03x06 - Beyond the Valley of the Dinosaurs

[bunniefuu]

That you, Birdman?

Get in here!
You gotta see something!

Huh? Huh?!

Uh...nice.

Not just nice. Soothing.

Get in here, you.

Thanks, but l really
don't have the time.

Nonsense.

Dr. Potamus prescribes
a 10-mintue schvitz.

No arguing.

Use the spa terry.

Oh, and hit the jets, will ya?

The jets?

Uh, this doesn't seem right.

My hoagy!

Oh! Where am l?

Um, hello there!

Can you tell me where we are?

Oh.

Breathing in....

and out.

Oops. Squeeze me.
Moshi moshi?

Oh, Peanut! Thank God.

l have no idea
how l got here, but l think--

- Hello?
- Oh!

Wait a second.
ls that better?

Look, the last thing
l remember was--

is l was in Potamus' hot tub...

and then
l got sucked down the--

Hello?

Can you hear me now?

No.

Can you hear me now?

Yeah. Wow,
that's amazing rec--No.

Can you hear me now?

Anytime minutes!

Um...hi.

Gotcha! Bad hoagy.

Hey, Birdman,
l found my sammich!

Birdman?

♪ Who is the man in the suit? ♪

♪ Who is the cat with the beak? ♪

♪ Do you really want to feel him? ♪

♪ Harvey attorney ♪

♪ Habeas corpus ♪

♪ Marvey attorney ♪

♪ Harvey Birdman,
Attorney at Law ♪

l'm sure we can come to
some sort of understanding.

l mean, we're all reasonable
human...derthals.

- Hello?
- Who dis?

You phoned me.
Who's this?

- You speak English?
- Why wouldn't l?

Yet another cultural stereotype.

No, it's just
that the dinosaurs...

and the grunting and all.
Where did you learn--

Three semesters
at CSU Long Beach.

Go, Niners!

Right.
Can l ask you something?

sh**t.

Him, not you.

Why am l tied up?

This is very clever.

Many moons ago, the oracle...

foretold the coming
of a pink man-bird...

who would bring with him
pestilence and drought.

You bad chinga, brother.

But l'm not even pink!
lt's the spa terry.

Oh, forget it.
What's going to happen to me?

Uh, we'll feast on
your buttocks at sunrise.

Mind if l borrow this?
lt's addictive.

Look out!

Now what?

lt's a miracle!

lt's--lt's our creation god
Sentcha--

a giant pink pith helmet-
wearing hippopotamus.

Pink?! He's purple!

Sentcha! Sentcha! Sentcha!

lt's the spa terry that's pink.

Can it, Birdman.
This could be good for us.

We must bear Sentcha to
the sacred pit of soothing oil rubdowns.

Yes. To there!

Watch the armpits. l chafe.

Look out!

Birdman, big accident
in the lunch room.

Get down there
with some sawdust and--

Where's Birdman?

M.l.A. Ooh, my goodness.
What's this?

lt's Birdman's feathers.

And hark!
There's something else.

Excuse me,
woman with child.

Muskrat droppings?
No. Creamier.

Oh, damn it, l've tasted this.

Got it. Hippo grease.

My God!
Now l understand!

They were sucked down the drain
through a time portal...

and are now living in
another, more peaceful...

and advanced civilization
governed by sl*ve girls.

Or, knowing Birdman,
they're just stuck in prehistory.

You, there! Get over here.

We're going for a ride.

Look out!

Sentcha decrees a feast.

And an orgy.

Hell, an orgy sexy feast!

That's Prince's best album.

And craven graven
images of myself...

near all the bathing pits.

lf l may be so bold?

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

This is Tana,
and this is Gokk and Grook.

Tana has committed the crime of
wanting to leave her husband Gokk...

and move into the cave of Grook.
You follow?

Not really, but go on.

One thing is for certain--
she must be punished.

We just need Sentcha
to decide how and when.

Punished, eh?
What have you done in the past?

We usually cut the chick in half
and award a piece to each guy.

- Done!
- Great. When?

Tomorrow's out.
Jewish holiday.

