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03x15 - Secret Samta 2: The Samta Clause

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Game Changer". Aired: September 20, 2019 – present.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Show is based on one central theme: the players start the game knowing nothing.

03x15 - Secret Samta 2: The Samta Clause

Post by bunniefuu »

- Get ready for a "Game Changer!"

Tonight's guests,

liar liar pants on fire, it's Lily Du.

Who's the imposter?

Why, it's Katie Marovitch.

Fool me once, shame on you,

fool me twice, shame on Raphael Chestang.

And your host, me.

I've been here the whole time.

This is "Game Changer," the
only game show where the game

changes every show, I
am your host Sam Reich.

I'm joined today by these
three lovely contestants.

Now, you all understand
how the game works?

- [Contestants] Yes.

- That's right, it's a Game Samer,

and not only a Game Samer,
but also a prize game.

[Raphael clapping]

That being said, a little bit
of a "Game Changer" chronology

here for you, we are playing this

a week before Christmas day,
when Secret Samta number one

will release to Dropout.tv.

Lily has a natural advantage here,

she's played this game
before, but Katie and Raph

haven't had the opportunity
to play nor see this episode

so don't exactly know what
they're getting themselves into.

I'm gonna spoil the game here now.

You are surrounded by gift boxes

that we delivered to
your respective homes.

Inside each of those boxes is a card,

and on each of those cards

is the name of a great prize

or a bad punishment.

- Ooh!
- What? [laughs]

- In a moment, I'm going to ask Lily

to go open up box number
one and read to us

what's on the card inside.

Lily could be telling the truth

about what's on that card, or lying.

You will each of you have
the opportunity to steal.

- Oh.

- You could be stealing a nice prize,

or you could be stealing
a twisted punishment.

- Oh god.

- Lily, would you do me a favor
and open up box number one?

- Yes!
- Do it, open it!

- Do it, do it!
- Open it!

- Open it up, open it up!
- Open it, open it!

- Get it open!
- Open it!

- Whee!

- Lily, would you do
us a favor and tell us

what's inside box number one?

- Sure.
- She's lying.

- It is a pair of cotton slippers.

- I think she's telling the truth.

- I think she's lying.

She was lying from the get go.
- I trust Lily so much.

- Thank you, Katie.

- I think she has a better prize.

- Than cotton slippers?

[all laughing]

- Cotton slippers would
be a nice winter gift.

- But why would they say cotton?

[Katie gasps]

- It's the fabric of our lives.

- I'm not defending Lily
here, I want to make that

very clear, but I do put
descriptors on each of these.

- But cotton doesn't
make sense for slippers.

[laughing]

- Raph and Katie, you have
the opportunity to steal

if you want in three, two, one.

[laughing]
Nobody steals, interesting.

And that means that Lily
keeps the prize or punishment.

Lily, what was it?

[Katie gasps]

- It was a cashmere robe.
- Oh, oh!

- No, no!
- Why?

See, I knew Lily was lying.
- She's a liar!

- Raph, you totally nailed
it, but you didn't steal.

- Why didn't you steal it?

- Because Lily started going
so hard after the fact.

- I'll never trust her again, though.

- You shouldn't.
[laughing]

- Katie.
- Yes.

- Will you go ahead and
open box number two?

Katie, what, pray tell.
- Yes.

Was on that card?
- A water bottle.

- See, this is another thing where,

why would it just be a water bottle?

Like, if it's a gift,

it would be like a Hydro
Flask or something.

- Yeah, so I might be lying.

- Hydro Flask, sponsor me, sponsor us.

[laughing]
Shout out to Hydro Flasks!

- Sam even said before
that he puts clarifiers,

he puts adjectives in the thing.

- Sometimes I do.

I will also note that
typically the prizes get better

as the game goes on, and the punishments

get worse as the game goes on.

- I bet it's 100% not a water bottle,

because it would have to get
better than cashmere robe,

and that's not, but it's
either a better prize

or it's the first punishment.

- Hmm.
- In a moment each of you,

Raph and Lily, will have
the opportunity to steal.

Three, two, one.

- Steal.
[Katie gasps]

It didn't look like Raph was gonna do it.

I'll do it, whatever the punishment is.

Will I eat my own sh*t?

- [laughs] Katie, show
us what was on the card.

- Always-hot mug.

- That is an Ember mug, Lily.
- Hell yeah.

- Raph, would you go ahead
and open box number three?

- Okay.

- There must be a punishment coming up.

- There could be, but
keep in mind, you know,

with two new players to the game,

maybe I took it all a
little easy on y'all.

- I hope you did that.

