01x11 - Bob's Father

[bunniefuu]

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thank you

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hey get out from there how did you get

in here don't yell at my dog your dog

what do you mean your dog I found her in

the park and now she's my dog I named

her Dawson well Dawson just ate the

meatloaf what are you doing leaving

meatloaf out with a dog in the house

Megan Megan you know you can't do

something like this without asking why

not

geez you have to check everything with

you yes unbelievable can I breathe mom

can I Breathe Again how about now Megan

oh my heartbeat I'm sorry can I can I

mom I can't stay ahead of it you can't

keep this dog

but she loves me she belongs to someone

you are going to put up Flyers around

the park but and around the neighborhood

mother and at the market you don't want

me to have this dog do you no typical

what is it

and it was a hospital in Phoenix

it's my dad they said I should get there

as soon as I can oh Bob look I'll book

you a flight for tomorrow morning it

feels so weird I haven't spoken to him

in so long and now you want to go out to

a movie or something to take your mind

off it no no

I just want to be with the people I love

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the last time I saw my old man

you guys were there remember he turned

the table over and screamed I'd never be

half the man he was you told him to keep

the wedding toast short I was lucky to

have the dead I had what are you talking

about your dad stole your girlfriend

that relationship was going nowhere he

took her off my hands the man was a

saint there were two jobs he was married

to Mom and he still made the time

damn peanuts

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infuriating isn't it my design

are you doing that no no turbulence is

no good to me everybody prays listen

about your father I don't want to talk

about him forget him he never came

through for you why should you come

through for him

what do you say we turn this trip into a

vacation shut up now I had triple A make

up a triptych for us we start in Phoenix

getting a little golf oh and the Navajo

museum is supposed to be breathtaking

I'm not listening to you day two finds

us on the road to Sedona where the

shadows of Red Rock Sentinels play tag

on the desert floor

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foreign

Bob we're adding little side trip to

Vegas no thanks I understand you turning

knee down but you're rarely

disappointing the girls

come on Bob I can blow on your dice

Bobby uh some at the time

that's okay more for me

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hi Claire hi honey I hope the ride

wasn't too rough dad

I know we've had our differences but hi

Trevor

what are you doing here just welcoming

the new crop we look at those perfect

little hands I am good God while I have

you here one sec Bob you got to give my

little pep talk

kids listen I just wanted to say howdy

you've all got a long road ahead there's

going to be some good some bad that you

would be famous you'll be rich you are

going to love wearing your wife's

clothes I'm getting ahead of myself

don't want to say too much on your first

day just you know welcome have a great

life I wish you all the best

I just wanted to know if he's you know

really in danger or or are you wasting

your time

this is really hard for me I know if it

helps remember honor thy father and

mother honor thy father and mother

what's that from oh wait that's the

Godfather right yes Bob it's from The

Godfather you know who was good in that

Abe vagoda he had a quiet dignity yeah

sure he had some good stuff as fish but

Bob your father's waiting

yeah okay I'm going

dead wow look what the Cat Dragged In

you got here fast what did you do speed

the whole way I flew dad oh Mr big shot

Mr Moneybags big success come to rub it

in my face can we not do this

where are you working now I'm still at

the auto plant that dead-end job why did

I ever send you to college you didn't

like you could get into college I know

why you're here you want the house you

live in a school bus well you're not

getting that Dad I came here to watch me

die so you could dance on My Grave oh

[ __ ] Dad can't you I'm trying to tell

you that that I just wanted to Here Come

the Waterworks this is your mother's

fault let him cry it's good for him damn

it I should have known that this was a

waste of time I came here to try and

patch things up but you're still the

same selfish bully you've always been

well you know what Dad you go to hell

[Applause]

that's what you're waiting for isn't it

isn't it

code blue in 330.

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sorry about your dad

I just never got a chance to say the

things I wanted to say and I I cursed

them I know don't be too hard on

yourself listen if there's anything I

can do to help thanks

wait you can help you can bring him back

from the dead well Bob that was just one

of those lame things people say I was

thinking more like bringing over a

covered dish well it's not too late

can't you bring him back tell him not to

go into the light the light thing's been

blown way out of proportion that's just

my porch light I left it on the one time

and now it's part of the whole death

creates a terrible moth problem

oh please God do this for me I don't

want to leave things like this I'm sorry

Bob

when a man like

Bill Allman dies we've lost a bright

light and Bill Allman lived a full what

it's Tom who Tom Allman then Where'd I

get Bill I don't know well I'm sure

someone told me it was Bill it's Tom

find Tom these people that come in at

the last minute Tom Allman was a

wonderful man and will be missed by his

loving family Bob Donna Megan and Little

Mandy geez now if you'll all follow us

out to uh where will he be laid to rest

huh

how long does the digging take

and with the extra guy

uh-huh well do you have to go that deep

no I understand the laws of law but do

you have any pre-dog

well like a cancellation

yeah I guess that would be pretty rare

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stay Dawson stay

Dawson Dawson come back here this dog is

driving me crazy she never listens to me

she whines and whines but I don't know

what she wants I bought her Juju and she

won't even play with it she's impossible

so it's like she's spoiled and

ungrateful yes

and you don't know whether to love her

or hate her all you want is some sign

she cares and just when you think you've

done everything right you're going to

get that sign she turns on you exactly

did you have a dog once

that was so funny oh nothing

thank you

damn it Andy I could have cut myself how

many times do I have to tell you not to

leave your toys around are you that

stupid

that's okay Dad I know you're upset

about Grandpa

look at you

you're already way smarter than me I'm

sorry buddy it's all right you know it's

okay to cry Dan oh Andy I just there

were some things that I needed to tell

Grandpa I didn't get a chance to oh

well God's your friend why don't you ask

me if you can visit Grandpa in heaven

well Andy the problem is

Grandpa's not in heaven oh

well the devil's your friend why don't

you ask him if he can visit Grandpa and

hell no no

wait a minute

why can't I

sure why not why don't I just ask him

that's his Spirit Dad but he always

comes to me

where would I look for him

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you want a date baby no thanks I'm just

