01x13 - Bob Gets Involved

[bunniefuu]

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thank you

oh no dear why it was rather like old

times Teddy had been digging in Panama

and he thought Mr mitchelly was a yellow

fever victim look at this it's finally

happened she's talking to fruit oh honey

I'm just going over my lines I'm

auditioning for Arsenic and Old Lace at

school mom I can't let you do this to

yourself you're a wife and a mother when

are you gonna accept the fact that life

has passed you by Megan that's why I'm

here to do all the things you weren't

able to do can't you just take your joy

from that

dad you better talk to your wife she

wants to do a stupid School play now

just a minute Donna when you said that

you wanted to take some classes you

never said anything about I'll be home

to fix dinner well yeah but and you

don't have to go

Megan would it k*ll you to give your

mother a little support

brand new lunch box can you believe it

oh man little Andy he's six years old I

don't want him exposed to language like

this Bob he's heard you working on your

car I was yelling at my fuel pump this

is gratuitous I've already put a call

into his principal to see if she knows

anything a lot of good that'll do what

we need is some kind of organization or

something made up of uh you know parents

and the I don't know uh teachers like a

parent teacher Association the PTA is

that what that stands for

nothing to do with pets then

interesting

dad you want to play Legos I'm sorry son

can't right now I gotta get to the

bottom of this lunchbox thing

so I'm out there honking and honking and

finally this janitor comes out and tells

me school closed at three

teachers man they're doing nothing and

getting rich off our tax dollars I say

just shut the schools down if we keep

the kids stupid they won't be coming

after our jobs so we just abandon them

of course not we teach them to do the

stuff we don't want to do mow Lawns wash

our cars clean up after old people then

we can halt immigration

you're an idiot Barry touch your Nerf

Bob I

well that's not what eternity smells

like it's more of a cinnamon

oh hi I'm glad you're here I need your

help with something oh yeah Andy's

lunchbox real shame what I want to know

is who's to blame for this teacher

Society Hollywood who knows wait you do

you know everything Bob I'm not going to

come on out with it you're not getting

out of here until I get a name

what are you gonna do rough me up I

don't want to uh first shut up then you

might try to look within look within in

other words I'm getting diddly from you

fine

boy I reek of cheap cologne and I almost

got into a bar fight what am I doing

with my life

foreign

we're talking about what's wrong with

America the breakdown of our moral

standards the lack of respect for

authority which is causing Anarchy in

our schools finally someone who thinks

the same way I do are you as angry as I

am well you bet I am buddy then pull

over right now and call 666-666 there

could be a phone at a convenience store

you're driving near possibly on your

right

no possibly behind the ice machine

Bingo this guy's good

oh boy we have a call around line four

it's a bob Allman hey wouldn't it be

something if it was the same Bob Ormond

you know God's Prophet guy

hello Bob you're on the air talk to me

um okay

okay I'm just kind of fed up with

everything you know like what's going on

in our schools and in the media that's

it get it all out and the way you can't

just drink as much beer as you want and

feel really good the next day let me see

if I can nutshell this for you Bob

you'll feel that the world has gone to

hell in a handbasket and society's to

blame yeah and the beer thing yes of

course well you heard him Detroit

everyone who's angry should meet at

Bob's house tomorrow night shall we say

about six oh well I'm not sure I said I

wanted the volume four three three

Addison Boulevard well uh actually I'd

better check with my wife you can help

Bob in his w*r against evil yeah but

hello

[Laughter]

the Bible I mean we know lives at 433

Edison I wonder if they've met

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honey I'm gonna need you to put some

