02x04 - The Spy Who Fed Me/Meet Max Mouse

[bunniefuu]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[Jon] Garfield, I know you won't like this,

but Liz insists you have to lose ten pounds.

We're putting you on a diet of carrots and lettuce.

Before you say anything or throw a fit

because it isn't pasta, please understand.

We're doing this for your own good.

[laughing]

You understand?

You're not going to put up fight or steal the refrigerator or anything?

Oh, this is great!

Let me get you some low-calorie salad dressing.

[clock ticking] Perfect. He'll be here in nine seconds.

Garfield,

I'm impressed with how well you're taking this.

I guess I owe you an apology.

Keep eating like that,

and you'll lose the ten pounds.

You need a napkin? I'll go get one.

Just in time!

The Chinese restaurant will be delivering in eleven seconds.

[laughing]

[Liz] No, he hasn't lost any weight since his last visit.

In fact, he's gained three more pounds.

That's not possible. I've had him on a strict diet.

Jon, for his own good,

you have to stop him from eating so much.

I can't watch him every minute. I have work to do.

I may have just the solution.

[laughing]

An inventor with an overweight pussycat invented this.

He calls it the Motorized Meow Monitor.

"Motorized meow monitor."

How does it work?

I'll show you.

[computer booting]

This collar locks on.

I'll give you a key to remove it

after Garfield has lost ten pounds.

It contains a tracking device.

Wherever Garfield goes, the robot will follow,

train its camera on him

and send a signal back to you.

[beeping]

This is amazing, Liz.

I can sit at my computer and keep an eye on Garfield,

no matter where he goes and what he eats.

You can borrow it.

And I'll give you an extra collar, just in case.

This is not fair!

It's an invasion of privacy!

It's-- it's spying!

Get me an attorney! Get me an attorney named Murray!

You have no right to--

What's that you have in your hand, Garfield?

[robot voice] What do you have to say?

Want to lick?

[intriguing music]

Going out, Garfield?

Remember, you're still on that diet.

You're not to eat anything.

Not a crumb will cross these lips.

Okay, so I'm lying.

It's okay to lie if it's an emergency.

And me not being able to eat between meals?

If that's not an emergency, I don't know what is.

Vito's savory pizza.

I haven't tasted it for...

oh, must be a good six hours.

But I will need a disguise.

[laughing]

I'll have the outfit back in five minutes or ten slices.

Whichever occurs first.

[alarm ringing]

[Vito] Mamma mia!

It is the Garfield orange alert!

Everyone! Protect the pizzas!

Garfield? Where is that handsome cat?

Oh, where?

Oh, there he is.

Garfield! If you don't want I should call Jon,

you're going to promise me that you won't swipe any pizzas.

On my honor as the star of a popular cartoon show,

I promise!

Excellent!

[alarm ringing]

You pasta pirating pussycat!

I didn't say anything about lasagna!

You mozzarella mooching menace!

He only got eight of them.

Ah, only eight?

That's not so bad.

Last week, he got

and a gallon of spumoni.

The perfect place to dine

on nature's most perfect food.

[robot voice] Garfield, I'm disappointed.

So am I. I could only get eight.

You're supposed to stay on a diet.

If you eat those lasagnas...

All right, all right!

I don't need to hear the cheap threat.

I know it'll be cheap and I know it's a threat.

[alarm ringing]

What are you doing?

My lasagna, what is wrong with it?

Suddenly, Vito's lasagna,

it is not good enough for you?

[alarm ringing]

What are you doing?

I am in such trouble.

Hey, it's just one cat who won't eat it.

But that cat, he eats everything!

If he won't eat it, nobody will eat it!

I have to change the recipe!

There are donuts in the world

and pulled pork sandwiches.

And fried shrimp the size of whales.

But if Jon sees me eating any of it...

Aaah!

I just have to make sure he doesn't see me eating.

[upbeat music]

[panting]

That's my exercise for the year.

And maybe next year, too.

But it worked.

I don't see that Motorized Meow Monitor anywhere.

One of everything!

No, make it two.

Imagine Jon thinking a bucket of bolts could--

[robot voice hawking]

What?

Keep those on ice for me!

Garfield!

[upbeat music]

I'll eat this in here,

where he can't see me.

Whew! Even if that robot followed me in here,

he couldn't sh**t video to send back to Jon.

It's too dark.

[robot voice hawking]

[upbeat music]

It's no use! I'll never escape that robot.

[device beeping]

Well, at least this came off.

Without it on, the Motorized Meow Monitor

won't be able to track me.

[device beeping]

Wait a minute.

Jon got an extra one.

If I throw this one away,

he'll put the other one on me.

There's got to be a way to get him to give this machine up.

And I think I know what it is.

[Jon] It works great.

I can keep an eye on Garfield

and make sure he doesn't eat between meals.

It's for his own good, but I'll bet he's not a happy cat.

Not happy at all.

Looks like he's at the waterfront.

Oh, agony. Oh, despair.

