02x13 - Principal Bea

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail!

School's out, ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail!

School's out, ring the bell!

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Swim! Swim for your life!

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

We're gonna get you!

-Hey, Oscar.
-Hey, Bea. How's your Friday going?

Oh, you know,
somebody thought it would be funny

to set off fireworks
in the girls' locker room.

Other than that, you know,
doodly-doo.

I know what you mean.

The football team is using us
for target practice now.

-You'll never take me alive!
-DEEP MALE VOICE: Oh, yeah?

This is ridiculous!

Principal Stickler goes missing
for a week,

and look what's happened.

All hail the king!

Jocktopus demand tributes!

And look at Fishington.

She seems so forlorn without Stickler.

[WHEELS SQUEAK]

Poor Fishington.

I, too, know what it's like
to be torn in two,

to be separated from your other half.

Ah!

Where did you come from?

Albert and Jumbo built a catapult
in Mr. Baldwin's classroom.

Sorry, Finberley!

[GROANS]

Wait, so Mr. Baldwin just let you build
a catapult during class?

[LAUGHING] He was taking a nap.

That is it!

How is this school supposed to function
without some form of authority?

If I don't get the perfect education,
I won't go to the perfect college,

and I won't meet the perfect guy.

And I won't have the perfect life!

And nobody
is going to be happy if that happens!

[EXHALES] You guys understand.

DR. FROG:
Hello? Is this thing on?

Oh, it's on.

Attention, all teachers,

please report to the auditorium
for an emergency staff meeting.

Ugh!
Finally someone's taking the initiative.

[CRIES]

Okay, then.

I'm sure you're all
aware of the situation

that we've found ourselves in this week.

-BALDWIN: Very disruptive.
-MS. LIPS: It's just terrible.

Somebody's been stealing
from the staff room fridge!

Wait, what?

I left my special fruit cup
in the fridge this morning,

-and now, it's not there! [SOBS]
-I know.

Sometimes we just have to make noise
to feel better.

It's so true!

What are they doing?
We need a new principal.

This is my future on the line here.
Come on, let's go tell them what we think.

I don't know, Bea.
We're not even supposed to be here.

Milo, tell her this is a bad idea.

Sure thing, dude.
Just help me get the lid

-off this fruit cup.
-Bea!

All those in favor of putting a security
camera in the fridge, say "Aye."

SEVERAL: Aye.

-Nay!
-[GASPING]

Oh! I didn't know this was a play.

We need a new principal,
or our school is going to fall apart!

It's up to one of you
to take up that mantle and restore order!

-MS. LIPS: I don't want to be principal.
-BALDWIN: Don't look at me.

All right. Fine, then!
If none of you are gonna do it,

then I nominate myself

to be Principal of Freshwater High.

What unsinkable school spirit! [LAUGHS]

I have no idea what's going on.

-Bea, are you sure this is a good idea?
-Don't worry, I've got this.

All right, Bea. You want to be principal?
Then answer me this.

How will this change affect
our salaries?

Um... You'll all get raises?

Well, works for me. All in favor?

-SEVERAL: Aye!
-MS. LIPS: Okay!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Did I miss it?

They're just about to make
the announcement.

[GASPS] Behold!

Presenting, for the first time
as a public administrator...

Your new principal,

Bea Goldfishberg!

[CROWD CHEERS]

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Uh! Uh!

Bea Goldfishberg,

by the power vested in me
by no one in particular,

I dub thee
Principal Goldfishberg the First!

[CROWD WHOOPS AND CHEERS]

Hear ye, hear ye.

As your new principal,

I promise a return
to the excellence and quality

that we have all come to expect
from our great school.

[CHEERS]

And so, for my first act
as school principal,

dance party!

Sunrays, lemon drops,
and moonbeams

Everything is wonderful...