wait of course what a good idea yeah I

don't know how I come up with them

thank you

so is this just gonna be a visit because

I didn't make any snacks

I'm waiting for someone to show up

that's gonna cost you extra

wait a minute

I'm going about this all wrong look I

got a pamphlet if you need one no no I'm

trying to find the devil but I'm looking

for him in the wrong place his work is

done here he's gonna be hanging around

someplace nice where he can corrupt

people not around some sleazy prost*tute

no offense none taken

thank you Mr President thank you so much

now my babies will have a home glad to

do it

nice place very nice linoleum certainly

the practical way to go are those

aluminum windows well it's not like

you're the queen of England right is

that door out of square oh well I guess

they figure hey it's free what's she

going to do stop the check

meet me this way excuse me

you bring the hostages back and you

can't hang

I've been looking all over for you I

tried the Salvation Army six churches a

bod Telethon and I wasted half a day at

the Sierra Club dragging a Buick out of

a stream did they look in the trunk

right

right never mind the important thing is

you found me what can I do for you I

need to talk to my dad I know he's down

there with you oh well that's tricky not

impossible but tricky not to put too

fine a point on it Bob what's in it for

me what do you want Oh what do I want

well it should be bad

I'll make it simple just stick your foot

out

that's the next president of the United

States I can't oh

ah she's Landing in my a*s build your

own freaking house I'm going to Vegas

with making rock

um

you got him hooray we did it we did it

we won we won we defeated God the world

desires the world desires Bob's just

visiting smack ah lemonade

no thanks I want you to take Bob to find

his father alrighty

there he is Dad

that's not my dad it's Che Guevara has

communism triumphed uh yeah you guys are

really doing great you just took Canada

it was all worth it

[Applause]

come oh man I'm looking for Tom Allman

one and or two one sorry

okay that's gotta be him dad we've been

going around in circles has Communism

triumphed no it's failed all over the

world there's a Chihuahua doing an

impression of you in a Taco Bell

commercial

I live on

couldn't find him huh well I'm stumped

wait I remember he's not here

what are you laughing at smack well it's

evil isn't it yes then get off my back

well what do you mean he's not here he's

not in Hell well what about purgatory

we made that up well if he's not here

where else could he be

wait I know this one the Streets of

Laredo

why do I keep standing there no

no that can't be he can't be he can't be

in heaven what kind of God would put my

Father in Heaven wait I got

Funky Town

ready

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guess where my dad ended up oh no those

construction guys promised us they take

care of everything no he's in heaven oh

well I'm sure he is it doesn't bother

you that he made it to Heaven you want

him suffering no well maybe a little it

just doesn't seem right a guy like him I

mean Tom Allman and Mother Teresa are in

the same place what's that say about

heaven if he's in heaven what's the

point in Morality huh what's the point

Mom I just saw a flyer from Dawson's

owner except her name is ginger I know

the right thing is to give her back but

I really don't want to then don't

huh you got the dog screw him listen

Megan all that stuff about right and

wrong we taught you forget it what's

stuff about right and wrong it doesn't

apply anymore I'm through with morality

where are you going out

maybe I'll come back maybe I won't maybe

I'll join a band of gypsies and do gypsy

stuff all I know is whatever I do it

doesn't matter

nothing matters

nothing matters that's right in the

carpool lane just one guy

now turn between four and six well it's

5 55. live within

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your signs they mean nothing to me

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all right I'll give you that one

can I test drive it well sure I just

have to take it off a lot

foreign

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Desert Storm

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oh yeah this is good nothing means

anything nothing means anything

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another car chase you know I don't like

you kids watching these according to the

dealership the former Desert Storm

fighter jock just snapped let's talk to

an expert what do you think is going to

happen we train these men to be k*lling

machines and then we don't provide them

with enough Wars

nice sisters when's the last time you

saw one of these oh my God it's your

father

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foreign

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have you found the suspect

here he is

what I didn't do anything I'm innocent

we'll let public opinion decide that sir

we are getting word now that George Bush

has agreed to post bail for the Desert

Storm veteran arrested earlier today at

the 12 mile Mall

can't abandon Our Heroes when the

darkness closes in gotta take

responsibility that was me driving that

stolen car and that was all of us as a

nation hanging our a*s out that window

you tell them George Bob

do you want to play for some beers

why not

sorry

you break this time

look I know your father was a jerk to

you but you don't know what was in his

heart

don't do this don't give me that crap I

don't care what was in his heart he

never shared it with me you're right and

you're right to be mad at him but it's

not your job to forgive him it's mine

yeah well did you know your grandfather

what no he never talked about him now he

was a scary guy oh so that makes it okay

for my dad to treat me bad liberals no

that's not what I'm saying look Bob okay

picture this long line of Fathers and

Sons stretching from Adam all the way

down to Andy and they're all passing

down this punch from one generation to

the next father to son

and the trick is to pass on a softer

punch

your father passed on a softer punch

dad

you're gonna buy me a beer or what

Red Wings

you still use those seats

yeah

I miss Gretzky you know

I wish I'd gone to more of his games you

don't appreciate someone like that until

they're out of the game

and one time on his way off the ice he

skated right by me and he looked up and

her eyes met

I didn't say anything

I wish I had told him

how much he meant to me

and now I will never be able to

I think he knows

last call

boy it surely his last call isn't it

not for me in heaven the bars are open

24 hours you can drink all you want and

you don't have to pee

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goodbye pop

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foreign

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