03x08 - South Pafishic/Assignment: Babies

[bunniefuu]

One, two, three, four
Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight
Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12
Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail
School's out, ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

One, two, three, four
Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight
Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12
Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail
School's out, ring the bell!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING]

Mr. Mussels, Mr. Mussels, I'm so excited!

I just got the poster to advertise
our new musical, South Pafishic!

[THEATER MUSIC PLAYING]

-[ALL CHATTERING]
-CLAMANTHA: You go, girl!

Hey, I'm having a idea right now!

That we should be using this poster
to advertise our new musical,

South Pafishic!

Yeah, I kinda just said that.

Great minds think alike!

Anyways, I think I can use a lot of props
from the last show.

But we're gonna need money
for our new costumes,

some palm trees,
a fleet of navy ships...

-That's gonna be a problem!
-Why?

I may or may not have spent
all of our proceeds

from our last musical production
on beef jerky for my sick mother.

-You did what?
-I spent all the money!

-[ALL CLAMORING]
-CLAMANTHA: Oh, no! Not that!

Don't panic, guys, don't panic.

I'll just go ask
Nurse Principal Fishington for more funds.

It'll be easy. Robots love budgets.

-She's a robot?
-Yeah. Remember?

She took over the school and stuff?

Oh, yeah! She cray-cray.

Problem solved.
[SING-SONGS] Diddly-doo!

No! Error. No! Error. Error. Error.
Negative. No! No. No.

Excuse me while I file your request.

[MECHANICAL WHIRRING]

But Nurse Principal Fishington,
this is serious.

We're not gonna have a musical
this season if we don't have funds.

-Error.
-Whoa there!

I'm sorry, Bea. The mere mention
of theater just causes me

to sh**t lasers out of my eyes.

I do not think that
that is an unreasonable reaction.

But everyone loves theater.
[SCREAMS]

My processor says this is simply not true.

Oh, come on. At least give me
a fighting chance. [SCREAMS]

The drama club works really hard.
Woah!

And I bet if you just came
to see us rehearse,

you'll wanna shower us with funding.

Fine.

[CHEERFUL THEATER MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING]
Something is fishy

On the Pafishic Islands

A beast so fearsome

He shan't be named

Speaking specific...

-[GRUMBLES]
-...On the Pafishic Islands

May our bravery serve us

Until the beast is slain

Just follow me then, mates
No beast is as strong as I am

The sweep of my fins
He'll not withstand

-We're gonna mash him up, slash him up
-We're gonna mash him up, slash him up

-Dash him in the sand
-Dash him in the sand

-And bring back peace
-And bring back peace

-To the islands
-To the islands

Error.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, man! That does not look good.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Yeah! We gotta help Bea.

-BEA: Help! Help! We're still in here!
-[ALL CLAMORING]

Jumbo, I need your help.
If anybody's know robots, it's you.

-Payment, please.
-BEA: One pudding cup.

[LAUGHS] Thank you.

[GOBBLES]
Now, what seems to be the problem?

For some reason,
Fishington just hates theater.

Hmm, interesting. Robots don't just hate
things for no reason. Tell me more.

She yells "error"
and then shoots lasers out of her eyes.

"Error," huh? Sounds like
an internal computer problem.

So what do you think, Jumbo?
Can you help us?

Normally I would,
but tonight is the finale

of Freshwater's Fest Fish Dance Crew!

-OMG, you watch that too?
-Totally! Jason k*lled it last week.

[CHUCKLES] I can't wait to see
what happens!

Oh, you're too busy? I guess we're
just gonna have to call Todd Computerfish.

-[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-MALE ANNOUNCER: Todd Computerfish!

PC problems? No problem.
Todd Computerfish.

Where's my internet?
Todd Computerfish!

Freshwater's only C+ certified computerist
on a skateboard.

Todd Computerfish!

It's what I do.

-ANNOUNCER: And he plays guitar!
-[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

Not Todd Computerfish!

You know what, never mind.
I'll just record the show.

