the benevolence

of my iron will!

- But first,

- [gasps]

I have a little unfinished business

with the Fantastic Four.

[eerie organ music]

- [mumbling]

- [footsteps]

- [bang]

- Yaaa!

Easy, Ben. Sorry.

Sorry? You're sorry? My heart

It's just my suitcase.

Suitcase? It ain't you, Stretch,

it's this book,

The Zombies Of Madison County.

I'm just at the part where the zombie

dentists run wild, flossin' everyone

I'm all packed for a romantic weekend.

Ready to sweep me off my feet?

Hm, consider yourself swept.

Ben, you'll be okay

with those zombie dentists?

Hey! Takes more than floss to scare me!

Johnny and Crystal should be back

from the movies soon,

and then you'll have company.

You have our number at the lake?

Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Go, already!

[lightning]

Oh!

Man, I gotta switch to decaf.

[laughter]

h*! What the?

Yaaah!

Doom! Hey, that's the Surfer's ride

you're on!

Quite true, you insufferable blot

on the escutcheon of humanity.

And as possessor of his cosmic powers,

I am now veritably undefeatable.

Yeah? That's the same mouthful

you mumbled

the last time you stole

the Surfer's gig, Metal-puss,

and you ended up getting your tin tail

shellacked by Galactus. Gah!

I assure you, that is not an error

I will repeat.

I've monitored Galactus' movements

for some months.

At the moment he is quite occupied,

at the other end of the galaxy.

Now, feel the limitless power

in these very hands

which you once nearly crushed.

Oooph! Yaah!

[Ben] Hey, Lead-lips!

- Candygram!

- Aargh!

Company's coming!

Maybe you swiped

the Surfer's power again,

but you got more than a little to learn

about how to use it!

[Ben] Yaah! Yeuh!

Now sing, you rotten rust-pot,

or I'll clobber it out of ya piece by

piece. What did you do with the Surfer?

You brick baboon!

Why, I I

[Doctor Doom] Feel it, Grimm.

Feel your body's metabolism

grow slower and slower,

until you become

a virtual living statue,

unable to move, unable to speak,

for the rest of your days.

And now, if you'll excuse me,

I must pay a long-overdue social call

on your friends.

[Doctor Doom] Do keep an eye out

for pigeons.

[laughs]

[Johnny] Sis! Reed!

Hm. Must have left already for the lake.

I wonder where Ben is?

[gasps] Johnny, look!

Holy

[barking]

[Reed] I'm afraid this won't afford you

much protection against the elements.

- [Sue groans]

- Kidding, darling, just kidding.

- [Reed] What the?

- Reed! [screams]

Sue!

- [Sue] Doctor

- [both] Doom!

Is this a bad time?

[Crystal] There he is, by that tree.

[Johnny] Ben. [laughs] Hey, big guy,

waiting for a bus?

Johnny, there's something wrong.

He looks frozen, like a statue.

Ben! Ben? Oh, man.

I haven't seen him like this since

he found out about the Tooth Fairy.

Strange He's got a heartbeat,

but it's slowed down to a crawl.

Johnny, I'm gonna try something.

[Crystal] It worked!

I used my elemental power

to speed up his metabolism.

[Johnny] Ben. Ben, buddy,

what happened?

[groans] Doom

- [thud]

- [Reed groans]

Leaving so soon, Mrs. Richards?

No!

Insolent c*ck.

- [grunts]

- [Doom groans]

My new-found power allows me

to create any weapon I choose.

- [cries out]

- Reed!

Excruciating, wouldn't you say?

I thought I'd start

with a time-honored classic.

And I thought I'd start

by kicking your tin-can Ooph!

- Sue, Reed, get going!

- [Sue] Johnny, no!

Okay, time to up the heat.

What child's play.

The cabin's gas line

could explode any second!

[Ben] Hey, Braino, we came

to warn you about Doc

[groans] Doom.

[Johnny] That ought to put

a little crimp in his cape.

[Doctor Doom] One would think so,

wouldn't one?

- [all] What?

- [Ben] Look out.

I'm gonna clobber him so hard,

his grandchildren will be born bouncin'!

Ah, forget it, Ben.

