02x15 - Unplugged

[bunniefuu]

- Bedtime was nine o'clock. How could you have a life?

- Yeah, and it was nothing to do.

No video games.

- There wasn't much time to play.

They had to survive first.

- Man, the 1800s are weird.

- They didn't even have mascara.

- [Griffen] Wow. Long distance communication

was basically smoke signals or snail mail.

- [Nikki] Unbelievable. No modems.

- Four days in the Bush. It's not gonna to be easy.

If anyone wants to drop out, now's the time.

- Are you kidding? That's four days off school.

- That's gonna be a piece of cake.

- Good. Then I'll need your permission slips.

Joe Burns will meet you at the settlement.

He's a pioneer specialist

and he'll be your guide and chaperone.

You'll be living off the land

without the help of modern technology.

- It's gonna be so cool.

- And you'll have to pick a leader.

- I'd like to put my name forward.

- Sorry Taylor, but we do this by drawing straws.

- [Jordan] Oh man, it's Caitlin.

- But she has no leadership qualities whatsoever.

And she has a criminal record.

- [Caitlin] Oh and what have you done?

Won a couple of rodeo queen contests.

- Then you're all set.

- I survived all by myself on the streets.

If anybody could lead these spoiled brats, it's me.

How tough could it be to live

in the 1800s for a few days.

It's gotta be way easier than algebra.

(alternative rock music)

♪ There is a devil standing on my tail ♪

♪ But I don't have to beat him ♪

♪ And there's an angel that is tempting me to fail ♪

♪ But I don't really need him ♪

♪ And the waves just keep rolling along ♪

♪ We can drift if the current prevails ♪

♪ Here we are in this slow boat ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ A sail a sail a sail a sail ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ For a sail ♪

(upbeat music)

- Okay. Be leader-ish.

- Aah!

- Watch where you're going.

- [Jordan] You know if this really were the 1800s,

I don't think a girl would be our leader.

- [Griffen] Yeah, women wouldn't even vote.

- [Caitlin] Hey guys, women were exactly

the same then as they are now.

- Oh right, I'm just saying that you don't have

the physical strength to hunt and trap and fish.

- [Caitlin] That's not true.

We can do anything that you guys can.

- [Griffen] Well, if you want total historical accuracy-

- [Nikki] No way we're doing all the cooking and cleaning.

- [Griffen] Oh! Oh, of course not.

We share all the work.

- Yeah, we'll share.

- Come on pioneers. Give us a hand.

- [Dori] So the cow's up at the camp site

and Joe's on his way.

- Now it's a mile in, the path is clearly marked.

Okay. Let's do a technology search.

You first.

(upbeat music)

Okay.

And one piece of 21st century technology, for emergencies.

Joe is a stickler for authenticity, but the phone's okay.

- Now we'll be at Black Creek campground.

It's two hours away but Jim has his cell.

- So don't hesitate to use that phone.

And, be careful out there.

- Are you kidding?

Building a fire is a lot easier than building a website.

- Hey, don't worry. You're gonna be a great leader.

You're very decisive.

- Yeah. All right guys, let's get this stuff to camp.

- They don't have a clue what they're in for do they?

- Nope.

- [Taylor] Here.

- No way!

- You promise we'd help share all the work.

- Okay, share doesn't mean that I carry it.

- I hate feminism.

You're kidding right?

- It's supposed to be primitive. We're pioneers.

- I've decided to start a journal of our pioneer adventure.

Day one.

- Spider. We have spiders.

- (chuckles) I'm out of here.

- [Caitlin] Wait, you guys,

we said we were gonna do this.

You can't just give up before we've even started.

- [Griffen] No sign of Joe.

Quill pens are cool.

- So, what should we do?

- I don't know.

We could start by seeing what's in these bags.

- Quill pens are messy.

- [Jordan] What happened to he bag with the vegetables?

- That is so weird.

- [Caitlin] Well, since Joe isn't here,

we might as well get organized without him.

Griffen, why don't you-

- Hey Nikki, let's go fishing.

- Really?

- Oh yeah. You'll love it.

We can bring back fish for dinner.

- Okay. Brett, we need firewood.

- Cool, Cool man that's a man's job.

- Supposed to share all the hard work. Remember?

- I'll get the axe.

- You really blew it with a girl thing.

- So we sweat a little, big deal.

- You know, a smart leader would have probably

already by now-

- Gagged you.

- [Griffen] The common vermis.

Wow. We really dug up some beauties.

I won't insult you asking you if you need help in your hook.

- Thanks.

- I wish I had my blue quill fly and my own rod.

