03x01 - Braklet, Prince of Spaceland

[bunniefuu]

- Look at this, honey.

Mangoes are on sale
at the local market.

h* h*!

That's the kind of dumb crap
he used to say, right?

- If you say so, master.

- Hi, mom. Hi, dad.

Oh, right.

My dad is dead.

Dead.

Gone from the planet.

- Your father's
not dead, dear,

He just mentioned
that mangoes were on sale.

- Not dead?
That's fabulous news.

Zorak, did you hear that?

Dad's alive!

It's electrifying!

- No. He's dead.

- But mom just said--

- She's talking about me.

I'm your daddy now,
pud-knocker.

- Hey, did you
just crack on me?

Mom, are you gonna let
this dude crack on me like that?

- Now, he only called you
a pud-knocker because
he cares for you.

Zorak is a kind
and loving father--

Master-father.

- You got that right, baby.

I'm kinky!

- He really is, brak.

- Zorak, I'm really
not comfortable
with the relationship

That you have forged
with my mother.

- Yeah? What are you
gonna do about it?

- Go to my room
and pray my head off!

So if you'll excuse me,
I will be retiring upstairs.

Dear holy ruler of space,

Perched in your rocket ship
high above the universe,

Please return
my real dad to me

And banish zorak to hell.

That's right,
I said hell.

And burn him!
Burn him good for me!

Thank you
and good night.

[Snoring]

- Brak! Open your eyes
and look upon me.

- Dad? Is that you?

[Shudders]

You're naked.

- What's wrong?

Aren't you glad to see me?

- You're naked.

- Open your eyes.
What's the big deal?

- Naked!

- Brak, things are much freer
in the afterworld.

We swim, we play games.

No one cares.

It's all good, baby.

- It's not good, dad.

It's not good at all.

- All right. Hold on.

Is this better?

'Cause it's
all I'm gonna do.

- Hey, dad?
- What is it?

- Why am I so attracted
to the bad girls?

- Never mind that.

I have something
very important to tell you.

- Is it that you can
bring my toys to life?

- No.

- Can you get me a date
with frankenstein?

- No! Listen to me.

I wasn't pecked to death

By a giant crow
like they told you.

I was m*rder*d!

By zorak...

Jones.

- m*rder*d?

- Yes, and it gets worse.

You remember
your mother, right?

Zorak jones
has hypnotized her.

She thinks they're married.

- He's kinky!

- I know he is,
and I want revengeance, boy.

You must k*ll zorak jones.

- k*ll him?

You mean "k*ll him" k*ll him?

- That's right, k*ll him.
k*ll him bad.

Use an ax if possible.

- Aw, man.

I gotta k*ll him?

k*ll zorak?

k*ll him?

I can't k*ll him,

For I am brak,
lover of life.

♪ Life

♪ Love to eat
its reward ♪

But I gots to commit m*rder.

That's not me.
That's not me.

That's not me. That's not me.

[Gibbering]

I don't wanna do it!

You'll do it
and you'll like it.

No! Yes.

No! Oh, yeah.

But it's so dark in my head.

Don't let the light in.
Just do it.

I'll show you
the life of the mind.

What are you talking about?

k*ll him! k*ll him!

[In high-pitched voice]
we're out of paper towels.

Who said that?

Never mind her.
I'm the one.

Look at that squirrel!

Yes, so hairy and carefree.

♪ Oh, furry squirrel

♪ Looking for nuts

♪ Make itself a bed
out of cigarette butts ♪

♪ I wish I was
a hairy squirrel ♪

♪ Keeping it real
in the outdoor world ♪

♪ Yeah

- k*ll him, brak.
k*ll him bad.

- Aah!

Even the woodland creatures
are calling for m*rder.

[Gibbering]

- What are you babbling about?

- Oh, I'm just hanging out,
going crazy!

What are you doing?

- Flying around,
looking at girls from the air.

I'm lonely!

- Lonely?
I'll tell you what's lonely.

When your dad's
been m*rder*d

And the k*ller's
shacking up with your mom.

Oh, to be,
or don't to be.

Answer me that question,
wonder man.

- What?

- I need a weapon.
Can you help me out?

- Let me check.

- A box. Perfect.

I'll seal him up
and he'll suffocate.

Brilliant!

- No, you baboon!

The weapon is in the box.

Do not open it
until you are ready
to use it.

- But what if I'm ready now?

- You're not ready now.

Don't mess with me, boy.

- Does this, uh, come
with instructions?

- Yes: "open box,
use weapon,

Slay enemy,
bathe in his blood."

Girls!

- So I just cranked up the music
and watched him burn.

Heh heh heh.

- That's fascinating, dear.

- Yeah, it was.

You know,
you're such a good listener.

Maybe that's why
I k*lled your husband.

- Oh, wha--what?

- Uh-oh.

[Speaking foreign language]

- Thank you,
master-father-husband.

Salisbury steak it is.

- Hark, everyone.

Hark, hark, hark.

I come to you
with disturbing news.

- Oh, dear. What is it?