His power is simply too great.

- What?

- I'm afraid it's hopeless.

- You've won, Doom.

- [gasps]

Do with us what you wish.

I assure you, I will.

Are you nuts, Reed? Before I surrender

to this creep, I'd rather die fighting.

Die? But who said anything about dying?

Doom is no common m*rder*r.

Besides, I would never dream of letting

my dearest enemies off that easily.

- But, then, why did you

- Attack?

Call it a lesson in humility,

my fiery friend.

No. For the Fantastic Four, I have

devised a much more fitting revenge.

You, the legendary bravest of the brave,

shall live out the rest of your days

in abject fear,

watching helplessly

as I bend the worid to my will,

knowing you are utterly powerless

to stop me,

that you are no longer important enough

for me to destroy.

Till we meet again, on Doomsday.

Reed, how could you give in

to Doom so easily?

- There must have been another way!

- Are you outta your

Just a little bit of play-acting.

During the battle, I noticed Doom passed

up many opportunities to finish us off.

Right, I get it.

So once you figured out

he had no intention of k*lling us,

- you pretended to give up!

- Exactly.

I played to his vanity, to buy us time

to develop an effective strategy.

And when you're playing to his vanity,

you're playing to a packed house!

[Doctor Doom] Let mankind beware,

for Doctor Doom has attained

powers without limit,

and this time, there will be no failure,

[screams]

no defeat.

- I can breathe life into stone,

- [screams]

or raise the very ocean floor.

Hear me, nations of the worid.

My power is without limit.

I can turn day to blackest night,

summer to winter.

But I am, above all, a reasonable man.

Thus, I have granted

your leaders one week

to surrender to the rule of Doom,

or suffer total annihilation.

- I say, we nuke his bolted butt!

- [loud agreement]

Generals, please listen to reason!

Your weapons would have no effect

but to wreak untold destruction

on innocent people.

sh**t, Richards, we gave you four days

to find a way to get rid of Doom.

You got one more left.

After that, we step in. Hard!

Blast it, Stretch, they're right!

Come on, let's go and clobber the creep.

Come on, Reed, it's time to move.

He'll put you both out of action

before you can throw the first punch.

- Aw, says who?

- Says me!

This fight will call

for far more than brute strength.

Look, are we gonna stand around arguing,

or do something?

Aw, I get it. If you can't be the big

hero, you don't wanna play, heh?

Well, blue-eyed Benjamin ain't

hanging around any longer.

I'm going after him myself, right now!

Johnny!

[both] Now look what you've done.

[electrical buzz]

- [whoosh]

- What?

Holy cannoli!

Flying can-opener at four o'clock!

Ack! Come on

[Reed, chuckling] Perfect.

[pants] What the?

You mean that blasted gizmo is yours?

Sorry I had to use you as a guinea pig,

old friend,

- but I

- Not as sorry as you're gonna be.

Yes! Exactly the response I'd hoped for.

You're still weak as a kitten.

If it can affect a powerhouse like you,

imagine the effect on Doom.

Hold it. You saying that Flying Rabbit's

gonna KO ol' Brass Bottom?

Hardly, Ben.

This is just a miniature prototype.

And it's most important function

isn't to weaken Doom.

- It's to make him angry.

- Gee, great idea, Mr. Wizard.

Maybe next, we could sneak up

and give him a wedgie.

Stark Enterprises is manufacturing

a full-size model.

- I hope they finish it in time.

- [beeping]

- You see, the basic idea

- Reed! Ben!

Johnny's gone to Latveria

to battle Doom to the finish.

Alone!

You've gotta stop him

before he gets k*lled.

[Ben] I don't get it.

Why's the little sparkplug

think he's gonna do any better

against Doom this time?

Johnny's been practicing something

called his "supernova blast. "

He's never dared use it near people

before, but now

Please don't let anything

happen to him.

Hey, being heroes is what we do best.

As future Emperor of the Worid,

I require a castle befitting my station.

You! Most evil of all who dwell

upon this earth.

You shall pay for your colossal conceit.

[chuckles]

[Surfer] Power such as that

which you have stolen from me

is too vast, too universal.

If it is misused,

it can destroy a galaxy.