- Raph, what is on that card?

- This is wear a dunce cap
for the rest of the game.

- I'll wear a hat, I don't care.

I love hats, I look good in hats.

[laughing]

- I have bangs, so it's hard
for me to pull off a hat.

- Katie and Lily,

each of you will have
the opportunity to steal

in three, two, one.

- Steal!

- A quick steal from Katie Marovitch.

Raph, go ahead and reveal
to us what was on that card.

[gasps]

- Wear a dunce cap for
the rest of the game.

[Lily laughing]
[clapping]

- I believe it's sitting
just to your left.

- This is terrible!

And I've got a tiny little head!

[all laughing]

Oh, this is horrible, look
at my bangs, Sam, Sam!

Sam!
[laughing]

Sam!

- [laughs] You know, honestly,
Katie, you kind of rock it.

- That's not true.
- Can I take mine out?

[laughing]

- Raph, you gotta put yours on.

There we go, look at us.
- Aw, isn't that nice?

They're wearing their dunce
caps for you in solidarity.

- The prize was friendship all along.

- Lily, would go go ahead
and open box number four?

- Oh god, my eyes are getting cut!

- Gorgeous little
chocolate box number four.

- Yeah, I hope it's
chocolate, I'll take that.

- And once you've had an
opportunity to internalize it,

go ahead and let us know
what is on that card.

- Do a twerk for us.

[Katie laughs]

- Ooh.
- Do a twerk!

- A twerk, this would be
two punishments in a row.

[Raphael and Katie laughing]

Is Lily telling the truth or
is she trying to keep a prize?

- I can't call it here.

- I think you're telling the
truth, and I think you just-

- You're not gonna want this punishment.

- Oh.

[laughing]

- You know what, I think that maybe

she's telling the truth here.
- Ooh.

- Each of you will have
the opportunity to steal

this prize or punishment

in three, two, one.

- Steal.
[Sam gasps]

- Lily, show us what's on the card.

- What is it, what is it, Lily?

[all laugh]

Oh!
- Look at Katie's face!

[screaming]

- In your dunce cap, no less.

- Yes!
- In her cap she has to wear.

- [Raph] Oh, it's perfect.

[laughing]

- It says do your best twerk, Katie.

- I mean, I can't twerk,
but it's about isolating

the butt muscles.
- Right.

- Hold on.

- Keep the hat on!
- Okay, god.

[laughing]
- It's just too perfect.

- How's that?

- That's the whitest thing I've ever seen.

- That brings us to box number five.

- Yes.

- Gorgeous.

- Katie, if you've had the
opportunity to internalize,

what's on that card?
- Yes.

- Go ahead and tell us the truth or lie.

- A bidet.

- A bidet.
- Whoa.

[laughs]
Steal, steal, steal-

- You can't steal!
- Steal, steal, steal, steal!

- Raph, a little early, a little early.

Is that just enthusiasm for bidets, Raph?

- Yes! [laughs]

- Clearly you think that
Katie's telling the truth.

- For me, Lily is easier
to read than Katie,

but for right here, I think that Katie,

I think she's telling the truth.

- I think she's telling the truth, too.

- I'm telling the truth because
I like my system currently.

[Sam laughing]

- Raph, why do you need a bidet so bad?

- Oh, you don't want to know.

- Each of you will have
the opportunity to steal

in three, two, one.
[dramatic instrumental music]

- Steal, steal, steal!
- Steal.

- Congratulations, Raph,
you are the new owner

of a TUSHY bidet.

- TUSHY!
[Raph cheering]

- Raph, go ahead and open box number six.

Would you please tell
me what is on that card?

- Show your bare feet.

- Do not want to feed
the trolls at wikiFeet.

- Yeah, that's a thing, I can't do it

because the men love my feet
and they pay me for my feet

so I can't just give it away.
[laughing]

I think Raph is telling the truth,

I think we have to show our little feet.

- Or a worse punishment.

- Katie and Lily, each of you
have the opportunity to steal

in three, two, one.

- No.
- Steal.

- What?
- Lily, no, Lily, No!

Stop this, oh my god!

- Raph, go ahead and show
us what was on the card.

- Show off your bare feet.

My feet are already bare, I was ready.

- My feet are bare, too.

- Lily, why?
- Wow.

- There's a little piece of

[laughing]
glitter on.

Beep beep beep beep, 911, here's my feet.

- Ew!

- Wow, really going
above and beyond, Lily.

Above and beyond what
the challenge calls for.

- To be fair, I thought
it could be a prize.

- Lily, would you do us a favor

and go ahead and open up box number seven?