All right, here's what we'll do.

Tonight, we'll come back
to Fishington's office

while she's being recharged,
and go inside her brain and find out

where the error message is coming from.

That's it? Todd Computerfish would've
at least played the guitar.

[ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

-[MILO GRUNTING]
-[OSCAR WHIMPERING]

Jumbo, watch for the motion detectors.
You're gonna get us caught!

There are no motion sensors, Milo.

[SPARKS CRACKLING]

[BURPS]

[ALL COUGHING, GASPING]

All right. [CHUCKLES] We're in.

Woah! That's what Fishington's thoughts
look like?

[ELECTRIC HUMMING]

[CRASHING]

Okay. Now, remember, once you're inside,
do not touch anything.

If you do, the system will locate you,
and you will be purged!

Milo, are you paying attention?

-Yes.
-What did I just say?

Something, something, uh, donuts?

Anyway, you only have until sunrise,

because that's when Fishington
will power back on.

You'll need to wear these headsets,
and follow my instructions exactly.

Also, we'll need to wear these.

Uh, I'm not sure how necessary
those outfits are to the mission.

Come on, Jumbo!
We want to look amazing in there.

Fine. Draw attention to yourselves.

Yes! Attention!

Go now, to the fronton of Fishing-tier!

Uh, to the Frish-ing-ton-tier?

To the final frontish... frish...
frishing... uh...

Jumbo, we're in.

JUMBO: All right, tell me what you see.

Woah, it's totally
old school video game-y in here.

All right, don't touch anything.

-Bea, where's Milo?
-Ooh! Todd Computerfish keychain!

-Milo!
-Bea, what happened? Where's Milo?

-[ELECTRICAL WHOOSHING]
-[SCREAMS, CRASHES]

Um, never mind. All right,
you should be approaching a set of doors.

We're here.

I'll open the doors for you.

By my calculations, the error message
must be coming from in there.

[DOOR BUZZES, BEEPS]

-Bea! Bea! The doors are closing!
-Hold them open!

-[BEEPING CONTINUES]
-[GRUNTS]

-Thanks, Oscar! I won't be long.
-[OSCAR WHIMPERING]

[GRUNTS, PANTS]

-Oscar, what's going on in there?
-[WHIMPERS]

FEMALE VOICE: Error. Error. Error. Error.

-Aha! The error message. I'm going in.
-Error. Error. Error. Error...

What is this, some sort of
old-sie time-sie projection room?

Uh, let's see.
Next we have, uh, Miss Fishington.

[OLD HOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING]

-Uh, it says here you're a robot?
-Yes.

-Then what are you here for?
-I want to be in the play?

-[SCOFFS] I beg your pardon?
-The play.

Oh, sweetheart, I don't know
what they teach yous in robot school,

but surely I don't need to remind you
that robots are incapable of conveying

the complex emotions of a living fish!

-But I was hoping...
-Forget it, hon.

If at some point you become
a living being with feelings,

have your people get in touch
with my people. Next!

[ELECTRONIC CRACKLING]

[BEA SCREAMING]

FEMALE VOICE:
Error. Error. Error. Error. Error. Error.

Oscar! Tell Bea she has 20 seconds
to get out of there! The sun's coming up!

-Bea!
-Hold those doors, Oscar! I'm coming!

-[ELECTRICAL WHOOSHING]
-OSCAR: Bea!

-[WHIMPERS] Bea!
-[BEA PANTING]

[BEA WHIMPERS]

-[BEA SCREAMING]
-[BURPS]

-[OSCAR SCREAMING]
-[BURPS]

[GROANS]

Did you guys do it?
Did you fix the broken thingy?

No. I didn't do it.

[ALL EXCLAIM]

I found out it wasn't an error at all.
Her feelings were hurt.

But she's a robot!

That may be, Jumbo,
but she's a robot with memories.

Sad ones.

But I think I have an idea
that will save our show!

Now let's get out of here
before Fishington wakes up.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-Maybe just a tad bit higher.
-What is all this nonsense?

