01x15 - Good Morning, Freshwater/Diary of a Lost Fish

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

[BIRDS SINGING]

Hmm? [SCREAMS]

And that, class, is what
happens when you pull my finger. [FARTS]

Are there any questions? Milo, go ahead.

Mr. Baldwin, yeah, I was wondering

how come male seahorses
can get pregnant?

Oh, look at that. Uh...

It's time for Oscar's
morning announcements.

-[ALL GROAN]
-SHELLSEA: Seriously.

[GROANS]

Come on, Milo. Maybe today's the day
that he finally pulls it together.

-[CHIMING]
-Um, good morning, Freshwater High.

My name is... Whoops!

Or... maybe not.

Today is...

Uh, my name is Oscar.

Today is March 17th... 7th.

Monday.

OSCAR: There will be a five-minute
wrestling meeting during lunch.

Please bring your own... lunch.

Uh, this is a reminder:
don't chew gum in school.

Auditions will take place
during 8th period.

If you're interested, stop bly the b...

Stop bly the... stop by the Bland office.

And now for today's lunch menu!

-Ow!
-Wow. Could he be any more pathetic?

Yeah, he's like the Hunchback
of Notre Lame. [LAUGHS]

-Someone needs to help him.
-Eh.

[GASPS] You're absolutely right!

Because of my natural
talent for entertainment,

it would be a crime if I didn't show
Oscar how to fix his show.

Well, Oscar, you really knocked
that one out of the park.

Hey, Oscar.

Hey, Bea.
Catch the announcements this morning?

Pretty informative, huh?

Oh, it was very... informational.

Anyway, I'm here because I'd like
to help you up your production value.

You know, add a little pizzazz
to the morning announcements.

Oh, uh, that's really nice of you, Bea,

but this is kind of
a hard-hitting news show.

Oscar, I am all about news.

All I want to do is tweak
a few teeny, tiny things

to make the show more watchable.
What do you say?

Hmm, what do you
think about this, brain?

OSCAR's BRAIN: Oh! She's totally
hitting on you. Go for it.

Whoa, this just in!

Student newsfish closes in
on girl of his dreams.

Uh, I mean, sounds great.
What do we do first?

[SINGS] Makeover!

Bea: No, Oscar. Don't mess it up!

Now remember, just read everything
I've written on the cue cards.

And good eye contact with the camera.

-Got it?
-Got it.

And cuing fabulous new intro
in three, two and one.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, guten tag, Freshwater High.

I am Oscar and these are your
morning announcements.

-BEA: Oscar, turn to camera two!
-Oh, yeah. Ahem.

Today's lunch is meatloaf sandwich,
with your choice of soup or salad.

Your choice. You choose!

You know, usually the announcements
make me really tired,

-but today I feel sort of neutral.
-Yeah.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

So you don't think the change of format
will upset anyone, do you?

I'm pretty sure we just
blew everyone's minds.

Finberley, how did you like
the announcements today?

-Oh, definitely better. Much better!
-[KOI GRUNTS] Better!

Wow, I've never actually
gotten a compliment before.

Yeah, this is good.

But you know, we shouldn't
just settle for compliments.

We should sh**t for praise.

Oh, uh, okay. How do we get that?

Hmm. [GASPS] What if you
had a co-host to play off of?

A pretty co-host.

-A co-host? Well, I don't know about...
-Hey, I could be your pretty co-host.

-Okay, yes, I love it!
-[SQUEALS]

Ah! Hey, Bea!
Your favorite co-anchor is here.

Are you ready to... What?

Uh, am I in the right room?

Hey, Oscar. I'm just going
over the schedule with Jumbo.

-He's going to be the new stage manager.
-[GIGGLES] Peace.

-What did you do to your...
-It's show biz, Oscar.

You've got to look good for the people.

I went ahead and updated the set.
Isn't this great?

Ten seconds, Bea.

[GASPS] Oh my gosh!
We're about to go live.

