04x01 - Leave it to Brak

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Uh, darling, could I have
another biscuit, please?

Oh, maybe later.

Oh, okay.

[ Newspaper rustles ]

Oh, boy. It says here
that Giganticon

has destroyed
the city again.

Well, I suppose
they'll just rebuild it

like they always do.

Not with my tax dollars,
I tell you.

Giganticon is a jerk.

It must be hard

being an 80-foot-tall
lizard creature.

You know what?

For a top hat
and spangled briefs,

I would kick that big green
pepperoni right in the --

Hey, everybody!

[ Applause ]

Good morning, pumpkinhead.
Did you sleep all right?

Actually, Mom,

I had the most amazing dream.

I was riding
on an ice-cream donkey

with none other than
Mr. Dean Martin.

-Wow.
-And even though the donkey

melted just outside
of Walnut City,

Dean didn't care

'cause that's just
the kind of man he was.

Ah, he was
the Dean of Martins.

Amen.

[ Choir vocalizing ]

Ah, here's my other son!

Good morning, Sisto!

-[ Farts ]
-Eh, right back at you.

Brak, the big game with
Jerkwater High is tonight.

You must be all excited.

I sure am, Mom!

I really think this is
Learnmore High's year!

Ah, the year of the
Lowly Worm, huh, son?

-You said it!
-Yes, I did!

-I heard him!
-So did I.

How does that fight song
go again?

♪ We dig in dirt
and hide from birds ♪

♪ We're the Learnmore
Lowly Worms ♪

♪ If there's
a fight or -- ♪

Whoa, whoa!
Stop the music!

I have written

a new version of the fight song

which I have submitted
to the Board of Education.

Ohh!

You are invited
to enjoy.

♪ Late at night
when the moon is bright ♪

♪ We dance
to the Latin beat ♪

♪ The leather skin
of the football thin ♪

♪ Makes me jump up
and kiss you hot ♪

♪ Kiss you hot

[ Giggles ]

Way to go, Dad!

That was wonderful.

Oh, but that was fun!

[ Chuckles ]
What could possibly

ruin a day such as this?

Abba-dabba-doh!

[ Applause ]

Oh, hello, Arthur.

-His name's not Arthur, Mom.
-He's Zorak.

Now we all know each other.

Let's go.

Where are you taking me?

I think he means Brak.

I knew that.

What do you think,
I'm stupid or something?

So what do you boys plan
to do with your Saturday?

We're gonna go make
papier-mâché gorillas,

right, Zorak?

Uhh, yeah,
we're not doing that.

Why not?

Because it's stupid.

I thought that was fun.

Let's go!

Ahh, okay.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
Bye, Mom and Dad.

Goodbye, my son.

It's nice that Brak
has such a good friend.

Let's go get some beer.

I don't know, Zorak.

I don't think my folks
want me drinking beer.

-That's why we're doing it.
-Oh, all right.

Oh, look, there's my neighbor,
Mr. Thundercleese.

He's won prizes
for his landscaping.

Hello,
Mr. Thundercleese!

Are you here
to destroy my lawn?!

I beg your pardon!

We would never do that,
would we, Zorak?

What's that?!

[ Jackhammering ]

Can't hear ya!

[ Sproing! ]

[ Sighs ] You're gonna
blow him up, aren't ya?

Affirmative!

Whoo-hoo!

Target sighted!

Commencing attack!

[ Lasers zapping ]

Zorak: [ Screams ]

[ Grunts ]

That all you got?
[ Coughs ]

Actually, no.

[ Sniffs ]

Darling,
are you cooking diapers?

[ expl*si*n ]

Ay! Oh!

Man, I don't think
Mr. Thundercleese likes you.

Nobody does.
That's the way I like it.

I like you.

Well, quit it.

I can't, Zorak.
And I'll tell ya why.

