01x23 - Terminal Pete

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies
There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[snoring]

[Pete] Gangway!

[alarm sounds]

Whoo ha!

[whimpering]

[meows]

[snickers]

[meows]

[laughing]

[snickers]

Whoo!

[chittering]

Uh-oh.

Aah!

Aah!

[coughs]

[yowling]

[crash]

[Pete] Will you get off of me?

[shouting]

Whoa, nellie!

Ah...

Ah-choo!

I hate flowers.

[humming]

Perfect! Ah-hyuck!

Hmmph!

Rrrr.

Ohh!

Dang defective equipment.

Now don't go away.

I'll be back in a jiffy. Ah-hyuck!

Oh, wow!

Perfect.

Here ya go, little feller.

Your new home.

-[rumbling]
-Huh?

Spring plantin'. Ah-hyuck!

[panting]

Uhh!

W-w-whoa.

W-w-w-whoa!

All gardenin' takes is
a little tender lovin' care.

Ah-hyuck!

Hmm. Somethin' funny's goin'
on around here.

[grunts]

Arrgh! Ooh!

Whoa!

Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Ooh, a wise guy, huh?

See how he likes takin' a bath.

[gulps]

This is the only way
for a real man to relax.

[belch] Mm.

I wonder if the Pegster

will let me keep this puppy
in the bedroom.

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

I brought you more of your favoritest
mixed nuts

that you love so very, very, very much.

Aw, ain't that sweet?

Whadaya you want?

I want you to play with me.

Oh, sweet tooth, Daddy's pooped.

Find somebody else to make miserable--

I mean play with.

OK! [giggles]

No, no, no, no. It's no use beggin'.

You know I love my Pistolkins, but...

OK?

Look, Daddy.

My new friend likes mixed nuts, too!

[burps]

[Pete] Get away from that critter, baby!
It's a wild animal!

And he's not gonna ruin my yard.

But, Daddy, he's my friend.

[Pete] Yeah? Well,
in a minute he'll be your ex-friend!

This oughta fix the little varmint.

Run, gopher, run!

p*stol, come back here!

Whoa! Waa!

Bbllbb! Bbllbb!

Bbllbb! Bbllbb!

Duh-oh!

Oh, my gawrsh!

I fixed the wrong little varmint.

"I fixed the wrong little varmint".

I oughta just--

[gasps] Look!

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

Yeow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

My mower!

My gopher!

[both] p*stol!

[p*stol] Help!

[both panting]

[p*stol] Hi, Daddy.

[both] Hello, p*stol.

p*stol?

[panting] A-wow!

Oh, come on, ya big galoot!

Speak to Mommy.

Pete-ums, sweetums, talk to me.

It's me,
your pineapple upside-down cake.

Can petey have a pony for Christmas? Mmm.

Gawrsh! We better get him
to the infirmiary--

the informer-- the hospital!

I'll drive.

[horn honks]

[whinnying like horses]

[horn honks]

[burps]

[burps]

[nibbling]

[Doctor] Mrs. Pete?

Yes, Doctor?

Your husband's head is fine--

back to normal anyway.

It's difficult to dent solid ivory.

[blowing raspberry]
Don't I know it. Thank you, Doctor.

No problem.

We'll sh**t a few more
X-rays to make sure,

and then you may take him home.

And, you, well,

soon your papa will be with you again,

you strange, hairy little boy. Heh heh.

[laughs]
That's not a strange, hairy little boy.

That's my gopher.

Yeah, yeah. Sure.
Of course it's your gopher. Ha ha ha.

A gopher?

[honk]

Get this beast out!

This is a hospital, not a cartoon!

Halt! Stop! Desist! Cease!

But, Mommy, I don't wanna go
to the sweetheart's dance.

Ooh! Ha! Ooh!

No fair ticklin'! Ha ha ha ha!

[Doctor] All right. Just a few pics
of his chest, and we're through.

Smile!

[Pete snoring]

[chittering]

[Pete] Huh?

[man 1] Hey, this is horrible.

-What?
-[man 1] It's disgusting.

How could the poor guy let it get so bad?

[man 2] I don't even think rippin' it out

and startin' over would do any good.

Oh, my gawrsh.

[man 1] Uh-uh. Nope. Over now. Forget it.

There's nothing we can do for him.
[blowing raspberry] It's all over.

All over?

Mama.

[man 1] Yep. Definitely the end
of the line for this puppy.

Nah, it's impossible.
I ain't listenin' to this. [mumbling]

Maybe we could fix the problem
if we ripped out a few more sinks.

Hey, hey, Toby,
now you're cookin' with gas.

[stammers] What is this messy mess
you're making? What?

