01x09 - The Eye

[bunniefuu]

- What are you doing, dad?

- I'm flipping oyster burgers
for the king of spain,

What does it look
like I'm doing?

Ah, now here is something
of interest to everyone.

"Scientists report that
scientists are testing monkeys

"To see if the monkeys would
make good scientists.

"This would save money
because the monkey scientists

Could perform the experiments
on themselves."

- Well, it's about time.

- However, it's not
all good news.

Some scientists are going
to be out of a job.

Unless, of course,
they happen to be monkeys.

- Monkeys? Ah ha ha ha!
Ha ha! Ah ha! Ah ha ha!

[Thud]

Monkeys! Ha ha!

Oh, boy, monkeys!

- Brak, there's nothing funny
about saying the word "monkey."

- Well, I guess you
just had to be there.

- I suppose so.

Oh! Oh h* h*!

- What is it?

- According to my sources,
which I am holding in my hands,

The lords of the stare
are in town

For the "stare-away to heaven"
tournament.

- Really?
Maybe you should enter.

- Now, mother, you know I'm
retired from competition.

- Oh, your father was some kind
of starer when he was young.

- I don't like
to blow my own horn,

But I will say I was the bravest
and most handsome starer ever!

I had the eyes of a lion.

I also had the mane of a lion.

A big, bushy ring of hair
that circled my head

And brought my non-lionesque
opponents to their knees,

Begging for mercy!

- It took him half the morning
just to comb it.

- Ah, but it was worth it.

- Dad, can you teach me
how to stare?

Maybe I have the gift!

- I don't know, brak.
It's been a long time.

- Come on, dad!

Let's have a staring match!

- Oh, go on.
It'll be fun!

- Mmm, he's awfully young.

- I think he's ready, dear.

- I guess you're right, mother.

He's like the baby duckling
who grows up to be

A tall, majestic tree
that flies away with
the other geese,

Never to be seen
again.

- Dad, are we gonna get it on
or spend the day

Talking about getting it on?

Because it ain't on right now,
baby!

And that's where
I want to get it!

- All right, let's do it.

- I'll get
your booster seat.

- Ay!

- There you go, big fella.

- I....begin!

Now, it's customary,
as a courtesy,

For the opponents to blink
at each other

At the start
of a match.

You go first.

- Oh, ok.

- Ha! Loser!

Tonight, you sleep on the lawn

With the other single-celled
organisms.

- Oh, man!
That wasn't fair!

- Staring isn't
about fairness, brak.

It's about courage, strategy,
and moisture.

You could blow a hairdryer
in my eyes for 10 days

And I wouldn't blink.

- I was there. He didn't.
I had it set on "high," too.

- Give a guy a break, pops!

I demand a re-match!

- All right, fine.

If you think you've
got the marbles.

I...

Begin!

So, how's it going, son?

- Just fine, sir.

- And your eyes?
Do they feel dry?

Because they look
very dry.

Dry.

Dry.

Dry.

- Actually, my eyes are quite
dewey, thank you.

- Good, good, good.

Hey, brak?

I was noticing
this morning

You had something written
on your eyelids.

- Do i, now?

- Yes!

I think it's a message
from that pretty girl

You love so much.

What's her name?
Thomas? Buttons?

Uh, coltrak!

- You mean--you mean marla?

- That's right.
Marla.

She appears to have written her
phone number on your eyelids.

Oh, if only I could
read the number.

Perhaps you could call her

And ask her

To go to the water park
with you?

- Commander squirtman's
slippery jamboree?

- That's the one!

Oh, think how refreshing
it would be

For your poor, dry eyes

To have water splashing
into them

As you and marla float your logs
down beaver stream.

- Maybe after that,
we could split

A quarter flounder
at longsail tilver's!

- Yes, if only I could read
what is written on your eyelids.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

Unh! Read it, dad!

Tell me what it says!

- It says,

"Dear brak,

You are a loser!"

Ha! I am the champion,
my friend,

And I'll go on fighting
until the end!

- What are you talking about,
you old fool?

- Wha--who are you calling
an old fool?

- Him.

- Ok, that's cool,
that's cool.

- Brak and his father were just
having a friendly little
staring match.

- He kicked my caboose
every which way but loose!

- Pssh! Staring's for babies!