♪ Friendship
is like an ointment ♪

♪ When you've been stung
by 50 bees ♪

♪ Wherever you rub it

♪ You know it feels better

♪ Because
it's a topical analgesic ♪

♪ I'm singing friendship

Shut up!

Why?

We're here.

♪ ♪

Hey, what are we doing
at the rival high school?

Are we gonna put peanut butter
in their jock straps?

'Cause it'd be funny.

[ Laughing ]

That's not bad.

Ah, well, you know.

But I have a better plan!

♪ ♪

What is it?
What's the plan?

We're going to kidnap

the Jerkwater High
Fighting Chicken!

♪ ♪

[ Laughs evilly ]

You mean Mr. Bawkbagawk?!

♪ ♪

Yes! Ha ha!

♪ ♪

Pretty good plan, huh?

Oh, I don't know
about that, Zorak.

I don't think my dad
wants me involved

in a kidnapping scheme.

Why wouldn't he?

'Cause it's wrong.

It's not wrong.
It's just ill*gal.

I don't know...

You want to be popular?

Well, yeah --

Wait. I'm not?

[ Laughs ]

Not at all.

Well, okay, then.

[ Sighs ]

If it'll make me popular

and make people
say my name at parties,

then point in the direction
of that chicken,

and I'll steal it,

or my name isn't
Gil Schwartzman,

which is now
my new popular name!

Go get 'em, Brak.

You really need
to be calling me Gil.

The sooner you get used to that,

the better.

Beat it!

Geronimo!

Man: "Chicken Mascot Stolen."

"Fowl Play at Jerkwater High."

"Bawkbagawk Bawkbagone."

Okay, I stole the chicken.

Now what?

Now you're
in big trouble.

Oh, man.
We need to hide him.

You need to hide him.
You did it.

Aah!

"Brak Due Home
Any Minute."

[ Door closes ]

Dad, I'm home!

Brak, I'm so glad
you're home safe.

There's a band of
chicken nabbers on the loose.

Hey, old man.

Hey yourself,
you green devil.

This is gonna be your hideout,

Mr. Bawkbagawk.

Let me show you around.

♪ This is my bed

♪ This is my clock

♪ This is
my underwear collection ♪

♪ Here's a letter from a fan

♪ And over there
is my bogeyman ♪

Same time tonight,
Brak?

It's a date, Phil.

♪ Welcome to my room

All right, let's eat him.

We can't do that.

Sure we can.

Get a hatchet.

You don't understand,
Zorak.

This chicken is not just
a hostage anymore.

He is now officially
my new best friend.

Yeah?

Well, your best friend
just crapped on your bed.

Aw, man.

Mom: [ In distance ]
Brak!

Is Arthur
staying for dinner?

What are you havin'?!

Well, I thought I'd whip up
a vegetarian --

Make me a bowl
of fried chicken!

Oh, okay.

[ In distance ]
I need meat!

Oh, I'll give you meat,
Arthur.

We're gonna go eat dinner now,

Mr. Bawkbagawk.

Will you be all right up here
by yourself, buddy?

[ Ploink! ]

Zorak: Nice.

We better go
wash our hands.

Yeah, you do that.

[ Chicken clucking ]

[ Crash! ]

[ Chicken clucking loudly ]

Man, that's one
pissed-off chicken.

I knew I couldn't
leave him alone.

He misses me already.

Well, how about this?
We eat him.

Wait a minute.
I got an idea.

Are you sure you won't
have some chicken, hmm?

He'll just have a salad,
mom.

Excuse me.

I don't think we've been
properly introduced.

Mom, Dad, this is, of --
of course, your, uh --

your cousin --

Uncle.

Cousin.

Your long-lost cousin.

Uh, Earl.

Toadman.

Right.

A long-lost cousin.

Earl.

Toadman.

Zorak: [ Munching ]

Of course,

dear old cousin Earl Toadman.

He burned down a shoe store,

you know.

No, Dad,
that was Merle Toadman.

