I've never really had anyone ask me
like what are you,
or like, what's your skin tone?
If someone did ask me,
I would probably say I'm mixed.
Which means I'm black and white,
two different races.
That's my oldest daughter Sami.
An incredible, bouncing, buoyant,
piano-playing kid.
Half black, half white.
I brought the black part
my wife Melissa,
brought the white part.
Even before Sami was born
Melissa and I realized that
Sami was going to have experiences
that we didn't understand,
simply because she's mixed.
Well, now, Melissa and I have
three mixed-race daughters.
Sami, Juno, and Asha.
And they have lots
of mixed-race friends.
And while Melissa and I talk
with our kids a lot about their race
and what it means in the world
I was curious
about other mixed-race kids.
I wanted to talk to them.
I would say I'm half Pakistani
and half African-American.
I would say I'm Asian and American.
So I'm mixed-race.
I am 100% Filipino,
100% African-American
and 1,000% a person.
Then I talked to their families.
I talked to some mixed-race adults
who used to be mixed-race kids.
I am mixed but I'm not mixed up.
Some of the conversations
went better than others.
What's that?
And some of the conversations
went surprising places.
Just because we live
in a diverse community
does not mean that racism
and all that doesn't happen.
What is white culture,
you know, besides racism and...
and evangelical Christians?
I even got my mom
and my mother-in-law to sit down
and talk about their adorable
mixed-race grandkids.
And racism.
It actually went pretty well.
I quickly found out
that I'm not the only one
who thinks this is a good idea.
I think it's very fun
for other people
that are not mixed-race
to see about... to learn and see
what a mixed-race kid does
what he feels and what he knows.
My name is Sami, or Samaya
and I'm ten years old
and in fifth grade.
And I identify as a mixed child.
Black and white.
You are my sweet little baby.
My name is Juno and I'm seven.
All right.
And what are you made up of?
Like, what are your races,
what are you made up of?
- Black and white.
- And what are you?
Are you black, are you white,
are you both
- are you more or...
- Both.
- Are you more on the other?
- Both.
So have you ever had
anything happen to you at school
where somebody was like,
thought you were something different
- than you were?
- Yep.
Oh, what happened?
We were under the tower
and then she just came
running towards us
and said, and told me I was white.
- And how did that make you feel?
- Sad.
Why did that make you feel sad?
Because I'm not just white, I'm both.
You can be both.
There's not just like, "You have
to be this or you have to be this."
Like, also like
you have to be a boy,
you have to be girl.
There's many in between
and I'm in between
between black and white
and I like that.
What song does your dad
sometimes wake you up with...
you and your sister,
up with in the morning?
The song that you
sometimes wake us up with
is To Be Young, Gifted and Black
by Nina Simone.
Why do you think I played it
for you in the mornings?
Because me, Sami, and Asha
are all young, gifted and black.
Well, not completely black, but...
- Go fish.
- Juno, do you have a five?
Do you like being the middle sister?
Or would you like to be the older
or younger sister?
Middle one.
Because you get to be two at the...
two things at the same time.
- Like what?
- You can be little and big.
You can be a little sister
and a big sister at the same time.
What do you want to be
when you grow up?
When I grow up,
I wanna be a musician
and, like, a singer and dancer maybe.
And my favorite singer
is Alicia Keys.
She's also mixed.
I really like her music
and I really like
that she looks like me.
So, when you close your eyes
thinking about yourself
what do you feel?
I like to think
I'm a very creative person
and imaginative.
And I like to think
that I'm a kind person
and want to help other people.
And I feel like I really enjoy myself
and, like, yeah.
- Myles, you think you can dunk it?
- No. I'll try.
No.
My name is Myles.
I'm 11 years old and I live
in San Francisco, California.
We are at Lands End
in San Francisco
seeing the nice view of fogginess.
I like to bike, play basketball
and play video games,
sometimes play the trumpet.
So, how would you describe yourself?
Mixed Filipino and African-American.
Tell me about your Filipino side.
We have traditions
of getting together a lot
'cause Filipinos
really like to party.
So we always like,
get together a lot.
I use one spatula...
I think one of my favorite things
was actually at a Filipino festival.
It was like a cook-off
that was kind of like showing
what like, you cook.
And I was cooking with my lola,
and my mom
to make... making maruya.
Which is like
a Filipino banana fritter
- which is really good.
- Hi, winner!
Hello.
- How often do you see your lola?
- I see her at least once a week.
She just came by earlier today.
Why did your lola
come by earlier today?
Advice for this.
Can you tell me the advice
she gave you?
The advice she gave me was, like
oh, tell them that my dad looks like
Denzel Washington.
Does your dad look like
Denzel Washington?
So sometimes,
when my parents were out somewhere
some people were like,
oh, are you Denzel Washington?
But, like, he's not really
Denzel Washington so...
Did you always know you were black?
No.
How did you find out you were black?
So once we were doing
at my summer camp
my Filipino summer camp.
One of my friends,
'cause they're also black.
Like, oh, Myles, you're black.
And I was like, I am?
So, yeah.
That's awesome.
