04x01 - Sam Says

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Get ready for a Game Changer!

Tonight's guests...

Without a GM, the show
would be 'Ae Chaner'.

It's Brennan Lee Mulligan!

- [Brennan] Heyyyyy!

- [Sam] Izzy for short,
Ostentatia for long!

It's Isabella Roland!

[Isabella shouts]

[Brennan laughs]

- [Sam] "Mister" on 3,
"Lou" on 6, "Wilson" on 9.

It's Mr. Lou Wilson!

[Lou shouts]

[Brennan laughs]

- [Sam] And your host, me!

- I've been here the whole time.

[contestants clap]

- [Sam] This is Game Changer.

The only game show where
the game changes every show.

Except for Ellen's Game of Games,

[Isabella laughs]

Taskmaster and a few others
that have come to light

since I wrote that.

I am your host, Sam Reich.

I am joined today by

these

three lovely contestants.

Now you all understand how the game works?

- No, it's not been
explained to any of us.

- Yeah, The game's different all the time.

You said that.

- We don't know what's happening today.

- That's the longest

that bit's ever gone on.

That's right!

Our players have no idea what game it is

they're about to play.

The only way to learn is by playing.

The only way to win is by learning.

And the only way to begin is by beginning.

So without further ado,

let's begin by giving
each of you 25 points.

[Ding sound]

- Okay? So there's just
loose points flying around?

- Points, as far as the eye can see.

- Oh yeah.

- Sam says...touch your nose.

Sam says...touch your ear.

[Players touch their ear]

Sam says...touch your other ear.

[Players touching their other ear]

Touch your other ear.

Easy, Right?

Quite literally...

Child's play.

Now ,touch your other ear.

- You ain't gonna get us.

Like you said, this is child's play.

- Sam says...touch your elbow.

[Players Touching Their Elbow]

Sam says...touch your belly button.

[Players touching their belly button]

Sam says...touch the top of your head.

[Players touching the top of their head]

Sam says...touch your chin.

[Players touching their chin]

Ooh,

formidable opponents.

Sam says...pull on your ears.

[Players pull on their ears]

Sam says...make a little arm wave.

Very good. Sam says...touch
just your pinkies together.

Good. Keep them just like that.

I didn't say Sam says for that last one.

That's a point away from all three of you.

- Because we kept them together?

- Because you kept them just like that.

- Following the commands
of the previous instruction

is a secondary priority.

And the first priority would be

not following a command that

is not given in the correct format.

- The little computer in Brennan's brain

is so excited already.

- I didn't understand.

- Yeah me either. I am just gonna say,

Let's go again. Cause I think, I got it.

- Sam says...slap your knees.

[Slapping knees sound]

Sam says...do a thumb w*r with yourself.

Sam says...lick your philtrum.

- Oh,

- Hm

- Okay.

Technically, I think all
three of you pass that.

- Really?

- Your philtrum is the little

space between your nose and your lips.

The two of these guys decided
to do inside their lips.

If there's any anatomists watching,

you can tell me if

I should've deducted a
point there anywhere.

Sam says...hands on your hips.

Sam says...hands on your butt.

Sam says...hands on your head.

Sam says...hand on your stomach.

I said "hand," not "hands"

that's points away from all three of you.

- I had ear tubes put in

when I was a child.

So for you to do that,
is actually so wrong.

- This is on you, sir.

- 23 points for all three of our players.

No one's winning yet, g*ng.

No one's losing yet.

All in the spirit of good fun.

Sam says...shake it off.

Sam says...shake out your head.

Sam says...shake out your feet.

Sam says...shake out your hand.

Yes!

Well done.

Players,

you've been doing great so far,

but Sam says...let's make this a touch

more competitive,

by taking this one player at a time.

- Oh,

- Sam says...say something.

we'll have to bleep.

Starting with Brennan.

- f*ck.

- Okay. Izzy, let's see what you got.

