01x09 - Flash Memory

[bunniefuu]

Aah!

Door's time-locked.

Not for long.


You're sure of this?

Tested out the algorithms
this morning.

Ohh.

So much for that
early-morning breakfast

I was looking forward to.

We've got company!

Whoa!

You are so busted.

Uhh! Ohh.

You see what I see?

We'll need
a 27-meter approach

and a speed of 93 miles per hour
in exactly...12 seconds.

Who do they think they are,
Johnny Knoxville?

Guess so.

And that's why you should
always wear your helmets.

Seen here during their arrest,

the so-called biker twins are
already back on the street,

having acted as
their own lawyer

and securing a low bail.

The judge cited a shortage
of eyewitnesses

in approving their motion.

Prosecutors are weighing
the possibility

that Spider-Man fabricated
the entire event.

Of course.

Spider-Man commits the crime,
fights with the nearest person,

hence, crime fighter.

Hey, don't dork the Spider-Man.
The dude rocks.

Hits like a linebacker

and moves like a wide receiver.

Yeah, I wonder how much
of that stolen cash

ended up stuck
to greedy webbed fingers.

Hey, it was on the news.

Spider-Man left the bag of money
webbed to the train overpass.

Hey, Peter, M.J.

So you're playing on
the quarterback's team now?

I'm just agreeing
with him about...

Whoa! Back
way off, Parker.

I don't need you
agreeing with me.

But I'm on your side.

Not a chance.

If I root Packers,
you'd better pull for the Bears.

Don't be a thug, Flash.

You lost me, Flash.

How did we get
from spiders to Bears?

I lost you because you can't
keep up with my brain power.

Keep up?

I'm giving myself a headache

slamming on the brakes
and going into reverse.

I'll have you know, smart guy,

I'm off to meet with my tutor.

Bet you don't have
one of those!

I hope there isn't as much
paperwork as last time.

That really made my head hurt.

Today you start with
the tutoring, right?

Actually, the ad simply said
you would get better grades.

Whoa! You ain't going
to stick me with that, are you?

Me? Of course not.

That's what the robotic arm
is for.

Huh?

Okay, okay, hold on.

I didn't sign on
for no alien autopsy.

Mm, actually, you did.

All that paperwork, remember?

Uhh! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

How do you feel?

Like I'm going to have to open
a can of whoop-a*s

if these blood proteins
don't coagulate.

Whoa!
Where'd that come from?

My head feels funny. Cramped.

Those are ideas, Mr. Thompson.
You'll get used to those.

Hello. Peter Parker.

Peter? It's Indy.

What are you doing right now?

About to swing by campus.

Well, swing your butt
over to Empire One.

I've got something
very hot and juicy

for you.

If you're interested.

Hot and juicy?
Mm-hmm.

Remember those bikers
Spider-Man nabbed

at the train crossing
yesterday?

I have the skinny on them,
and it's a doozy.

I have one more class
this afternoon.

Can we meet after that?

I'll make it
so worth your while.

Uh...

Count me in.

That was work.
What were you thinking?

Ladies...

Such supple visions
of collegiate loveliness

I have seldom beheld.

Smooth.

But that love token on your neck
suggests you've beheld plenty.

Sally Johnson.

Flash Thompson.

The honor of your acquaintance
is entirely my own.

Tutor seems to be helping.

You have a tutor?
Does he do English Lit?

Let me try.
I've been reading up.

You? Reading?
English?

Okay, let's see.

We have to write an essay
on Ruritania.

Ah, yes.

Fictional European kingdom
north of Czechoslovakia.

It appears in Anthony Hope's
The Prisoner of Zenda

and was used to amusing effect

in Nicholas Meyer's
The Seven-Per-Cent Solution.

So which way you ladies headed?

I tell you,

whatever you think
of that big loogie,

you've got to give him credit.

He must be dating
the human blowfish.

Or maybe that vacuum cleaner

that picks up bowling ba*ls.

Or, you know, maybe
it's those giant mosquitoes

they've spotted on
the football field.

Thanks for
the attempted fake-out,

but it doesn't bother me.

