05x24 - Bridge Over Troubled Daughter

[bunniefuu]

[♪ ♪]

[All coughing]

Raven! Why'd you make
me blow out 60 candles?

It's not my fault your age
is a fire hazard!

[Coughing]

Aw, guys!

You didn't need to bring
all these presents!

But since you did,
let's open these bad boys up.

You're gonna love mine.

Ooh, I wonder
what this one is.

- Let me see. This is a...
- [Rattling]

Nose hair trimmer.

That's from me! [Laughs]

I didn't get it for any reason.
No reason at all.

It also works
on ears and eyebrows,

but, again, no reason.

Alice, that's amazing!

- Here, do this one!
- Okay.

- [Rattling]
- It's a...

Bluetooth meat thermometer!

That's from me and Ivy.

Now you don't have to
get up from your recliner

to know your meat's
medium rare.

Oh, that's good because he gets
up from his recliner medium...

Rarely.

[Laughter]

[Rattles]

Wow, this is a good one!

- It sounds like...
- [Rattles]

A bag of coffee beans, grown
on the farm where you grew up,

and roasted over the wood
of your childhood crib.

You can tell all that
just by shaking it?

Oh, no. This is my gift.

Oh! Oh, Alice.

This is an incredibly thoughtful
gift. Thank you so much.

Aw, that is a good one.
[Laughs]

I'm glad that my present
was throwing this party

because I'd hate to be the poor
sucker who has to follow Alice.

- Good job, girl.
- [giggles]

Hey. Here, Mr. B.
Open this one.

No... No.

No, he PR... he probably
doesn't wanna open this one.

Probably tired of
opening presents.

I am not tired of
opening presents!

But we haven't tried the cake!

[Laughs] This d... [Sniffs]
This delicious cake!

You want some delicious
cake, don't you, grandpa?

Booker, what is wrong with you?

[Knocking]
- Oh, look! Someone's at the door.

I'll answer the door, grandpa!

For your birthday.

Surprise!

- Grandma!
- Mom!

- Tanya?
- Happy birthday, Victor!

[Sniffs] Why's it smell
like smoke in here?

Oh, we're not playing with
matches. Dad's just old. Mom!

Theme music playing...

♪ Ha, ha!
Lemme tell ya somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision
all worked out ♪

♪ But then life
had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

♪ New city,
I'm finding my way ♪

♪ It's gonna take some time ♪

- ♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ♪
- ♪ Ya know I got you, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam
caught up in a crazy world ♪

- ♪ C'mon! ♪
- ♪ It's Raven's home ♪

- ♪ We get loud! ♪
- ♪ Yeah, Raven's home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough, but
together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other
like family should ♪

- ♪ It's Raven's home ♪
- ♪ When it's tough ♪

- ♪ Yeah, Raven's home ♪
- ♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cos no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

[Raven laughing]

Yep! That's us.

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

Tanya, you flew all the way
here from London?

Of course! It's your birthday!

Unless I missed it.

Am I at today or tomorrow?

These time zones
really mess me up.

[Laughs]

Mom, I can't believe
that you're actually here.

Well, hey! I wasn't gonna let

not getting an invitation
stop me from celebrating

your dad's 60th birthday.

No invitation, huh?
Whoever threw this party,

we gonna have some words.

- Didn't you plan it, auntie rae?
- Mind your business, girl.

Mom, I just, you know,
I thought you were too busy.

Like how you couldn't show up
when dad had his heart attack.

- You had a heart attack?!
- You didn't tell her?

You didn't tell her
about the party.

That's nowhere near
the same thing.

Hey! Hey, I-let's not argue.

We are here to celebrate
Victor's birthday...

Cake, which I made.

And you don't have
to compliment me now,

but before I leave
would be great.

Hey, guys, can I talk to you?

- You're talking to us right now... Oh.
- Not here!

You guys, I've got
a serious problem.

Okay, everyone gave my grandpa
amazing, thoughtful gifts.

