01x15 - Home Not Alone

[bunniefuu]

OK. We've got guitar-shaped
pancakes for Kevin,

Crunchy Cat cereal for Nick,
and peanut butter with eggs for Joe.

Ah.

Mom, there's a little too much
tree in my eggs.

And I like my dish-water
a little less soapy.

I love the underwear
that came with my pancakes.

It's a great source of fiber.

Oh, my...
[laughs]

I am so sorry.

I think I'm trying to do
too many things at once.

It's been really hectic
since the baby was born.

-Baby?
-Mom, I'm eight and a half.

-Guys, I think it's time.
-Time for what?

Mom, Dad, you both
seem a little stressed.

So we got you a present.

-An exclusive resort vacation.
-Oh!

We were gonna wait
for your anniversary,

but you guys look like you could
use our present right now.

Plus, we couldn't remember
when your anniversary was.

That, too.

Guys, that is so sweet.

Thank you, but I can't possibly
leave you alone. No.

-Are you sure, hon? Look.
-How many times can you really enjoy,

"A sunset balloon ride
over hand-raked pristine beaches

while eating exotic delicacies"?
Hmm.

-Dad, you're gonna love it.
-No, no, no, no.

I couldn't possibly leave.

Who would take care of all this,
the band business?

I'm the grease that keeps
the Jonas machine running smoothly.

Dad, I think we can get by
without your grease for a week.

I don't know.

I've never left the band business
in anyone else's hands before.

They give you massages
while you float in a lagoon. Get up.

I'll send you a postcard.

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

Bye. Oh, thank you so much.

[overlapping dialogue]

OK, boys, now remember,

-no monkey business.
-Mom, where would we even get a monkey?

Let alone one with a head for business?

-Hello, Monkey Land?
-[monkey squeals]

[whispers]
I'm have to call you back.

All right, look, I've compiled a list here
to help you guys define "monkey business."

Let's call this:
Daddy's Big List of Don'ts.

Come on, it's time to leave
all your cares and worries behind.

Well, just watch the junk food, all right.

-Don't fry your eyes playing video games.
-Tom!

Dolphins are patiently waiting
to swim with us.

Yes, dear.

[door closes]

-Yeah--
-Wait for it.

You know, don't let any strange people
into the house, OK?

And stay away
from my pine cone collection

and pretty much anything
else that's breakable.

And leave the computer on
so we can video chat while we're gone--

Sorry, chief.
Time to go have fun.

[Dad indistinct]

This man needs a vacation.
Lock the doors... quick.

All right.
Now you're good.

Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Come on!
Yeah!

[rock music plays]

Hey, Macy.
What are you doing

besides making the hallway
unsafe for others?

I have a Jonas fan club meeting
in half an hour.

And I have run out of "Jonas-abilia."

-Jonas-a-what-ia?
-Jonas-abilia.

Something the guys have touched
or used or worn or anything.

I always bring in something new
for my Jonas heads,

but I am down to my last
Kevin sandwich crust

which they have already seen
three weeks ago.

Well, I can get you
some fresh Jonas-abilia...

as long as I never
have to say that word again.

But you hate all that Jonas fan stuff.

Yeah, I know, but you're a friend in need.

Besides, I mean, I make their clothes.
I'm part of the fabric of their lives.

-You get it?
-Yes.

Would you like a sympathy chuckle
or a pity snort?

Maybe like a combo?

[feigns laughter and snorts]

Could you bring a sock?
I mean, they would go crazy over a sock,

especially if it still smelled like them.

-Eww, that's gross.
-Well, maybe just a shirt?

-That's better.
-But don't wash it.

Mm, and we're back to gross.

Dudes, we have the whole place
to ourselves.

Let's do something crazy,
like brush without flossing

or floss without brushing.

Better yet, run with scissors.
No.

Too dangerous.
Run without scissors!

-Talk without breathing?
-Whoo-hoo!

[hooting and yelling]

Don't worry.
He'll tire himself out soon enough.

Whoa.

[sighs]
I just tired myself out.

Careful! That was Grandma's.

And Dad's list specifically says,
"No knick-knack destruction."

That's why we don't put our
feet on the table, Joseph.

Kevin, I just did.