Indy and I are on
a hot and juicy story.

Hot and juicy?

Connecting with Indy
through mutual interests

makes a lot more sense than...

simple chemistry.

Well, I know about biology,

and the look in Indy's eyes
says monogamy.

Ooh-ooh!

Officer Barr said
that the two bikers,

twins, in fact,

were the dumbest clods
he had ever arrested.

This is all just casual
between us, right?

One of them,
I forget which one...

Let's just call him
"Thing One"...

He shot off his left toe
trying to reload his g*n

in the middle of a robbery!

Because casual is where I'm at.
I want to be clear.

They underwent
a psych evaluation in prison

and scored in the double digits
on the IQ test.

And if it is more than casual,
We should talk about it.

Double digits is having trouble
tying your own shoes!

What the hell
are you talking about?

Being casual.

Peter, I think you know

that I'm available to you
at any time, after hours,

and, in fact, I'm looking
forward to it,

but I have hopes and dreams,

and a story like this
could make them all come true.

Now, are you in or are you out?

I think what
you're really asking is,

how do the bumpkin twins
go from double-digit IQs

to that high-brain heist

and arguing their way
out of jail?

Exactly!

The headaches are getting worse.

Muscle atrophication
has kicked in.

Temporary side effects.

The experiment's going fine

as long as we keep
the injections on schedule.

We know it's the brain boosters

that are making us weak.

Yet, we need more of it
before we get stupid again.

Quite the conundrum.

I have a new test subject
that might help.

Maybe you've heard of him?

Flash Thompson,
E.S.U. football star?

All brawn and no brains.

Just give us back our strength.

Permanently!

Don't you think
I want that to happen?

Without you two going
on crime sprees,

I wouldn't have
any funding at all.

Aah!
Aah!

Hey!

Can you vacuum my apartment
when you're done here?

Vacuum this!

Uhh!

Ohh. Huh?

Aah!

Ohh...

"If music be the food of love,

"Play on;
give me excess of it,

"that, surfeiting,
the appetite may sicken

and so die."

Did I just switch to French?

Sorry.

Why, Flash,

I simply must get
the name of your tutor.

Okay, it's not a hickey.
It's a whole new brain.

Uh, yeah.

Uhh... uhh!

Flash, are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
I'm fine.

Further performances anon.

I'll catch you later.

Hey, Flash, about that
bruise on your neck...

Beat it, Parker.

Flash Thompson, right?

You know my name?

I follow college ball.

Loved your interpretation
of the Bard.

Thanks! This is awesome!

How'd you get so right
with Shakespeare?

Well, I have a tutor.

Zellner, Dr. Zellner.

In the English department?

Not exactly. Uhh!

Maybe I should help you
to the infirmary?

No...
Dorm cafeteria.

I'll just go home and...
And, uh...

I'll be fine.

All right.

But take it easy.

Uhh. Ohh!

Doc, what gives?

I'm in agony
from my superior capitis

to my gluteus maximus.

Yes.

I can't believe
I missed this earlier.

The human metabolism simply
cannot boost a brain like yours

without extreme strain.

How extreme?

At this rate, you're headed
for complete system collapse.

System collapse?

But that means...

That means fatal!

Well, damn it, did you try
varying the cognitive baseline?

I see.

In other words,
experiment on someone

who starts out
much smarter than you.

Then, I could pinpoint
the differential

and create an antidote.

The quarterback
has a good idea.

Yes. Yes.

But on such short notice,

I wouldn't know where
to find a subject.

Then start looking.

Don't blow a fuse, doc.

You need a pencilneck
with a big brain?

I know just the guinea pig.

Close-ups, Parker!

I mean count-the-fibers-
on-his-spandex close!

Can't you get nearer

to this web-spewing freak
of nature?

He does swing from buildings.

Use ropes. Use a pulley.
Use some imagination.

Uh... Hello?

Pete. It's your
old bud, Flash.

I don't think
we were ever buds.

Come on, Parker.
We're in college now.

Time to put our differences
behind us, you know?

This is Flash Thompson, right?

The same guy
who used to beat me up

every Friday in high school?