We're repairing a leaky faucet.

But we didn't have the right washer,

so we had to improv-- uh...
make it up as we go along.

Out, out, before I improv--
make up you! Get out!

Doc, I was wonderin'--

Whoa! Ow! Uh-oh!

And what do you want?

I suppose you want to ruin
my faucets, too, huh?

I wouldn't think of it, Doc.

I just want to see
how my pal Pete's doin'.

Oh, well, that's all right, then.

We'll-We'll look at his X-rays.

I can't stand it!
I have to know the truth!

So how is old Petey boy, Doc?

Well, I... I don't believe this.

Is it bad?

Bad?

Bad?

[laughing]

I'm a medical joke,

a riddle of mother nature.

[laughing]

Serious, huh?

Are you kidding? Ha ha ha!

According to this silly X-ray,

your buddy's either--
ha ha ha-- terminal

or he's a gopher.

Gopher? Don't you mean goner, Doc?

Goner? Gopher?

Don't interrupt. I'm on a roll here.

Now... how often do you think

we find something
to laugh at around here?

Now where was I?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Gopher.

Listen to this one.

I don't think your pal will
last past Groundhog Day!

Ha ha ha ha! You get it?

No. I think it's Pete that's got it.

That's a good one!

Ha ha ha ha!

How about this one?

[clears throat]
The old boy will probably croak

if he sees his own shadow.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Gawrsh. Poor Petey.

Yeah.

Gawrsh. Poor Petey.

Come on, let's go try
this out on Peter, huh?

Never mind, Doc. I heard everything.

Oh, fudge!
Then you might as well go home.

There's nothing more
we can do for you here.

Oh, listen, Doc,
don't tell all this stuff to my family.

What's the use?

They probably don't have
any sense of humor, either.

Can't say much for his bedside manner.

You know, Goof,
it's not that I'm afraid to die.

I just don't want to be there
when it happens.

[sobs]

Don't worry, Petey.
You always got me.

[sobbing]

[Pete] Nipped in the bud.

That's where life's nipped me--

right in my bud.

What's the world gonna do
without sweet, amiable me?

Beat it, ya mutt!

Can't you see I'm being profound?

That dumb dog really
got my gopher beatin' that time.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.
Sweet and amiable...

Loved by all for my sunny disposition.

Lift your feet!

Yes, ma'am.

What'll she do without me?

And P.J. and Pistolkins?

And that stupid chain saw?

But I can make a difference
while I'm still here.

And I will!

Now enjoy that if you know
what's good for ya!

Huh?

What are we up to now, Peter?

Aw, let me do this for you, corn nut.

Are you all right, Pete?

Well, of course I'm all right.

Can't a hubby do his lambykins
a favor once in a while? Hmm?

I think he got bumped harder
than I thought.

Let me see now. Ahh!

No wonder women think this is hard work.

They don't have it turned up enough.

Whoa-ohh!

Aah! Help! Stop!

No, no, no! Let go!

[shouting]

Now I gotcha!

[whimpering]

Thank you so much for your help, dear.

You're welcome, pumpkinface.

Now why don't you go help someone else...
[sarcastic laugh]

In Australia?

And-And here's my combo
fish scaler-power sander

and my Russian army jackhammer.

Oh, and my weed chomper,

and radial foot saw,

and here's my portable oil Derrick.

Oh, gawrsh, Pete.

I don't know what to say.

Nothin', neighbour.

All I ask is you love them
like I did-- do-- have.

I'll love 'em like they was family.

Whoa!

Aah-hoo-hoo!

Aah! Yow!

If I wasn't gonna die, he would be.

Uh... Here ya go, P.J.

I thought you might need these, son--

power ties.

You're gonna need these
if you wanna grow up like your old dad.

With this one, you can sell anything.

And this-this makes you a better driver.

And this is for old girlfriends.

This baby will get you
lots of new girlfriends. Ha ha.

Well? What do you think?

Uh, gosh, sir, why don't you keep 'em
and maybe I'll borrow 'em later?

Later.

Oh. No, no, son.

It's better you should have them now,

well, for good luck.

They're really... something, Mr. P.

Here, you little Goofette.

Now don't spend it all in one place.

[both] Wow!

Man, wonder what's wrong with him.

[Pete] p*stol! Oh, pistolface.

There you are, sweet corn.

But...

This is the troublemaker
that wrecked my life--

I mean mower.

Why, I'm gonna--

Daddy, don't!

Give me one good reason why not.

Because he's my friend.

He plays with me when you're not around.

When I'm not... Around?

You know, when you're too busy.

Oh! Oh, well, sure.

Good idea, pumpkin.