Oh, despair and agony.

Oh, and did I mention woe?

Oh, despair, agony and woe.

Hours without lasagna.

Days without pork chow mein and crispy noodles.

How could Jon do this to me?

[crying]

He looks upset that I'm denying him his favorite foods.

You know Garfield.

That's just an act to get your sympathy.

This doesn't look like an act.

What's he doing now?

He's...

He's heading out onto the pier.

There's an ocean liner there. A big one!

Liz, it looks like he's taking a last look around

like he's leaving!

-Don't fall for it, Jon! -Liz,

he's getting on the boat!

Liz, he's on the ship! Garfield is leaving!

He's going to some other country! I've got to stop him!

Jon? Jon!

[tires squealing]

Oh! I'd better get off before she sails.

Jon should be here in about minutes.

Ten if he makes all the lights.

[upbeat music]

[tires squealing]

I've got to be in time!

It's already sailed?

My cat's on board! Get it back!

Sorry. That ship's on its way to Tokyo.

"Tokyo!"

Well, he always did like salmon teriyaki.

Oh, he really did it, Liz.

Garfield's gone to Tokyo.

I'll probably never see him again.

I can't tell you how I'm going to miss him.

Sure you can. Just try.

[trumpeting] Jon, I'm really sorry

how all this worked out.

If you'd like to cancel our dinner tonight...

No, no! I need to get my mind off my little fat furry friend.

I'd give anything to see him again.

I wouldn't make him diet. I'd get him whatever he wanted.

How about donuts from Dave's Drive-Thru Donut Diner?

You want donuts?

Sure.

[phone ringing]

Liz, if he'd just come back from Tokyo, I'd--

[tires squealing] Garfield!

You didn't go to Tokyo!

Scaring me like that!

You know what I ought to do? I ought to...

[sigh] ...get you those donuts.

And on the way home,

we could stop for pizza

and at Irv's Taco Emporium.

[Jon moaning]

You have enough food to tide you over

while I'm out.

I'll be back around ten.

[laughing]

Okay. See you later.

[engine starting] Hello, pup.

Hey, come on.

We're going to watch my new favorite show.

I tried to get him to lose weight.

Honest, I did.

It's just that... he's Garfield.

I know.

Could I have some water, Jon?

Sure. Let me pour it for you.

Oops! Let me mop that up.

Oh...

I'm sorry! [glass tinkling]

[chair crashing]

Oh, sorry again!

Did you see where my pork chop went?

[giggling]

[sauce squirting] [Liz] Oh, Jon!

You got ketchup all over me!

[giggling] It's great!

[Jon] That's better than when I spilled the mustard.

Oh, I love watching Jon on a date.

Where else you're going to find comedy like that?

Hey, you hungry, Odie?

[Odie muttering]

Well then, you better go get some food.

[upbeat music]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[salsa music]

[Jon] Garfield!

Are you in the kitchen?

Oh, there you are.

I wanted to tell you I'm going to the market.

Oh, great.

Bring me back one of everything.

Large economy size.

-See you in a bit. -Okay.

[salsa music]

Oh, make sure you keep an eye out for...

Oh, that's silly.

I was going to say mice.

Who's not hiding?

But we haven't had a mouse for months.

See you later!

[salsa music]

Hey, you're the owner of this...

this house?

I think so.

My cat might disagree.

Well, I'm Pulver,

of Pulver Extermination.

We have reports of mice in this neighborhood.

[laughing] Not in my home.

[laughing]

Well, I doubt that.

But if you do see any mice, give us a call.

We're fast and we're ruthless.

I'll take your card but I won't need it.

Not with Garfield on the job.

[salsa music]

I could swear I'm hearing the kind of music

mice like to dance to.

Squeak, another one of your relatives just arrived.

Hey, family is family.

Okay with you, Garf?

As long as they don't touch my food

or interrupt my sleep, they're welcome.

Great. Who is it?

My uncle Howard?

My nephew Morris?

It's your cousin Max.

My cousin Max?

Is something wrong with cousin Max?

Oh, my cousin Max is bad news.

And he hates cats.

Come on! You're funning me.

Nobody hates cats.

Squeak!

What are you doing with...

that cat?

Don't worry, cousin!

I'll protect you!

I know martial arts.

-[Chinese music] -Hiya! Yaaaa!

Hiya! Yaaaa!

Stay tuned, folks.

We may finally have a character on the show

more annoying than Nermal.

I don't have to be protected from Garfield.

He's my buddy.

What? "Your buddy?"

Are you out of your mouse mind? He's a cat!

You know what cats do to mice.

[salsa music]

Yeah!

They do a mean salsa dance with them.

No! They eat them!

What salsa?

You've got a lot to learn, Squeak.

Well, what should I do now?

Eat or sleep?

Sleep!

I'm telling you, Max.

Garfield's not like other cats.

He doesn't eat mice.

Oh? Well then, what does he eat?

Uh, everything else.

I can see you need a serious lesson, cousin.

Come on.

