02x03 - Blasteroid/The Big Sneeze

[bunniefuu]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[alien engine whirring]

Ah, it's so good to see you again.

[sighing]

You're looking quite well today.

Lasagna is my friend.

Time to eat!

[gobbling]

[beeping]

[gasping]

[gobbling]

This is an outrage!

We cannot let this thing go unpunished!

[together] Revenge! Revenge! Revenge!

What a revolting sight, glorious leader!

That orange monster

continues to devour beings such as us.

Yes, general.

But thankfully, the galaxy will soon be rid of him

and his entire planet.

If I didn't know better, I'd say I just saw

a flying ravioli go by.

[gasping]

Oh, not so fast. Gotcha!

Oh, well.

Ravioli is ravioli.

Aaah...

[gasping]

[robotic voice] Transmission interrupted.

The vile orange creature just ate the spying device.

[together] Revenge! Revenge! Revenge!

People of Parma!

As your leader, I have ordered that the evil orange monster

and its barbaric planet be destroyed at once!

Operation Blasteroid is a go!

[cheering]

[epic music]

Stretch!

[stretching sound]

Launch!

[cheering]

Dr. Bonkers!

Dr. Bonkers!

Stratospheric radar detects a large object hurtling towards Earth.

[beeping]

Oh, this doesn't look good!

Wow!

This doesn't look good at all!

[electronic music]

You want to watch Binky the Clown?

Nope. My contract says he's not allowed on this series.

We interrupt this program with breaking news.

This is Dr. Thaddeus Bonkers.

Doctor, tell our viewers what you just told me.

Certainly.

A giant asteroid is heading straight for planet Earth!

What?

Yes! It will strike in exactly thirteen hours

and thirteen minutes

and thirteen seconds and destroy the entire world!

[together] We're doomed! We're doomed!

[screaming]

But there's one chance!

We have a rocket ship that could fly up

and destroy the asteroid before it reaches us.

Thank goodness!

-[Odie sighing] -You said it.

The problem is that no one can fit

into the rocket to fly it.

[together] We're doomed! We're doomed!

The spaceship's c*ck

was designed by a former cartoonist?

Yes.

And for some reason, he designed these spacesuits

in the shapes of an obese pussycat

and an empty-headed puppy dog.

Our only hope is to find someone

who fits into these spacesuits

and who could fly the rocket up

and save the world.

[screaming]

[suspenseful music]

[Dr. Bonkers] You won't actually have to fly the rocket.

Everything will be controlled and monitored by ground control.

Good. We have nothing to worry about.

As soon as the rocket lands on the asteroid,

you will go out and deposit the payload.

Bad. We have much to worry about.

To activate the payload,

you only need to push the button on the tube.

You have ten minutes to return

to the rocket and leave the asteroid before it explodes.

Good luck. You'll need it.

[Odie whimpering]

[screaming]

[alarm]

Mankind is counting on you, guys.

If I were mankind, I'd be worried.

Nine,

eight, seven,

four, three...

What happened to six and five?

Blast off!

[screaming]

[epic music]

Soon, the evil barbaric planet will be reduced

to rubble!

Glorious leader,

there seems to be an object flying

towards the Blasteroid.

A primitive spacecraft!

It looks like it will land

on the Blasteroid!

[crashing]

Odie, we're , miles from Earth,

, miles from civilization.

And worst of all,

, miles from Vito's Pizzeria.

[Odie muttering]

Yeah, I don't think they deliver this far.

[hubbub]

Okay, guys.

Drop off the payload.

Activate it and return to the rocket immediately!

What's he think we're going to do up here?

Wait for an ice cream truck to come by?

Odie...

[sniffing]

Do you smell something familiar?

[Odie sniffing]

[Odie agreeing]

If I didn't know better, I'd say it's...

Oops!

Yes! Just as I thought, Odie!

This asteroid, it's a giant meatball!

[Odie muttering]

Yes! We're on a meat-eor!

Yippee!

[gobbling]

What is he doing?

Is he eating the asteroid?

The rocket's probe has analyzed the composition of the asteroid.

It's made of onion and garlic-infused beef.

[sighing]

Leave it to Garfield to find the biggest meatball in the universe.

[gasping]

You're endangering the mission!

Drop the payload and--

Quiet. I'm eating.

[lawnmower sound]

Can the creature really eat the entire Blasteroid?

Yes, it can.

I have seen it dining before.

It is insatiable.

[chewing]

[gurgling] Yikes!

Houston, we have a problem!

How is he going to get back into the rocket?

