03x24 - The Golden Lasagna Awards/The Control Freak

[bunniefuu]

-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]

[upbeat theme song playing]

-[Garfield] Hee!
-[remote clicks]

[whimsical music playing]

[announcer]
Live! Well, animated from
the studios of
The Garfield Show.

It's the first annual
Golden Lasagna Awards.

And here's your host, Garfield Cat.

[cheering]

[giggling] Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

-[clears throat] A little more, please?
-[applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Tonight, because excellence
must be recognized,

we're saluting superior work
on the best show on television.

This one.

Each winner will receive
one of these handsome trophies.

[audience clapping, gasping]

It's hard to believe.

What's hard to believe, Nermal?

That I don't have one of those.

But I will.

Without further ado, our first award is…

"Best Performance by a Character
in a Scene Involving Food."

And the nominees are…

Eddie Gourmand in the episode,
"Yankee Poodle Dandy."

I'll just try one of these,
whatever they are.

I don't think you want to--

Mmm. And this is exquisite.

[munching]

Madam, what do you call this tasty treat?

Dog food.

"Dog food"?

Dog food.

[grunting, screaming]

I ate dog food.

But with a little parsley,
it wouldn't be too bad.

[cheering, clapping]

Our next nominee in this category is…

Vito Capilleti for his role
in "Mozzarella Madness."

Please, you must forgive me. You must.

I was foolish, I admit it.

If you could somehow
find it in your heart to spare me…

[sobbing]
…I would be grateful for all eternity.

Well, just this once.

But next time,
don't forget the black olives.

[cheering, clapping]

And our final nominee in this category is…

It seems to be me,
Garfield Cat in "Camping Out."

[Odie whining]

We're going to be out here in the middle
of nowhere for two weeks.

We're miles from any take-out restaurants,
miles from any markets.

We'll be making do
with just the supplies we brought.

-Do you understand?
-Uh-huh.

And you're okay with that?

Well. I apologize, Garfield.
I misjudged you.

-Okay, I'm going to unpack the car.
-[barking]

[panting]

Here you go, little pussycat.

One hot, steaming dish of sausage lasagna,
just as you requested.

Mmm. He had to do that to make up
for forgetting the black olives.

[munching]

[cheering, clapping]

And the winner is…

Come on. Come on.

Well, how about that?

It's me!

[cheering, clapping]

Rats.

Nermal, why are you disappointed?
You weren't nominated in this category.

I was hoping for a massive write-in vote.

[joyful music playing]

Oh, thank you all for this award.

I'm not sure which of you voted for me.

-I didn't vote from him.
-I didn't vote from him.

Well, I sure didn't.

But it doesn't matter to me.

What matters is that I got the award
and somebody else didn't.

The next category,

"Best Performance by an Actor
in a Role Involving Sleeping."

And the nominees are…

Jon Arbuckle in "What Time Is It?"

-[panting]
-[yawning]

No, Garfield. I will not get up and
make you raspberry waffles for breakfast.

I'll settle for French toast.

I just got to bed an hour ago.

I'm going to sleep until that alarm clock
goes off in seven hours…

[yawning]

…at noon.

Good night, Garfield. [snoring]

[Garfield snickering]

[Jon snoring]

Three, two, one…

-[alarm clock ringing]
-Ah!

A good eight hours of sleep.
I feel like a new man.

I'm going to go make you raspberry waffles
and French toast, Garfield.

Last July,
I convinced him it was Christmas.

-[cheering, clapping]
-[Jon laughing]

And the next nominee
in this category is Odie the Puppy.

[cheering, clapping]

[whining]

Please, hold your applause.

[Garfield]
Odie the Puppy for "Fetching Fido."

Odie, I'm gonna throw the stick
so you can fetch it.

[yipping]

There it goes, boy! Go get it!

[sighing]

[whining]

[barks]

[whining]

[slurping]

-And the last nominee in this category is…
-[applause]

What do you know? It's me again.

[booing]

It's for my stellar performance
in "The Snooze Reporter."

Wait! I think he's finally waking up.

Garfield, congratulations.

You've been asleep for over eleven weeks.

What do you have to say?

Uh, just five more minutes.

[snoring]

And the winner is…

[gasping]

It's me again!

[audience gasping, scattered clapping]

Fixed. This contest is fixed!