It's the musical you wouldn't pay for.

You shut us out of the auditorium
and took away our funds.

So we're gonna perform right here
in the hallway.

Unacceptable.
All students evacuate immediately.

I am going to burn down the school.

-[PANTS]
-Or you could help us

defeat the creep of the island
in South Pafishic!

[CONTINUES PANTING]

Here, we even wrote a part for you.

-Why?
-Because we'd like to give you the chance

to be the actress
you never got to be.

NURSE FISHINGTON:
You wrote a part... for me?

-[HEART THUMPING]
-[EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SQUEAKING]

Bea, I am touched.

How did you know that is all
that I have ever wanted?

Oh, well, we figured it out when we were
inside your head. [CHUCKLES]

-What?
-Milo!

-Anyway, let me explain.
-[PIANO PLAYING]

[SINGING]
We've waited here for you...

Me? A robot...

[SINGING]
With no feelings?

Are you sure I'm needed?

Without you, we're incompleted

-Together, we'll defeat
-Together, we'll defeat

-The...
-The...

-Creep!
-Creep!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL CHEER]

Fishington approved their funding!
The drama department is saved!

Now I can buy so much more beef jerky!

For my sick mother.

Thank you for saving the drama department,
Nurse Principal Fishington.

-[APPLAUSE]
-Just listen to them. They love me.

But they love Todd Computerfish more.

-[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-[ALL CHEER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAT PURRS, GROWLS]

-All right, class, listen up.
-[BABIES COOING, LAUGHING]

As you all know, I've recently
become the father

-to many wonderful, beautiful babies...
-[BABY BABBLING]

...and... Hey, where do you think
you're going?

-Look, the point is, I need sleep.
-[BABIES COOING]

A half-hour a week
just isn't cutting it anymore.

Which leads me to your new assignment.

Each of you will be partnering up
with the fish next to you

and watching one of my children
for the remainder of the week.

Now, are there any questions?

-Mr. Baldwin, are... are we supposed to...
-[BABY COOING]

-[DOOR SLAMS]
-Oh. Oh, he left.

Whoo! Looks like it's you and me, Oscar.
This will be good practice.

You know, I'm gonna have kids someday.
It'll keep me grounded when I'm famous.

I don't know, Bea.

I mean, being a parent
is a huge responsibility.

-MALE VOICE: Shut up, Oscar!
-Whoa! Who... who said that?

MALE VOICE: Up here!

Oh! Hey, Brain! I can see you through
my head! Weird.

Listen to me, Oscar. Now's your chance
to get Bea to see you differently.

[STUTTERS] What do you mean?

Er, well, if you show her
you can be a parent

to that baby seahorse thing,

she'll see you as father material.
She'll think it's hot.

Trust me, I'm your brain.
I know everything.

Okay, great idea!

All right, Bea, we're gonna be
great parents together!

Isn't that right, big guy?

[BABY SQUEALS, GIGGLES]

-[BEA LAUGHS]
-OSCAR: [LAUGHS] Yeah!

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS]

CHORUS: [SINGING]
Oh, I'm your baby, maybe

When you gonna change me, change me, baby?

Ba-ba-ba-baby
Ma-ma-ma-maybe

Won't you be my baby, baby?

[IMITATES PLANE]
This is Captain Applesauce,

requesting permission
to land in baby's mouth.

-[GRUNTS]
-[IMITATES PLANE] Boosh!

Yum! Yum! [GIGGLES]

Okay, little fella, nappy time!
[CLEARS THROAT]

[SINGING] Go to sleep and good night

Your eyes are getting heavy

You know you're tired
So don't fight

We'll see you when you wake up

-[SNORES]
-Wow, Oscar!

You're, like, really good at this.
You're like...

You're like the world's best dad.

Oh thanks, Bea. I'm just doing
what comes naturally.

I'm gonna put him to bed
and grab you some blankets.

[STUTTERS]
Blankets?

Oh! Well,
you're staying here tonight, right?