All right, I'll be honest
with you.

I'm in trouble
and I need your help.

You're asking me for help?

You going to make me beg,
cheese dip?

Uhh!



Please?

No, that's okay.

Maybe you'd like
to sit behind the desk.

Just let me know.

I certainly have
nothing better to do

in my own office!

Sorry, Mr. Jameson.
I've got to go.

Parker!
Get back here!

I'm not done throwing you out!

Got it.


of Zellner Laboratories.

Flash's tutor!

So I've been thinking about
what we talked about.

You know, our relationship.

Now I know
who's been injecting him!

Huh?

The track marks on Flash
and the biker twins.

Zellner must be giving them

some kind of
intelligence enhancer.

Thanks, Indy.

You're welcome?

Where the hell is he?

He's not coming, brainiacs.

Spider-Man!

I ran into Parker
and took the hand-off.

Flash, come with me.
I'll take care of these two.

Sorry. We need a subject now!
You're a smart guy, aren't you?

Uhh! Uhh!

Aah!

Aah!

Okay, doc, here's
your smart guy.

He's bursting with adrenalin,
thanks to you.

It'll overwhelm
the brain booster.

Animal tranquilizer...

That should take care of it.

Uhh!

You were playing one-on-one

when you should have
been playing zone.

They faked you
right into that chair.

Flash, old buddy, old pal.

Help me out of here.

We've got to stop Zellner.

Yeah, sure, but you know
Zellner's my only hope.

If he doesn't come up
with an antidote,

I'm going to die.

Flash...

You believe in me, don't you?

Hey, Zellner.
What's with the chair?

I thought at least
there'd be a cupholder,

maybe a pop-up
TV screen.

Mm.
I overdid the tranquilizer.

We'll just wait.

Look at him.

That's us
in 3.9 minutes.

Doc, step on it!

Just calculating
the serum dosage.

Uhh!

Scientific note:

Never underestimate
the superhero.

Oof! Uhh!

Oops.

That never happens.

Yaaa!

Impressive.

But, you see,

I have no intention
of waiting around

while you call the police.

Spider-Man...
I'm so sorry.

Spider-Man! Any sign
of Peter Parker?

I took his place.

You have Internet access
in that thing?

Feeling better?

My legs are made out of gack,

but the coffee's
helping me think.

A web cam?

I attached it
to Flash Thompson.

Don't look at my password.

So do I at least
get an exclusive

for this little taxi ride?

Sure, if you can get me
to 32nd and Lex.

You need to reverse
the beta-syntic free radicals

in the formula.

That's it.
That's the antidote.

I'm afraid
it's too late for you.

I can't go back to the lab
with Spider-Man there.

Just remember what I said.

Reverse the beta gamma...

Jeez, doc, I think I was due
another shot.

I can't remember so well.

Don't worry.
You'll be dead soon enough.

Just be my hostage
for two more stops

and it'll be all over.

Zellner, you're about
to get your a*s stomped.

Hmmph!

You're not only weak,
you're back to stupid.

Maybe, but you're still going
to get your a*s stomped.

Huh?

Whoa!

Flash, remember that
football move you mentioned?

He doesn't remember
how to button his shirt.

Unnh!

First, we take away your toys.

Then it's nap time.

Uhh...

Reverse beta gamma...

You'll be dead soon enough.

We almost lost you.

What are you doing here?

Well,
I ran into Spider-Man,

and then I saved your life.

A "thank you"
might be in order.

Thank you?
Thank you?

It was Spider-Man
who saved my life.

I probably would've been okay,
just a little incapac...

Incapac... Eh, uh...

Feeling weak!

About that exclusive...

you know, a superhero's nothing

if he doesn't keep his word.

Yo, M.J., how about wiggling
some of that babe-age

over this way?

Flash, you really know how
to sweet-talk a girl.

Hey, the Flash-man
can walk the talk

like he talks and walks.

You mean ineptly?

Watch it, Parker. I'm
almost back in top form.

Catch a brew later, babe.

Sorry. Got to study.

Whatever.

What'd you see
in that guy anyway?

His take on Shakespeare
was brilliant.