There's a very simple way!

Wish I knew what is was.

Odie, I can't go back into the rocket!

Any bright ideas?

[Odie desagreeing]

Of course not, you're Odie.

Your brightest idea was chasing your tail for nine hours.

Tadah!

The rocket is about to blast off!

Garfield is going to be left stranded in outer space!

-[Odie muttering] -Thanks, Odie!

I knew you'd come up with something!

Actually, I didn't.

I just said that to make him feel good.

[Garfield screaming]

[panting]

[screaming]

Well done, Odie!

You saved Garfield's life!

[Dr. Bonkers] Mmmm, not really.

Garfield is the asteroid now.

Earth is doomed once again.

[burping]

I'm deflating every time I...

[burping] burp!

Amazing!

He is almost back to his normal size.

Our planet is saved!

[cheering]

[epic music]

[shoes screeching]

[engine whirring]

[crashing]

[Odie] Tadah!

Where's Garfield?

[crashing]

[Garfield] Mayday! Mayday!

[screaming]

[burping]

Welcome back, Garfield!

You were heroic!

Yes, I was!

And you owe me big time.

I'm going to make a list.

I'm starving!

Italian, anyone?

Oh, no!

Okay, suit yourself.

-We'll go eat without you. -I know a great...

I'm not touching food of any kind for a long, long time.

Especially...

Did he say Italian?

Remember how I used to say

that I'd go to the ends of the universe for lasagna?

-[Odie barking] -Well... I did!

[beeping]

People of Parma!

Once again, the evil orange monster wins.

But it's not over!

There'll be a sequel!

And we will have our revenge!

[beeping]

[ringing]

[upbeat music]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[peaceful music]

[Garfield] Ah...

I love these days when the flowers are in bloom,

and the leaves on the trees are green.

And amazingly, they aren't even plastic.

Today, the world should be framed

and hung in an art gallery.

The kind of day when nothing

can budge me from the peace and serenity

of my bed of flowers.

[Jon] Garfield! Lunch is ready!

The kind of day when the flowers can wait

because lunch is ready.

Hi, Odie. What's new?

Tell me later, I want to eat now.

Here you go! I made you...

[sneezing]

Quick! Slow motion!

[Odie muttering]

Thank you, Odie.

I don't know why I've been sneezing all the time lately.

[sneezing]

Refill, please.

[sneezing]

No, it isn't all the time.

It's just when I'm around you.

Moi?

Could I be allergic to cats?

No, Mr. Arbuckle.

The test shows you're definitely

not allergic to cat hair.

But I keep sneezing every time Garfield is around.

And I'm not sneezing now.

Are you sure, doc?

Well, according to this, you're only allergic to a few things:

antelope, goldenrod and grilled asparagus.

No cat hair.

So, why do I sneeze around Garfield?

There is one possibility.

Tonight, there's a show about it.

I think you should watch.

And now, the Humanimal Specialist!

Sometimes,

sneezing is not caused by a cold or allergy.

Sometimes, it's caused by suppressed anger.

Anger?

But I'm not angry at Garfield.

Well, not all the time.

You see, suppressed anger is anger you hide.

Sometimes, you even hide it from yourself

and you don't know it's inside of you.

But it has to come out somehow.

And sometimes, it comes out as a sneeze.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

If this is the case,

you either have to deal with the anger,

or get rid of whatever is making you angry.

Let's have dinner.

I made a roast turkey with all the trimmings.

That nutty doctor!

I am not mad at Garfield and that is not making me sneeze.

Garfield!

You ate the entire turkey dinner?

[hiccupping]

You ate the mashed potatoes and stuffing and corn pudding and rolls?

[hiccupping]

Do you have any shame?

[hiccupping]

Did you leave anything for us?

[hiccupping]

Here. Make a wish.

Me, I'm wishing for another turkey.

[sneezing]

I get my wish!

I can't be allergic to Garfield.

There's got to be a sneezing cure of some kind.

I'm researching something, Odie.

Remember, everything you read on the Internet is absolutely true.

Here's a site that says wearing garlic can cure sneezing.

Oh! I need garlic!

[Odie muttering]

A dozen bulbs of garlic.

That'll stop my sneezing.

Liz won't come near me for a month, but it'll stop my sneezing.

[sneezing]

Oh. I've got to try something else!

Someone online said a hot bath can cure sneezing.

Ah, and it seems to be working.

It's funny. I came in, and the tub was already full,

so I jumped in.

Hey! What are you doing in my crab gumbo?

[screaming]

Needs more salt and less Jon.