That's true. I mean,

Alice gave him magic beans
to make coffee.

- Neil, all coffee comes from...
- Don't...

Don't do it, Ivy.

He's got his whole life
to grow up.

[Clears throat]

Anyway, what'd you
get him, Booker?

You want him to drink
out of that?

I know what to do.

Close your eyes.
I'll slap it out of your hand.

- It won't be your fault.
- No.

Look, I-I know
I can't give him this.

Alright, I need something
better, even better than Alice's.

[Scoffs]
Good luck with that!

It took me a year
to make that present.

What could you come up with
in an afternoon?

Oh, right. That mug! [Laughs]

I got ideas.

Don't tell Alice,
but I don't got ideas.

Okay, look, sometimes
the best gifts are surprising.

Okay, something you wouldn't expect,
like, uh,

shoes with
my cat's face on them,

or gift card
for unicycle lessons.

- Neil? Are these things you want?
- Hm?

[Wheezing] No!

They're things
anybody would want.

For my birthday.
On June 3rd.

You wanna give pop-pop
the perfect gift,

you gotta really
get to know him.

Go to the attic.
Dig through his stuff.

Violate his privacy.

Alice, I can't do that.

Fine. Give him that janky mug.

To the attic!

Hey, I haven't found anything.
How about you guys?

Don't bother
getting him a copy of

potty jokes
for the powder room

because he already has
the very appropriately titled

number one and number two.

I've read number two.

Stinks.

[Giggles]
I see what you did there.

[Laughs]

Dang it!
This man has everything.

I'll just give him the dumb mug.

Wait! I think I found something.

Aw! So cute!

They carved their initials
into a tree.

Both: Aw!

[Whooshing]

[Echoing] This'll make the
perfect gift for your grandpa!

[Whooshing]

Hey, you guys!
I just had a v...

...Idea!

A great idea! [Laughs]

We'll give him this.

You wanna give him a tree?

Well, not the whole tree.
You know, just the...

Just the part where
they carved their initials.

If only I knew where
the picture was taken.

Let me see that.

They're in muir woods.

That's just over
the golden gate bridge.

We could drive there right now.

You all have fun with that.

No, no, no. Alice,
you have to come with us.

Why do I have to go?

Because you were in my v...

...Idea.

And if my idea
is gonna come true,

everything has to be
how it was in my "idea"

when I thought of it.

My idea.

Smooth.

[♪ ♪]

- So, I said to my client...
- Mm-hmm.

[Posh accent] "Madame,
'tis but a fortnight ago

"that you put your faith in me.

"But, as a barrister of
her majesty's high court,

I assure you,
you shall go free."

Brava! Brava, mama! Oh!

Dad! You ain't got
no bravas for mama, bruh?

Sorry. I just wanted
to clean up a little.

Oh, let me do that.
You go talk to mom.

No, no, it-it's okay.
You guys haven't...

Seen each other in,
like, forever.

Victor, sit down.

I, uh, I gotta
c-clean up these cups

because if I leave the
punch out, then we get ants,

and you know how much
I hate ants.

Especially your aunt Carol.

- You hate my sister?
- What? No, no!

No, I-I love
your sister. I mean,

I don't "love" your sister.
If I loved your sister,

I would've married your
sister, but I didn't.

Although I-I would have.
She's so beautiful.

But not as beautiful as you...

Dad!

Can I talk to you
over here, please?

- What is going on with you?
- I don't know. It's just

I haven't seen
your mother in a long time,

and then she surprised me
by showing up,

and it's... It's weird, right?

Only because
you're making it weird.

You need to relax,
take a breath, okay?

You know what?
Why don't you take her

for lunch at the chill grill?

That's a good idea.

Obviously. I came up with it.

Tanya! I was wondering if you...

Not doing anything,
if maybe you wanna...

Go with me,
maybe you don't wanna go,

with just the plane,
you need to wash your hair...

Good lord, man!