I am happy that he now,
that space is there
for him to have
those conversations, and...
think about those things
and feel those things at that age.
I felt like I...
that space wasn't there, fully there
when I was his age.
I grew up an only child.
I'm half black, half Filipino.
Myles is my little brother,
came into the picture 22 years later.
So big age gap.
My elementary school
was pretty much Asian.
I think I was probably
one of five black kids in the school.
I pretty much identified more so
with the Filipino side.
But in middle school
now I see a lot more kids
that look like me
like the black side of me.
So same color,
same everything, same hair.
I was like, all right.
Now I kind of see where,
where I fit in, in a sense.
But then at the same time,
I didn't grow up with those kids
nor have the same lifestyle
as they did.
So I was also looked at differently.
It was like, rough,
trying to figure out my identity
especially being black
when I was raised Filipino.
Because then, now I'm not
black enough for the black kids.
I'm like, all right, cool.
Well, I'm gonna just
pick up my basketball
and I'm gonna do my thing here.
And I'll identify
as a basketball player.
That's perfectly fine with me.
But we never had those conversations.
And I, I feel like now,
in today's world is
where we really start opening up
that box
of having those conversations
and letting those walls down.
Get outta here.
My favorite part of what I heard was
how people would just see him
as, like, black
and not quite Filipino,
at first glance.
'Cause, that's, kind of, like,
the same situation with me.
So, like, when I tell them
that I am Filipino
they're like, "You sure?"
I'm not shocked,
because I'm older and I've seen it.
But, it also, in a sense,
it sucks that we're still doing that.
We're still going through that phase.
I am Presley. I am ten years old.
My race is Filipino-American.
My dad is Filipino
and my mother is white.
So, why do you think
your parents named you Presley?
Where did that name come from?
Well, my parents really liked
the singer Elvis Presley
and that's why I was named Presley.
And what do you do for fun?
Well, I play the bass.
And I like to play volleyball.
- What do you like about volleyball?
- I have a lot of energy.
And what brought you to the bass?
My best friend was in a band
and she invited me to join it.
So I tried it and the instrument
I was given was bass
and I really liked it.
Do you feel like
you're more Filipino or more white?
I don't think... I think
I'm basically equal between it
'cause I know the culture to both.
I'm just... I grew up
with a super-cool Filipino dad.
What does your dad do?
He's mostly an editor
and he also has a TNT tricycle thing.
It's basically just a tricycle
that was decorated
and you can drive around the city.
And have two or three people
in the little boxcar at the side.
And then we just drive
around the city and do karaoke.
- Streetlights, people
- Streetlights, people
- Livin' just to find...
- Livin' just to find...
Is it a good idea to make a thing
about mixed-race kids?
Yeah, 'cause it would raise awareness
about people with mixed race.
'Cause usually people
just brush it off
but like, there's a ton
of culture in it.
When you meet to kid like Presley
you can't help but wonder,
whose this kid's parents?
Where'd they come from?
What are they like?
We both ride motorcycles.
So we met in that, kinda like,
we had mutual friends.
And then we got married in November,
like, two months after we met.
And like, here we are,
the rest is history, you know?
When you were growing up,
what kinds of conversations
did you have about race?
Nothing, nothing.
I grew up in a super-white area,
and we never spoke about race.
Did you guys talk about other races?
I know you didn't talk
about your race
because it's the dominant race
in America.
But did you, like,
mention other races?
I can't ima...
I can't remember one conversation
that we had about race, ever.
- And I don't think it ever came up.
- I mean, me too, though.
There was no conversation about race
at all, in the Philippines.
But, colonial mentality
is really strong with my mom.
So the shades of skin tone
were alway...
were always mentioned.
People were told to cover up
because the sun's out,
you'll get dark.
You know, nobody will marry you,
you know.
So, there was all that.
And, in high school,
there was maybe eight Filipinos
and I made sure not to be friends
with that group
because I wanted to be
as white as possible.
And unfortunately, with Presley,
when her features were coming in
I did think at that time
like, oh, thank God
she doesn't look that Asian
because she'll have
a different experience, you know.
Because I grew up that way,
that's what I...
that's the reason
I thought that of Presley.
But she's made me think
about race more.
I feel like I had
to pick a side finally
when the last administration
with their anti-immigrant rhetoric,
and like, you know.
I... felt like, I'm like, hey,
they're talking about me, you know?
They're... I'm not, I can't...
There's no way I can be like
yeah, get those brown people
outta here
'cause that's, that's me, you know.
That's when I got involved
with SOMA Pilipinas
the South of Market in San Francisco.
And I've been meeting
all of these people
that are involved in that community
and just been learning
about my own history, and my...
own history as a Filipino-American
here in the States.
You know what I mean?
Really, it's only
in the last few years
that I'm embracing
my, like, Filipino-Americaness.
You like me, I like you
But I don't think I need you
But really, goodbye to you
(Foreign language)
My name is Sumaya,
I am seven years old
and I would think of myself
like a mix...
of like...
well, basically,
all my favorite animals.
A corgi, a spaniel...
husky, llama, and Shiba Inu.
(Foreign language)
My mom is Asian and my dad is black
and my sister is just like me,
she's a mix.
