02x05 - Brakstreet

[bunniefuu]

[Music playing]

Huh. This
is interesting.

"Wife of brak's dad
to spend two weeks
at exclusive spa resort.

i just needed
a dadgum break,
she explained."

Isn't that
an interesting
story, mother?

I'm not mom, dad.
I'm brak, your son.

Oh, uh, right.
Oh, look at this.

All expenses paid?

That fits my budget
perfectly.

I'm gonna
enter that contest
and win it.

Brak, you don't
know how to rap.

♪ Daddy don't know
about my rappin'
ability ♪

♪ What you got
is futility ♪

Futility!

♪ Time out, dad,
that's a mean thing
to say ♪

♪ Hey, you want
to be a rapper,
got to play that way ♪

♪ You got to roll largely
and arrive correct ♪

♪ I hear you loud
and clear, dad,
in full effect ♪

♪ Check me out,
my name is brak ♪

♪ And that's a fact

♪ I got a mom and a dad
and the yard out back ♪

♪ We sit by the pool
and we nibble
on snacks ♪

♪ Then we eat
a big lunch, and
we all take naps ♪

♪ We don't have
a pool, brak, but
don't you know the score? ♪

♪ I haven't been employed
since 1984 ♪

♪ I thought we had
a pool, what's that
hole out back? ♪

♪ Just a water-filled crater
from an alien attack ♪

♪ I still got a dream,
dad, and it's the best ♪

♪ I'm gonna
be the winner
of the rap contest ♪

♪ Jigga who?
A-jigga what? ♪

♪ A-jigga me,
a-jigga you ♪

How'd that flavor
taste going down,
daddy man?

Brak, I'd like to wish you
all the luck in the world,

But right now I need
to get down to the batcave
and see what albert wants.

You go do that,
daddy.

I'm gonna go down
to the rap store

And check out
the competition.

♪ Well, here I am
walking down the street ♪

♪ Hey, look down there,
I can see my feet ♪

♪ I gave them both names,
one's tony, one's lou ♪

♪ You steppin' on tony,
lou's steppin' on you ♪

♪ So I'm walking
down the street,
or should I say ♪

♪ On the sidewalk?
The streets are not safe ♪

♪ There's cars and buses
and tricked out scooters ♪

♪ And the
kind I like best ♪

♪ Are tricked out
scooters ♪

Meatwad: yay!

Hey, zorak.

Did you hear about
the big rap contest
at the high school?

I hear it's
the shiznit.

Eh, bunch of hacks.
Those jerks couldn't rap
a frigging sandwich.

♪ Crap rappers,
each and every one of them ♪

♪ Ain't got no choice
but to make fun of them ♪

♪ It's all just an act, man,
those gangsters is posin' ♪

♪ Sure, they got ice,
but that's just water
that's frozen ♪

♪ I'll go on further,
call me the crap herder ♪

♪ 'Cause it's not
just rap that's crap ♪

♪ It's all music,
in fact ♪

♪ You know, while
we're at it, throw in
creative expression ♪

♪ Makes me
want to blast them
into another dimension ♪

Zorak, aren't you being
just a wee bit harsh?

Nope.

♪ If I was the boss,
I'd enslave all of y'all ♪

♪ I wouldn't think twice,
I'd exterminate all life ♪

♪ Leaving just
the lady types ♪

♪ That treat
a mantis right ♪

♪ I'm talking stacked racks
and a mouth that's
shut tight ♪

♪ Screw that!

♪ The girlies got to go,
I don't love them h*s ♪

♪ I'm so out the do'

♪ For sho'

Bwah ha ha ha!

D'oh! I didn't know
zorak could do that.

There's a lot you
don't know about me.
Ha ha ha!

Really?
Like what else?

I'm 40 years old!

Bwah ha ha ha!

Well, that sure came
out of left field.

Oh! Whew!

Come on, feet.

Let's get to stepping.

[Humming]

Welcome to
sticky's beat shack.

How may I
flip your lid?
Ha ha ha!

Oh, well, I'm just
here to, you know,
hang out,

See what's up
with the competition.

Oh, I'd forget
about that.

The best rapper
what ever was

Is coming
back to town
to break it down.

I'm talking about
prime cut miggity mo

Mack daddy jizzabang
doggy dogg dogg. Ha ha!

Never heard of him.

Are you suggesting
he's as talented as me?

I find that hard
and difficult

And hard
to believe.

Look, shorty.

Everybody thinks
they pimp.

Not the case.
They just fronting.