- This morning in the park,

As I was hiding
from the park ranger
and his vicious lies,

I overheard the rantings
of a madman.

Peering over the shrub top,

I observed your son brak

Screaming with
unbridled derangement.

- Clarence, have you met
my new pie, new pie?

- No, but it would be
my utmost pleasure.

- Wait a minute.
Did he say anything about me?

- Hmm. I don't recall.

But he did mention k*lling,
m*rder, and klingons.

- I don't like
the sound of this.

- Get back out there
and see what he's up to,

And don't tell him
you're working for me.

- Ooh! I have a job.

I'm a made man.

My life begins today.

- And that's why
hansel and gretel
can never be married,

'Cause their doctor said
their babies would be monsters.

- I know it's hard to accept
mr. Buck-beguck,

But it's fact.

Sadness is everywhere,
my friend.

- Ahoy there, stranger.

Have you noticed
what I'm wearing?

It's a blue sailor suit
with white piping.

What do you think?

- I can't think about that
right now, clarence.

Sadness is everywhere.

- Ok, well,
here's a question:

Are you gonna k*ll anybody?

- Am I gonna k*ll anybody?

Hmm. I wonder
who wants to know that.

- Uh, I'm not
supposed to tell you.

- Well, I'm not supposed
to k*ll you, but I might.

How do you know I haven't
already k*lled you?

Are you even alive
to hear this?

Because here's a question:
I'm gonna k*ll you!

- Aah! Aah!

Did the--aah!

Did the park ranger
put you up to this?

- Maybe he did,
or maybe I'm just crazy.

Aah!

Aah!

Come forth, my precious.

[Distorted voice]
time to die.

- Aah!

[Snoring]

- Brak, wake up.

[Engine revving]

Wake up you lazy,
bean-shoveling, food tube.

[Engine revving]

- Aah! Dad, you're back!

And where did that
boss motorbike come from?

- It's not a motorbike, jack.

It's the k-620
supertronic hoverpod

With co2 converting
low-end torque overthruster.

Even the deity cowers
before its wicked,
off-the-hook rpms.

- Wow! Can I ride it?

- Oh, sure, I'd love
to take you for a ride,

But I am a little low
on fuel.

You see, the k-620 runs
on the souls of the damned,

And I should have had
a full tank of zorak by now.
Why haven't you k*lled him yet?

- I can't do it, dad.

- What?

[Crash]

Can't do it?

Did my dead ears just hear
what my ghost brain
thought they heard?

- I'm just so confused.

I mean, how do I know
you're really my dad

And not just another vision
from chucky?

I just can't go around
k*lling on hearsay.

I need proof!

- You want proof?
All right.

I have a plan that
will make zorak spill his guts

Like a 72-year-old water boy
on space station zebra.

Here's what you do.

[Whispering]

- Uh-huh. Yeah?

Oh, h*, h*.

Oh! Hee hee hee.

Hello, mother,

Zorak.

- Oh, hi, honey.

I'm watching television
with my husband-master.

[Mechanically]
his name is zorak.

- What do you want,
skid mark?

- I hold in my hand
a videotape

That I have made
for the schoolwork.

Please watch it
and offer me notes

That will improve
its goodness.

- I am dan, a good father

And very hot husband
to my wife, who love me.

She do.

I have no enemies at all
that I know of today

In this world today.

[Doorbell rings]

- Wife, the door is ringing.

- I will get it
because of my love for you.

- Beg for your life,
innocent victim.

I am zorator,
here to k*ll you.

- But why?

I am a sexy,
law-abiding man

Who reads the paper daily.

- Innocent fool!

Try reading it
with a burnt-out head.

- Activate forehead
deflector shields.

Deflector shields.

- Zorator hate bear!

- Ah! You've k*lled
the kaiser.

- And now I will k*ll you.

Try this blender hat
on for size.

- Aah!

- Crap. You've k*lled
my sexy husband.

- Look into my eyes.

I am your husband now.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

- Well, what did
you think about that?

Ring any bells?

- I enjoyed the feature.

Colors in it. Colors.

- I wish I'd had
that friggin' blender

When I off'ed your old man.

- Aha! It worked!

My film has exposed you
as the k*ller.

I demand satisfaction.

- You got it.
To the dueling room.

- Wow. This is pretty cool.

You do it yourself?

- I subbed out
the electrical.

- Nice job.

And this is where
you will die.

- Over my dead body.

- We shall see.

Box, I summon thee hence!

Let the righteous power
of the box be revealed.

- What the hell is that?

- I sincerely hope
it's some sort of weapon.

Aah!

Ouch!

The battle...it begins.

Aah! I'm losing!

- Brak, let the hair sword
do the work.

- But I can't
control it, daddy.

- Don't try. Let go.

Let the hair flow
like a mountain stream.

- A what?
- Just k*ll him. Now!

- Aah!

Aha ha!

What the--

- Damn,
you still looking fine.

- Good god, man.
Put some pants on.

- So what do you want
to do now, zorak?

- Watch "the powerpuff
girls movie" on dvd.