Sam says...say something

we'll have to bleep.

- c**t.

- I love the way that was enunciated.

- Lou...
- Uh, hm.

- Sam says...

say something we'll have to bleep.

- p*ssy as*h*le?

[Brennan chuckles]

- I am realizing something

at the end of this round.

[Izzy gasps]

- I would like to go again, if I could.

- I'll give it to you.

- Can you repeat the
instructions one more time?

- Sam says...say something

we'll have to bleep.

[Deep exhale]

- Okay.
- Oh, I-

- Oh, I would like to go again too.

- I would also like a second opportunity.

- It's only fair.

- ♪ Hey, [beep sound] ♪

[beep sound]

[to the tune Of "Hey Jude"]
♪ I know that you ♪

can't play the Beatles.

Beatles, Beatles, Beatles,
Beatles, Beatles, Beatles,

Beatles! Owww!! ♪

- I don't want to give
too much away, Brennan,

but well done.

Izzy, Sam says...say something

we'll have to bleep.

- Something we'll have to bleep.

- Holy sh*t.

- b*tch

- [Brennan chuckles]

- Now I'm questioning myself.

Lou. Sam says...say something

we'll have to bleep.

- I am paid by CollegeHumor.

And I would like to come out as

like someone who's paid by

the company and say that

[beep sound]

is innocent.

[laughter]

And that is the expressed opinion of -

formerly CollegeHumor,

Now Dropout, the show, Game Changer...

[beep sound] is innocent.

- Didn't do it!

- Whoever k*lled those people,

is still out there.

This is the opinion of the company

that puts this show on

and produced it.

- We know that for a fact.

- It's in company emails that I will

happily pull up on my phone.

- My excitement has flipped to fear

for this episode.

So what was supposed to happen just now

is I was supposed to

award one of you.

All three of those were so creative that

I'm going to award points

to all three of you.

- Wow.

- [Sam] Keeping this even
across the board for now.

I do want to say because

of what just happened...

- That this episode can't air.

[laughter]

- That you know for a fact OJ did it.

[laughter]

- Sam says...greet a
neighbor across the street.

- Hi, Hyperion Chiropractic.

- Hello, Lyric Hyperion.

- Sam says...realize you
don't have your wallet.

- Oh,

- Simon says...nod at a babbling baby

as if you understand.

Sam says...nod at a babbling
baby as if you understand.

- Okay!
- Uh huh...

- Yeah.
- Wah.

Sam says...don't flinch.

[Sam screams suddenly]

[Lou laughs]

I feel like that counts, Lou.

- Yeah, it does.

- Of course it counts.
- That's a point away...

from Lou Wilson.
- I am not going to pretend

like I didn't flinch, I was terrified.

- I heard Lou's butthole.

[sucking noise]

- Sam says...

remember that the virtuous economic cycle

is when earnings

contribute to taxes,

contribute to government programs,

contribute to earnings.

Sam says...share some gossip,

starting with Brennan.

[heavy breathing]

You can either share it out loud,

or if you don't want to,

you can share it into my ear.

I'll accept a that too.

- And is this question

going to be posed to everybody?

- Yes.

- And will only one
person be awarded points?

- That's the idea.

- Okay.

How about

...ohh...no...

...that could end a relationship.

- Ours.

[laughter]

- There is a community member

of a non-CollegeHumor place

where I do work,

who we had someone

come in

as a new staff member of the community.

And this person is so

promiscuous

that a director at this place

had to pull them aside and say,

you are not allowed to talk to

this new person that is-

contractor interfacing with our company.

- A little cryptic, Brennan.

- Pretty mild, pretty mild, if you ask me.

That's a salsa everyone
at the table will enjoy.

[Sam chuckles]

- Wow.

- Izzy. Sam says...what do you got?

[Walking towards Sam]

[Whispering]

- Holy f*cking sh*t, Izzy.

- Oh, that's really good.

Yeah. Okay.