- And do you like being mixed?
- Yeah.
- What do you like about it?
- I don't know.
Maybe because...
I'm not one or the other.
Or not one or the other.
I'm me.
And I like being me.
In my mind
my brain's doing the Running Man
and having a party.
And doing the Floss.
And where is your dad
- from again?
- Conakry.
- And where's that?
- In Africa.
What do you remember
about Conakry?
The mangoes.
- Tell me about the mangoes.
- Huge.
How big? Show me.
That's a mango?
The mangoes.
Mangoes.
- Huge.
- Huge.
Huge.
I mean,
we are the mango country.
- No we're the mango country.
- We are the mango country.
Before you had Sumaya
and Jaleela
what were your thoughts
about children?
Well, we already know
that our children's gonna be mixed.
We already know that.
They have to know that.
People's gonna be telling them
sometime
hey, you bad, because their color.
We... we already know that.
And, you know, since Sumaya's three,
we started telling her this thing.
So, when she was three,
what were you telling her?
So we would... we'd be telling her,
you are black.
A lotta things gonna
comin' your way in some point.
But that's
what this society deal with.
So you just have to know the way,
how to interact with people
how to sometime not take it
deeply personally.
- Yeah.
- You...
you were the one mostly, like,
educating Sumaya and myself
moving here, from Africa,
how it is here, as a person of color.
Our kids are black and brown,
and they're girls.
They're gonna have
to work twice as hard
to get half as far, you know.
So it's just all these big decisions
you have to make as parents.
And part of being
in the Bay Area is that
there is a growing population
of multiracial, multiethnic children.
So it's not like
she's gonna be the only one.
Let's talk about names.
How did you pick the names
for your kids?
So with Sumaya,
we look into so many names.
But we wanted
to really have something
that can represent
both of our culture.
I'm a Muslim black man from Africa.
And Joti's,
she's a Punjabi from Georgia.
Sumaya, it's not,
you know, really common
in either of our cultures,
but it is a name that does show up.
And like Bongo was saying
you know, Muslim culture,
across the Arab world
and then, also in South Asian culture
there's variations
of the name Sumaya.
So we felt like, also, for people
here in the United States
it's easy to pronounce.
Even at the naming of your children,
you're already thinking about
the fact that their heritage
is mixed, their race is mixed.
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
And Sumaya have my last name,
and Jaleela have her mom's last name.
We're fighting the patriarchy,
one name at a time.
(Foreign language)
My name is Kanani.
I am 11 years old,
I identify as mixed-race.
I am Latina, white,
and Native American.
My dad was raised from Boruca,
a small tribe in Costa Rica.
And my mom grew up in San Diego.
Is it confusing to be so many things?
Sometimes.
And sometimes
it's hard for people to understand
when I tell them
all the different races I am.
So sometimes I just say,
I'm mixed-race.
(Spanish)
- Ms claro?
- Si, ms claro.
And sometimes they ask me,
like, who do you look like?
And I say, sometimes I just answer,
I look like me.
Have you traveled
outside the United States?
Yeah, I go each summer
and each December
to Costa Rica to visit my family.
I usually spend my time in Boruca
with my cousins
and mostly what I like
about going there is, like
how I feel so free.
And when I go there
I'm really accepted
as a community member.
What's also nice about there
is all the traditions we have
and the festivals and I'm...
now that I'm older,
I get to learn those traditions.
I get to learn how to weave
I get to learn
how to speak the language.
We have a tradition called
Los Diablitoss
The whole festival is based
on retelling a story
about when the Spaniards came.
Some people dress up as diablitos
so... which is devils.
They have painted masks.
And they dress up as devils
because they called them pagan.
So, like, without religion.
And so they said,
I'm okay with that.
I guess I'm a devil.
And so it's the story
and it's about
how sometimes they fell down
but they got back up
and they beat the Spaniards
because they're still alive.
And they're telling it
to the new generation.
They're telling it
so people still know their story.
At my school, they usually do,
like, Latina joy
African-American joy,
and the joy of being that identity.
And I noticed and I told my mom
that I noticed
that they didn't do Native American.
So my mom told them
and I'm doing a assembly
teaching people
about what being Native American is
and a little bit more
about my culture.
Welcome to our celebration
of indigenous cultures.
Can you tell me a little bit
of how you guys met
and what that was like?
We met
in the... our comm...
my community.
Twenty-six, 27 years ago,
something like that.
And who approached who first?
Tequila. No...
And yeah, then she invited me
to come over to the United States.
I was coming for one year
and 24 years later, I'm still here.
(Spanish)
Did you ever experience any racism
as an interracial couple?
Right, that's true, right? Right.
Sometimes, you know, when
we would apply for a place to live
often it would be my name first,
I'd be the one doing the conver...
having the conversation,
putting myself forward
and using my privilege to get...
Using your last name.
Yeah, using my last name
and using my privilege a lot.
One of the first times
that, like, I kind of realized
oh, this is gonna be
a little bit different
than what I thought it was gonna be
was when we had her,
we made the conscious decision
that we would only speak Spanish
in the house.