What? Already?

Duh! We have to start early so we'll
have time for the new segments.

New segments? Okay.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, everyone!
What's the shimmy shimmy? I'm Bea.

Oh, I'm Oscar.

And this is Good Morning Freshwater.

Good whata fresh huh?

We've got a busy show for you today.
So let's get down to "bid nit." Oscar?

Oh, okay. Um...

Last night the Freshwater
track team suffered a defeat

in their meet against
the turtles of Shellton High.

Speaking of running...

Yesterday I ran into my girl Shellsea
and she had the cutest new handbag.

-Hey, Shellsea. Shout out.
-Woot, Woot.

And now, here's Milo, to talk about
what's been getting under his gills.

Milo has a segment?

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-Thanks, Bea.
-[TICKING]

What is the deal with vampires?

And that's what's getting under my gills.
Back to you, Bea.

Thought provoking. Thanks, Milo.

[SQUEALS] Well, um, if you're
missing a purple hairbrush

You can find it in the lost and found box
located in the health office.

That's great. And now, here's Albert Glass
with today's Bunny of the Day.

Thank you, Bea.
Um, this bunny, her name is Sniffy.

And she's really soft. [GIGGLES]

-Aw!
-Lame.

Aw, isn't she too cute, Oscar?

Yeah, I know. Bunnies are great.

Okay, moving on. For those of you who...

-[HORN BLARING]
-[SCREAMS] What was that?

[GASPS] Oh my gosh!

It's time to pick today's
Kerploppity winner.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Everyone, pull out your game cards.

Koi, Clamantha, take it away.

-[GRUNTS]
-Good luck, everyone!

[CLAMANTHA GROANS]

-Thirty-six!
-I won!

Next up, we have Jocktopus
with some fitness tips.

[GROANS]

[CHEERING]

TWINS: Good Morning Freshwater rules!

Oh! What a marvelous performance
show you have created.

Oh, Oscar, this is totally great!

I was thinking tomorrow

we could have Shellsea come
on and talk about fashion.

Uh, Bea, I'm worried we're
starting to lose focus.

Today you did a 15-minute story

on which boys in school
have the dreamiest eyes.

And I don't know who your sources were,

but I felt there were
a lot of inaccuracies.

The point is,

there were a lot of important
announcements that I didn't get to.

But, Oscar, everybody
loves the show now.

So no one knows the lunch specials

or when computer club is having
a bake sale. It's no big deal.

BEA: Nobody actually
cares about that stuff.

[SIGHS] Maybe you're right.

Maybe everyone would just like
the show better if I wasn't in it.

-What? That's not what I meant.
-No, no, it's okay.

I'll see you tomorrow, Bea.

And so who really knows
how much wood a woodchuck chucks

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[SIGHS] And that's what's
getting under my gills.

-Back to you, Bea.
-Thank you, Milo.

Well, that's it for today.

See you tomorrow right here
on Good Morning Freshwater.

JUMBO: And cut! That's a wrap, Bea.

-[CHUCKLES] Nice job.
-Bye, Jumbo.

-Lady, you were on fire today.
-Thanks, Milo.

But it was all just phenomenal acting.

I still can't believe Oscar quit.

Without him it's like there's this
big, sweaty piece missing.

Oh, don't worry about Oscar.

-Come on, let me get you a kelp shake.
-Yeah, okay.

Maybe a chocolate kelp shake will help me

forget what a terrible
show-stealing friend I am.

It will. [GASPS]

[ALL GASP]

The cafeteria is closed today?

That is correct, girl with the red hair.

The cafeteria is closed for repairs.
There are men with big hammers in there.

And that is why you are all
to have packed your lunches.

What? How were we supposed to know that?

Easy, the tall, sweaty kid

was told to report it on
his morning time news thingy.

-Oops.
-Fishington, away!

-BEA: Uh...
-[CRASHING]

Okay, so I know we're all very hungry.

