01x05 - Hippo

[bunniefuu]

- Then when I would
give my book report

Zorak pulled my pants down
and everybody laughed--

Even me--

'Cause it was funny.

But not to me.

Oh, oh!

And then at lunch I at
a whole tray of jell-o.

And wouldn't you know it

Zorak pulled my
pants down again!

Man, there was
jell-o everywhere!

Yes, even there.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Oh! Um, zorak, how...

How long you been there?

- Long enough to see you
talking to that doll.

- I was doing no such thing.

If, however, I was talking

And my childhood
friend hippo

Happened to be listening--

- What hippo?
That's a lobster.

- Maybe so.

But he prefers to
be called hippo.

- Blecch!

Do you know what
people would say

If they knew I hung
out with a doll-talker?

- I imagine they'd say,

"Zorak, you're so lucky to
have a friend like brak.

He's quite a guy!"

- I don't hang out
with doll-talkers. Ever!

So long, wuss.

- Wait, don't go!

Oh, man! What am I gonna do?

You see...

♪ There's something about
his red and kindly face ♪

♪ I can tell him anything

♪ But then there's zorak

♪ He thinks I'm a baby

♪ But I'll show him
that I'm not ♪

All right,
I've made a decision.

From this day on,

I will stop talking
to my beloved friend...

Hippo.

- Not good enough.

Get rid of him.
- What?

I thought I just had
to stop talking to him.

- Look, it's him or me.

[Sighs]

- Then I guess it's
gonna have to be me,

Meaning you.

I'm sorry, hippo.

I'm so sorry.

- Come on, fuzzy.

We're going for a little ride.

- His name's not fuzzy,
it's hippo!

- Shut up!

[Groans]

Zorak's probably right.

I'm too old to be talking
to stupid stuffed toys,

Even if they are sensitive
and excellent listeners.

The time has come for me
to take off my boyhood

And put on my manhood.

Ugh!

- Ha!

- Oh, man.

- You know, mother,

If I had a brother,

I would like to have him
live by the ocean

So we could come and visit
him on vacation.

[Sobbing]

Oh, what am I saying?

We'd probably fight and argue
like we did growing up.

He was such a jerk.

That's it.

Call my brother
on the telephone

And tell him
we are not coming!

He is dead to me now!

- Hippo!

Hippo.

Hippo.

- Honey, I think there's
something wrong with brak.

- There's something wrong
with all of us, darling.

[Sobbing]

- I don't want to live anymore!

- Ah, finally--my own office!

You see, mother,

I told you if we were patient

We wouldn't have to add on.

- Oh, enough of that.

- I'm half kidding.

What do you people
want from me?

- What's the problem, dear?

- I never should
have let zorak

Talk me into getting rid of
my wonderful friend hippo.

- Who did what now?

- Zorak, did you
take brak's toy?

- I did not.

- Where is it?

- I can't remember.

- Zorak!

- All right! I threw him
in a garbage can somewhere.

I want you to go find him

And bring him back.

- Or what?

- Or...
[Whispers]

Understand?

- You're bluffing.

- Try me.

- All right,
come on, darla.

Let's go find your dolly.

Ok, give me 10 bucks.
I'm going to the dog track.

- You said you were gonna
help me find hippo.

- I say a lot of things.
Now give me the money!

- But this is for college!

- Swipe!

- Now I'll never be a barber.

[Sighs]

I guess I'll start
looking for hippo.

♪ Looking

♪ Looking, looking

♪ Looking

♪ Looking, looking

♪ Looking, looking

♪ Everywhere

♪ But not there

[Animal growls]

♪ They'll be there
to haul this slop ♪

♪ I'll keep on and never stop

♪ Looking

It's hopeless!

I'm never gonna find him.

- What's wrong,
brak from down the street?

- Oh, hi, mr. Thundercleese.

I'm looking for my little
stuffed friend hippo,

But he's nowhere to be found.

- Long ago, i, too,
had a stuffed companion.

His name was chopper.

One day he was
abducted by gypsies.

I never saw him again.

- Oh.

Did you ever see him again?

- Did I not just tell you no?

Must I repeat the whole story?

- What story?

- Please leave.

- Yeah, I guess
I'll just go home

And weep myself to sleep.

[Grunts]

- I'm blocked up
with cream and rum.

[Door opens]

I ought to back off from that
first thing in the morning.

- Ugh.

- Did you have any luck,
peanut head?

- No, mom.

I'll never see tippo again.

- Who is tippo?

- My lost friend.

It hurts too much to
say his real name.

- And that is?

- Hippo. Oh, man!

- Ha, I made you say it!

Now give me your college money.

- That's gone, too!

I've lost everything!

- Well, maybe this
will cheer you up.

- Wow! Who's that
young gentleman?