He-He is kind of cute

for a nasty, buck-toothed,
root-chewing rodent.

[coughing]

[giggles]

See, Daddy? He likes you.

What's important is he likes you, honey.

Now, whadaya say we have some tea

before earthworm breath here
eats all my mixed nuts?

I think you should tell 'em, Petey.

Nah. Just a lot of sloppy
goodbyes that way. [sighs]

Time to go seek my density
while I'm still kickin'.

Your density? Gawrsh.

Ever since I was a little spud,

I wanted to be a Hollywood stuntman,

but I was too scared--

I mean smart to try it.

But now's my chance
to do somethin' spiffy

with what I got left!

Yeah, you ran outta good smarts
a long time ago.

Thanks, Goof.

Take care of things for me, pal.

You can count on me, Pete.

Just remember--
things can only get better.

[thud]

[Pete] Eeuuie.

Grrr.

I told ya to wear a hat.

[doorbell rings]

[Peg]
Goofy, open up! I need to speak to you!

Goofy!

Oh, hiya, Peg.

Don't you "Hiya, Peg" me!

What's my big pinhead
of a husband up to now?

"I have gone to seek my density".

Honestly! His density is right here,

and she wants to now what's going on!

And I want to know
why he's decided not to pay my bill!

Well, Doc, Pete was a little disappointed

that you couldn't save him

from that terminal chest gopher stuff.

Terminal chest gopher stuff?

What terminal chest gopher stuff?

[nervous chuckle]
I was making a little joke,

and your husband didn't think
it was funny.

You were only jokin'?

Of course I was only joking.

Who's dumb enough to believe in something

as silly as terminal chest gopher,

for goodness' sake? Yuck!

I know two names for the top of the list.

I can't wait to hear this one.

I'll tell ya on the way.

But [stammers] does this mean
I still don't get paid?

Eechhh!

Help! Call an ambulance!

I've been kissed by a hairy little gopher!

[Peg] But, Goofy, where are we going?

[Goofy] To save Pete from his density...
I hope.

All right! Places, everyone!

Settle down!

You ready, sweetie?

Oh. Well, I've been thinking.

Pete, baby, honey, darling,

you're a stuntman now.

Leave the thinking to someone else.

Just trust me.

Yeah, I guess that's right.

All that should be in that
itsy-bitsy mind of yours

is how famous you're gonna be

when this commercial hits the big time.

Yeah. Famous.

If you pull this off,

you'll be a national treasure
like-- like Mount Rushmore--

remembered forever.

Yeah. Forever.

Prepare to meet your destiny!

Yeah! Destiny!

Mount Rushmore, here I come!

Got to hand it to you.

I never thought you'd find anyone
to do this.

[Goofy] But, Peg, how can you be so sure

this is the stunt Pete's gonna do?

Because of all the stunts

they told us were being done today,

only Pete would pick one this silly.

N-Nice view.

Well done, Petester!

All right, wind 'em up!
OK, Petey-bird!

You just tell us when you're ready to go.

I w-w-will.

Hurry, Goofy!
There isn't much time left!

He's not gonna say "go",
no matter how long we wait.

[director] Come on, Pete.
We can't wait forever. You promised!

I guess he's not as dumb as he looks.

[vehicle approaching]

Look out!

[coughing]

[director] What in the wide world
of camera angles is going on?

What?

Don't do it, Petey!

Don't go!

Did you hear somebody say "go?"

Absolutely.

Action!

Whoa!

Help!

Daddy, come down!

Come down is exactly what he's gonna do.

Like a rock.

[director] Nonsense.

The purpose of this stunt
is to reveal to the people anxious to know

the airy softness of the Pillbox
Nut-Bran muffin.

Yah! Hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Aah!

Ohh! Whoa!

Petey! We got news for ya!

What is it!

The bad news is you hafta pay the doctor!

What's the good news?

You're gonna live!

I'm gonna live?

Yes, dear, you are,

at least till I get you home.

[sniffs]

Oh... Yummy.

[Pete] You're sure?

Absolutely positive!

Whoops.

Wanna bet?

Aah!

[crash]

[Peg] Oh, I'm so glad you're home, Peter.

And now you know better
than to keep secrets,

don't you, you great big mummy dummy?

Yes, sugar beet.

I'm glad my bud wasn't nipped.

Well, you just rest and eat your
mixed nuts while I fix dinner.

[mumbling]

Hey! Grrb!

[screams in pain] Help!

Get off me, you stupid little squirt!

Oh, boy!

See, Daddy?
I told you you'd like my friend.

I'm gonna get you for this,

you fuzzy little rat fink!

[mumbling]

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!