Mom, dad wants
to take you to lunch.

I-I would love to.

Right-a-roo! [Laughs]

That's your husband.

Alright, you lovebirds!

Yeah! [Laughs]

Woo, that is gonna be
one awkward lunch.

[Whooshing]

[Echoing] Tanya, I just
can't live like this anymore.

[Whooshing]

Oh no. Dad's gonna
end it with mom.

Everything is falling apart.

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

Dave, I'm telling you,

ever since I started
living on a boat,

I've been sleeping like a baby.

A baby with a boat.

It is so nice to be back.

So nice to have you back.

I'm sorry about this whole
awkward thing. It's just...

I know. The long-distance
thing is not easy.

You here, me...

[posh accent] Across
the pond in London town.

[Normal] Sorry. Sometimes
I forget I'm from Oakland.

Maybe it's time
we really talk about things.

- I've been thinking...
- Hello, lovebirds.

May I present to you

San Francisco bay salmon!

Yeah! I caught it
myself off my boat.

You said it jumped through
a porthole into your bed.

Really, Dave? The first time

you open your mouth in weeks,
and it's to blow me up?

Not cool, dude!

Lazlo, I just can't get used to
seeing you without your mullet.

Oh, I still have it! It's in a bag
in the freezer. I can go get it if...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You know what we really

would like is some privacy.

[Sighs] Of course!

You heard the man, Dave.
Beat it. [Scoffs]

Ooh! Uh, right. Sorry.

So, Victor,
what were you saying?

Oh, right! Um, I guess...

[chair bangs]

Hey, fam! [Laughs]
What we having?

Raven, what are you doing here?

Well, you guys left the house,

and then the kids left the
house, and it just got quiet.

A little too quiet.

You guys ever get that feeling
when things get a little...

Too quiet?

Not lately.

Ooh! San Francisco bay salmon!

Mm...

The fish of romance.

[♪ ♪]

According to my compass,
that way's north.

Which way's the tree?

Alice, compasses don't
tell you where trees are.

But if you wanna know
where west, east, or south is,

I'm your guy.

Yo! Grandpa Vic
is gonna love this!

I'm, like, the best
gift giver in the world.

But in your vision,

Neil said it would be the
perfect gift for your grandpa.

So, technically, Neil's the
best gift giver in the world.

[Laughs] But it was
my vision, right?

So, technically, technically,
I'm still the best.

- Yeah, but...
- I'm the best!

Alice:
Found it!

Wow.

This'll make the perfect gift
for your grandpa!

Booker, you were right.

Yeah, but technically...

We're not doing this again, Ivy.

How are we supposed
to get this to your house?

Uh... [muttering]

Y-you dragged us
all the way out here,

and you didn't bring an ax
or a saw or anything?

Don't worry.
Alright, I got this.

I've been watching
a ton of Internet videos

where this guy chops
through wood with his hand.

Oh, chop Louie?
That guy's hilarious!

- He breaks his hand every time!
- [Laughs, grunts]

Booker, wait.

Okay, I'm recording. Go for it.

[Inhales]
- Maybe you should let me handle this, huh?

Alice? Why do you
have a chainsaw?

The better question is,
why don't any of you?

Step aside.

[Chainsaw roars]

[♪ ♪]

And this is a picture of me
at the queen's jubilee.

Mom! You wore the dress
I made you to Buckingham Palace?

Of course.

You know the guards
aren't supposed to move,

but I saw them checking me out.

[Snap]

I don't get it.

It was Raven's idea for Tanya
and me to have alone time,

- but then Raven comes in and crashes it.
- Hm.

You know, Victor,
when I need a place

for a little alone time
with m'lady,

I take her out on my boat.

- You have a lady?
- Hm.

Nope. But I have a boat,
so I am halfway there.

Laszlo, that is perfect.

I need you to distract Raven,
so I can get Tanya out of here.

Ooh, no problem.
I know exactly what to do.