- Okay. Now everybody
knows, except for me?

I feel left out.

- Lou.

What do you got for me?

- A member of the Dimension


new tattoo.

- But we're not saying who...?

It depends on how many points are in it.

- Exactly.

[Lou] How bad do you,

and possibly the people
at home, want to know?

Is it worth

three points?

- Three points?

Now we're negotiating?

- I mean, this is Game Changer.

We don't know the rules.

- I am going to say that
particular point goes to Izzy.

But also, since I didn't
say "Sam says" to Lou,

that Lou gets a point taken away from him,

bringing him to 22,

got to keep a watch out guys.

Cause I'll get ya.

- I was just eager to share

- Rapid fire.

Sam says...check a burger
to see if it's burnt.

[Everyone acting]

Salmon says, look at your
partner of 50 years and

realize you have a rare
and special kind of love.

[Everyone looking towards Sam]

Sam says...

look at your partner of 50 years and

realize you have a rare

and a special kind of love.

[Everyone looks towards Sam]

[laughter]

Sam says...worry if those
are actually fireworks

[firework sounds]

Sam says...don't flinch.

[airhorn]

- Stop.

- That is a point away
from Izzy and from Lou.

- Can we have that?

- Let's see how you feel.
- I won't touch it. I promise.

- He's really going to give it to us.

- I mean, look, it's only fair, right?

There you go,

- Sam says-

[airhorn blows]

- Oh my God, come on dude.

Come on.

- You thought there was
going to be a little break

and it would be like a callback.

Immediate second beat.

- I'm learning a lot about
Izzy in this episode,

- I'm crazy.

- Yes.

- My heart rate is so fast right now.

- Sam says...make an accurate prediction

about the rest of the episode.

Inside your drawers you'll
find a little slip of paper

and a pen. I will be
collecting those predictions

in this cute little predictions envelope.

Thank you, art team.

The most impressive prediction is

the one that I will award the point

ultimately.

[inquisitive music]

Yeah.

There you go.

[airhorn blows]

Oh God.

- I didn't flinch.

- Yeah. That's the best I've ever done.

And the best I'll ever do.

- Sam says...do something GIF-able

we'll start with you, Lou.

[Sam chuckles]

Brennan, Sam says...do something GIF-able.

- Reaction!

[Sam chuckles]

- I'll take it.

Izzy, let's hear from you.

- No.

- God, good job.

- Izzy, Sam says...do something GIF-able.

- Wooo!

- g*dd*mn, I was going to write that.

I was going to write that

you would either pull up or take

off your shirt.

Damn it!

- That was my favorite, I'm
going to give you the point.

- Sex sells.

- 25 for Izzy.

Sam says...

back that a*s up.

Sam says...come on and let
me hear you say "EH-O".

- [contestants] Ehhh-ohh!

Sam says...

put your hand in the air
like you just don't care.

That is points away from Lou and Brennan

for putting hands up.

Instead of a hand up.

- Anyone ever rip down
the Game Changer sign?

[Sam laughing]

Let's play.

Sam says,

- Don't yawn.

Nothing.

Brennan, Sam says...

what was the virtuous economic cycle?

[Exhales heavily]

Earnings, taxes, government
programs, back to earnings.

- Very well done, Brennan.

That is a point for you,

bringing you to 24,

just behind Izzy.

- Always.

[Brennan laughs]

- From now on your trigger phrase

is "Simon says,"

not "Sam says."

Simon says...harmonize.

[harmonizing]

[Lou joins]

- Not today.

- That is a point away from Izzy and Lou,

I didn't say Sam says about
the whole Simon says thing.

- I just thought it would
be more fun if we did it.

- Sam says...your trigger
phrase is now "Simon says,"

Sam says...harmonize.

[harmonizing]

- Izzy, what are you doing?

- Sam said that it's now "Simon says,"

and then started the next
command with "Sam says."

- That's a point away from Izzy.