-To help me watch him?
-Oh. [STUTTERS]. Oh, yes!

[STUTTERS] I would very like to do that,
thank you.

Great, I'll set up the couch.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Good night, baby.

-Good night, Oscar.
-Good night, Bea.

Good night, cup.

[SNORES]

-[DOOR OPENING]
-[DISHES CLATTERING]

Bea, is that you? [SCREAMS]

Baby? What are you doing out here?

[IN DEEP VOICE]
You're dreaming! Now go back to bed.

-[GASPS]
-[SWITCH CLICKS]

-What's going on in here?
-Bea! The baby! He... he just talked!

[WAILS]

What is wrong with you?
You can't give a baby a sandwich!

-He could choke!
-I didn't give him that, I swear.

Oh, there, there, it's okay.

Look, from now on, if you're not sure
what to do with him,

just grab me, okay?

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[STUTTERS]

-[ROOSTER CROWING]
-[BIRDS CHIRPING]

"And then, the hot dog said..."

Milo, can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh. Hey, bro, come on in! We're right
in the middle of story time!

-Um, thanks, I...
-[SHUSHES]

-Sit down, be quiet!
-Oh, okay.

"Then the hot dog said to the zebra...

[IN BABY VOICE]
"'Have you seen my mommy?'

"And the zebra said...

[IN DEEP VOICE]
"'No. You should ask the monkey.'"

Um, can I just ask a really quick...

Ah, you're ruining the story!
I'm gonna clobber you.

Oh, no, no, no, it's okay.
Uh, why don't you two, uh,

-go play for a bit?
-Okay!

-What's wrong, darling?
-Has your baby done anything weird?

Like, talk to you,
or made himself a sandwich?

Babies don't eat sandwiches.
You don't know anything!

-[GASPS, CRIES]
-Look at what you did!

Jocktopus, it's cool.
Just use Tickle-Me Carl.

Oh, yeah.

[CRYING]

[LAUGHS, COOS]

Look, man, at this age,
they don't do all that much.

Food goes in one end,
comes out the other.

[SING-SONGS]
Circle of life

Yeah. I... I guess you're right.

-Thanks, Milo.
-Now leave us alone

-so we can finish our story!
-[LAUGHS]

Boy, that thing really tickles!

Uh, hey, Bea. I... I'm really sorry
about last night.

Here, these are for you...
[STUTTERS] ...and the baby.

That is so sweet.
I should put them in some water.

Oh, and the baby's taking a nap
in my room. You can go in there,

-but just be careful not to wake him up.
-Okay, great!

All right, bear, we are back in business.

DEEP MALE VOICE: Oh, no way, Glenn,
they got no idea, no idea!

They're all as dumb as a box of shoes!

That old seahorse didn't have nothing
at his joint, but this place is great!

The girl, she ain't much to look at,
but she's dumb as a shoe.

Ah, yep, I'm gonna steal
as much junk as I can.

You know how much I love
stealing things, Glenn.

You want me to steal you something?
Hold on, let me write that down.

Batteries and toothpaste for Glenn.
All right, I gotta go.

I gotta fill up this diaper,

so they don't catch on
that I'm not really a baby.

Hey! Stop right there, you little thief!

[GASPS, BABBLES]

Ga-ga! Doo-doo!

Oh, no, you don't! I heard everything!

[STUTTERS] You're some
sort of baby-sized man

who... who... who looks like a baby!

And you made me look bad in front of Bea!
You're busted, buster!

Oh, yeah, sweetheart?

Well, I've been pulling this baby scam
for years, and I'm not about to let

some pathetic teenager
and his below-average girlfriend stop me!

[GASPS] You take that back!

-[SCREAMS]
-[GRUNTS]

OSCAR: Whoa, whoa!

[BOTH GROWLING]

[SCREAMS] Oscar! What are you doing?

Bea, he... he's not really a baby!
He... he's just pretending to be!

Tell her what you really are!

[SOBS]

You cut that out, you little faker!