Then, when she got
into the school world
she would learn English
and because this is the dominant
language here in the United States.
So anyway, went to the park with her
and I would go to the park with her
all the time.
I would see the same moms
all the time at the park.
And...
the kids got in a little tiff,
a little something.
And the mother said to me
"Well, Pica, you know, it's because
Kanani doesn't speak English
and you really need
to teach her English."
And I said, well, you know,
we agreed as a family
that we're not gonna do
the English thing yet.
We'll do it, you know,
when she goes to school
she'll learn it
and then it'll be fine.
Well, it's obviously a problem now.
Because look,
they're not getting along.
And so, I didn't...
I don't remember what I did.
I don't remember what I did
in that moment.
But what I remember next was
when we went home
his nephew was living with us.
Our nephew, I guess technically,
right? But from the village.
And I got home and I said
"Oh, my God,
this thing just happened."
Of course, I told him in Spanish.
"Oh, my goodness,
this thing just happened."
And I remember he said to her,
"Come here."
And he took her hands
and looked right
into her eyes and said...
something like...
"They're always gonna try
to change us.
They're always
gonna make us adjust to them.
And we have to speak our language
and we have to know who we are."
And I went, whoa.
I remember just thinking
oh, my gosh, this is too much for me
to know how to handle, like...
my child is gonna have
a totally different experience
than the experience
I'm gonna have.
And what really blew me away
was I had no idea
that kids were given a lesson
about race so young.
No. No. Definitely not.
My name is Anisa.
I'm ten years old,
I'm in fifth grade.
And I would say I'm half Pakistani,
and half African-American
but I'm also Muslim.
- How many siblings do you have?
- I have two siblings.
Their names are Ibrahim and Khalil.
I'm the youngest.
- Do you like being the youngest?
- No.
What's wrong with being the youngest?
Because I'm smaller than them
and I'm weaker than them
and they take that
as an advantage, sometimes.
What do you think you do
better than them?
I know I can win in skateboarding.
I love skateboarding.
And I know I can win
in skateboarding.
I know I can win in gymnastics
just by doing a cartwheel.
And I know I can win in...
I don't think I can win in soccer
but my coaches say
I can win in soccer
but I don't...
I don't really believe that.
What do you like about being Muslim?
I like being the one person
in my class, for example
who is Muslim and being able
to share that with my classmates.
But it's kinda hard 'cause sometimes
my classmates won't understand
because they really haven't learned
anything about it.
- Eid Mubarak to Nana.
- Eid Mubarak.
- Eid Mubarak.
- Eid Mubarak.
Eid Mubarak, Nana, and Granddad.
One of the things I'm really excited
about being Muslim
is wearing the hijab, which is what
Muslims wear, and a jilbab.
So, have you worn
those things before?
Yeah, I have.
When I pray, I wear them sometimes.
So, have you have you been
to other countries
other than the United States?
Oh, we've been to Mecca and Medina.
And my mom took so many pictures.
I'm fine with taking pictures
but my brothers aren't.
They don't like
taking pictures at all.
Still got it.
My name is Khalil, I'm 15
and I would describe myself
as African-American or mixed.
My name is Ibrahim, I'm 13
and I would describe myself
as African-American, mixed.
On surveys sometimes they have
- like, multiracial or biracial.
- Yeah.
But I usually just use mixed.
- Yeah, probably.
- Me too.
I think... I think mixed
draws less attention to it.
So like if...
I feel like if you said multiracial
people would ask you
about it more, yeah.
Like, if you said multiracial
they would like, "What races?"
But if you just said mixed,
they don't really care.
Being racially ambiguous is,
like, sort of difficult
like, when talking to people
or talking about race.
For example, like when I was...
I don't want to sound like
an old person
when I was their age,
there was only like black, white
Asian, and then other on, like,
if you were taking a survey
for like a standardized test
or something.
But now there's, like,
a lot more options.
And I feel like schools have made it
a point of talking about that
more than
when I was their age, I guess.
At my old school, there was...
I was like the only black boy there.
But at my new school, there's...
there's tons of people
that I'm friends with
that are, like, mixed.
I think it's a good thing
to find other people like you
and talk about
the experiences you have.
What do you guys think of each other?
- Are you impressed with each other?
- I'm impressed with him.
- I'm impressed with him, actually.
- I'm impressed with him.
- He says a lot of big words.
- I didn't know you went...
He says a lot of smart big words
that I don't understand.
- Maybe it's 'cause...
- I didn't know you went to...
Maybe it's 'cause of the school,
but, like, yeah.
- Smart words.
- Definitely him.
So if things have changed
in the few short years
since Khalil was Anisa's age
then how much has changed
for mixed-race adults?
Oh, wait, I'll just ask one.
My name is Erica.
I identify as half black
and half Japanese.
I was born in Oakland, California.
Nobody gave me a rule book
on what it meant to be half black
and half Japanese.
And so when I had comments like,
in high school
oh, you sound really white
or, you're really white-washed.
I'm like, can you tell me then,
like, what is it supposed to be
or how am I supposed to act
as a half black
and half Japanese person?
Where is the rule book for that?