[Buzzer sound]

Sam says...your trigger phrase
is now back to Sam says,

Sam says...harmonize.

- Do you take us for fools, sir?

- Apologies.

Simon says your trigger phrase
is now back to Sam says,

Sam says...harmonize.

- [Everyone harmonizing ]

- Keep going.

[Brennan and Lou harmonizing]

- That is points away from Lou
and points away from Brennan.

- I like singing.

If you give me an opportunity to do it,

I'll take advantage of it.

- Sam says propose a
visual effect to go here,

starting with Izzy.

Like explain to me like
what the visual effects-

- Butthole.

- What the visual effect is.

- A bunch of buttholes.

- The lady said "butthole," Sam.

- Sorry.

The visual effect is a bunch of buttholes?

- Mmm.

- Okay,

sorry.

We're going to actually make these.

- I know.

- Now I'm thinking about,

could you just show me
where the buttholes are,

where they appear?

- Everywhere.

[laughter]

- Okay.

- So are they appearing behind you as well

as in front of you?

Or like, can you provide me

with any more explanation or just a lot?

A lot of buttholes?

- All over the universe.

[air whooshing]

- Copy.

[Izzy chuckles]

Brennan. Sam says propose a visual effect

to go here.

- Buttholes!

[laughter]

More buttholes.

- I wanted to find efficiency.

- Different...

And when I say "different,"
I mean radically different

- No, no

- It is up to you, animator.

- No, no, no.

- It's up to you to figure out-

- One's crinkly, one's smooth.

- Now we have to spend more
money on more buttholes.

- [Izzy] You're welcome.

- I shouldn't be complain.
I'm the host of the show.

This is all my fault.

Lou. Sam says...propose a
visual effect to go here.

- Okay, fantastic.

So we're cutting into
like a Steven Soderberg.

Ocean's 11 kind of like things
are starting to split up.

So you've got my box that's slowly driting

over into left corner.

As another box of me just snapping. Right?

And that's, that's
appearing down left here.

That's me snapping. You
can kind of repeat that.

So there's me talking then
we're tight in on my points

because that's what the heist is about.

How are we going to get these points back?

Then appearing in like a new corner

in like one of those like panel A's.

As the three me snapping my points and

me talking have all shifted in the left.

Now you've got a big, like the other half

of the screen and the Soderberg Ocean's 11

type thing just becomes
a f*cking raw butthole.

Right? And so you got me,

but then this one becomes a butt hole

than the one that was my points

becomes a butt hole.

Then,

then the one that's been talking is

that's the only one left,

but the rest of the screen and

all the different little

Steven Soderberg things are butt holes.

- You know what we've done today?

- Make art.

- Spend thousands of dollars on buttholes.

- Yes.

- Good job.

Hope you're happy,

all of you.

That point goes to Lou Wilson.

- The heist is working.

It's all going according to plan.

- Sam says...hide behind your mom's legs

when she wants to
introduce you to someone.

Salmon says...try to
break down a complicated

cardboard box.

- Did you say salmon?

- Sam says...try to break down
a complicated cardboard box.

- So we're going to start,

start at that base because

that tab we can't don't break

that tab because that tab

actually needs to fold
back in when we're done.

And if you grab it,

you just grab that and
lift that? Lift that.

- I gave up.

- Sam says...realize your hands have

telekinetic abilities.

- Buttholes!

[Brennan makes electrical noises]

Sam says...catch.

- m*therf*cker.

Oh my God, what the f*ck?

- sh**t another one here.

Goddammit! Oh come on!

- Oh sh*t I dropped one

- It's okay. It's not over.

[Sam laughs]

- How many we get?

- I caught 1.

- 1, 2, 1.

Very good.

But I think that point
goes to Brennan Mulligan.

Bringing Brennan to 24,

- Why?

- He caught two.

- Izzy. Sam says...what did
Brennan do that was GIF-able?

- Reaction.