food on the table apparently when angry

people organize they expect snacks I'm

sorry Bob but I have rehearsal for my

play Arsenic and Old Lace remember

why can't you two just sit home in

bitter silence like everyone else's

parents

Bob you want to tell me why there's a

man relieving himself in our driveway

that's Phil he believes that the

government uses Plumbing to collect

samples of DNA in order to it's okay he

asked fine it's your car

okay let's get started I think we can

all agree that it's time to clean up our

tap oh no what if Bob successfully

restores order and morality to the city

of Detroit next it's America then the

world smack you profoundly ignorant

canker on the buttocks of hell and of

course I mean that constructively so

taken there's nothing to worry about

it's all going to collapse into chaos

due to perhaps my most devious

diabolical invention

the committee now then I thought we

could start by listing some targets

shouldn't we have a name first well that

probably would be a good what about a

website yes well we could say we blow up

the power grid and get matching hats

okay okay not so fast that was a name

website power grid and hats matching

hats yeah jackets

by the end of the night they'll be lucky

if they agree they've even had a meeting

arms up why do I doubt you sir you

always find a way to

I'll get it it's down here somewhere

nice man really that's quite got it

Hey sir you mind telling me what's going

on here we're taking all your rap music

off the shelves because it's destroying

the moral fabric of America's youth

uh-huh you're gonna pay for those aren't

you oh oh you'd like that wouldn't you

okay your total comes in 957.14

true expensive but we did get a free

Britney Spears kasingle dibs

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okay that'll be nine bucks there you go

keep the change Wu-Tang Clan now give it

to my kid I think he'll like it sir

winning the culture wars Bob no I'm not

cut out to be an activist I just don't

have the credit limit for it you can't

give up now Bob you're really on to

something here wait a minute I thought

you were in favor of evil yes but can't

we have some civility or some sense of

style

I've got to tell you I was with you in

that record store I'm tired of being

blamed for this hideous modern music I'm

sick of Marilyn Manson trading on my

good name I mean I'm a Gershwin guy I've

got a crush on you sweetie pie you make

a lot of sense but I keep coming back to

the fact that you're the devil you're

doubting my sincerity I understand

I know what if I gave your group a check

for fifty thousand dollars wow

hey Scenic checks

are those baby seals being clubbed to

death well fur doesn't grow on trees

good point thanks man you're okay you

know that Bob please you're embarrassing

me

can you [ __ ] your marbles he was ready

to quit easy smack we have nothing to

fear from Bob and his little band of

vigilantes

on the contrary they're playing right

into our hands

so I see you got yourself a sponsor oh I

took a few dollars from the devil here

it comes a big holier than thou attitude

I am holier than thou Bob see that's

what I mean you're such an idealist and

it hampers you it keeps you from seeing

Lucifer's giving side you mean the

caring Satan exactly now I on the other

hand I'm a realist is the devil flawed

sure can I work with him of course you

see I'm a consensus Builder the fact is

we're all on the same side on this one

Bob we're never all on the same side

well not when somebody doesn't want to

be a joiner boy if it's not your idea

you just throw a hissy fit don't you

you did that wait a minute

I don't even have an airbag wow that's

spooky

how about now

you're next to the TV and you're

scratching your a*s correct on both

counts and I heard every word perfectly

friends we spent our fifty thousand

dollars wisely those who would tear down

our society will sleep a little more

uncomfortably tonight

oh man darn it Donna close the door what

is all this why do you have night vision

goggles because those who would

undermine our way of life aren't out in

broad daylight Donna no they're off in a

dark corner you see the spider of

Anarchy is spinning its web of bad

intentions to catch the fly of innocence

and we need to take the broom of

citizenship and just you know poke at it

until until can't you remove it with the

newspaper of Good Intentions and put it

outside on the porch of understanding

on the off chance that you're not

mocking me I'll bring that up at the

next meeting

okay people it's time to make Society

better we need a Target something

Insidious something that's clearly a

threat to the values that we want to

instill in our kids how about this

Donna's play Arsenic and no lace that's

a fun little romp about serial K*llers

you've read it I assume uh no she said

that I didn't have to go

I suggest you look it over

can we play catch Dad I'm sorry son I

have to do some reading but thanks to

the hard work we're doing someday you'll

be able to play catch with your son

okay

could you get the lights

you are not going to believe it they

canceled my play after all the work we

put into it boy that's a tough break but

if they insist they need the auditorium

for Samba lessons well how do you fight

that how do you know about the samba

lessons Bob I have friends in the dance

Community is your little group involved

in this well it's possible that a couple

of us went down and talked to your

College president

it's a dangerous play people are

m*rder*d have you read it I'm in it but

have you read it Bob it's a harmless

comedy well I'm not laughing Donna maybe

you and your high tone downtown anything

for a kick crowd think m*rder is funny

but those of us on the front lines of

this battle beg to differ this isn't

over Bob I don't know how or where but

we're going to put that play on whether

you like it or not I don't think not

well I do oh and in case you're

wondering you are no longer invited to

the cast party

we're getting a keg

I don't need your beer if I want to get

drunk I can pay for it myself

boy I never thought I'd hear myself say

that

[Music]

no I want you to come to the play Mom I

just can't tell you where it's going to

be right now Bob's spying on me from

behind the couch the easy chair

I'll talk to you later yeah you better

get used to it Donna but the kind of

equipment we have you won't be able to

make a move take a step take a breath

honey

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[Applause]