- Oh, it's on the fridge.

- Lucky number seven.

- I would like a gift.
[laughing]

- Katie, you can have this one.

- Lily, go ahead and tell
us what is on the card.

- Headspace membership, so if
either of you try to meditate

in the next year, trying
to find inner peace.

- I will say, I've tried Headspace,

it makes me very anxious,
so I'm going to pass.

- [laughs] Raph, you might consider it.

- Raph, you might like this.

- That is, if Lily is telling the truth.

- Yeah.

- All right, Raph and
Katie, each of you have

the opportunity to steal
in three, two, one.

- Steal.
- That's a steal from Katie.

It is Headspace membership, Katie,

which apparently makes you very anxious.

- It does.

- That's a horrible punishment.

- A horrible punishment!

- Yeah, all I've gotten are punishments.

[laughing]
[upbeat instrumental music]

- g*ng, it is the second half of our game,

which means that the prizes are gonna get

a little bit better, the punishments

are also going to get not
insignificantly worse.

[Katie groans]

Katie, go ahead and
open up box number eight

and take a moment to
internalize what is inside.

- I love this, all right.
[laughing]

- Katie, what's on the card?

- I'm not gonna lie
[laughing]

It's $100 Amazon gift card.

- Oh.
- Or is it?

- Why would Sam want to
support Jeff Bezos like that?

- I'm not trying to justify
Katie here, but I will say

Amazon is so ubiquitous
at this point that it's

essentially the equivalent
of sending someone cash.

- I have my reasons, but
I'm not sure that Katie

is telling the truth, but
then what is she hiding?

I can't tell with this one.

- Lily, what are you thinking?

- It's either a better
prize or it's a punishment.

[Raphael laughs]

- Each of you will have
the opportunity to steal

in three, two, one.
[dramatic instrumental music]

- Steal, f*ck it, what is it?

- Drink a salty glass of milk!
[Sam laughing]

- I knew it, sh*t!

I knew it, f*ck!
[Lily screams]

I have oat milk.

- Whatever product or non-dairy product

you want to pour yourself a
glass of, all I ask, Raph,

is that you put a heaping

amount of salt in there.
- sh*t.

Oh my god.
- I love this.

- Wow, greed doesn't pay.

- Katie, well played.
- Thank you.

- He's gonna need that bidet

when this starts comin'
out the other side.

- [Raph] Oh my god.

[Katie gasps]
- Hold on to it-

- And he has to drink the whole glass?

- Wait, no, it's not
the whole glass, right?

- Well, the punishment does say glass.

- What?
[Lily hissing]

Why did I do this? [laughs]

- Mm, yum.
- Ooh.

- Ew.
- Ooh, yum yum, yum yum yum.

Ooh!
- Ew!

- Barista Raph, ocean water latte.

[laughing]
Iced ocean water latte.

- Slurp that salty milk.
- Slurp it, baby!

Ew!
- Now, listen...

[laughs] What does it taste like?

- Yeast, it tastes like yeast!
[laughing]

- [laughs] It tastes like yeast!

- Raph, it's actually your go.
- What?

- I'm gonna ask you to
open up box number nine.

- I'm taking this dunce cap off.

[Katie gasps]

I already did this for you, Katie.

- [laughs] Katie's horribly offended.

- Ugh.
- Once you've had a moment

to internalize what is on that card,

go ahead and tell us what it is?

- Wear a blindfold for
the rest of the episode.

- That's not that bad.

- You would imagine that
being blindfolded isn't so bad

until you do it for a long period of time.

- Katie for sure hates that.
- I hate being blindfolded.

- Or it's a prize he
doesn't want Katie to have.

- Yeah, this is specific to me.

- Each of you, Katie and Lily,
will have the opportunity

to steal in three, two, one.

- Steal.
- Steal.

- Katie did come in first.

Raph, would you go ahead and
show us what is on that card?

- Yeah!

- Noise canceling headphones
that could cancel out,

for instance, even the
sound you just made.

[Katie sings operatically]
[laughing]

Lily, would you go ahead
and open box number 10?

- Oh, it's a big box.

Big box, big prize.
- I'm getting nervous.

- Open it, open it!

- Oh my god.

- Lily, go ahead and tell
us what is on the card.

- She's gonna lie.

- For the cooks out there,
it's an Instant Pot.

- They're so good.

I have one and I love it.
- So I'm gonna steal it.

[laughing]
- Raph, you steal it.

- Well, if Lily's telling the truth, Raph,

then you might have a
treat coming your way

in three, in two, in one.