♪ No matter
how you flow, he'll
let you know, dawg ♪

♪ If I were you,
I'd just go home,
dawg ♪

♪ Prime cut miggity mo
mack-daddy jizzabang
doggy dogg dogg ♪

♪ Got a two-way

♪ Phat crib with
a barber's pole ♪

♪ Think you got game?
Think again, you know ♪

♪ Heads up, you'll
end up with a tag
on your toe, yo ♪

♪ What the who's-a-what?
What'd you say to me? ♪

♪ Go on, dawg

♪ What'd you
say to me? ♪

Ok. You want me
to slow it down
for you?

I hear you.

♪ The man's undefeated,
that's the stone
cold truth ♪

♪ He's not kicking
your a*s, then he's
knocking the boots ♪

♪ He's counting
to 10, I say, he's
rocking the blues ♪

♪ It's a game,
all right, and you
stand to lose ♪

My good man,
I'll have you know

That losing is not
in my vocabulary,

But neither is
phlossynasynia purification.

Aw, man.

I think I might
have a problem.

Man, oh, man,
oh, man, oh, man,

Oh, man, oh, man.

What troubles you,
neighborhood brak?

Well, you see,
I was gonna enter
this big contest and win

Because I thought
I was born to win,

But it turns out
I'm born to lose.

My birth certificate
was a complete sham!

The hospital
hoodwinked me!

Where is this
evil hospital?
I will destroy it!

No. Don't
take it out on them.
It's not their fault.

Then whose
fault is it?

Oh, it's just this
super-hard-core
awesome rapper.

Aaah!
I will destroy him!

Away!

I'll need
his coordinates.

How can I launch
an offensive without
the coordinates?!

Oh, what's gotten into you,
thundercranky? Ha ha ha!

I'm on edge.

I haven't been
in a battle
for weeks.

I long for
the taste of w*r.

♪ w*r is my profession,
w*r is my obsession ♪

♪ Nothing I like better
than a violent
intercession ♪

♪ Blood must be spilled,
thick enough
to swim in ♪

♪ As I hear
the lamentations of my
conquered foe's women ♪

♪ w*r,
it's good for me ♪

♪ What's
my name? ♪

♪ Thundercleese!

♪ w*r,
it's good for me ♪

♪ What's
my name? ♪

♪ Thundercleese!

[Turntable scratching]

You want a battle?
Take this!

[Turntable scratching]

♪ It's come to
my attention that
you have no aggression ♪

♪ No time for
second-guessin' ♪

♪ You need
a secret weapon ♪

Away!

[Weapons fire]

[Explosions]

Oh, isn't that nice?
Thundercleese has found
himself a battle.

Thundercleese: aah!

It's like I always say,
life gives you lemons...

You blow those lemons
to bits with your
laser cannons!

[Door closes]

Dad?

[Sniffles]
m-mother, is that you?

No. It's me,
your son brak.

Why are you sitting
in the dark?

Because
the lights are off.

[Sniffles]

Do you know where
the switch is located?

Yeah. You want me to
turn it on for you?

No! I want mother
to turn it on.
She has such a flair.

Just a simple flip
of her dainty wrist,

And light is everywhere,

But now there is
only darkness.

Gosh, dad. She's
only on vacation.

I'm turning
these lights on.

Ohh!

[Whimpers]

Ohh!

Aah!

Ay!

[Moans]

Ha ha ha!

Ahh. Ok.

Well, I'm gonna
go upstairs

And try and think
of a secret weapon.

Ok, son,

And let me know if there's
anything I can do to help.

Narrator: later that night
at the rap contest...

[Music playing]

♪ My name is clarence,
and that's no lie ♪

♪ If you don't believe me,
ask my mom ♪

♪ She's over there with that man
she makes me call dad ♪

♪ But he's not my dad,
that's gary ♪

♪ My real dad ran away

♪ Oh, daddy, what did I do
to make you not love me? ♪

♪ Is it my obesity?

♪ Is it because
I love the theater? ♪

♪ Why? Why did you
leave me with gary? ♪

Mom! Mommy!

[Crowd booing]

Thank you, clarence.

Next contestant is merlin.

Merlin: here's one
for the wizards
in the cazzastle.

Listen while I drop some magic
on your heinies.

♪ All the wizards in the house,
say "yo" ♪

♪ Put a 40 in your goblet,
let it flow ♪

♪ Gives some pinches
to your wenches down low ♪

♪ Take out your crystal ball,
let it glow, what's it show? ♪

♪ Put your staffs in the air
like you just don't care ♪

♪ And say "yo"

♪ Yo

♪ Yo!