And not really having
any representation around me
I was just like, how can I fit in?
I found that route through being
of service to others
and so through that
I realized that I just loved
listening to people's stories
and really wanted to follow
that career through therapy.
I think that sometimes
people have this idea
that mixed-race children
are gonna save the world.
That somehow by the very existence
of mixed-race kids
we don't have to do the work anymore.
And that really couldn't be further
from the truth.
We have a lot of work to do.
I'm really proud of the current
and future generation of mixed kids
that are really,
like, affirming their identity
and being loud and proud.
But we live
in a deeply r*cist society
and that's gonna show up
in a lot of different ways.
And there's a lot of danger
in not talking about race
or not talking about racism.
My name is Kaylin, I'm 16 years old,
I'm in grade ten
and I'm from San Ramon, California.
- What is your life like there?
- I usually just go to school.
I work at a lash extension place
at the City Center.
So, what made you decide
to get a job?
I shop a lot.
- How do you identify racially?
- Both my parents are half black.
My mom is half Korean and my dad's
half black or half white, yeah.
Half black, half white,
half black, half Korean.
Do people ever confuse
what your race is?
All the time. Yeah.
I get Filipino,
I don't get black a lot.
I get, just, like, everything
but what I am, pretty much.
I think, just like, being told
all of my life that I'm so different
or I'm so unique, I just, kinda...
As a kid,
I kinda just, like, separated myself
or like, put myself in a separate box
because I've always been told
that I'm different
to the point where I was just like,
I'm just too different.
Through social media,
there's like a lot of...
well, if you're not this black,
you can't like
do this or do that or...
And like, sometimes I just feel
almost excluded from my own race.
And sometimes I don't know
whether I should tread lightly
or if I should,
or if I should try to fit in.
There's so many checkmarks
on surveys
where I have to check where...
what I am, what I identify as.
And my mom's gonna, like,
get mad at me for saying this
but she said, when I first came
to school in San Ramon
she marked me off as white and Asian
and excluded black
because she thought that
maybe I'd have a disadvantage
if they knew that I was black.
There's just, like, so many boxes
and it's like, yeah.
All right, let's get this straight.
Kaylin's mom is definitely proud
to be black
and she also wants
to protect her daughter
from America's anti-blackness.
Just like I want to protect my kids
from anti-blackness.
But nobody yet has come up
with a surefire way to do that.
These conversations are complicated.
But good thing for Kaylin though,
she's got her uncle in her corner.
He gets it.
How do you know this person?
This my niece, this my niece.
Tell me about this guy.
He is my favorite person.
I think I just have, like,
the best conversations with him.
He's just very funny and active
and very like, just... he listens.
Like, he's looking at me
as I'm talking
like, he's a good listener.
He's just good presence. Positive.
Tell me about where you were born
and raised.
So I was born and Oakland at Kaiser
and raised in Berkeley.
It was always a trip
growing up there.
It's like this liberal bastion
of free speech
and all this kind of revolutionary,
radical energy and then...
But then when I was living,
you know, me growing up and like
mixed-heritage black,
you know, father, white mother
in a primarily whitish neighborhood
around UC Berkeley.
And it didn't feel
all that liberal to me.
It was still, like, people,
like, crossing the streets
to get, like, away from me at night
and people pretty much like
treating me like I didn't belong
in this place that I was from.
It's like you... claim
to like black people
but you don't want to be around
black people
or don't feel safe or comfortable
being around black people.
So is it harder to, like,
talk to Grammy's generation
with, like, Sally, and Todd
and, like, everybody.
Was it harder to talk to them?
Yes. Thousand percent.
Like, one of the responses
to racism is to run away
and to look away from it, and
and I think that's what happened
a lot in the family.
And I think that
that was my first experience
of whiteness was my mom
and just, like, to have somebody
who's unwilling
to have a conversation
with me about race
when you decided to have,
you know, black children
and, you know,
mixed-heritage children
taught me a lot about
what whiteness was
and wasn't willing to do.
So just to be clear,
your mom who's white wasn't...
didn't have access
to the black conversation?
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, she just didn't, you know.
And, you know, sorry, Mom.
But like, yeah, it's what it was.
And it really informed I think,
and because of that
it also shapes my experience
with wanting to be able to articulate
and explain
everything I possibly could
in the clearest type of way
to have it land with somebody
who was already hella resistant to it
or were just, like,
completely oblivious to it.
I have to create language
that lands in such a way
anybody could hear it.
And, like, that was
a trauma response.
We talked about this in the car
on the way here.
But, yeah, it's...
I mean, yeah it's a trip
and, yeah, it... takes a lot
to work through that, yeah.
How was the day yesterday?
Just, why would you do that?
And I was just like, okay...
A high percentage
of interracial couples have no idea
what the experience is for this child
that they've brought into the world.
And then you have maybe one
that has, is very experienced
in raise... understanding racism
and the other one
who's completely naive.
You know, there's...
it's really a challenge that...
unfortunately for me...
I had to figure out by myself.
This is Roy.
Not only does Roy have over 80 years
of experience being mixed
he's a community organizer
and goes to kids' schools to talk
to them about race and racism.