I'm in charge
and I'm enforcing the rules.

-That's weird.
-What's weird?

Sounded like someone just said,
"Kevin's in charge."

-I am in charge.
-There it is again.

Well, I'm the oldest and the tallest
and I have the longest sideburns.

Well, as the most responsible
and least likely

to measure leadership skills
by facial hair,

-maybe I should be in charge.
-Yeah, Kevin, Nick's in charge. [scoffs]

Joe, take your feet off the table.

I take that back.
Kevin's in charge.

Joe, take your feet off the table.

You two are tearing this family apart.

[crickets chirping]

-Well, this is fun.
-Come on, guys.

We're in the prime of our lives here.

I mean, it's our job to have fun
while our parents are gone.

-What's wrong with us?
-He does have a point.

You know what they say?

All work and no play makes...
something, something, something.

-Exactly.
-Yeah.

Sure.

Guys, let's get this party started
with a round of smoothies before dinner.

That's both risky and exciting.
I'm in.

I'd like mine
with extra whipped cream.

Oh, Nick, Nick, Nick.
Let's not get crazy here.

You're right,
lost my head there for a minute.

I'm sorry.

[whirring]

One boysenberry, butternut,
bacon, blueberry with a...

♪ Twist ♪

That's one smooth smoothie.

Hmm... and cold.

Ow. Ow.
Brain freeze!

-[grunts]
-[thuds]

Joe, the light's off.
Did you unplug the refrigerator?

Had to so I could
plug in my third blender.

-[blender whirring]
-Dude, Mom crammed a week's worth

of food in here for us.

[electricity buzzes]

[flatulence]

Yeah, that's not good.

Save the ice cream
and the icy treats first!

What about the vegetables?

Let 'em die.
It'll be the perfect crime.

So you've all seen
Kevin's sandwich crust? Mm-hmm.

Oh, how about Nick's toenail clippings?

[rattles]

No, because I showed you
those last week.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

OK, so this next item
might not even look it's there,

but trust me... it's there.

All right?
I give you... Joe's eyelash.

Not too close!
It is fragile.

Oh, pardon me for a moment.

Please enjoy some bran muffins
shaped like Kevin's head.

Where have you been?
And where are my smelly socks?

-I am dying here.
-Sorry, no socks.

Instead, I bring you...

genuine Jonas outfits
worn by Kevin, Nick and Joe

on their most recent concert tour.

[all squealing and giggling]

Yep, that's right.
Come right up and smell 'em

'cause apparently, you guys are...

You're into that. OK.

Thank you so much, Stella.

Mm, no problem.

Now carry on in your weird,
yet apparently harmless world.

Wait!
Everybody, this is Stella Malone!

She's best friends with Jonas.

[all gasping and chattering]

Uh, Jonas heads!

Uh, eyes over here...

-And I designed that outfit. I know.
-On me.

I don't care how much food
was gonna be wasted,

I should have never eaten this last pint
of Triple Chocolate Stomach Punchers.

The name itself
should have been a giveaway.

So, I guess you don't want
this last smoothie?

Have you gone mad?
Hand it over!

[oven timer rings]

My 50-lb meatloaf is ready.

-Frankie, what are you doing?
-Toy supply low,

-Frankie needs dough.
-You're not turning our house

-into a dance club again, are you?
-[Kevin] No, no, no, no, no, no.

Dad said no strange people in the house.

As the oldest brother
and the one in charge, I say no party.

Well, as the smartest brother
and the one in charge, I say no party.

As the middle brother and the...

OK, I don't have anything.

Too late.

[people chattering]

-What?
-Whoa!

-[Kevin] Who are...? I don't...
-Hope you have a great time.

-What are you...?
-Who are you?

-We didn't invite you here--
-I don't go to school with you,

I don't even know you.

You guys are gonna have to go.

-All right.
-OK. Attention, everyone!

-It's so nice to have you here...
-[all cheering]

But no party!
Everyone has to go home.

[all booing]

Grandma's vase!
Mom's gonna k*ll us.

[computer beeps]
Chat request.

[Nick]
It's Dad.

-Don't answer it.
-If we don't answer it,

-he'll know something's wrong.
-Answer it.