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Donna Donna damn it Donna

Andy have you seen your mother dad don't

get mad but I accidentally broke her Ted

Nugent stomach clock not now son this

family's in crisis

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no I admit that randomly cruising the

streets of Detroit hoping to pick up a

piece of dialogue from Donna's place a

bit of a long shot but we're desperate

speaking of desperate Sheila what are

you doing after the raid

s picking up some

up something so am I

bought tickets to that underground

production of Arsenic and Old Lace and

now you don't want to go calm down

sweetheart I've got half of mine to go

to that abandoned Elks Lodge with a torn

green awnings at 4th and State Street by

myself

you walk out that door baby you don't

need to come back

smack they're gone and some floozies all

the toilette on our sheets no thanks you

big palooka we're through

sorry sir for a few moments there I was

Joan Crawford

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sorry folks in the name of decency we're

closing down this garbage Bob shut up

old woman

Donna oh God tell me you're not gonna

look like that when you're 60. hey you

can't do this yeah that's what they told

Joe McCarthy the puppet with the monocle

oh dear I hope this doesn't lead to an

altercation

hey you're gonna pay for that tough guy

[Music]

you know I I never meant for it to

become

oh boy look at him go you were right sir

Bob's group is playing right into our

hands yes they are now about that little

slap earlier would you mind very much

holding this bear wire okay now can I

get you to step into this bucket of

water

all right

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hey chill out people oh No Just when I

thought we'd won it's Kevin Bacon this

is not going to solve the problems in

this town first we have got to come

together as a community and learn to

dance

[Music]

look man I dig your movies Tremors

always a great rental but this dance

thing is

wait a minute

what the heck is going

OH

police Louise hold me off of my knees

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don't even try it if you think you're

getting off whoa

about

that why does Kevin torment me like this

I create one innocent little party game

and he'll never let me forget it I know

sir it's so unfair

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wouldn't mind if you know go ahead

[Applause]

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you know you were moving pretty good out

there until you started cramping well it

was inspiring to see Kevin bring

everyone together like that

Jack get back

come on before we crack

really makes you think we've been in the

presence of greatness Bob and I want to

apologize about the play I was wrong to

try to shut it down I mean the three

pages that I read didn't seem so bad

that's okay I know in some Twisted way

your heart was in the right place at

least that's what I'm going to tell

myself because otherwise you're just a

bonehead and that reflects badly on me

thanks honey

um

I know where you guys are going

no no

why me why now Donna the fans they've

done it again I know I'm afraid to say

it but sometimes I think there's more

hate in this world than even Kevin Bacon

can handle it's not fair just when he'd

given us the key to solving our problems

and that key would be well to dance and

from that we would gain a kind of uh you

know a kind of dance-like understanding

of uh oh hell I don't know maybe the

problem's just too big did it ever occur

to you it's something right here in your

own house

oh geez I'm not gonna have to get this

thing tinted am I I'm saying look within

Bob within what oh in there there's

nothing in there I've looked try it

again that's where you have to start

hey these are great

your neighbor Henderson is home late oh

boy looks like lipstick on his collar

oh sure I'm all knowing but every little

bit helps thanks Bob

look within look within

where am I who am I what is life about

in here Bob we can show you what you're

looking for well this is promising

dad

please I'm trying to look Within I just

wanted to say good night sure sure son

good night

uh Andy you've got some red paint on

your shoe buddy

and on your pants

and what the hell is this on your hand

oh my God those fiends they not only

painted my fence they took my innocent

boy and splashed paint on his hands and

feet and and

did you do this son

Maybe

and The Lunchbox

yeah

why

are you mad about something

Andy why'd you get me that Barney lunch

box

I thought you liked Barney when's the

last time you saw me watching Barney

well I don't know I can't keep track of

every I mean I've been busy and I

oh man

the answer's been right here all the

time

if I'd only known that

I could have kept the fifty thousand

dollars what's that dead nothing Andy

come here

dad I don't want to play catch with my

kid I want to play catch with you

you got it buddy buddy oh oh

all right bring in the heat okay I'm

gonna burn it burn it all right oh good

good good good good okay right here Dad

right here all right okay okay close

enough

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foreign

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