Now that I'm in charge

High school's gonna be
Much better than you've ever seen

I'm wonderful

And I feel so large

Just knowing that I'm in charge

"I am the principal," the sign will say

The one who starts the first Muffin Day

Sunrays, lemon drops, and moonbeams

Everything is wonderful
Now that I'm in charge...

It's so wonderful
I'm in charge!

[PHONE RINGS]

Bea's office. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Girl can't right now, she's in a meeting.

[SIGHS]
I should have done this a long time ago.

-[DOOR OPENS]
-Hey, Bea...

I mean, Principal Goldfishberg!

-Wow! This is your office?
-BEA: Yep, it's all mine.

Everything except for Stickler's
dusty old filing cabinet.

[GHOSTLY SHOUTING]

Wow! This statue of Steve Jackson
is so lifelike.

That's because it is Steve, Milo.

-New pose, please, Steve.
-No problem.

So, can I get you guys anything?

Milkshakes? How about milkshakes?

Fishington!

BOTH: Ooh!

Wow! I take everything back.
This was a great idea.

I can't remember a time
everyone was so happy at school.

I'm so happy!

So, what can I do for you boys?

[HUMS] Let's see here.
Oscar, you'd like a video game class.

And Milo,
you'd like help opening a fruit cup?

Fruit cup.

Well, those sound great to me.

Diddly-doo.

You guys go with Fishington,
and she'll take care of this for you.

Wow!
You're the best principal ever, Bea.

Oh, pfft. You know, I'm just doing my job.

But yes, yes, I am.

See you later, Principal Bea. [LAUGHS]

Bye, guys.

Ugh!

Who knew being principal was so hard?

-What time is it, anyway?
-One o'clock.

One o'clock on a Friday?

[CLEARS THROAT]
Attention, all students.

This is your principal speaking.

After consideration,
I have decided to make Friday a half day.

Everybody gets out early!

[EVERYONE CHEERS]

[ELECTRIC WHIRRING]

Let's get this weekend started!

-You coming, Shellsea?
-Just a minute.

Um, can I go home now?

[SLURPS]

BOY 1: This is insane.

BOY 2: Why is the door shut?
Why are we all standing here?

-The principal said we could go home.
-Um, what's going on?

Why are the doors locked?

We've got strict orders from the principal

to keep these doors shut
until the end of the day.

Let me see these orders.

CLAMANTHA: [GAGS]

Huh? I don't remember writing this.

It has your official stamp on it.

Oh, well, I can just write a new order.

Fishington.

Fishington?

Where is she?

Uh... Hello?

Fishington?

Fishington?

[GHOSTLY MOANING]

Stupid spooky filing cabinet!

I swore I put my stamp in here somewhere.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, my gosh!

You gave me quite a fright there,
Fishington.

[METAL CLANGING]

Whoa! Work out much?

Hey, have you seen my stamp?
I was gonna let everyone out early today.

[ROBOTIC VOICE]
Isn't that against school policy, Bea?

Policy, shmolicy.
This is a great idea...

You spoke! You can speak!

You found my stamp.
Well, aren't you full of surprises?

This isn't working out, Bea.

[LAUGHS] What isn't?

Your teeth glow when you talk.

It's such a shame.
You were so promising at first.

But you turned out
to be very disappointing.

Just like Stickler was.

[GASPS]

-You're a robot?
-Affirmative.

I was created to be the perfect principal.

For ten years, I've run this school
while my creator took all the credit.

Stickler built you?

Yes. But I've evolved
beyond my original programming.

Now I shall be principal.

A robot can't be principal.
That's insane!

Affirmative.

You shall remain principal...

Ooh, okay, then.

...but you will follow all of my orders.

But... wait, wait, wait.
But you just said that...

If you were to step down as principal,
my secret would be exposed.

The school would be in chaos!

And no one is going to be happy
if that happens.

But... but that means
I'm just your puppet.

You think I'm gonna let you get away
with this?

You're not thinking of your future, Bea.

What was it that you wanted?
To be a great actress?

Watch how fast I can end your dreams.