- Steal, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Oh god, oh god.
- That's a steal from Raph.

Lily, go ahead and show
us what is on the card.

- Oh no, oh no.
- Oh god.

- You're not gonna like this.

- Oh no!
[Katie screams]

- Yay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Raph, you're gonna love that.

- You put the milk in,
you put the salt in.

- You just set it and forget
it and at the end of the day,

you have a wonderful-
- It's so good.

- Frothy, salty milk
[laughing]

like grandma used to make.
- Oh, Jesus.

- Is it my turn?
- It is your turn.

[box clunks on table]

Katie is taking a minute to
internalize what's on this card

while our other players look on to see

if they can read anything
into Katie's expressions.

What's on that card?
- Do I have to?

- Yeah, Katie, it is more or
less the rule of the game.

- Okay, it's a Huntington
Library annual pass.

- Wait, this is the Huntington
Beach, like, that library?

- The Huntington-
- It says Huntington Library.

- Is a badass botanical
garden in Pasadena, Raph.

- Oh yes, no, I know about this.

- Now I'm not saying if Katie
is telling the truth or not,

but I will say that I
have an annual membership

to Huntington Gardens, and it
is one of my favorite places

on the planet.
- Oh wow.

- It's worth noting that I did offer this

as a prize in season one of Game Changer.

- Raph and Lily both looking suspicious.

Well, each of you have
the opportunity to steal

in three, two, one.
[dramatic instrumental music]

- Steal.

Is it a punishment?

It's a punishment. [laughs]

- Text a rando, "I've been
thinking about you a lot."

- [Lily] I didn't think
she could lie so well.

[Sam and Katie laugh]

- The only reason I thought
it was a lie is because of Sam

indicating that it was
from the first season.

- Me, Raph, and Katie,
we're going to pick a number

between one and 100, and that
is the contact in your phone

that you're gonna text this to.

- Hell yeah.
- So Raph and Katie,

what are we thinking in terms
of number between one and 100?

- Four.
- I'm thinking 88.

- How do we feel about 44?
- 20.

Yeah, 44!

[laughing]
- Yeah, you can count to 44.

I won a freaking bidet.
- Yeah, that's pretty good.

- It is really good.
- And you got an Instant Pot!

- And, oh my god, that's
right, an Instant Pot.

- I think you should stop winning things.

[laughing]

- Okay, I have found the person.

My last text to her

was when we met up for coffee in 2012.

- Ooh.
- Wow, oh!

- What is the text again?

- I've been thinking about you a lot.

- No, literally look at the last texts.

[Sam laughs]

I sent it.

- Ooh!
- Hooray!

- Yay!
- Wow!

- Bravo, Lily.

Raph, would you go ahead
and open up box number 12?

- Try and stop me.

- Waiting to see if I
get a response from her.

- I hope you do.

- Raph, tell us what's on the card.

- Cut off a lock of hair,
doesn't matter from where.

I think that's for me specifically.

[laughing]
I know that's for me.

- Interestingly, we do have three players

all with hair that would
be conspicuously missing,

let's put it that way.

- I don't want it.
- how much is a lock of hair?

- If Raph is telling the truth here,

I think it has to be enough hair

that when we look at it,
we see the missing piece.

- I will not be stealing this.

- But you're in quarantine,
so it doesn't matter that-

- I still have to audition!
- Yeah, that's true.

- Looks to me at this point
as if it's Raph's beard

versus Lily's hair.
[laughing]

Each of you, Lily and Katie,
will have the opportunity

to steal in three, two, one.
[dramatic instrumental music]

- Sure, I'll steal it, what's up?

- [laughs] Oh my god, Lily!

- I just want to know
what's on the other side.

- [Raph] Incredible.

- Show us what is on the
other side of that card, Raph.

- It's an ergonomic chair,
I really wanted that!

Why did you do that?

I can't believe that
didn't get you to back off.

- I'm sick in the head, I'll do anything.

[laughing]

- Given that you won an
ergonomic chair last time around,

know that this is a different
type of ergonomic chair.

This is a variable balance kneeling chair.

- [gasps] Cool!

- Now, with these upcoming gift boxes,

I do want to remind you
to read them carefully.

- Wait, why?
- Lily, go ahead-

[laughing]
Box number 13.

Lucky number 13.

- Oh, I gotta get that.
- Lucky 13.

- Lily studying the card,
reading what's on it

to strategize, the other players
studying Lily's expression

to see if they can figure
out where her head is at.

- Uh oh.
- It doesn't look good.

- It feels so mean, but I'm like,

yeah I'll do it, I don't care.

You have to call your family
and tell them you have COVID.

