02x08 - Peanut Puberty

[bunniefuu]

l'd like to welcome you all
to the bi-annual--

''Bi''-- Sebben and Sebben
board of directors meeting.

OK, first chart--Look out!

We made a lot of money this year
by suing...Let's see...

doctors, dentists, astrologists,
the maker of all-terrain vehicles...

people that own sidewalks,
the people that put cheese in the crust...

Big Tobacco, Little Tobacco,
and, oh, yeah, some priests.

But as you can see
from the next board--

Think fast!

Where we really made
the money this year was in--

same as everybody else--
arms sales.

Oh, new area this year: Opium.

People are just nuts about it,
so we're seeing rising profits...

enlarging revenue,
and lots of good, firm growth.

We're turgid with cash.
Tumescent in--

Mr. Peanut, do you have something
you want to share...

- with the rest of the class?
- Not really.

Well, maybe you can get up here
and tell us the percentage...

our revenue is up over last year.

Board of directors?

More like the board of erectors!

Stop looking! Stop looking!

♪ Who is the man in the suit? ♪

♪ Who is the cat with the beak? ♪

♪ Do you really want to feel him? ♪

♪ Harvey attorney ♪

♪ Habeas corpus ♪

♪ Marvey attorney ♪

♪ Harvey Birdman,
Attorney at Law ♪

Peanut.

Oh, get away from me...Dad.
You don't understand.

Peanut, um...uh...Hold on.

''There comes a time
when every young superhero...

''starts to get
their special powers.''

- What do you know, Harvey?!
- Not a lot!

So, l guess we're not gonna need
the banana and the condom.

Come in.

Oh, are you lost, little do--boy?

They have my dad
locked up in a cage.

lsn't that cute?
He calls a jail cell a cage.

No, really, it's a cage.

A dog cage. lt's awful.

They say he bit someone...

and now they want
to euthanize him.

Aw, that's not so bad.
Who doesn't want to be younger?

Wow, that's hot!

- Sure you don't want any?
- No. No, thank you.

Oh, listen, Chief, l need a favor.

Peanut--Well, he's getting
his superpowers...

and he really needs
someone to talk to.

So, l figured Apache Chief,
he knows about this stuff.

Well, not any more than you.

Come on, don't tell me
you didn't learn something...

from being in those films
in the Eighties.

The Chief's Totem Pole,
The Chief's Tee Pee.

Please, l am ashamed of those.

The Super Friends fired me,
and, well, there were bills to pay--

Look, all l'm asking is you take him
to a ball game or something...

and talk to him about it.

When l came of age...

my father took me to watch
two bison mate.

Or you could take him
to watch two bison mate.

Whatever you think is best.

Look out!

Peanut, so...

you know that you can ask me
any questions...

that you have about
going through superty.

OK, yeah, l do have
some questions.

Does it matter what size my shield is?
When will l start to get my cape?

ls it OK if my power bands
stick out an angle...

when l'm excited--
l mean stick out?

Well, yes...

Ooh, Peanut, look.
Over there.

Far, far away in the field.

Charge!

So, he bit someone, did he?

Uh-huh.
Let me check something.

Come here, boy.
Come on, boy, come here.

Did he just call me ''Boy''?

Look who has a treat.
Look who has a treat.

Good boy. Good boy.

Come here.

That's it. Don't bite.

Don't bite.

This is humiliatin'.

Yeah, just as l thought.
No tags.

Look, son, you're gonna have
to take your dog here...

and get him his rabies shot.

l'm not gonna contract rabies.

l'm an upstandin' citizen.

l'm in the Knights of Columbus,
for Pete's sake.

Oh, he's showing me his teeth.

This court orders that the defendant
be sent to aggressiveness training.

Where am l going to find a trainer?

l'm a trainer.

Oh, and get him fixed
while you're at it, will you?

Where am l going to find a vet?

Well, l'm not a vet,
but l do have these pliers.

Wow, this is a first.
You doing your own laundry, son?

What gives?

Oh, nothing. l--l just spilled
a glass of water on my bed.

This is a sign that you may be
getting your superpowers.

Another sign...

Look out!

Most important thing,
Birdman...

you have to teach them
you're dominant.

First step,
mark your territory.

Here. Over here. Here.

Oh, this is mine.
This car here.

Over here is mine, too.

And--Hold on, there's the bus.
Gotta get on.

And...

Here. l think
that about covers it.

Well, l was just wondering.

When your...
What's your term for it?