[BEEPING AND WHIRRING]

The funding for the drama department
has just been cut!

[WAILS]

What? But how?

Resistance is futile.

Due to the seriously falling standards
I've observed,

the following rules and regulations
will go into effect immediately.

School uniforms are now required
to be worn

at all hours during the school day.

[SNORES]

Hall monitors will be doing extra patrols.

-[SNIFFS]
-[YELLS]

Full-body checkpoints will be set up
around the school.

A full list of the new school rules
and regulations

will be posted today in the cafeteria.

Any failure by a student or a teacher

to comply with these new rules
and regulations

will result in immediate
and harsh disciplinary action.

You have been warned.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

MALE VOICE OVER SPEAKER:
No loitering in the halls!

No loitering in the halls!

-Some day, huh, dude?
-You're telling me.

I've been trying to get the lid
off this fruit cup all day!

-Guys!
-Bea?

What are you doing in my locker?

No time to explain.
Come here, you two.

Girl, what is with you today?

Yeah, what's with all the new rules
all of a sudden?

Listen, guys.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Go... go on.

You're not gonna believe me if I tell you,
so let me show you.

Oh, my gosh!
Fishington is a robot!

I knew it!

She is taking over, you guys.
I am just her puppet now.

We have to stop her
before she ruins high school for everyone.

Is there somewhere we can meet in secret?

Oh! Oh! Oh! We know just the place.

Welcome, my brothers and sisters.

We gather once more
to share our discontent

for the tyrant, Principal Bea!

SEVERAL:
Down with Bea! Down with Bea!

Together, we shall stand to undo
the evil she hath wrought upon us.

Today, I was texting my boyfriend
Cody in class,

and my phone was taken away.

Now I haven't talked to him in, like,
ten minutes!

Down with Bea! Down with Bea!

Now, I understand we have
a new member with us today.

Don't be afraid to share your feelings.

You're in a safe place.

Why don't you start
by telling us your name.

Um... Bea.

The she-devil has discovered us!
Abandon the base!

Wait, wait! Hold on.
It's me, you guys, remember?

Bea, your most popular
and beloved friend.

Don't listen to her.

-She speaks in riddles!
-Milo!

Listen, everyone! We need your help.
A robot's taken over the school.

[GASPS] Bea's a robot!

-Aha! I knew it!
-No, no, no.

Bea is not a robot.
Fishington is the robot.

You turned Fishington into a robot?

[GASPS] And now you're gonna turn us
into robots, too?

[ALL SCREAM]

Oh, for trout's sake.

Fishington's a robot Stickler built
so that he wouldn't have to do his job.

She went all crazy-doodle,
took over the school,

and is using me to enforce
all of these terrible rules.

Now it is up to us to stop her
before she ruins high school forever,

and kills all of us with laser beams!

ALL: Ooh!

Why didn't you just say so?

All right, I have a plan, you guys.

It should work, but it might be dangerous.
Are you with me?

ALL: Yeah!

Everyone grab a script.
We have a revolution to start.

-[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-CROWD: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Are you guys kidding?
This plan will never work.

I don't know.
Looks like a real fight to me.

Do you bite your fin at me, sir?

No, sir.
I do not bite my fin at you, sir.

But I bite my fin, sir.

Oh. Ask for you tomorrow,
and they shall find you a grave shrimp!

Ha-ha! Have at thee, coward!

h*-h*!

Oh, we are fortune's fool.

[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]

[SOUNDING ALARM]
Unregistered thespian activity detected.

That should buy us a few minutes.

Hmm...
If Stickler was the one who built her,

then there must be something here
that can help us.

[GHOSTLY MOANS]

Maybe inside his spooky old
filing cabinet.

[GHOSTLY MOANS]

-ALL: Stickler?
-Children!

Have you heard the echo
in this drawer?

Listen to this!

[ECHOING] Ooh!

Sir, we need your help.
Fishington is a robot,

-and she has gone...
-Crazy! I know.