Hey, mom.
So, like, hypothetically,

could you get banned
from places for life?

Like what places?

I don't know. Like, um,

like a hair salon
or like a day spa...

What about outer space?

You got banned from space?

Hypothetically, mom.

Oh, Raven! May I
borrow you for a moment?

I'm talking to my mom,
laszlo.

Yes, yes, yes. But, I, uh...

[forced]
I have a mole,

and I need you to tell me
if it looks... Funny.

Well, I was a doctor for
a couple hours a while back,

which is how I got banned
from a hospital.

You got banned
from a hospital?

Hypothetically!

I'll be right back.

Hey, uh, Tanya,
you wanna get outta here?

I thought you'd never ask.

Lazlo, you did not need

to bring me into the kitchen
to show me that!

But you didn't
answer my question.

Does this mole look funny?

[Laughs]

[Sighs] You got problems,
you know that?

- Uh, where are my parents?
- Oh!

Oh, they're gone.
I hadn't noticed.

Lazlo? What do you know?

Wha... Nothing.

[Grumbles]

I am a mama, lazlo. I know
when little boys are lying.

- [Childish] I'm not lying!
- [Stamps foot]

Okay. I believe you.

But, if you were...

- You would break this mama's heart.
- Oh!

[Sighs] Fine.
I know where they are.

Oh! Mama guilt!

The most powerful force
in all of nature.

Spill it, man!

Well, Victor said
he needed some place

to talk to your mom alone,
so he took her out on my boat.

Okay. Okay. I-I gotta get to
that boat. What's it called?

The hungry hunk.

[♪ ♪]

I don't know why we couldn't
stop at Julie's house of jerky.

She'll jerky anything!

I jerky-ed my dad's tie
for father's day!

He loved it.

I wanna get back and give
this log to my grandpa

before he turns 61.

Are you sure we should be
taking the golden gate bridge?

Yeah. There's always traffic.

Trust me, alright?
It's the fastest way back.

[Cars honking]

Oh, man!

This is gonna take forever!

If only someone
had warned you.

Hope you don't get hungry.

Sure would be nice to have
some jerky right now.

I heard that, Neil.

Oh good,
'cause I wanted you to.

[♪ ♪]

[Seagull caws]

It is so beautiful out here.

I'm just glad we finally
have a chance to be alone.

Tanya, we need to talk.

- This situation is just...
- [Splashing]

Woo! Oh!

What is going on?

[Laughs] Nobody dumps my
mama. Not even my daddy.

[Splashing]

[Gasps]

Steady.

Steady as she goes.

[♪ ♪]

[cars honking]

Yo, why aren't we moving?

Apparently, a tanker
of peanut butter

crashed into a truck
full of jelly.

Is this real?

Yo, is this really happening?

I don't even know
what pun to make first!

You know, do I call it
a sticky situation,

or do I say it's a real jam?

I'm just gonna make a list.

Alice, did they say when
it'll be cleared up?

Uh... Not anytime soon.

No, forget it. I'm walking.

Wait, Booker, that's crazy.

Yeah. Your grandpa's house
is, like, way north.

Your compass is upside down.

Oh.

Your grandpa's house is,
like, way south.

Look, what choice do I have?

I got to get his present to him
before his birthday's over.

[Struggling]

[Grunts]

Hoo, that thing's heavy!

How far did I go?
Like, a mile?

Why can't you give it
to him tomorrow?

Because it won't be
his birthday anymore.

It won't be as special.

I mean, everyone gave
such amazing gifts,

and mine feels lame.

I just want grandpa Vic to
know how much I love him.

Booker,

birthdays aren't
just about presents.

And that's coming from a


Pop-pop knows
how much you care.

You show him every day
by making him laugh

and spending time with him.

There's no better
present than that.

Wow.

No wonder you gave grandpa
such a thoughtful gift.

I also wanted to, uh,

show everyone else up.
It's kinda my thing, so, uh...

Thanks, Alice.