Roy's deep.
I was born at 6.24pm. It was
the 26th day of February, 1941.
Providence Hospital,
Seattle, Washington, King County.
My father is basically
African-American.
However, my... I can't remember
how many greats it was
actually, was a sl*ve
to the Northern Creek Indians.
And our lineage comes out of that.
My mother identifies primarily
as Norwegian.
So, what, how did...
what did they call you and your kid?
What was the label for a kid
who's half black half white?
I know I heard the word mulatto.
And it didn't feel good to me.
I didn't... it didn't just sound...
But then when I heard something
about Louisiana
octagons and roctagons.
I said, sounded like monkeys to me.
I didn't like it, you know?
And I... So I didn't have a label.
I just accepted n*gro or colored.
That was okay with me.
- Yeah, octoroon, I think, yeah.
- Octoroon. That's it. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Octoroon.
And my... one of my friends
he said to me, my mother told me
your mother cannot be white
because it's ill*gal.
You know,
I didn't say a word, I just like...
You know, I didn't...
I just was like
well, I'm not gonna argue
with you or your mother.
And at some point, I...
I realized who I am.
Whether you accept it or not.
I don't need you to validate
who I am or who I'm not.
You can call me whatever you want.
Throughout the history
of this country
mixed-race people like Roy
had to navigate a culture
where their very existence
isin dispute
even through the country's laws
and institutions.
It wasn't until 1967
in the Supreme Court case
of Loving vs. Virginia
that non-white people were allowed
to marry white people
in every state of the union.
But as always,
court cases don't fix everything.
Interracial relationships
mightnot seem like a big deal now
but it wasn't that long ago
in our history
that this country worked overtime
to make sure
white people and all the other races
didn't even hang out together.
You know what this needs?
Some grandmas.
I grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana
long before the civil rights movement
when Indiana was basically
like the South.
Segregated, separate, and unequal.
So white people
were not even real people
as far as I was concerned
because they had
no significant place in my life.
They were just the enemy
because they kept us from going
where we wanted to go
and working where we wanted to work
and living where we wanted to live.
Yeah.
That's my mom.
When I was growing up, we had
conversations like this regularly.
This is Melissa's mom
and I'm sure
when Melissa was growing up
her and her mom
did not talk like this.
So I decided to sit the grandmas down
and let them talk it out.
I grew up in San Jose, California,
where I had the exact opposite.
I only was ever around white people.
And I did not know a black person
until I went to high school.
I had a Portuguese side of the family
and an Italian side of the family.
And the people that
my parents were friends with
were either in the Italian
or Portuguese community.
And we kinda did things
as families together.
There was no tension about, like,
you can't marry a Portuguese person
- or marry an Italian?
- No.
No, and... well,
especially in the Italian part
as long as the other person
was Catholic, that was okay.
It really...
that was the first consideration.
Not race, religion was always
the first consideration, and...
One of my cousins did marry somebody
who wasn't Catholic
and she heard no end of it
from my grandmother. So...
That was the first
I ever even heard of
there's different kind of people
and that's not our kind of people.
It was the religion part of it.
Although, I bet if you had
brought home a black Catholic...
I don't know, I didn't even know any.
You didn't even know
they existed, huh?
No.
- She really like...
- Yeah.
You know, when I was five years old
and was getting ready to start school
and I had a playmate,
'cause we lived in a neighborhood
that was predominantly white.
And I had a playmate my age
who was white.
And so we were gonna go
to school together, we thought.
And then when I was telling
my mother about this
she had to sit me down
and let me know.
That's when I was introduced
to racial segregation
'cause she said, you won't be going
to the school down the street.
Really?
I just had a tantrum,
I didn't know what else to do.
I was mad.
And I wondered too, is that
when she learned she was white?
I mean, did she know
she was white before that?
I never thought of myself
as black before that.
But with my granddaughters,
I tell them about these experiences.
They find it really hard to believe.
Yes, I could imagine.
When Gogo said
she went to a segregated school
do you know... do you two know
what segregated means?
- Yes.
- Nope.
She said... Sami, tell Juno
what segregated means.
Gogo went to a school
that was only for black people.
And then somebody else
might have gone to the school
that was only for white people,
and they were separated.
They couldn't drink from the same...
water fountains,
go to the same parks.
Shop at the same places,
I'm guessing.
How do you feel when you hear about
how black people have been treated
in this country?
It makes me feel, like, upset
and I feel like
they were treated unfairly
and a lot still are today.
And I don't, like,
that makes me feel, like, frustrated.
But then I also know that definitely
this is definitely true,
that not all white people are bad.
Definitely. Just because in...
'cause I know a lot of white people
who are not bad people.
But I also think about
how black people have been
treated unfairly that way.
Hello.
Not only do my kids
havea lot of mixed-race friends
we have other mixed-race people
in our family.
Hi, Carter.
This is my goddaughter Carter.
Her mom is one of my people.
I wasn't sure Carter
would want to talk on camera
but she said she would
as long as she was allowed
to bring her friend Nola.
Nola's one of her people.