Your unselfish concern

touches me deeply,

you unearthly clod.

You who refused to appropriately wield

your cosmic powers.

I, on the other hand, shall use them

to enslave an entire planet.

And after that,

perhaps a universe as well.

- [Johnny] Hey, Your Highness!

- What?

Be glad to help with the demolition.

So, the young cub defies me.

Oh, how tedious.

I fear your nuisance

forces me to retract

my magnanimous offer

to let you live!

[Johnny] Yeah?

Well, let's see you retract this, Doom!

- [Doom] As you can see

- What?!

I altered my body into a crystal that

can withstand a million degrees Celsius.

Then I'll just up the ante

to two million degrees!

Get your sunscreen ready, Tin Man!

Amusing as this may be, please forgive

me if I cut short our tête-à-tête.

By exterminating you!

- [Johnny shouts]

- [Doom laughs]

[Reed] That's him!

The output of Doom's cosmic power

makes him easy to track.

- What about Johnny?

- [Thing] Aw, c'mon. Don't worry.

The little mosquito chaser

can take care of himself.

Take care of yourself, kid.

[Reed] Jump to the tree!

- Reed!

- Hang on, Sue!

I'm releasing one hand. Brace yourself!

All right, Doom. Show yourself!

I ain't leaving till I wrap this hunk

o' termite food around your neck!

[Doom] Indeed, you shall not leave.

You grimy, grotesque abomination!

[Sue] Johnny!

- Johnny!

- [Johnny groans]

Thanks heavens! He's alive.

Exemplary! Let's have some sport first,

shall we?

Sue! A force shield.

- Ben! Incoming!

- Gotcha!

[Doom cackles] Wonderful!

A more spirited game

than I dared hope for.

Get ready to eat those words,

Nickel Nose!

A bold counteroffensive, Mrs. Richards.

Unfortunately, it will be your last.

[Johnny] Cool! Way to sucker in Doom

by making that boulder invisible.

We just need more time.

Okay, Fender Face. It's my turn.

[Doom] No, fool.

Our little sessión is now ended.

Your feeble efforts at self-preservation

no longer amuse me.

I now call on the most destructive

of my cosmic powers.

The power to disintegrate living matter!

For example, you!

Sorry, Doom.

- We'll have to take a rain check.

- What?!

What is happening?

[Reed] It's my anti-cosmic flying wing.

Courtesy of Tony Stark. And just in time

to drain you of your misbegotten powers!

Not quite.

As you see, your little weapon has fled.

My cosmic power is too great

for any of your pathetic contrivances.

Hey You did your best, Reed.

Yes, Richards, your pitiful best.

And it wasn't quite good enough.

Now my victory is doubly sweet.

For even your overrated intellect

couldn't vanquish me.

No? Are you so certain my flying wing

won't be back to defeat you?

Defeat my cosmic power?

It is the fabric of creation.

Ultimate power!

The stuff of gods!

As a final courtesy,

I shall allow you to watch

as I obliterate first your puny toy.

And then, ultimately, yourself.

Oh, Reed, we've failed.

Not necessarily, darling. Crystal

Send it towards the stratosphere.

Everything is going according to plan.

What?! No!

[Reed] Here it is! It's all over.

[Sue] The board is returning

to Doom's castle.

Hey, hello! Anybody want

to show all their cards here?

See, Doom made

one fatal mistake, Johnny.

He didn't know Galactus

left a cosmic force barrier

to keep the Surfer trapped on Earth.

My instruments detected it two days ago.

[Surfer] Though invisible,

its walls are thicker

and more powerful than any prison

made of stone.

[Ben] Oh, I gotcha!

So when your flyin' wingding

hot-rodded for outer space,

you was hoping Ol' Lead Lips

would follow it.

He'd wipe out on the barrier.

And the Surfer's power would sh**t back

to the tinfoil boogie-boarder!

Then you mean Doom is finally

Well, maybe. But with Doom,

what you see is rarely what you get.

I have much to learn

of the ways of human beings.

It is true

you are sl*ves of greed and fear.

And yet

There is a nobility in your hearts

that cannot be denied.

Perhaps one day I will understand.