[SCREAMS]
Whoa! [WHIMPERS]

All right, I don't know
what your problem is!

I thought you could handle
this parenting thing,

but that wasn't even close to okay.

[STUTTERS] But... but Bea, I...

You should go!
I can finish the assignment on my own.

[LAUGHS, COOS]

-[DOOR SLAMS]
-[GASPS, SIGHS]

-[WHISTLE BLOWS]
-All aboard The Sweetie Express.

Next stop is the land
of puppy dog tails, butterfly kisses,

magic rainbows and baby butterflies,

fluffy puffy clouds,
magic marshmallow gumdrops,

and gold and silver sparkly butterflies.

So, you guys hear about Oscar and Bea?
It's messed up.

Sha. I never liked Oscar.

-[GRUNTS]
-Well, I still think he's hot!

One time I saw Oscar get really mad,
and then he flipped over a chair,

and then he told me I was totally hot!

-It really happened!
-Hey, girls!

Oh, Bea! We were just saying
we think you're so brave,

raising a baby all on your own
for the whole rest of the week!

Thanks, Finberley. I am brave.

I just can't believe Oscar
would act like that. It's so unlike him.

Well, we are here for you, Mama.

Bea! Bea!
I... I need to show you something!

Oh, no way. Don't worry, girl,
I'm handling this.

Bea, please, this is important.

Shellsea, I'm really sorry
for what I'm about to do.

[GRUNTS] What the heck?

-I got you!
-Hey, Oscar!

You bring him back here right now!

Come on, man,
give the lady back her baby!

-Hang on, I want Bea to see something.
-Give it up, man. I'm just gonna cry.

Nope, you're gonna laugh.

[GIGGLING]

-What is he doing?
-He's tickling the baby!

He's gone crazy with power!

[LAUGHTER DEEPENS]

-Knock it off, you meathead!
-[ALL GASP]

-What?
-He... he just talked!

He's no baby! He's a tiny man!

Ew! I changed him! Ew!

This is what I've been trying to tell you.
He's a conman.

He... he talks to this guy named Glenn,

and... and he steals things, and...

-Hey, where did he go?
-Look!

He's headed for the train!

-[BABIES COOING]
-All right, you little butterflies,

time to fly back
to your mommies and daddies and...

[GRUNTS]

So long, suckers!

-JUMBO: Our babies are on that train!
-FINBERLEY: My baby!

-BO: Oh, no, my baby.
-ESMARGOT: This is not happening.

[GRUNTS]

-[BABBLES]
-Stay in your seat, tiger.

Huh?

Whoa! [GRUNTS]

Hey, what are you...
Ow! Ow!

-Ouch! Whoa.
-[GRUNTS]

-Whoa!
-[LAUGHS]

Here, bro! Catch!

Ow, Milo!

[GRUNTS, LAUGHS]
I got you now!

Whoa. [WHIMPERS]

[SCREAMS]

[CRIES]

-[POLICE SIREN BLARING]
-[BABIES COOING, LAUGHING]

[ALL BABBLING]

Good work, son.

We've been after
old Baby Face Bryant for years.

Now the only place he's gonna be
making poopy is in county jail.

Oh, man!

[BELL RINGS]

Well, class, I hope you all have
a new appreciation for the miracle of...

something.

Now, I'll be taking my children back,
because I actually kinda miss 'em.

Thank you.

-[WHIMPERS]
-Thank you.

[SOBS]

Please don't take my baby!
[SOBS]

Please don't take my baby!

Um, Mr. Baldwin, it turns out our baby
was actually a tiny criminal,

-and he got arrested.
-Fair enough.

I am so sorry I ever doubted you, Oscar.

You were totally heroic out there.
I have something of yours.

I just know that someday,
you're gonna be an awesome parent.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

[SNORING]

[RATTLING]

[RATTLING]

[RATTLING]

[RATTLING]

Snake! I'm trying to sleep.
Keep it down, will you?

-Me? I thought the kid belonged to you!
-[RATTLING]