Tell me something
about this person right here, Carter.
Nola is a really good friend.
She's definitely like
a friend that's like...
you can always laugh with.
And she's really outspoken
and she's really, like, mature
for her age, I feel like.
Tell me something about this person.
She is like a fierce protector
of her friends.
If you're her friend,
she's like you've got her back
through thick and thin.
Or she's got your back.
Do you two identify as mixed?
- I do, yeah.
- Yeah.
Can we talk
about your parents' racial makeup?
One of my moms is white
and one of my moms is black.
And what are your racial mixes?
Well, it's kinda complicated
but, my moms, like, got a sperm donor
and me and my sister
have the same sperm donor.
So, I actually don't know that much
about, like, biologically my race
as much as, like,
I know other people do.
So, that's kinda been harder for me
because, like, I don't know that much
and I'm not really supposed
to know that much about it.
So, yeah.
And what are your...
what are your racial mixes?
I identify myself as Afro-Latina.
It's kinda complicated for me
'cause I'm adopted
and both of my moms are white
but my birth mother is
African-American.
And we... and we're, like,
mostly likely sure
that my birth father is Latino.
And so that's kinda
how I identify myself as.
And tell me about your older sister.
My older sister is Olivia. She's 22.
And she and I
are really, really close.
I feel like,
because my moms are white
they have a different perspective
of the world
and... and I know
that they... they try hard
to get into our minds
and teach us what we should know.
But it gets hard sometimes, so then
that's when I turn to my sister.
There's moments when we do
just sit down and we talk.
And she's definitely my,
like, role model for certain things.
Are there times
when you're with your family
that people
who are outside of your family
don't see you as a family?
Like, don't see you
that you're like...
- Talk about that.
- Every single day.
I feel like if I'm walking around
with my whole family
people kind of like... if I'm just
like a little bit to the side,
people think I'm, like
not with them or something.
Or they either think
that my sister is my mom.
Or they think that one
of my moms is my mom
and that my father is somewhere else,
you know?
Or they think that like...
And then they think that,
the other, like, my other mom
and my sister are just friends
or something sometimes.
We've gotten, like, they think
that one of my moms is my sister
or like a married couple.
Like, they, like...
which is really, really weird.
They just don't really understand
that we're a family
while we're walking around
on the outside. So...
Are there things
that you think people
who don't identify as mixed-race
can do a better job of understanding
about people who are mixed-race?
I think that, like, understanding
that, like, being multiple things
doesn't make you any less
of any of those things.
- Yeah, I don't know.
- Yeah.
You got it. That's it.
They ran over it five times.
No, because you know
how teachers are like...
My full name is Funmilayo,
but most people call me Mila.
And my middle name is Xiao Mei,
which is a Chinese name.
And I am ten years old
and I identify as black and Asian.
And so where does
your first name come from?
Funmilayo?
Well, I was named after this activist
in Nigeria, Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti.
And my parents did a lot
of research about her
and thought that it would be
a good fit for me.
Why do you think your parents worked
so hard to give you such...
you and your sister
such special names?
Well, I think they want it
to have meaning
because the name is something
that you usually have for life.
So I feel like it's important
for a name to have a meaning.
So, do you have Chinese traditions
that you celebrate in your family?
We celebrate
Chinese New Year every year
and we usually go to dim sum.
We dress up
and we invite all our family
like, my second cousins
and my great-grandparents.
Is there any tradition you celebrate
or your dad's side of the family
or anything your dad wants you to do
to sort of know
about your black side of the family?
He tells me a lot about, like,
the history of racism in our country
and a lot about hip-hop, too.
And he also, like, makes sure
I read books
and read articles and, like,
learn a lot about my black roots.
You know, the way
in which we raise our daughters
it's reflective of the way
that I was raised in terms
of just, like
this kind of confluence of music
and art and culture and food
and, you know, just tight-knit,
loving family.
There was a certain level
of intention
we had already had to bring
to our own personal growth.
- Yeah.
- So when we met each other
there... I just felt
like we had more tools
to be talking about things.
And we talked about being
an interracial couple for, like...
early on.
Do you remember one morning
I think it was the morning time
and you were like
do you think you're a r*cist?
And I was, like...
Of course, I am.
I grew up in this society.
- Like, not that I'm like...
- I was testing you, babe.
'Cause I don't trust anyone who lives
in a society who can't recognize it.
'Cause if you can't acknowledge it,
then you can't work against it, so...
Right. And then I remembered
you hugged me.
'Cause I think internally now
that you're like
I was testing you.
I was like, you passed.
That was so, that's funny, yeah.
It's funny, it's funny
how different couples
court each other.
I have this intellectual commitment
to the black family.
And so many black women
that I know are, like, you know...
Black men aren't checking for me.
And especially in the Bay
you know, it's...
there's a lot of black men
with Asian women.
And so I was, like,
I... you know, I feel
I feel some kinda way
about us being together, and...
and I feel a commitment
to black families.
And... I wanna support
black families
and I also have a commitment
to Asian families.
And I have a commitment
to Asian men.