- So are whipped prunes,
but I still recommend them!

- They're simply wonderful.

- Shut it!

- Oh, prune hater!
Get out of here!

You think your eyeballs
are so tough,

Why don't you
take on my dad?

- I got better things to do.

- Like what?

- Like this.

- Unh!

[Grunting]

- Zorak, it's all right
if you are afraid of me.

Most sissies are.

Hey, why don't you ride
your girl bike home

And put on your sundress?

You'll be so pretty.

- All right, you're on!

- I...begin!

Now, zorak, it's customary,
as a courtesy,

For the opponents
to blink at each other

At the start
of a match.

You go first.

- Ha! Only an idiot
would fall for that.

- And so he did.

[Mumbling]

- I think I saw it over there
by the bush.

[Mumbling]

- You know, zorak, I never
noticed how grotesquely inflated

Your eyeballs are.

Ha ha, you're ugly!

- Thanks for the compliment,
peewee!

Why don't you lean
a little closer?

- Now, why would
I want to do that?

- So I can stick
a straw in your eye

And suck your head dry!

- No, that doesn't
sound like something

I would like to do.

- Then check this out.

[Gibberish]

- Ah! What have we here?

Ah, just as I thought.

The texas two-ball shuffle.

- How do you like it?

- I liked it the first 10 times
I laughed at its futility.

Now, it's my turn.

Are you familiar
with the boston bob?

Ah? Ahh.

Oh! Ahh.

How about the milwaukee shift?

Oh, ah.
Oh, ah!

Hut! Hi!

Or the cincinnati sunrise?

Hi! Ha!

Hi! Ahh.

Or how about the fresno floater?

[Humming]

Yeah! Oh! Ah ha ha!

- Oh, dear. I think there's
a wasp in the house.

- Oh, really?
This should be interesting.

- Ow!

- Oh! Did he sting you?

That must be very painful.

Any minute now,
that's going to swell.

Oh, there we go!

Oh, look! You've made
another friend.

- Ow!

Dah! Why aren't
they stinging you? Ow!

- Anyone who's familiar
with waspology knows

That the wasp is irresistibly
drawn to the eye juice
of the mantis.

To them,
it is a delicious treat.

- Yah! Ow!

- You know, zorak, you could end
the pain with one simple blink.

- Get--ow!
Bent! Ow!

Zorak...blink?
Yow!

Never!
Dah!

[Mumbling]

- Oh, honey,
you found your jaw.

[Mumbling]

- Sure, I'll help you.

- Ow!

[Squeaky voice]
is it fixed yet, mom?

- I think it needs
just a little--ay!

- Aah!
Hum-num-num-na!

Testing, testing 1,2,3.

A-a-hem.

♪ Carry me back

♪ To old virginny

Well, I think
it's working just--

Hey, what happened to zorak?

- He's being attacked
by wasps, dear.

I'm going to call an ambulance.

Hello, ambulance?
Mom here.

Please come to our house
right away.

- We'll be right over, lady!

- Thank you!

[Sirens]

- Stay away!

Get your filthy probes
off of me!

- Where are you going, nancy?

Don't you want to finish
our little dance?

- I didn't blink!
I was winning!

I'll be back!

- Ah ha ha!
Oh, sure you will!

- Well, dad,
you're still the champ!

If anybody could beat you,
I'd like to see them.

[Door opens]

[Buzzing]

- Oh, no!
Not...

You!

The eye!

- Last time,
on the last episode...

- Oh, no!

The eye!

- Hey, hey, hey!

I am the eye!

Oh, yeah!
The eye!

Lord of the stare,
heck of a guy!

h* h* h*,
and-a my, oh, my!

Does anybody wanna try
taking on the eye?

Hey, hey, hey,
what do you say,
little guy?

I-i-i...
Go to hell.

♪ Monkey

♪ Monkey

♪ M-m-m-monkey

♪ Um, monkey

♪ Monkey

- ♪ Monkey

- ♪ Ha ha, monkeys

♪ Monkeys, oh

♪ Monkeys, monkeys,
monkeys, monkeys ♪

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Monkeys, ha ha,
monkeys ♪

- Hey, hey, hey!

I float like a floating eye,
sting like a floating eye.

Oh., Yeah!