03x05 - Cobra and Mongoose/Better Off Fred

[bunniefuu]

Baymax: Hello. I am baymax.

♪ ♪

♪ whoa-oh ♪

♪ whoa-oh ♪

♪ whoa-oh ♪

[blasting, zapping]

♪ whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

♪ whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

- [video game music]
- game announcer: Ready! Fight!

[video game sound effects]

- I am so sorry, hiro.
- For what?

For this!

[punching]

- [blasting]
- game announcer: Winner!

[laughs] fred, man,
you're really on your game tonight!

Well, I should be. I've been
going nonstop since Tuesday.

-Wait, what day is it?
- Staring at a screen for extended periods

can cause dry eye,
as well as eye strain...

Noted! But,
extreme gaming takes extreme concentration.

-My senses are as sharp as the elusive barn lion.
-Searching.

[hissing]

♪ ♪

fred,
there is no such thing as a barn lion.

I said he was elusive!

Thank you. I will
continue searching.

Yep. [sighs]

nothing gets by fred
and his barn lion senses.

Master frederick, behind you!

- [hissing] - [screams]

[hissing, sizzling]

hiro: [over headphones] fred?

- What happened? Are you okay?
- Uh-oh.

- [zapping] - [grunts]

-[weeping] -I will fetch the
doctor. No need to weep, sir.

But the nachos...

[wailing]

-[groaning] -baymax: The
toxin from the robo-cobra

is not entirely out
of your system.

Mini-max: Mini-maximum smooshed!

This thing is amazing tech.

Your lunch, master frederick.

Thanks, heathcliff! For
saving my life and for the...

- Hm. Lunch looks... - [buzzing]

phone... Y.

Mini-max: Due to
temporary paralysis,

fred cannot answer the phone.

Master frederick,
it is I, heathcliff.

The robo-cobra was meant for me.

My presence has put you
and your family in danger,

so I must depart. For good.

-No, heathcliff!
-Please, do not endeavor to find me.

Your real meal will appear

in three, two, one.

[clatters]

[grunts]

- we have to find him! Ah!
- [crashing]

-baymax, can you scan for heathcliff?
-Scanning.

I am unable to
locate heathcliff.

[fred crying]

don't worry,
fred. We'll find him.

[crying] I know we will!

It's just that he
tried to give me

nachos again! [sobbing]

heathcliff must
have a scan jammer.

- [cracking] - so,
I upgraded basemax.

-[beep] -mini-max: Congratulations,
basemax!

You are a valuable
bff to justice!

Basemax: Thank you. I
do not know what a bff is.

Bff stands for

"best friend forever."

♪ ♪

- [ding] - basemax: Scanning.

Heathcliff is at
the caviar bazaar.

- Let's go.
- Heathcliff is in a real emo state.

I think mini-max and I should
handle this alone, no costumes.

Baymax: There is a
significant possibility

- of injury.
- Mini-max: Danger should know

there is a significant
possibility of mini-max!

Fred: Keeping a low pro...

♪ ♪

[smash]

hm...

- Master frederick, you shouldn't be here.
- Heathcliff!

[sinister music playing]

[hissing]

ah!

Cobra.

Mongoose.

Mini-max!

[gasping]

heathcliff,
you have a secret identity?!

I have so many
questions! And I am

so light-headed from that gasp.

Who would believe the
world's most polite hero

was hiding in plain sight...

As a butler?

Mini-max: That actually
sounds quite logical!

Well,
your little undercover game ends now.

[grunts, laughs]

did this gollumpus know you're
playing his family for fools?

I'll ask you to leave the
fredericksons out of it.

Who are you
calling a gollumpus?!

Also, what is a gollumpus?

- Oh! Hey! - That.

Mini-max: Mini-max is here for you,
gollumpus chum!

I believe you've met my pets.
- [beeping]

[hissing]

♪ ♪

[hissing]

[screaming]

[umbrella whipping]

[hissing]

- [clunk] - [smash]

- [zapping] - [striking]

[hissing]

[zapping]

[hissing, zapping]

[hissing]

[whipping, blade slices]

fred: Are we winning? It
feels like we're winning!

[hissing]

[slicing]

[crash]

[slicing]

[crash, zapping]

[splash]

♪ ♪

oh,
mongoose. You've still got it.

[honking]

but this isn't over, dear.

- Cheerio! - [tires screech]

that exit sounded
cool. Was it cool?

- [hissing] - [pop]

[grunts, groans]

-[groaning] -baymax: The
feeling should return to your

-fingers in one hour.
-Here's the store security footage.