But on the other hand,

who needs modern fishing poles and special flies.

We are pioneers.

(cow moos)

- Look just because you found the pale

doesn't mean that I have to milk him.

- Her. Let's just go get one of the guys to go do-

- No.

Can't believe you've never milked a cow before.

- Oh, I'm sorry but my people aren't cow milkers.

- Ah!

Spider!

- Now look what you've done.

- I caught something. What do I do?

- Okay.

(Grifffen grunts)

- [Nikki] He's gone?

You lost my fish.

- [Brett] As a share all the hard work now I'm carrying-

- Where is everybody?

- [Brett] Our food.

- [Nikki] I thought you were an expert from fishermen.

- [Griffen] I didn't let him go. He got away.

- What happened to the food?

- Raccoon?

- Maybe coyotes or a bear.

- No fish?

- Where's bossy?

- She ran away. Where's Joe?

- He's a no-show.

- Where's Caitlin?

- What happened to the food?

- [Jordan] Hey Caitlin. We have no food.

- Fire's out.

- The fish escaped?

- And the cow ran away.

- What is this a nursery rhyme.

- You're the leader. What do we do?

♪ In a dream I had a horse that was confined ♪

♪ And a whale that died for lack of water ♪

♪ Things change but they remain the same ♪

♪ All all of my life ♪

♪ Things change but they remain the same ♪

♪ All all of my life ♪

♪ All of my life ♪ - Hi, you've reached Joe Burns

leave a message and I'll call you.

♪ All of my life ♪

- Day two, still no sign of Joe.

We went to bed hungry. We got up hungry.

We're determined to survive hardships of life in the bush.

Like our forefathers.

- [Brett] Man, I hate mosquitoes!

- Why isn't the fire starting?

- I don't know.

- [Griffen] Group remains in the high spirits.

- [Caitlin] Give me that.

- Hey!

- We need it for kindling.

- Oh no you don't.

- It's a historical document.

- [Nikki] It's more important to have a fire than a journal.

- No way. How will everyone know about pioneers?

- [Jordan] Griff, we're not pioneers.

- [Brett] Look even if we had a fire,

we have nothing to cook.

- [Caitlin] You know what, he's right.

I'm gonna go find something.

- I'll help.

- Oh man, where's Joe?

(Taylor screams)

- You know, we should find some berries or something.

- Why gather when you can hunt.

- You're kidding.

- What no, it's just like the one I saw

on the wild man website.

They made slingshots shot. Shot wildlife.

(bird chirping)

Had dinner.

- Okay, so you're gonna k*ll a bird.

- Hey, I have amazing hand eye coordination.

(bird chirping)

Hey I'm hunting here.

- Okay. So you're this macho big game hunter now.

- I saw the video games. How hard can this be?

Squirrel.

- Still no sign of Joe.

We have nothing to eat, but boiling water.

The makings of a good pioneer soup.

Our leader's gone off to find food.

- You know what my favorite kind of pizza is?

Double cheese, pepperoni, these little pickles that you get

on the side and they just cut in, in a triangle-

- Okay stop it.

You know, if I were leader none of this would have happened.

I've had enough of this.

I'm going home. Where's the phone?

- [Griffen] If We go back now we're gonna look like losers.

- We've only got two more days.

- [Brett] Two!

Look, what if this Joe guy never even shows up?

- Okay where's the phone, I'm calling your dad.

- If we go back now, everyone's gonna know we failed.

No way.

- I don't care okay. Just give me the phone.

The battery's dead. You left this on all day.

- [Griffen] Sorry. I didn't know.

- You know, we could die out here

and no one would ever know.

- [Caitlin] We're not gonna die.

We found food.

Well, they really aren't that bad once you get used to them.

- Why do you think those hungry raccoons

didn't eat these berries?

- Because they didn't like them, duh.

- They didn't like them because maybe they're poisonous.

- Huh?

- [Griffen] We may not survive the night.

To anyone who may find these chronicles,

mom, dad, I love you guys.

- My stomach feels kinda weird.

- Yeah mine too, I think.

- Caitlin I forgive you!

- I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better.

- Yeah, me too.

- You know that blue t-shirt with a heart on it?

Can I have it?

- Sure.

- You know, I shouldn't compare you to me.

I mean, you do have a few leadership qualities.

- No, I don't.

I'm a terrible leader.

Now because of me everyone's gonna die.

- [Brett] Oh man!

Oh my.

- What? It wasn't me, honest.

- We're alive.

- [Nikki] We are alive.

- [Caitlin] Okay. Well I think first off we should-

- I don't want to live if I'm gonna scratch myself to death

and if I'm gonna starve.