- That is correct. That is
a point for Izzy bringi-

[Airhorn sounds]

I mean, quite literally a
taste of my own medicine.

Even now this has gone so far.

I'm legit worried about this
next one. Starting with Lou.

Sam says...

upset a producer.

[Everybody laughs]

Sam says...please don't ruin
any expensive equipment.

- Can I move?

- Yeah.

[Sam laughing]

- That's good.

- You got it, Lou, it turned off.

Oh no!

Oh no! Oh God.

Oh God. That's going to take real time.

- Yup. I know

Second AD you should probably

find a PA who can stay late today.

[Sam chuckles]

- Oh, he's still going?

[laughter]

I hope that wasn't important.

- I'm sorry. There's somebody back there.

- Izzy.

- Can I borrow your phone?

- Sam says...upset a producer.

- Sure. Yeah, yeah. yeah.

- What?

- I dunno.

- Hi David.

- David Kerns.

- It's Izzy.

- David, partner at
CollegeHumor, executive producer.

- I wanted to let you know that

I recorded a video of Brennan

saying he hates his fans.

The more upset they get,

the happier he is and
the more money he makes.

- That's an odd deal.

- I uploaded it.

And showed his d*ck.

- As an addendum.

- Sorry.

- Sorry with a bunch of "Y"s.

- Did you send it?
- It's sent.

- We'll see how David responds.

- There you go.

- Brennan, Sam says...upset a producer.

[Brennan coughing]

Now that was an audible gasp.

- Oh boy.

I think that, I think that,

I think that goes to Brennan

- I would do anything.

- For what?

- To win anything.

- Yeah.

That point goes to Brennan.

You know, sometimes less is more.

And in that case

I could

actually feel myself
getting a little upset.

So

I'm just going to recover from that.

Sam says lets revisit those

predictions from earlier, shall we?

From one of you, you'll
have to tell me who:

"Brennan will physically
touch Sam above the waist."

- That was my dream.

- I don't think that happened.

From Izzy:

"I'm going to fart without
anybody knowing it."

Izzy, I want you to be honest with me,

did you?

[Nodding head yes]

You did.

- The air horn is really helpful.

- As far as disguising farts is concerned?

- There you go.

- Or prompting them.

I wrote "The moment
this paper is collected,

the air horn will be sounded again."

[Airhorn blows]

- Oh God.

Oh, that's so good.

- [Lou] Okay.

- I think in terms of creativity,

I have to give that to Brennan as well,

bringing Brennan to 26.

Players for this next prompt,

I am going to require the help of Ash.

Would you come out here, please

with the jack in the boxes?

- Sam?

- Oh, sorry.

Sam says...please take a jack-in-the-box.

Thank you, Ash.

- Thank you, Ash.

- Thanks, Ash.

- You look great.

- Sam says...

please open your Jack-in-the-boxes.

But Sam also says...don't flinch.

[jack-in-the-box music]

That was the single creepiest
segment we've ever done

on Game Changer.

None of you flinched.

This finally isn't the monumental
thing I wanted it to be.

Sam says...Lou, what's your philtrum?

- That's the area right here between the-

- That is correct.

That is a point for
Lou, bringing Lou to 20.

- Thank you.

Players that brings us
to the end of our game.

Give yourselves a hand.

[Clapping sound ]

That is points away from Izzy and Lou

bringing Izzy to 23

and Lou to 19.

Sam says...give yourselves a hand.

- Take another point away.

I don't want it.

- I only said hand.

- That means applaud for yourself!

- Give myself a hand?

- That one was a joke.

The points at the end of our game,

Izzy with 23, Lou with 19

Brennan with 26 points.

You are the winner of this episode.

You win a deluxe smart speaker

that you can boss around

at your leisure.

That does it for us here at Game Changer.

I am Sam Reich reminding you
that, whatever I say goes,

unless I say, "Sam says,
don't do as I say."

Good night.

[Upbeat music]

[Audience clapping sound]