That looks like my
neurotransmitter!

Cobra frequently steals
technology from around the world

to perpetrate her evil schemes.

- Honestly, you should be flattered.
- Yeah, I'm not.

Where did this cobra
lady come from?

-I suppose an explanation is in order.
-[click]

years ago, I was,
not to put too fine a point on it,

a spy.

Whoa-h*-h*-h*!

- Hunk alert!
- This was years ago?

You look exactly the same.

A gentleman always moisturizes.

Cobra was a notorious thief.

Back then,
she used actual cobras as a distraction.

After thwarting
her multiple crimes,

my associates took to
calling me mongoose.

-So, how did you become our butler?
-Heathcliff: I discovered

that cobra planned to make
all the world's volcanoes

erupt at once.

I knew I couldn't defeat
her alone this time,

so I contacted the
world's greatest hero.

- My dad! - Boss awesome.

Heathcliff: The two of us
fought cobra atop krakatuvious.

She got the upper hand and was
about to kick boss awesome in.

I said, "no thank you, madam,"

as I slid between them and
blocked her with my umbrella.

Cobra fell into the
volcano instead.

Uh, who took all these pictures?

Every spy had a personal
photographer back then.

You saved my dad?

And he welcomed
me into your home.

That is the coolest
butler backstory ever!

My time with your family

has been the
happiest of my life.

♪ ♪

[grunting]

mm...

[chuckles]

farewell,
masters frederick and miniature max.

I'm off to face cobra

in a final showdown.

Mini-max: Do you have a
plan for glorious victory?!

My plan is, as always,

-to be courteous and well-groomed.
- Mini-max: Oh.

Is that it?

Promise you will not follow me,

-on your "captain fancy" number one.
-[fred gasps]

heathcliff, no!

I am afraid I must insist.

[sighs] I promise.

Good man. Now,

if you'll excuse me,
I must go brush up on my witty,

but polite, retorts.

And do some
pre-battle moisturizing.

[sentimental music playing]

heathcliff's been looking
out for me my whole life.

Mini-max: Adorable!

Heart-warming!

Mini-maximum aww...

Everyone thinks
he's just our butler,

but he's so much more.

♪ ♪

[wind blowing]

[dramatic music playing]

good show,
cobra. Agreeing to fight me one-on-one,

no tech.

[beeping]

oh, poor,
shockingly handsome mongoose.

- How can you be so naive?
- [whips]

while I was climbing out
of that infernal volcano,

I realized I never defeated you

because I always worked alone.

- [grunts] - [snake whipping]

- [grunts] - well,

I'm not alone anymore.

[flame roars]

well, neither is he!

- Mini-max: And neither are you!
- Master frederick,

you swore on your
"captain fancy"!

It was a reprint.
It's worth nothing.

But, you're worth everything!

You're part of our family!
So we do this together.

Spoken like a true gentleman.

I learned from the best. Now,
let's...

[screaming]

mini-max: Prepare to
sink your fangs into defeat,

foul serpents!

-[whipping] -let's pick
up where we left off,

- dear mongoose. - Of course.

After I slip into something
a little less comfortable.

[heroic music playing]

[zapping]

[screaming continues]

formal wear won't
save you this time.

-Formal wear saves me every time.
-[lasers ricocheting]

[spitting, hissing]

[beeping]

[explosions]

give up, cobra. Please?

Aw. Polite to the end.

Sadly, your end is imminent.

[growling]

oh dear.

[hissing, smashing]

[hissing]

[fred groaning]

whoa!

Ah! Oh!

[dramatic music playing]

[roaring]

[beeping, powering down]

[crash]

[powering down]

get your own tech next time.

Baymax: I have
alerted the authoritie.

♪ ♪

[whipping]

no! I will not be restrained

by a cummerbund! Mongoose,
you cad!

I wish I could smile to
show you how proud I am

that you're part of my family,
heathcliff. Thank you.

You should release his face.

- The smile is off-putting.
- Cobra: Yes,

- incredibly disturbing.
- And now,

to the nearest
drive-thru. Nachos await.

Nachos! Yes!

I salute you, mongoose!

Uh, could you help me salute,
little buddy?

[grunts, chuckles]

♪ ♪

aunt cass' new gluten-free
cupcake recipe is amazing!

Mini-max: I can
make no judgments

because I have no food hole.

Guys, guys, guys, guys...

- Guys. - Fred? W-what's wrong?