Yeah, so that was something
we talked about
and I remember Bryant saying,
you know, if we had a family
it would be a black family
and it would be a Asian family too.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was like more...
it's more and more.
It's not less and less or it's not
that you have to bifurcate it.
You know...
Yeah, so that was a really
important conversation for me.
Yeah, and I had to kinda work through
my own feelings of guilt as well
you know, in terms
of just my commitment
to black liberation struggles
and black people
and coming from a black family.
And also just being like,
this is a thing.
Like, I'm not, potentially not gonna
marry a black woman.
And I was just clear
that I wanted to follow my heart.
And so it was all that
and I think we were just clear
that we could figure
this out together.
I know I wanted to have kids
with you.
We would argue
a lot around parenting.
Right? And because it's we have
all of these embedded
cultural assumptions
about what is good for our kids.
So for example,
it's like 7.30 in the morning.
We're, like, arguing about whether
Mila should go out of the house
with mismatching socks, you know,
because I've thrown everything.
You know, I'm like,
get out the door.
He's like, you're not gonna let her
out of the house
with mismatching socks.
So anyways, a big argument ensues.
But at a certain point,
there's, like, enough unpacking
that at some point,
Bryant says, she's a black girl.
Like, you don't need to send her out
in mismatching socks.
Like, let's not give anybody
any reason to, like
think she's not put together.
'Cause for me,
I'm like, I grew up in Berkeley.
It's okay even if you wear
two different shoes.
You know, and so it could be, like,
7.30 in the morning and some socks
but like, race is still there.
And your... your desire to, like...
give your kids the best chance
to like, be accepted
and seen and like, you know,
respected out in the world.
And what I've come to discover
from lots of therapy is
that it's trauma-based responses,
you know?
Growing up in the South in Memphis
and dealing with just, like
blatant racism and micro-aggressions
and you know, just the whole gamut.
And so the lens to which I...
you know, in the beginning stages
of being a parent
it was just a lot of
just anxiety and stress
and just wanting my child to be okay
and, like, always looking for
whatever I could catch to ensure
that she's gonna be good.
Because I know that regardless
she's gonna be dealing
with anti-black racism.
She's gonna be dealing
with these assumptions and biases.
So I just felt like anything
that I can do to help to...
like, cut down on the ways in which
she might be perceived negatively
or whatever, I wanted to, like,
you know, address that.
And now, you know, I...
I'm like, do your thing.
Wear mismatching socks.
Be you, because I don't want
my childhood trauma
to impact the way that she's,
like, showing up in the world.
I want her to be a free black girl.
I want her to be who she is
and not have to worry about pleasing
anyone but her and her higher self.
And...
This is where I'm like, hands down...
and we're not even at the end
of the journey around parenting...
but our kids and Mila have been
instruments of healing.
You know, so like, when Bryant,
you talk about trauma
from growing up black in the South
and how that is
intergenerational trauma
and people are like, you know,
when you heal your trauma
you're healing seven generations back
and seven generations forward.
And like, this kind of uncovering
just would have never happened
if we didn't have kids.
You know, and so it's like,
Mila is an instrument of healing.
Yeah.
This little light of mine
- I'm gonna let it shine
- I'm gonna let it shine
- This little light of mine
- This little light of mine
- I'm gonna let it shine
- I'm gonna let it shine
- Let it shine, let it shine
- Let it shine, let it shine
- Let it shine//i
- Let it shine
A lot of people think
that kids can't handle
discussions about race and racism.
What do you think about that idea
that kids aren't prepared
to handle this discussion?
I don't think that's true,
at all, really.
And race is so important
to our identities
and who we are and it's really...
It really affects us and
how we move through the world
and how we're treated in society.
So I think that kids can totally talk
about that.
And they can have an understanding
of race and racism.
And to the people who say well,
teaching people...
kids about race
will just make them more divided
and we should just let them be kids
et cetera, et cetera.
And I think that it's better for them
to learn about race
and learn, kind of, what race means
and how race affects you
when you're younger,
rather than later.
What do you parents think about that?
That's my girl. That's my girl.
That's what I think.
I recognize the look in their eyes.
It's the same look Melissa and I have
in our eyes when we look at our kids.
The same look all the parents
and family members
and caregivers have in their eyes
when they look at these kids.
It's the look that says
the best thing I can do for you
is to set you up
and then get out of your way.
You got this. You know?
Is there anything you think us
non-mixed-race people need to know
about mixed-race people?
It's not being less of one culture.
It's having the opportunity
to learn more about yourself
and to have a deeper connection
to more cultures.
When you look in the mirror,
what do you see?
I like to think that mirrors
don't show everything.
Like, mirrors show the outside of you
but they can't tell,
like, the inside of you
or how you identify, like,
just by the look of you.
And if I ask you,
what ingredients make a Myles
what are the ingredients
that make you up?
Ingredients are family
friends, happiness, thoughtfulness...
lots of emotion.
Black, Asian, and love.
And a llama and a corgi.
That's it.
All right, my last question is
How am I doing... on this?
- You're doing really good.
- Thank you.
- What am I doing good at?
- You're asking the right questions.
And I'm giving the right answers
and you picked the...
and you picked the right kid.
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