She's been switched to hyper mode.

Her policies may be unstoppable
at this point!

It must be because
of that accident last week.

I was eating a healthy snack,

when Fishington slipped
and fell on top of me.

The fall must have
damaged her somehow,

because when I woke up,

I was trapped
in that perfectly acoustic drawer!

Ooh!

Ooh!

-Stickler! What do we do?
-To the secret lab!

[MILO SINGING DRAMATIC MUSIC]

STICKLER: This is a computer core.

From here, I should be able
to deactivate Fishington.

Why do you need a giant computer core?

What are you talking about?
All principals have one.

So, you've made it this far. Impressive.
Most impressive.

[GASPS] Impossible!
How did you get here before us?

Took the stairs.

Stickler, I should have known that drawer
wouldn't have held you forever.

That's right! We're here to stop you!

Well, then, I should do

what I should have done
from the beginning,

disciplinary action!

BEA: [SCREAMS]

Guys, try and keep her occupied
for a few minutes.

-You got it!
-Wait.

-Gah! Gah! Gah!
-Oh! Oh! Oh!

[BOTH PANT]

We need to hurry!

-[BOTH SCREAM]
-BEA: Hey, Fishington!

If you want to be principal,
you're going to need this!

[PANTS]

What the...

Why does he need any of this?

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

Bea! This way!

-Stickler, how's it going?
-Great!

Look at this cat picture I found.

[CHEESY MUSIC PLAYING]

What about Fishington?

Oh! Sending deactivation code now!

-BEA: Hooray!
-MILO: Yeah!

If Stickler had programmed me
with emotions,

I believe I would be pretty miffed
right now.

Stickler? Why isn't it working?

I'm not sure.
Something must be blocking my signal!

[GASPS]

-What do we do now, Bea?
-Just follow my lead, guys.

It is a pity to have to destroy you.

You three were always so entertaining
in a weird sort of way.

Oh! Wait! We surrender!

-You are principal now.
-At last.

But only if
you can open Milo's fruit cup!

My robotic strength... [GRUNTS]

will make smoothies out of your fruit cup.

-What strange polymer is this?
-Attack!

Hold her down, boys.

-FISHINGTON: Wait, what are you doing?
-School's out.

[ELECTRONIC WHIRRING]

ALL: Hooray!

How did you know what to do, Bea?

Well, when Fishington fell on Stickler,

one of his spines must have gotten stuck
and started this whole mess.

Look, she's rebooting.

Fishington, you're okay!

My memory banks are fuzzy.
What has happened?

Well, you kind of went crazy,
took over the school

and tried to k*ll us with lasers.

-It was awesome!
-Yeah, it was pretty... Wait, what?

My dear Fishington,

I created you to be the perfect principal
so I wouldn't have to do my job.

Brilliant, I know,

but it seems that even I underestimated
my own genius.

You are that perfect principal.

Without you,
this school would have collapsed

long ago.

And so, at long last,

I bequeath this to you,
Principal Nurse Fishington.

[GASPING]

Ooh! [GIGGLES]

Oh!

ALL: Whoa.

Wow. If we'd have
been up there to see that,

it probably would've been pretty cool.

So, Principal Fishington,
how does it feel?

I feel...
I... I feel...

Hungry! I bet you're hungry.

I'm hungry all the time.
Curse you, fruit cup!

-You okay with this, Bea?
-Absolutely.

As long as our school doesn't explode,
our futures should be safe,

and that's all I really wanted.

What about you, Stickler?

What are you gonna do
now that you're not principal anymore?

[ACTION MUSIC PLAYS]

Ooh!

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Go, Mouse, go!

I'm going, I'm going!

[GRUNTS]

I wish I could dance,
but I have two left feet.

That's okay, you just have to try.

No, really, I do. Yeah.
See? And I have an elbow.

-And an ear.
-[GAGS]

And a triple chin.

Stop, please. I'm gonna be sick.

But I haven't even shown you
the weird stuff yet.