Oh, yes, of course.

[ Clears throat ]

Earl, I see
that you haven't married.

♪ ♪

Or perhaps
you're recently married?

♪ ♪

And how are the children?

♪ ♪

If there are any.

Don't do that.

Mother,
he's pecking at my dinner.

He's a guest, dear.

But he has
his own plate of food.

Unbelievable.

Ah, Sisto,
how was your day, my son?

Sisto: [ Farts ]

Well, you can't
win them all.

[ Munching ]

This meat is dead.

Oh, well.

[ Munching ]

Um, say, Earl,

do you remember
those summers at the lake?

We used to take off our pants
and run all around.

[ Belching ]

[ Clucks ]

[ Record needle scratches ]

[ Gasps ]

You're not my cousin Earl,
are you?

Do I even
have a cousin Earl?

Well, now that
you mention it...

What is
the meaning of this?

[ Sighs ] Dad,
I can't lie anymore.

I have no knowledge
of this incident!

-[ Hums ]
-[ Door slams ]

Brak, do you have something
you would like to tell me?

Do you want the truth
or my side of the story?

I would like the truth,
please, son.

All right, the truth is,
we stole Mr. Bawkbagawk

because we thought
it would help the team

and make us popular
at school.

But instead,

I sit here in my own shame,

hoping against hope
that the stench of guilt

will soon fade like heat
from a delicious waffle!

[ Sobbing ]

Dad: So what
you're telling me is,

this is not
my cousin Earl.

Don't wear your hat
at the table, dear.

I'll do
what I damn well please.

Brak, there is a lesson
to be learned here.

You can't go around
stealing mascots,

or the next thing you know,

we'll have so many mascots
at the dinner table,

passing themselves off

as relatives
and family members,

that there won't be room

for the real family members
to sit

should they stop by
for a visit.

Do you understand, son?

Well, Dad, I'll tell ya.

Ah, good.

Now, for your sentence,

you will no longer be allowed
to ride inside the car.

You mean I have to ride
on the hood?

Oh, but, dear,
isn't that a little harsh?

I mean --

Now, Mother,

the boy has to learn
to take his punishment.

Maybe the fresh air
will clean out his head.

I'm gonna get bugs
in my teeth,

then I'll be sorry.

That's the price you pay,
son.

Now, I want you
to take the chicken

back to its rightful home

at the Jerk in Water
High School.

Okay, Dad.

Let's go,
Mr. Bawkbagawk.

Goodbye, cousin Earl!

[ Door shuts ]

Ah, Mother,

it's so nice
having family around.

Well, here we are,
back at your little cage.

Now you'll be at the big game
like you're supposed to be,

and everything
will be back to normal.

So go on, go on in there.

[ Voice breaking ] Go on, now.

I told myself
I'm not gonna cry.

Go on in there.

[ Crying ] Goodbye!

Goodbye!

♪ I wish I had
my friendship ointment ♪

♪ I feel like I've been stung
by 50 bees ♪

♪ But if I had my ointment

♪ I wouldn't know
where to rub it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got
a hole in my heart ♪

♪ In the shape
of Mr. Bawkbagawk ♪

[ Sobbing ]

♪ ♪

Well, I see here

that the Jerk in Water
High Schoolers

are losing
the big game last night.

Good morning, Mom.
Good morning, Dad.

Good morning,
Mom and Dad.

[ Clucking ]

Hey, Brak.

I thought I told you
to return the chicken.

But I did.

This is a different chicken.

Introducing
Miss Jenny McCluckens.

Welcome, Miss McClucken.

Will you join us
for breakfast?

Fresh eggs
all right for everyone?

Mother! Wherever
did you get fresh eggs?

[ Clucks ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Boing! ]

Oh, boy.

Zorak:
[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Thud! ]

All: Giganticon!

Giganticon: [ Roars ]

Oh, well,
time for a song.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