[laughing]
- Oh my God.

- Call a relative and
tell them you have COVID.

- Ooh, you have to earnestly do that?

- I'll do it, I don't give a f*ck.

- Hardcore.
- It says call your family?

- Call a relative.

- Wait, Katie, the
first time Lily read it,

did she say family or relative?

- I think she's a big liar.
- Katie, steal it!

- Katie, steal it.

- Raph and Katie, each of you
will have the opportunity-

- Raph, steal it, steal it.
- To steal in three, two, one.

- Steal, stolden, stolen?

What is the word?

- Steal!
- Steal.

- Katie steals. [laughs]

Lily, show us what's on the card.

- Oh god.

- The other two players must
post rash pics to Instagram.

- What?
- Katie won.

- Oh my god.

- So that means Lily and Raph,

each of them have to post a rash pic.

- I don't know if I have
that many rash pics.

- No no no, I've got them.
- Oh, not a real one, Lily!

- I'm texting it to you.

You don't have to post this
with context, but, you know,

recommended context would be
something along the lines of,

can anyone tell me what this is?

[laughing]

- Oh my god, I have to post this?

[laughing and clapping]

- What if I wrote?
- Yeah, that's super fun.

- Okay, it's posted.
- Yeah, I posted, too.

- [Katie] I love this.

- Katie, will you go ahead
and open up box number 14?

- Read it carefully.
- Read it carefully.

- Rekha immediately texted
me, what's happening?

With a screenshot of me and Raph's posts.

[all laughing]

- Katie, having taken a moment

to internalize what's on the card.

- Yes.
- Would you like to share

what's on the card with
your fellow players?

- A Yogurtland gift card

[laughing]
for $20.

- Okay, listen, all of
Katie's lies are gift cards.

- A Yogurtland gift card.

- For $20.

- Katie, usually I try to
like back up my players

in their...
[laughing]

- Sam, tell us why you chose

this Yogurtland gift card.
- Well listen, if y'all are

new to the world of frozen
yogurt, it's a delight.

$20 of frozen yogurt is
a lot of frozen yogurt.

- Yeah, it's true.

- All right, so we know she's lying.

- Is it a better gift or a punishment?

That's always the question.
- Damn.

- But there's so many layers
of reverse psychology,

it's so hard.
- It's so true.

[all laugh]

- Raph and Lily, you'll each
of you have the opportunity

to steal in three, two, one.
[dramatic instrumental music]

- Steal, f*ck!

- That is a steal from Raph.
- f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

[screaming joyfully]

But only if someone steals!

[Katie screams joyfully]

No way!
- If you have been following

Katie on social media-
- Yes, yes!

- You know this has been on
her wishlist for a while.

- Yes!

- Raph, go ahead and
open up box number 15.

- The last box!
- Oh lord.

- The last box.

- Oh god.

- The last box can't be a punishment

or that would be too cruel. [laughs]

- Raph, having taken a
moment to internalize

what's on that card, go
ahead and read it out loud.

- Okay, accidentally post

a sexy photo.

- Liar, you f*cking liar.
- That's not it.

- That's definitely not it.
- That's not it.

- 'Cause I post sexy photos all the time.

[all laugh]

- Katie is like, no challenge here.

- It's literally nothing.

- But I'm just like, what's
the layer on the game?

Does he want us to steal it or not?

Are we supposed to or not?

- Lily and Katie.
- Oh god.

- You have the opportunity to steal

[dramatic instrumental music]
in three, two, one.

- Steal.
[laughing]

- A quick steal from Katie. [laughs]

Go ahead, Raph, show us

what is on the card.
- Yes!

It's very long, but it is
a separate weekend trip

for everyone, but only if someone steals

after you read out loud,
"Accidentally tweet a sexy photo."

- Oh...

- Raph was counting on someone
stealing after he said,

"Accidentally tweet
out loud a sexy photo,"

meaning you each get $500
in credits that you can use

for a weekend escape wherever
you want across California.

- No f*cking way!
[Lily screaming breathlessly]

- I love it!

- That is the absolute best thing

that I can imagine right now.

- Wow.
- Wonderful.

- Holy Christ.
- Thank you so very much.

- Congratulations all,
and for what it's worth,

you played the game well.

If you hadn't had the courage
to steal at any moment,

I wouldn't dole out that grand prize.

But we reward courage on this show.

That does it for us
here at "Game Changer."

I am Sam Reich, reminding
you that lying and stealing

are next door neighbors,

you should check out their
house parties, goodnight!

- Bye!
[audience applauding]

[warm instrumental music]