But the thing we mustn't do is panic.

[SCREAMS] What are we
gonna eat for lunch?

I'm gonna starve if I have
to wait till dinner!

Oh, why does this
always happen to me?

-[ALL SCREAMING]
-No, no, no, calm down.

[SCREAMING]

Hey, everyone, I just found
this half-eaten granola bar I had.

Maybe we can split it
so everyone can share.

That girl has food! Get her!

[SCREAMS]

[CLAMOR]

[CLAMANTHA GROANS]

Uh, Clamantha, are you okay?

Oh, come here, you little drumstick.

[ALBERT SCREAMS]

-Oh, this is all my fault.
-[MOANS]

Milo, why are you looking at me like that?

Milo hungry!

-[SCREAMS]
-Come here! Come here!

Huh? Food! Yes!

[BOTH GASP]

[GASPS] Oscar!

Fear not, Freshwater.
There's plenty of food to go around.

Sweet!

Oscar, I had no idea
you could fly a helicopter.

Yes, well, apparently I can.
After I left,

I realized I didn't get to report
the cafeteria being closed announcement.

So I borrowed the morning news
chopper and grabbed some food.

Well, you shouldn't
have to do any of this.

I got carried away
with the whole show, Oscar.

I never wanted you to leave.

Well, breaking news, Bea.
Everyone makes mistakes.

And in a related story:
Friends forgive each other.

Well, Milo, I'm pretty sure
that will be the last time

-I ever take anything overboard again.
-Girl, you're crazy.

And hey, you did show Oscar
how to make his show more entertaining.

Today's lunch special
is spaghetti and meatballs!

[CLAMANTHA GRUNTS]

Thirty-six!

Man, this game's rigged.

[PARROT SQUAWKS]

BEA: High school.
It's a tough time for a teenage fish.

Sometimes it's like life
is kicking you around.

And it seems like
no one understands you.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Mr. Baldwin, we don't understand you.
This is math class.

BEA: That's why every teenage
fish needs a friend.

Someone you can tell all your secrets to.

Someone who will listen
and never judge you.

Of course, I'm talking about...

[SINGS] My diary!

[RANDY BREATHES HEAVILY]

Randy, what did I tell you
about respecting my personal space?

I couldn't help but notice
you writing in your diary.

Randy, mind your own beeswax.

Were you writing about how
handsome you think I am?

Or how much you admire my manly claw?

Or how much you want
to go on a date with me?

I wouldn't date you in a million years!

That sounds like a yes.

Goodbye, Randy. I'm going
to turn around and ignore you now.

You may have won this day, Bea.

But one day you will be mine!
I'm Randy Pincherson.

-[ALARM WAILING]
-STICKLER: Attention students.

Brush alarm! Brush alarm! Brush alarm,
students! This is not a drill!

[ALL SCREAM]

[HUMS]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

[ALL SCREAM]

[HUMS]

[CLAMANTHA GRUNTS]

[GROANS] All clear.

MILO: Brush alarm.

Boy, that was crazy.

I can't wait to write
about it in my diary.

Oh my gosh! Where is it?

It's missing! Huh?

-Hmm, looking for this?
-Randy, you found my diary.

Not only did I find it, I found it.

Oh, what a relief!
[SINGS] So, thank you...

Hm! [SINGS]
...for finding it.

[STRAINS] You can let go now. Hey!

Uh, uh, uh.
Seems like this book is pretty valuable.

And since I did you a huge favor,
you owe me one.

What do you want?

I want you to take me to a fancy dinner.

Just the two of us.

It'll be... [SINGS] magical.

I am not going to dinner with you.
Just give me back my diary.

Uh, uh, uh. I'll give it back
to you after our date.

[GAGS] I think I just threw up a little.

Already working up an appetite, eh?
What a woman.

Bea:
Well, here we are, Randy.

-So where's my diary?
-Don't worry, Bea. It's in a safe place.

-At my house. Waiter.
-Yes?