Forgot to save your progress on
some dumb video game? Again?

I... Am wounded.

Baymax: Do you require
medical assistance?

Only if you can
mend a broken heart!

Baymax: Cardiac surgery is
not in my healthcare protocol,

-but I can download instructions.
-[beeping]

- downloaded. - [click]

no,
baymax. He's talking about his feelings.

Don't ask, don't ask,
don't ask, don't ask...

- honey lemon: What happened, freddie?
- Ugh!

Well, I was in the middle of
some very important research.

That's when I saw "it."

"duck duck moose,"
number 57. An obscure issue

of an obscure comic. I
had never met another fan

until...

Olivia!

You know "duck duck moose"?

Duh,
it's hilarious! Did you know

there are only 1,000
copies of issue 57?

My favorite part is on page 17.

- [squeals] bottom left panel?
- Yeah!

When moose is
the one that ducks!

- [both laugh] - so good.

♪ What is my brain feeling ♪

♪ why is my heart squealing? ♪

♪ What is this mush? ♪

♪ Oh no, it's a nerd crush ♪

♪ nerd crush! ♪

♪ Nerd crush! ♪

♪ Nothing will ever be the... ♪

It was love at first
obscure reference.

- Aw, fred. - Classic meet-cute.

Mini-max: I have no food hole!

- Hit me with the sad.
- Okay, here's what happened.

[beep]

so,
I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna go

with me this Saturday
to a charity benefit.

My family goes every year.

The save the sloths benefit?
My family goes every year, too!

Oh. Cool. My family
is actually a sponsor.

Mine, too... Wait,
who is your family?

The fredericksons!

- Ugh. - Huh?

Why?!

So now I am alone.

Forever.

Baymax: Fred, you are not alone.

There are six of us. Big hero 6.

[clapping]

I don't get it. What's wrong
with you being a frederickson?

It's because olivia's
last name is...

- Mole! She's my cousin! - Ah!

- How long have you been there?
- Long enough for this sap

- to cry me a river.
- Baymax: Fred's body

does not contain enough
hydration to cry a river.

I thought robots were
supposed to be fun.

- Baymax: My primary function is medical...
-don't care.

It's only natural you
would fall for olivia.

- We moles are all love magnets.
- [ding]

ugh.

But we're repelled
by fredericksons!

You know what the best
part is? My security cameras

caught the whole thing!

- The fredericksons! Huh? - Ugh.

Why?!

[laughs] let's see that
again in slow motion.

-[slow, low-pitched]: The fredericksons!
-[slow, low-pitched]: Ugh.

[echoing boom]

[crash]

why?!

Hm, your pain is like sweet,
sweet candy!

- Back off, richardson.
- It's okay, hiro.

I deserve to be mocked.

- Wait, what?
- Yeah. My life has no meaning,

so who cares?
Let's watch it again!

In super slow-mo!

[super slow, distorted]: Why...

Wow. You hit rock
bottom really fast.

- Then I guess you'll be going.
- Despite my every instinct,

- I'm gonna help you, fred.
- Why...?

I can't let olivia destroy you.

- That's my job.
- Look, I'm sad, not stupid.

You'd never try to help me.

I know olivia. Her last boyfriend,
javert, and I,

were pretty tight. I know
the kind of man she likes.

- He's a creep. - I wouldn't.

- Bad idea. - Just no.

Baymax: That is not advisable.

I'm in the pits of despair,

and richardson
is my only ladder.

♪ A makeover,
gonna get a makeover ♪

♪ just one verse in ♪

♪ ooh, a different person ♪

♪ this is a makeover ♪

♪ a makeover montage ♪

[kiss] I am a genius,
and you are my masterpiece!

I will call you frederique!

I'm worried about
freddie. Where is he?

Hopefully, he ditched mole.

I don't think
that's how it went.

[sophisticated music playing]

- [gasps] - [spinning]

- all: Hm. - Freddie?

Freddie? No.

Fred went bye-bye,
chaps and chapettes.

They call me frederique.

Um, frederique? Can we talk?

You've got it, my lady.

You shouldn't change who
you are for someone else.

Abandon the frederique fredsona?

I think you'll be happier
if you just be yourself.

[snooty laugh] been there,
done that.

Failed miserably. Now,

frederique must
make his entrance!

Darling! Babe! So
good to see you.

Honey baby! Yeah!

- It's me, frederique.
- [shutter snaps]

- [laughter] - [haughty chuckle]

[chuckles]

[sipping] huh?