Nermal, behave yourself!

I'm sorry, but this is how I behave.

Our next category is
"Best Performance by a Mouse."

-Oh, that's great.
-[applause]

Garfield can't win in this category.

Uh, wanna bet?

And our first nominee is…

Irv the Mouse in "The Dangerous Mission."

This is a dangerous mission, Irv.

You don't have to do it.

Somebody's got to. It might as well be me.

Well, I wish you all the luck
in the world with it.

[Irv] Thanks, Squeak.

[buzzing]

[suspenseful music playing]

[whimpering]

We were right, Squeak. It's limburger! Oh!

The next nominee is Squeak
as the newsmouse in "The Snooze Reporter."

-He's finally--
-[buzzer]

Okay, we just saw this one.
We don't need to show it again.

And our final nominee for
the "Best Performance by a Mouse" is…

[gasps] You're not gonna believe this.

It seems to be me
for my performance in "Rat Cat."

Here's a piece of cheese for you

and one for you and one for you and--

Hi. I'm a mouse. What do you have for me?

[Garfield] And the winner is…

Oh no, not again!

[booing]

I can't take any more of this!

It's a travesty of justice!

Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me.
Cute cat coming through.

And the next category is…

"Best Performance
by an Overweight Orange Pussycat

With Stripes Whose Name
is in the Title of the Show."

Gee, I can't imagine who's gonna win.

-[producer] We don't have time for clips.
-What's that again?

We don't have time for clips.

Oh! I'm informed that we don't have
time for the clips,

so we'll just do this the fast way.

The nominees are me, me, and me.

And the winner is…

[gasps]

-Hey! It's me!
-[booing]

[Garfield] Thank you.
I couldn't have done it without me.

[phone keypad beeping]

So, Bruno, you and your friends
weren't invited to the ceremony?

Yeah, we weren't nominated for anything,
and we're angry about it.

Hey, who is this?

Oh, it's… [clears throat] …just a friend.

I happen to know this award ceremony
is rigged.

One cat wins every award.

You should come down here
and take care of him.

Yeah. Good idea. We'll be right there.

Come on, guys. We're gonna go down
to that award ceremony.

[barking]

When we get there,

we'll take care of that cat
who keeps winning all the awards!

You see?

You can learn valuable information
watching
The Garfield Show.

The commercial's over? Great.
I'll go present the last award.

[drumroll]

Thank you! Thank you!

And now, the award
you've all been waiting for…

the award for "The Most Fabulously
Terrific Super Performer Ever!"

And the nominees are…

Odie the Puppy.

[Odie cheering]

Thank you, Odie.

And the next nominee is Nermal the Cat.

That's about the response Nermal deserves.

And the last nominee is…

Guess who?

[victory music playing]

[gasps, grunts]

[cheering, clapping]

[giggling]

-[ominous music playing]
-[gasps]

[gasps]

[snarling]

Okay. And the winner is…

[Garfield] Hmm...

And the winner is…

-Nermal Cat.
-[victory music playing]

Did you say "Nermal Cat?"

You did say "Nermal Cat!" I'm Nermal Cat!

Oh! Thank you, thank you
for that wonderful ovation

I'm sure I'd be receiving
if anyone was here.

I can't tell you
how much this award means to me.

I really need to thank
all of the people who've supported me

and helped me over the years.

And I would if I knew any of their names.
[chuckles]

But I have to admit you like me.

You really like me almost as much as I do.

Hey, hey, hey!
Can't you see I'm accepting an award here?

You're the cat who rigged these awards
so he always wins.

[Nermal] Oh no! No, no, no, no.
That's not me. That's-- No, no, no!

You stay back!

Pick on someone your own size.

[screaming] Hey! You leave me alone!
I'm an award-winning pussycat,

and I haven't finished
my acceptance speech yet! [screaming]

Here, Od. You can have this one.

[whining]

Hey. Awards are great, aren't they?
They make your relatives real happy,

and you can sell the trophies
for pretty good money.

[whining]

[Garfield] For that one?

I'd say you'd be able to get enough for it
to buy a real lasagna.

It's a lot better than gold.

[whimsical music playing]

[cheerful music playing]

[snoring]

-[classical music playing]
-[gasps] Huh?

-[mice chittering]
-Huh.