-It's time for the reveal.
-Yes.

Speechless?
I was too the first time I saw it.

I think the artist really
captured my likeness,

especially my rippling biceps
and chiseled crab abs.

Now everyone will know of our epic love.

Oh, what an obnoxious statue.

That poor girl must have really low
self-esteem to date a crab like that.

Yes. Her social ranking
will totally plummet.

-Like, through the floor.
-[LAUGHING]

I hope no one else sees me.

Bea, are you on a date
with Randy Pincherson?

Ladies.

Oh, Bea. This is so...

I mean, you and him.

And you and... Why?

Oh, I taught you better than this.

[GASPS] I can explain!

Explain nothing! Because Bea
here knows that being with me

Your funeral, babe.

I'm gonna read your diary
in front of the whole school.

[LAUGHS] I'm Randy Pincherson.

Oh, no! [SOBS]

Bea! Bea, we got it. We got your diary.

Oh my gosh.
What happened to you guys?

We had to do things.
Unspeakable things, to get it.

-Here you go, Bea.
-Oh, thanks, guys.

Wait, if Randy just left with my diary,
then what's this?

Wait a minute. [GASPS]
Randy's diary?

We can totally use this!

If Randy thinks he can
embarrass me tomorrow,

he's got another thing coming.

RANDY: Ladies and Gentlefish.

I called you here today to read
you something very exciting.

Last chance, Bea.

Go on another date with me
and I'll call this all off.

Hey, start the movie already.

And this is your last chance, Randy.

Be a better man
and give me back my diary.

Hmm, no.

All right, let's get
this party started.

You know her as Bea Goldfishberg,

The girl next door
that everyone loves to love.

-Aw!
-It's true.

-CALAMANTHA: Adorable.
-It is so true.

But today you will know her
some more.

[GASPS] Say it isn't so! Go on.

I give you Bea's Diary... Exposed.

[CLEARS THROAT]
"July 31st. Dear diary..."

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

BEA: Ladies and Gentlefish.

What's going on here?

In the tradition of Bea's Diary Exposed,

I give you Randy's Diary Exposed.

-[ALL EXCLAIM]
-You go, Bea!

And to read several passages,
I present Grammy Pincherson.

Hello there, young people.

[CLANGS]

Miss Bea here says
you've been a bad boy, Randall.

Let's see what she's talking about.

[CLEARS THROAT]
"June 30th. Dear diary,

"My armpit barnacles
are out of control."

-Oh, Randy, I gave you soap for that.
-[AUDIENCE GASPING]

"I also like it when
my Grammy sings to me."

No!

Oh, there's nothing wrong there,
such a good boy.

-[LAUGHS]
-That's hilarious!

Stop! That's enough!

-You gonna give me my diary back?
-Never.

Then you may continue.

"Today I stole the diary
of Bea Goldfishberg."

Now, Randy, I thought
I taught you better than that.

-That is just rude.
-[AUDIENCE BOO]

Hey, that's not true.

You are so dead, you little creep.
Come here.

SHELLSEA: Sha.

-JUMBO: You can't steal a girl's diary!
-[AUDIENCE BOO]

-Boo!
-Boo!

-Had enough, Randy?
-[RANDY GROANS]

I believe you have something
that belongs to me.

-Oh, take it.
-My baby!

One day, Bea, I'll show you.
I'm Randy Pincherson! Ouch.

I'm glad that's over.

I am never gonna write in a diary again.

-Oh, good for you.
-Everything's online now anyway.

MOUSE: I've got to tell you, there's
a lot of benefits to being a mouse.

When you're small and fluffy,
you can get anything you want.

-Observe.
-[COOING]

Oh my gosh, you're right.
Here's a cookie.

See? You'll never have it
as good as me

'cause you're long and clammy
and not cute.

Wow, I had no idea.

I guess I'll just have to
give all this stuff back.

[SINGS] Sorry, boys.

SNAKE: Party's over.