-There's got to be a player somewhere. -[snoring]

Hey! Watch this, cousin.

You're about to learn a valuable lesson.

Cats. What are they good for?

They lie around all day sleeping and clawing...

[Garfield] So far, no argument.

And then there's the most horrifying thing they do.

Cats eat mice!

Argument.

And they do it in the cruelest way possible.

A cat catches a mouse.

Does he just eat it and get it over with?

No, he has to play with his food, draw out the agony.

So, he lets the mouse go, then catches it again.

Then he lets the mouse go, then he catches it again.

Oh! Turn it off!

[crying] Turn it off!

It's for your own good, cous'.

Then, when the mouse thinks he's gotten away,

thinks his life has been spared,

the cat strikes!

[terrified gasping]

No, no!

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

[crying] Garfield wouldn't do something like that!

He wouldn't.

He's a cat!

Cats eat mice!

Are you going to let this happen?

Are you going to do nothing

while this cat sharpens his claws and his teeth?

I've seen what he can do to a ten-pound standing rib roast.

Imagine what he could do to us!

I don't know about you,

but I'm not going to stand around and become rodent-flavored cat food!

And me neither!

[hubbub]

[snoring]

Oh! Are you moving or am I?

I think it's me.

Hey, guys! You want to explain this?

Meow!

Apparently not.

Okay, I don't know what this is all about,

but I'm not letting a bunch of rodents throw me out of my own home.

If you think you're getting me out--

-[punch] -[screaming]

You're making a very accurate prediction.

You're not getting us, cat.

Come near us again and you'll be sorry!

[cheering]

I've got to do something about this

but not now.

I'm going to take the bus into town and go to Vito's.

I'm on my break, cat.

Can you wait for five minutes?

Considering pizza is involved, no.

But...

I guess I have to.

[cheering]

[Squeak] Unless you're a lasagna or other fattening food,

Garfield is harmless.

He's a cat

and cats are not harmless.

Relax, Squeak.

With him gone, we have nothing to worry about.

Mice!

My house is full of mice!

Nothing to worry about?

Everyone hide!

Garfield! Garfield!

Oh! He's no use!

How am I going to get rid of these...?

[chattering teeth] Garfield would've protected us.

Cats don't protect mice.

Besides, what can that guy do to us with no cat around?

Mr. Pulver? How soon can you be here?

Yeah, that'll be fast enough.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Nothing to worry about because there's no cat around, huh?

Relax! I can handle this guy.

Hey! You get out of here or I'll have to get rough with you.

[Chinese music]

Hiya! Yaaa!

Hiya! Ayaya!

One of Odie's toys! Maybe...

[hoover sound]

[grunting]

Garfield! Garfield! Where are you?

I hope at least he's reading the comic pages.

Garfield! You've got to help us!

There's this exterminator!

He's got all my friends!

Your friends threw me out of my own house.

I know, I know.

They didn't mean it.

Well, they did mean it,

but they were scared and...

Relax, relax.

While I was waiting for the bus,

I figured out how I was going to get back inside.

You got that for Halloween last year, didn't you?

Yeah, but it didn't work so well.

I didn't get any candy, just cheese.

Okay, now, you wait here.

[laughing] That big meanie doesn't stand a chance.

I think I've got them all now and...

Yoo hoo!

[heroic music]

Is the vacuum on your back as big as the one in your head?

[laugh track]

That's a big one.

[laughing]

I'm going to need another canister to hold him.

[humming]

[ominous music]

[train whistle]

Yoo hoo!

And for him,

I'm going to need my machine

to be on max power!

Ladies and gentlemen,

a brief chase scene.

[ominous music]

[hoover sound]

[Mr. Pulver] Run!

Run like the rat you are!

There's nowhere to hide, mouse.

Hey, pal, you missed one!

What's that?

One I missed.

I'll capture him, then I'll get you.

Hmm, guess that cat changed his mind.

It's that toy mouse again.

What's this cable attached to it?

[engine starting]

[screaming]

Stop! I can't unstrap this device!

Help! Stop!

[screaming]

[mice cheering]

Garfield! You saved us!

Guess we were wrong about you.

Yeah. We sure were.

[Max] Yeah, Garfield.

I'm not really good at saying I'm sorry.

Oh, you just need to practice.

You've got to say it more often.

[laughing] Hey, we were thinking.

Since you're already dressed for it,

we'd like to make you an honorary mouse.

[cheering]

Oh, well...

Just so long as I don't have to eat any really stinky cheese.

[cheerful music]

I don't know where that exterminator went,

but he did a great job.

I'll bet there isn't a mouse within miles.

I'll be back in a while.

[salsa music]

Anything I need to get?

A list of everything. Okay.

[salsa music]

You think we'll ever see that exterminator guy again?

Probably not.

I made a mistake.

That wasn't the bus to Vito's Pizza.

It wasn't?

Where was it going?

Well, let's just put it this way.

Down there, they dance like this.

[salsa music]

[upbeat music]