♪ What is my brain feeling? ♪

♪ Why is my heart squealing? ♪

♪ What is this mush? ♪

♪ Oh no, it's a nerd crush ♪

- ♪ nerd crush... ♪ -
[music slowing down]

- uh, hi.
- The name's frederique.

Frederique frederiqueson.

I know who you are, fred.

Well then, I guess you also
know you just won the lottery,

kitty cat. Meow. Ah!

Wow,
you just gave me the creep shivers.

But!

Why?!

[mocking laughter]

h*! Oh! h* h*!

Frederique,
you truly are my masterpiece.

-This is the best day of my life!
-[piano twinkling]

- [growls] - [flames roaring]

you said you would turn me
into the perfect guy, like javert!

I said I know the
kind of guy she likes.

She hated javert!

That's why they
only went out once.

Bluff dunder reporting
live with our top story.

Fred frederickson,
now known as frederique,

has just been epically
owned by richardson mole.

[disappointed trombone]

this is your top story?

The mean little boy is paying
me a boatload of money.

I mean, a boatload.

Frederique, care to comment
on your complete humiliation?

♪ ♪

no...

[somber music playing]

[zap, whooshing]

[slamming]

♪ ♪

enter fundraiser undetected,
check.

Lock doors, check.

Oh great. Supersonic stupid.

Please. Supersonic stupid
was my father's name.

You can just call me stu.

This is my first solo heist,
you guys!

- This is so cool!
- You're doing great, sugar biscuit!

Thanks, nana! Love you!

Okay, hand over all of your...

Valid?

Your visi... nana!

- I can't read this part.
- [beep]

supersonic sue: It's valuables,
cuddle cup!

Oh, right. Okay.

Hand over all your valuables,
cuddle cups!

Oh wait. You know
what? As I'm saying that,

I'm realizing that's
what... I just r...

Just hand over
all your valuables!

[piano chord plays]

♪ ♪

nana, look at me! I'm doing it!

You sure are! Now,

- what comes next?
- Oh! I wrote it on my foot.

Everybody just wait!

Oh, you don't have time for that,
angel bottom!

- You have to take...
- A banana!

♪ ♪

no. One of the victims

so no one tries to
stop you from leaving.

- [all gasp] - right, right.

I have no explanation
for the banana thing.

Ah! Hey!

Let her go!

Nana? Should I?

You're a big boy!
Make smart choices!

You know what? I'm leaning y...

♪ ♪

- no! - Hiro: Wrong answer!

Nuh-uh! Nana said it
was the right answer!

Oh,
the circus folk are back in town.

Sorry,
hun! Nana's gotta jump in!

It's electric elbow o'clock!

[cackling]

[blast]

- [grunts] - [whooshes]

ah! Whoa!

Nana! You said I
could do it all by myself!

Olivia! "duck duck
moose" issue 57,

page 17, bottom left!

Fred! No! It's too dangerous!

It'll work! Ah!

- Wait, what will work?
- Just get outta there, butter bean!

[dramatic music playing]

ow, my hoof!

- I broke it in a skiing accident!
- Your hoof?

♪ ♪

ah! Quack quack, loser!

[quacking]

ah!

[slow-motion]: Ah!

[super slow-motion]: Ah!

[expl*si*n]

[ding]

[grunts]

♪ nerd crush,
this is a total nerd crush ♪

♪ nerd crush ♪

baymax: Law enforcement
has arrived. I will let them in.

Come on! We
gotta blow this joint.

But I wanted to
do the robbery...

You tried,
and that's what matters.

Now,
who wants ice cream for din-din?

Ooh! I do! I do! You're the best,
nana.

[whooshing]

baymax: Good-bye.

♪ ♪

you were amazing, frederique.

[groans] it's fred.

Just fred. I'm sorry
I acted so weird.

I wanted you to like me,
so I took richardson's advice

to be more like javert.

Javert? Gross.

Richardson played us.
He told me you were a jerk.

I'm not surprised.
He's told me I'm a jerk

-many times.
-Well, he's wrong. You're sweet,

brave,
and have great taste in comics.

I should've trusted
my instincts.

Uh, okay. So, uh,
there's a screening of

"super tall fire breathing
hurricane centaur" next week,

and I was kinda hoping...

Are you asking me to see
classic kaiju anime with you?

I'd love to!

[gasps]

♪ ♪

[giggles]
aren't they the cutest?

Go go: Yeah, pretty cute.

Richardson:
Hello? Is it safe to come out?

- [click]
- hello?!

♪ ♪