Young ward?

Right. When your young ward
came of age...

how did you deal with it?

Oh, l sat him down,
talked to him.

Yeah, right, l tried that.
Anything else?

Well, l also took him to
that exotic dance place.

Dance place?

Yeah, you know.
The Legion of Dance.

Hey, can l have that back?

Thank you.

Hey, can l have that back, please?

Just tell me
what you want me to do.

l'm the alpha male.
l'm the alpha male!

What the hell?!

Scrat mat. Teaches you
not to sit on the furniture.

But it's my recliner!

l have the receipt
for it right here!

Look out!

Peanut. Oh, Peanut.

Oh, yeah.
Look at the blasters on that one.

l am the Blaster Man.

Peanut, l've found a fun way...

to teach you
what's going on in your bod--

And he's spending
all of his time...

sh**ting off his power bands
to pictures of villains.

Disgusting.

Next time it happens,
you take my shrink g*n...

and you make it small again.

You know, l was thinking
it would be more healthy...

if he had an experience
with an actual villain--

someone we knew.

That way, we could make sure
his first time...

is a gentle, nurturing, positive--

Back off! No way.
Call someone else.

Oh, come on, Reducto. Who?

l don't know, Birdman.

Find someone who likes
this sort of thing.

Hello. Who is this?

Harvey. Harvey Birdman.

Stop teasing, Zardo.
l know it's you.

No, no, really.
lt's me, Harvey.

Oh, yeah, right, sure.

lf this is Birdman,
tell me where you were...

last Tuesday at 10:37 p.m.

The Nail Shack?

lt's you! lt's you!

Wait. How did you
know where l was?

Well, because l'm stalking you.

Jeez! Hold on.
l have to change phones.

♪ lt's him, it's him,
it's him, it's him ♪

♪ lt's him, it's him, it's him ♪

- Go on.
- Hello?

lt's perfect. lt's like
he's right here with me.

Hey, Zardo, look.
Birdman called me.

So, what have you been up to?

Oh, the usual--

obsessing about you,
plotting to k*ll you.

Right, right. Look, l was wondering
if you could do me a favor.

A favor? Oh, this is good.

♪ This is good ♪

Peanut is--Well, he's ready
to have relations with a villain...

and l was wondering
if you would...

you know, agree to let
Peanut blast you.

Wait, is that the little guy?
The one that looks like you?

- That's the one.
- Yeah, he's kind of cute.

But you sure
we're not talking about you?

No, no.

Well, OK.
But it will cost you, Birdman.

What did you have in mind?

Oh, l don't know.

The crest on Birdman's helmet?

Not my crest!
lt gives me my powers! l think.

l guess you'll just have
to ask somebody else.

OK, l'll do it...for Peanut.

l'll be right over
to collect payment, Birdman.

ln advance.

Look out!

l don't know, Mr. Black Vulcan.

l'm just nervous about my first time.

Oh, you shouldn't be nervous, little man.
lt's a beautiful thing.

But...does it hurt?

Well, that depends on
who's giving and who's receiving.

You know, l was nervous
about my first time.

You were?

Oh, yeah.
l think everybody is.

Can you tell me what it was like?

Well, l remember
it was a warm night.

There we were, all alone.

Aquaman, where are you?

We made some small talk.

You're not gonna
get away with this.

We were both nervous.

l swear, somewhere
l heard music start playing.

l felt something happening.

- ln your pants?
- That's right. ln my pants.

Well, anyway,
nature just took its course.

lt was the most beautiful thing.

So, see? There's nothing
to be worried about, my Peanut.

Well, l guess not, huh?

Wow, thanks, Black Vulcan.

My pleasure.

Look out!

Well, you can finally
take your do--dad home.

There you go!

Hardly had to use the cattle prod.

Woof. Woof.

Now, the way to make him
roll over is--

You, Birdman!

Hand over your crest!

Oh, l'm sorry.
ls this a bad time?

No, no, it's fine.

You sure l couldn't pay you
some other way?

No, no, the crest is pretty much
what l had in mind.

Well, OK. Let me just...

No, Mr. Birdman, don't!
Not your crest!

- Don't do it, man!
- Sorry. lt's for Peanut.

- Oh!
- Well, well, well!

What a looker!

Hey, everybody,
l'd like you to meet Metallo.

He's my new villain friend.

Well, nice to meet you, Metallo.

ls it OK if l still have the crest?

Hurting me! Hurting me!

Liking it. Liking it.

Roll over.