How's Thursday?

Are you crazy?! She just wants
to leave her husband...

and you're going to cut her in half?

Yeah. And?

lt's a divorce. Litigate it.
You're a lawyer.

Sentcha is weary.
Perhaps if there is someone...

who could relieve him
of this task--

l'll do it!

Anyone. Anyone at all.

l'll take the case!

My will be done.

Hey, sis, think
you could hit the bunions?

Oh, yeah!

Good!

Look out!

Perfect. Perfect!
Exactly how l imagined it.

l can see it now.
Tourists, lookey-loos, hunters.

An honest to goodness chance
to bag a dinosaur.

Or we could bag a...

God, the business opportunities.

No economy to speak of,
limitless resources.

You, get back to the present
and round up some businessmen.

- You, chimp boy.
- Chibo!

Congratulations!
You're my valet.

The pay is three of
these shiny silver thingies...

a year.

Take me to your leader.

Yeah, small question.
Are any of us sure...

that the Peanut's gonna end up
back where he started?

Look out!

Gentlemen, l give you
the splendor of unspoiled nature.

Now, forget that and imagine
a strip mall right over yonder.

But that's not why you've trudged
all the way out here, is it?

Behold,
every hunter's fantasy...

the most elusive of big game...
the dinosaur.

Chibo, r*fle.

Whoops, wrong dino!

This is just a cute tiny one.
Hey, there, little fella.

Go ahead, Birdman,
but make it fast.

l got a Little Miss Australopithecus
contest to judge.

Please state your name
for the record.

He's right, Birdman.

lf you're gonna question
a witness...

you gotta carry
the Sentcha stone.

Sentcha stone?

Mr. Chunga,
you live in the cave...

adjacent to Tana and Gokk,
do you not?

Chunga.

Yes. Tell us, would you say
they had a...

loving marriage?

Chunga.

Chunga hungry!

Now, isn't it true
that you've witnessed...

numerous incidents
of physical and...

emotional abuse
on the part of Gokk?

Chunga hungry!

l realize it's a bit early...

but maybe we could
break for lunch?

Nah. l kind of want
to see how long...

you can keep
that thing in the air.

Ooh, that's right.
Raise your chin.

Raise your other chin. Yes!
Now you're interesting.

Ooh, that was wrong.
That was so wrong.

l'm sh**ting that
because it's wrong.

lt's so wrong.

l would like to call my client
Tana to the stand.

Tana, tell us
simply what you want.

l would like to be free
to choose my own husband.

And, ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...

is that too much to ask?

l'd also like to vote in
the tribunal elections.

And the hunting club--
l want a membership.

And work outside
the cave in a job--

No, a career of
my own choosing.

Huh? Huh?
We got a verdict yet?

So ordered!
Dump her in the swamp!

Objection!

You got a better idea?

Yes, l do.
Court-ordered counseling.

Boring.

Wait. Where am l going
to find a counselor?

l'm not a counselor,
but l have this whip.

l'll do it.

Look out!

Guys, fellas, everybody...

do l need to point out
all the advantages...

of doing business
in the Mesozoic?

Natural resources,
proximity to tar pits, strip clubs.

Chibo?

Look out!

Let us consider this
a new day, a beginning...

the first day of
Grook and Tana's new love.

And we also welcome
our friend Gokk...

who gifts us with love,
friendship...

and his newfound understanding
of alimony payments.

What was that?!

Phil, what happened?!

Not sure.

l just finished blowing up
the sacred volcano...

to clear space for
the Sacred Volcano Family Fun Park...

and all of a sudden,
everybody goes ape-...!

Literally. Run!

Why are you running?
They think you're a god!

Last thing l remember...

l was casting virgins
into the volcano, then boom!

Now l ain't pink.

Plus, they saw me taking a whiz.

OK! How was l to know God
doesn't have to drain it?

Run!

Look out!

Well, everybody,
it's not every day...

you can say
you've had an adventure...

and advanced civilization
by thousands of years.

Ah, feels good.

Somebody forgot to close
the portal door behind him!

OK!