Heat lamp.

That will stop sneezing.

Ah! This should do it.

[popcorn popping]

[screaming]

Hold still.

I'm adding the melted butter.

[sneezing]

That's it!

[sneezing]

Tomorrow morning, I'm...

[sneezing]

...going to see that doctor on TV!

[sneezing]

[Dr. Whipple] As I said on my show, Mr. Arbuckle,

sneezing can be caused by anger.

This cat of yours,

tell me everything he does.

Well, he sleeps.

What else?

He eats.

Yes, what else?

That's it.

That's it?

Once in a while,

he torments our puppy Odie

or the mailman.

How exactly does he torment this puppy?

How doesn't he?

Last week, he got a box of gelatin mix.

Then he poured it into Odie's water dish.

[laughing]

I see.

I see!

Now, were you mad at your cat for doing this?

Mad?

Well, maybe a little.

But no, I don't get mad at Garfield.

Well, you said he did something to your mailman?

Every day, practically.

It's like Garfield waits for him.

The other day, he took our vacuum cleaner.

[suction sound]

[Dr. Whipple] Now, did that make you mad at your cat, Arbuckle?

Be honest.

Yes, I...

No, I don't let those things bother me.

I almost did though.

It was about three weeks ago.

I know,

the ice cream truck will be along any minute

and you want some.

The answer is no.

N-O.

No.

I don't feel like walking out to the curb.

[ice cream truck jingle]

[tires squealing]

The ice cream truck sounds like it's real close.

[screaming]

Could I have some money for lasagna ripple?

Well, Mr. Arbuckle,

it's obvious what's making you sneeze.

You can't admit that you're mad at your cat.

I am mad at my cat.

I didn't want to say it, but you're right.

I'm mad at my cat.

I'm very mad at my cat.

Say the words, Arbuckle.

I'm mad at my cat.

You must confess before the entire world.

[yelling] I'm mad at my cat!

Louder, Arbuckle!

[yelling] I'm mad at my cat!

[elderly man] Who's doing all that yelling?

Oh, some guy who's mad at his cat.

Is he really mad at his cat?

He sounds really mad at his cat.

[Jon yelling] I'm mad at my cat!

Oh, he must be that Arbuckle guy.

[woman] Oh, the one with the cat that eats all the lasagna?

[laughing]

I did it, doctor!

I confronted my anger!

I admitted I was mad at my cat.

Excellent, my boy.

Now, you just have to do one more thing

and you'll be rid of your sneezing problem forever.

Ah! Anything. What is it?

Well, now, of course,

get rid of your cat.

Of course, I'll get rid of my cat,

and I won't sneeze--

Get rid of my cat? Get rid of Garfield?

Of course.

He makes you sneeze,

and, as you admit,

you are mad at him.

But I couldn't get rid of Garfield.

That would be like getting rid of my right arm.

Think it over.

If you don't have the courage to get rid of your cat,

do you know what people will say to you?

Yeah.

They're going to say "Gesundheit" a lot.

Thank you, doctor.

What an odd young man.

I can't understand why he won't cure his problem.

Patient gone? Good.

It's our wedding anniversary, you know.

And you have to drive me to my mother's house.

Yes, dear.

[sneezing]

Jon's home!

Odie, I've decided I've given Jon a pretty bad time lately.

-[Odie muttering] You? -Yeah.

I have an attack of conscience at least once a year.

I'm going to give him a gift to apologize.

Garfield, I found out my sneezing was caused because I was angry at you.

Well, I've decided something.

No matter what, I'll never, ever be mad at you again.

No matter what I do?

Wow.

Okay.

Here's something for you.

Oh! You picked me some flowers?

That's nice, Garfield.

You have so many different kinds:

daisies, daffodils, goldenrod...

[sneezing]

Goldenrod?

Yeah, goldenrod!

It's been blooming outside.

And I just love to sleep in it and roll around in it.

You've been rolling around in goldenrod?

A flower I'm...

[sneezing]

...allergic to?

That's what's been making me...

[sneezing]

...sneeze?

I went through all those cures, and went to that doctor...

[sneezing]

All that because of that?

I'm mad at you, Garfield!

"No matter what you do, I'll never be mad at you again."

Gee, that didn't last long.

[yelling] I'm mad at my cat!

[sneezing]

I'm mad at my cat!

[woman] Poor man.

It sounds like he's got a cold.

Or maybe it's an allergy to goldenrod.

[Jon yelling] I'm mad at my cat!

[sneezing]

[screaming]

[upbeat music]