- His name is dr. Grumbles.

Isn't he just the cutest thing?

- Where did you get him?

- Oh, from a stinky old gypsy
I met at the bus stop.

- How much did this professor
grumbles here cost me?

- Nothing. It was free.

The stinky old gypsy seemed
quite happy to be rid of it.

- Probably because it's cursed.

- Oh, and I'm sure you
could have done better.

- Oh, no! Now, baby,
baby, don't be mad!

Come over here.
Let daddy make it right.

Come on.

[Makes kissy sound]

Ok then, maybe some other time.

- Don't count on it.

Ok, brak, here's dr. Grumbles.

I hope you like him.

- Oh, I will, mom!

I like him already!

♪ Oh, the doctor's
in the house ♪

♪ Right here in my room

♪ How do you do?
My name is brak ♪

♪ Dr. Grumbles, I presume

♪ And I'm all funky

♪ Like a super-funky monkey

♪ Watch it

[Passes gas]

♪ He's in the house

Boy, we're sure having fun.

Aren't we, dr. Grumbles?

Last time I had this much fun

I was face-down in a pizza pie

Eating my way to freedom!

- Oh, look at the doll-talker

Talking to his little doll!

- He happens to be a doctor.

- Where did you get it?

- My mom gave him to me.

- Yeah? Well, hand it over!

- But we were just
getting acquainted.

Why are you doing this to me?

- Because I'm just plain mean.

- Oh.

- All right, fine.

I'll just find somebody
else to hang out with.

[Sighs]

- Go ahead then.
Take him.

- I'm gonna go
cry myself up a snack.

- You do that.

Just don't rat me out
to your old lady.

She's crazy.

- Hey, I know what
you did to the hippo.

- Who said that?

- I did, ugly boy.

You mess with me,
you'll be sorry.

- Oh, yeah?

- I know some bad people

Who like to break things,

Green things.

[Laughs]

- You're bluffing.

Let's go, jerk!

- You'll be sorry.

I'm telling you:
you mess with the doctor,

You're messing with dark powers.

- Like what?

- Well, uh...

I not tell you.

It's a secret.

How about that, eh?

How you like that, dingleberry?

- You are so dead.

[Boom]

[Laughs]

Jerk.

- Well, brak seems to
be his old self again

Now that he has a new
friend to play with.

- Yes. Dr. Grumbles truly
has become one of the family.

He is like the stuffed toy
doctor son I never had.

- Where's brak?

- He's in his room.

- Send up my lunch!

What the hell?!

- Oh, hi, zorak.

Hey, thanks for not
taking dr. Grumbles.

What a buddy.

- I don't get it.

I blew you to freaking
kingdom come.

- Yet here I am

Listening to the wind blow
through your empty head.

- Yeah, well,
you're going down, pal.

- Zorak, who are you talking to?

Do we have a new member
of the doll-talkers club?

[Laughs]

- Shut up!

Zorak's mad as hell.

And this time it's personal.

[Doll laughs]

- You're a punk.

- Great tribes of gandar!
I can't believe it!

Chopper, where have you been?

- Well, I tell you.

Long story short,
I was kidnapped,

Went to night school,
became doctor,

Ticked off gypsies,

And here I am.

- Hand him over to me.

- You mind if I burn him first?

- Oh, he's going to burn me.

I'm so frightened.

Whoever will help me?

Take him out!

- sh**t me and the doll gets it!

- sh**t him, thundercleese!

Go for the head!

- But what if I hit you?

- Do it! Take the shot!

[Yelling]

- And so, brak,
there comes a time

When you must take off the soft
furry slippers of a boy

And put on the shoes of a man.

Unless of course they
don't fit properly

And your feet blister up
like bubble wrap.

Oh, but don't try to
return the shoes

Because they won't take them
back once you've worn them.

Especially not if that
fat pig tony is at the desk.

Do you understand
what I'm saying, son?

- Brak's not here, dear.

He ran out screaming hours ago.

- Oh, well, then...
[Door opens]

Do you understand what
I'm saying, mother?

- I've come back,
mother and father.

And I know now that you can't
run away from your troubles.

- Stuff it, doll-talker!

[Zorak screams]

[Laughs]

- Hey, look at this!

You're old friend hippo

Is going to have
his own tv show.

"Show us your garbage,"
starring hippo.

Taping today at 4:00.

- Brak, why don't you go down
to the tv station and see him?

- Smashing idea, mommy.

- I think we should all go!

Everyone except me.

- ♪ Show us your garbage

♪ Show us your trash

♪ If hippo like it

♪ You'll win some cash

♪ So, show us your garbage

♪ Ready, set, go

♪ It's time to meet
the star of our show ♪

♪ Here's hippo
- ♪ hippo

- ♪ Here's hippo,
he's a hell of a guy ♪