Well, guess I'm gonna have
to give him this tomorrow.

[All gasp]

On second thought, he's just
gonna have to be happy

with a hug and a mug.

- I've missed this.
- Me, too.

Oh.

- [Loud crash]
- [Screaming]

- Uh-oh.
- [gurgling]

We're sinking!

We're sinking?!

Raven, what are you doing here?

Going down with the ship,
just like you!

[All screaming]

[♪ ♪]

[♪ ♪]

- [Splashing]
- [Boat gurgling]

Stupid open-toed shoes!

Tanya, if this is the end,
there's something I must say.

- Dad, wait.
- No!

I've been trying this all day.
This might be my last chance.

Tanya, I just can't
live like this anymore.

Yow! Like a knife in my heart!

Victor, what are
you trying to say?

[Helicopter whirring]

Woman: [on loudspeaker]
Attention, on the boat!

This is the us coast guard.

- We're saved!
- Thank goodness.

- Raven, you go first.
- Okay.

Victor:
I'm in! Pull me up! Pull me up!

[♪ ♪]

Woo! [Laughs]
Can you believe

the traffic on the golden
gate bridge? I mean,

[Laughs]
I have never been happier

to be in a helicopter.
Well, off to bed!

- Raven.
- Huh?

What is going on with you today?

First, you tell me
to talk to your mom,

and then you try to keep me
from talking to her.

And then, you sink a boat!

No, dad,
I did not sink that boat!

You believe me,
don't you, mom?

Oh, sweetie, I wish I could,
but I know you.

Y-y-you know, why are
we even talking about me?

Alright, what we need to be
talking about is what you meant

when you told mom that you
couldn't live like this anymore.

Actually, Victor,
I've been wondering that myself.

Look.

We've been living
apart for years,

and I thought
I was fine with that,

but then I saw you today,

and I realized I'm not.

To be honest, I'm not either.

[Crying]
I can't take it.

It's just sad, okay?
I mean... [Sobs]

Whatever it is, alright?

Whatever it is,

just say it!

Tanya...

I want this to work between us.

I want to move to London
to be with you.

Oh. That's what you
were gonna say?

Why was I trying to stop you?

Victor, I can't
think of anything

that would make me happier!

Oh, I knew this was
gonna work out.

This is nice. This is so nice!

Oh, good.
Grandpa, you're home.

There's, uh, something
I wanna give you.

Happy birthday.

Oh, Booker. I love it.

Yeah. Um, I had something
better I wanted to give you.

It was a piece of the tree
you carved your initials in

when you two were dating.

Oh, that's so sweet!

- But we got stuck in traffic.
- Yeah.

And the log accidentally fell
off the golden gate bridge.

I'm just glad it
didn't hit anything.

Like a sailboat?

Yeah. Yeah, like a sailboat
or a swimmer or...

Oh! A sea lion.

Aw...

Or a sailboat.

Yeah. Fine, ma, a sailboat.
What's with you and sailboats?

And why are you in
coast guard blankets?

Oh no.

[Laughing]

Why are you laughing?

'Cause you got
a kid just like you!

[Tanya and Victor laughing]

[♪ ♪]

Alice's coffee in Booker's cup.

Smells like love.

- Tastes like burnt sock.
- Mm. Here.

Tastes like burnt sock
with cream.

I don't hate it.

Oh, hey, Victor!

I just heard you're moving
to London. That is great news!

Oh, thanks. Listen, lazlo,

I'm really sorry
about your boat.

Oh, yeah, about that.

Since my house sank,

and you're going
to be in London,

I thought, eh, maybe
I could crash in your room.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

Oh. Well,
funny thing about that.

You see, the coast guard
found what sank my boat,

and I believe these are
your initials on a log

that your grandson dropped off
the golden gate bridge.

Bedroom up the stairs,
second door on the left.

Thank you so much.

- Hey, lazlo.
- Hey, roomie!

[♪ ♪]