You know, I've always kind of liked
ballet dancing,

but do they have to do it
when I'm trying to sleep?

Very good.
Now time for today's lesson, ladies.

[man on tape]
Welcome to
Ballet Dancing
For Mice and Other Small Rodents.

-[grunts]
-
Today, we shall cover pirouettes.

Place the feet slightly apart,
raise the arms, and pivot slowly…

I live to dance.

Yeah? Well, some of us live to eat.

And eat to live.

Where's Vito
with my : a.m. pizza delivery?

Did you ever have the feeling
that you were being watched?

[boy] Good. I have a clear view
into the house where it looks like…

[ominous music playing]

[boy] Ballet-dancing mice?

: a.m.
I'm monitoring the Arbuckle home,

looking for a proper test subject
for my new invention.

Ah! The pizza delivery man!
The perfect test subject!

First, I need to seize control
of his mind.

[sinister laughing]

I must hurry.
Mr. Arbuckle's cat does not like it

when his : a.m. pizzas
arrive ten seconds late.

[laser whirring, zapping]

[suspenseful music playing]

It's working!
I've seized control of his mind.

You hate delivering pizzas.

You will no longer deliver pizzas.

I will no longer deliver pizzas.

Hey! It's : and ten seconds!
Where are my pizzas?

No! No pizzas for you.
No pizzas for anyone.

-[gasps] Words I hoped I'd never hear.
-[siren wailing]

I hate delivering pizzas.

I hate making pizzas and delivering pizzas
and everything about pizzas.

I will never make another pizza
as long as I live.

I will never make another pizza
as long as I live.

[gasping] Vito, say it isn't so!

Throw them on the ground. Stomp on them.

Here! Here is what I think of pizzas!

Down with pizzas!

No, no, no!

[gasping]

[cackling]

At last! At last,
I'm getting revenge on that cat

for ruining my plans for world domination!

Testing of mind control device,
unqualified success.

I press the blue button,
capture someone's mind,

then speak into the microphone
to tell them what to do.

[woman] Nathan! Nathan!

Oh no. Not now.

Mom! I'm working on a plan
to conquer and enslave mankind.

That can wait, Nathan.

First, you have to take out the garbage
and do your chores.

But, Mom--

Don't you "But Mom" me, young man.

Garbage first. Enslaving mankind second.

[teeth chattering]

Oh, these kids today.
Where are their priorities?

[whirring, zapping]

Take the garbage out yourself, Mom.

I will take the garbage out myself, Mom.

[cackling]

The effects will only last a few days
before they wear off.

[boy] All right.
Now, let's see if my invention

will work on that dog
that lives with the cat.

[whirring, zapping]

[barking]

Hmm. My invention has no effect
on the dog named Odie.

I'll try someone else.

Ah, he'll do fine.

Hmm. It's a little after :.
I'd better start making today's lasagnas.

[whirring, zapping]

You don't like cats.

You don't want any cats in your house,
especially Garfield.

I do not like cats.

What could have caused Vito
to do such a horrible thing?

I can't think of anything worse
that could happen.

I do not like cats.

-I do not want any cats in my house.
-Huh?

Especially Garfield.

I thought of something worse. Ow!

[cackling] Yes!

Jon can't be serious.

[panting]

[Garfield screaming]

Jon! What are you doing?

Why are you throwing away
all my favorite foods?

This is a whole box
of Crunchy Poodle Doodles!

This is the perfect cereal!

It's loud, it has
no nutritional value whatsoever,

and it turns milk purple.

[grunting]

From now on,
I only serve one food in this house…

raisins.

Raisins!

[Jon] Raisin pie.
Raisin bread. Raisin stew.

Meat loaf but with raisins
instead of the meat.

[sobbing] No! No! No!

You can't be… serious.

No, no! You can't be serious!

If you want cereal, you may have
raisin bran but without the bran.

Which reminds me.

[Garfield] This can't be happening to me.
[sobs] It can't!

I still do not like cats.

Oh, this day is not going well at all.

Why does Jon suddenly not like me?

I'm lovable. Or as lovable as I ever was.

Garfield Cat.

I hate Garfield Cat.

Are you Garfield Cat?

Too bad. I hate Garfield Cat.

Garfield the Cat, I hate you.

I don't know why, I… I… I just do.

-[whining, barks]
-What?

Odie, do you hate me?