Look, I didn't sleep at all last night.

And where's Joe anyway.

I know it's not manly to cry, I'm sorry.

- [Griffen] Day three, still no sign of pioneer Joe.

- I cried last night man.

- [Griffen] Our only connection to the outside world,

the phone is dead.

The group's spirits sink lower and lower.

No more signs of fish in the creek.

We've started using mud to stop

the itching from our mosquito bites.

- Oh, here. Give me some of those.

You're carrying way more than me.

- If this were really 1847,

I'd probably be carrying them all.

Jordan and I we probably would have been sl*ves.

We wouldn't be friends.

I wouldn't be dating Griffen.

My whole life would be different.

- No, you're right.

When my mother died,

they probably would've stuck me in some orphanage.

By now I could be working in a factory or dead.

TB or diphtheria.

- I guess we're both lucky we weren't born then.

- It's just like the trap I seen on that Western.

- Man, wouldn't it be great if we caught one

of those raccoons that ate our stuff.

- Man, forget raccoons.

I'm thinking a nice fat, juicy deer.

- Oh, I smell something.

That's you!

That smells like garlic. You have food.

You have food, give me some.

- There's hardly any left.

- I don't care. Give it to me, I want food.

- Whoa! Oh man.

- [Brett] Come on dude, give them up.

- [Jordan] Hey, come on man.

Hey let me out of here! Brett?

- Listen to yourself. - [Griffen] Caitlin

convinced us to leave Jordan

in the trap until after we had eaten his beef sticks.

It was the first real food

the rest of us had eaten in three days.

By day four, I'd come to an important realization.

Pioneers are stupid.

- [Jordan] All right! Woohoo!

I caught something.

- Tell me he said he just caught something.

- [Caitlin] You guys it's a baby deer.

Come here.

- Forget it. He's lunch.

- [Caitlin] We have to help him.

- Caitlin we're starving.

- Well, we can't eat the deer.

- You eat steak and burgers all the time.

You don't even blink an eye.

- Well, chances are that we'll find some other food.

And even if we don't, we aren't gonna starve.

We can't do this.

- I can.

- We'll get the fire started.

- No. If you k*ll that deer,

you're gonna have to do it with me standing right here.

(dramatic music)

(phone ringing)

- Hello, Joe is everything all right?

What? Where are you?

All right thank you.

Joe got the dates wrong.

He thought he was supposed to meet them tomorrow.

- Why didn't they call?

- [Dori] I don't know.

It's gonna take us two hours to get there.

- So, how are you going to do it?

No, this isn't like the computer game Jordan.

You don't just press a button and wipe out the enemy.

- Lay of me! Okay I'm thinking.

- Look at him.

- I've never been camping before all right.

I've never hunted for anything.

And everybody hates me because I hid that food.

Gotta approved that I can cut in.

- k*lling this deer is not going to prove your manhood.

(dramatic music)

- I wasn't really that hungry.

- Speak for yourself man.

Okay, okay, I couldn't have eaten the deer either.

- This is great.

We're happy because we have nothing to eat.

- Yes, we do.

- [Griffen] 65% protein.

- And we have greens.

- And wild carrots.

- Weeds and worms?

Weeds and worms.

Why not.

- Oh and I've got some flour that I brought for my hair.

- [Griffen] Your hair?

- Yeah, pioneer women used to keep the grease down.

- Oh so, we can coat the worms in flour

and then fry them up.

- Are they done yet?

- [Caitlin] Well,

they look kinda crispy.

- Well dish them out.

- [Brett] Actually, they're not bad.

- Hey, no pushing Griffen.

- [Griffen] Hey, who knows that worm song?

♪ Nobody likes me ♪

♪ Everybody hates me ♪

♪ I guess I'll go eat worms ♪

♪ Long thin slimy ones short fat juicy ones ♪

♪ Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy worms ♪

♪ Worms ♪

- Any more to it.

- Hey, you guys. Is everyone all right?

Guys, oh!

- No way!

It's so good to see you guys.

- What happened to you guys? Oh my.

- [Brett] It's so good to see you guys.

- [Caitlin] We made a pact to never

to tell anyone we ate worms.

For a few minutes everything sorta came together.

I guess that's when being the leader feels good.

When everybody works together

because of something you've done.

When you think about it, we were all wrong.

It wasn't easier to survive in the 1800s.

But we managed it.

Just.

(rock music)

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail a sail a sail a sail a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail a sail a sail a sail a sail ♪

♪ Well all right ♪

♪ Sail ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing for a sail ♪