Yooooooo!

[Booing]

M.c.: Merlin!

Next contestant is brak.

Zorak: jerk!

Greetings, all you
beautiful people.

My name is brak,
as you'll soon discover.

♪ Well, it's brak, y'all,
get back, y'all ♪

♪ From the front row
to the back wall ♪

♪ I get all the people's
toes a-tappin' ♪

♪ Thanks to my rappin',
it's not happenstance ♪

♪ Just dance, just jump

♪ Get on the floor
and shake that big ol' rump ♪

♪ Just dance, just jump

♪ Get on the floor
and shake that big ol' rump ♪

♪ Shake that butt,
shake that bottom ♪

♪ Shake that heinie heinder

♪ And all that stuff
that you shake behind you ♪

Do the shakin' the butt!

What's up? What's up? What's up?

M.c.: Congratulations, brak!

Zorak: jerk!

And now the final
contestant is

Prime cut miggity mo mack-daddy
jizzabang doggy dogg dogg.

Hey, man. Check this out.

♪ I'm prime,
dop doo dop doo wah ♪

♪ Cut,
wah koo koo koo wah kah ♪

♪ Miggity mo mack-daddy,
what's up? ♪

♪ I said, a-jizzabang,
boom boom boom ♪

♪ Diggity dogg

♪ I said, a-dogg a-dogg
a diggity dogg ♪

♪ Fall to your knees, please,
breathe deep ♪

♪ And watch the reaper reap

♪ Forget chillin' out,
you really need
the deep freeze ♪

♪ The only way
the mike changed ♪

♪ Is that you covered it
with stink ♪

♪ It's time to say good-bye
'cause you're clearly
the weakest link ♪

♪ Better luck next time, bud,
'cause you're better off dead ♪

♪ Let's call it curtains
like whatever the hell's
on your head ♪

♪ Can't wait to see the look
on your lipless face ♪

♪ When I rap your punk a*s
right out of this place ♪

♪ My name is prime cut

♪ You ain't
got no rhyme ♪

♪ You gonna lose
big time ♪

♪ Don't you hear?

♪ 'Cause no m.c.
Has ever survived ♪

♪ That went up
against prime ♪

♪ Prime

♪ Prime

♪ Prime

Tell it, prime.

You're undisputed
or undefeated, baby.

That's right, sucker.

♪ Prime,
I must admit ♪

♪ That was pretty
rootin'-tootin' ♪

♪ Your rip-roarin'
rapping gave my brak
butt a bootin' ♪

♪ Like a soap
that's on a rope ♪

♪ I'm feeling hung
up in the shower ♪

♪ If I had a watch,
it'd say, this would
be my final hour ♪

[Sobs]

[Snort]

Waaah.

Did somebody order
a secret weapon?

Say what? Say what?
Say what, what, what?

♪ Hey, dad, fancy
seeing you up here
on the stage ♪

♪ You think that you
can break it down
regardless of age? ♪

♪ This party needed
good old dad to come in
and surprise it ♪

♪ I'm gonna break it down
so that it's mom
won't recognize it ♪

[Panting rhythmically]

[Ppft ppft ppft]

[Imitates scratching]

[Panting rhythmically]

♪ Dad, dad, dad,
dad, dad, dad ♪

♪ Dad, dad, dad,
dad, dad, dad ♪

Is that broken
enough for you?

He's still
standing, daddy.

Not for long.

[Inhales deeply]

♪ Hibby dibby dibby
hubby yibby h* ♪

♪ Habby dabby habby dabba
hibby yabba h* ♪

[Panting
rhythmically]

[Inhales deeply]

[High-pitched voice]
♪ humminabba say vitama foo

[Low-pitched voice]
♪ habba dabba blah
go blaviniva fo ♪

[High-pitch]
♪ ha go libina vis oh dee

[Low-pitch]
♪ ha go libina sonna gimma ya

♪ Hibby dibby dibby dibba
hubby dibby h* bi ♪

♪ Hibby dibby dubba dubba
hubby dibby h* ♪

Ha ha ha!

The winner is brak...

Zorak: jerk!

M.c.: And his dad!

Well, dad, you
certainly came
through in a pinch.

[Gurgling]

Those better be
talking bubbles,
buddy.

Aaaah!

Prime: ♪ I said,
you ain't got no rhyme ♪

♪ And you gonna lose big time

♪ 'Cause no m.c. Has ever
survived that went up ♪

♪ Against prime...