Uh-uh.

Do you like me?

Mm-hmm.

-[slurping]
-[giggling]

[giggling]

Great. I don't know what got into Jon.

Vito not making pizzas…

That's like Vito not making pizzas.

[whining]

-Hmm. [gasps]
-[barks]

The mailman.

With my luck today,

he's probably returning Nermal
from Abu Dhabi, postage due.

[humming]

Oh, what a joy it is each day
to deliver the mail--

[zapping]

Okay, here's what I want you to say.

I hate delivering the mail.

I'm going to move to Spain
and become a beautiful señorita.

[laughing]

I hate delivering the mail!

I'm going to move to Spain
and become a beautiful señorita.

[Spanish music playing]

[cackling]

I can make anyone do whatever I want!

Mom? Take out more garbage.

[laughing]

Señorita. [shouting]

Odie. Did you see--

Mm-hmm.

He started acting odd after he was hit

by some sort of ray
from across the street.

That's the house
of that bratty mad scientist, Nathan!

[yipping]

Come on.

[barking]

[intriguing music playing]

I must take out the garbage as ordered.

[intriguing music continues]

[gasps, grunts]

[panting]

I will rule the world!

Everyone will take orders from me,
the most powerful man alive!

But first I have to go to the boy's room.

[Nathan cackling]

This must be it.

Some sort of
mind control machine, I guess.

[whining]

[Garfield] What's this thing?

[Nathan's voice]
My invention
has no effect on the dog named Odie.

Of course not.

You can't control someone's brain
if they don't have one.

[whining]

-Let's go back.
-[tape rewinding]

[Nathan's voice]
The effects will last
a few days before they wear off.

-And back a little bit more.
-[tape rewinding]

[Nathan's voice]
Testing of
mind control device, unqualified success.

I press the blue button,
capture someone's mind,

then speak into the microphone
to tell them what to do.

Odie! That's the secret!
Do you realize what this means?

-[barks]
-It means I can control the world!

I can make everyone
do exactly what I want.

I can make every single person
on the planet

get into the pizza delivery business!

I can make the governor proclaim
every day Garfield the Cat Day!

And I further decree

that everyone has to give
Garfield the Cat a nice gift.

He'll accept cash, checks,
and all major credit cards.

[Garfield]
I could sleep all day,
and I could sleep all night.

Wait a minute. I already do that.

I could make Nermal, Drusilla, Minerva,
and Aunt Ivy all move to some other show.

Eh, we're gonna go annoy the people
on the six o'clock news instead.

[Garfield]
I can have
the entire planet resculpted

so it looks like
a giant replica of my head.

[Odie barks]

Okay, so we'll have it orbited
by a moon that looks like you.

[barks]

All I have to do is push the blue button
and talk into the microphone and then…

Odie, we have a problem.

-I can't talk.
-Hmm?

I'm a cat, remember? Humans can't hear me.

Except for those people out there.

Microphones can't, either.

[whining]

And I was so looking forward
to making the world look like me.

What are you doing in my lab?
Every time I invent something,

you come along and ruin my plans!

I just wanna rule the world
and make everyone my sl*ves.

Is that so awful?

Uh, yeah, it is.

Well, I won't let you!

I'll use my disintegration ray!

[screaming]

-[zapping]
-[gasping]

[whimpering]

-[zapping]
-[Odie's teeth chattering]

There's nowhere to hide, cat!

Prepare to be disintegrated!

Oh, I don't like the sound of that.

[Odie whimpering]

-Blue button!
-[zapping]

[whining]

I could control that mind of his

if I could give him an order
into this microphone, but I can't.

But I know who can!

We just need to borrow something
from across the street.

[yipping]

[man on tape]
Welcome to
Ballet Dancing
For Mice and Other Small Rodents.

That would include Nathan.

[man on tape]
Put your hands
over your head, stand on point,

then move in time to the music.

[classical music playing]

That'll keep him busy for a few days
until the ray wears off.

[yipping]

What's to stop him from using his
mind control device when it does wear off?

-This.
-[zapping]

It took three seasons, but we finally
got some culture into the show.

[whining]

Oh yeah.

I took the disintegration ray.
I thought it might come in handy

next time we have a guest appearance
by Aunt Ivy.

[classical music playing]

[applause]

[upbeat theme song playing]