If we answer it,
he'll know something's wrong.

-I got it.
-[beeps]

Hi, I'm Kevin. No one's here
to answer your video chat right now.

Kevin, is something wrong?

It's like he's a mind-reader.

[computer beeps]
Chat request.

We can't keep him waiting any longer.

What's going on over there?
It sounds like a party.

Party? No, no.
We're... we're just rehearsing, see?

♪ Live to party... ♪

Nick, do I really need to tell you
how ridiculous that was?

No, I'm fully aware.

[camera clicks]

Hey, who... who...
Who was that?

Uh, Joe.

Really?
How long has Joe been a blond?

Only Joe could really
answer that question.

Well, just...

[rock music playing loudly]

Now why is the music so loud?

[mimicking white noise]

It's really... It's bad connection.
I can't hear what you're saying.

Joe, I can see you making
bad connection noises.

We're on a video chat, remember?

Nick! Nick!

-Nick!
-Dad?

-Nick!
-He can't breathe!

I brought a good one.
You guys are gonna love this one.

-[laughs] OK.
-Stella, we need to talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on.

I was just getting ready
to tell everybody why Kevin's shirt pocket

is right in the middle of his chest.

Because he likes to keep his
lucky guitar pick in there.

Everybody knows that.

Well, that's what
they print in the magazines,

but the real reason is...
I messed up.

[all chattering and giggling]

Oh, my gosh,
these Jonas heads are adorable.

What's up?

[scoffs] What is up is that show and tell
ran an extra seven minutes.

We missed snack time,
and I almost choked on a Kevin head

and nobody even noticed.

-You're stealing my fan club.
-Macy, don't be ridiculous.

This is your fan club,
you're the president.

All in favor of voting Stella Malone
as our new club president, say "aye"!

[all squealing and chattering]

[all cheering]

Oh.

I would yell at you, but a fan club rule
says no yelling at the president.

Ironically, a rule written by me!

[scoffs]

[rock music playing]

[Nick] We've got to get
these kids out of here.

I've tried, but they're like rabbits,
wild rabbits who love to party.

Isn't that a little redundant?
All rabbits like to party.

I just hope Dad doesn't call again.

[computer beeps]
Chat request.

[all sigh]

Answer it.

-Hi, kids.
-Hi, Mom.

-We thought you were Dad.
-If you think I'm Dad,

I'm definitely not wearing
that bikini I packed.

Dad's been calling,
like, every five minutes.

Well, you know your father.

He gets worried if he's got
nothing to worry about.

[man]
Let's limbo!

Well, tell him to go get worried

because there's nothing
to be worried about here.

Yeah, Mom, no party, no broken vase.

[laughing]

No jumping on the couch!

No jumping on the couch.

Oh, I'm not worried.

Ever since you were little,
you guys have been trustworthy

and responsible,
not to mention adorable.

[all] Thanks, Mom.

I mean, soon you'll be
moving out on your own.

And I won't get to spend
as much time with you,

what with all the touring and...
You know what?

I don't want to spend
another minute away from you.

I don't.

Captain Boller,
we're turning this jet around.

We're going home... now.

I think I liked it better
when Dad called.

Yeah.

[rock music plays]

And eventually, Joe got his ice cream.

But you know who tells the story better?

Macy. Macy, tell them...
tell them the story.

Uh, you just told them the story.

OK. Oh!

We'll tell them about
that crazy night in Toledo

when Kevin got that huge hole
in his pants.

This one's so funny.

One night in Toledo,
Kevin ripped a hole in his pants.

Stella fixed them.
Wow. She's a genius.

Macy!

What did you say, Macy?
Did you just say you can

take the fan club on an exclusive tour
of the Jonas firehouse?

[all gasping]

-You just said that.
-No, you just said that.

OK, you know, you can control my fan club,

but you cannot control my mouth,
Stella Malone.

Oh! Did you guys hear that?

Macy's taking us to meet Jonas.

[all squealing]

All right, Mom and Dad
are about two hours away.

There's not enough time!

There's not enough time!
There's not enough time!

-Joe!
-I'm sorry, Nick,

but there's just not enough time.

-[beeps]
-There, problem solved.

-You pressed pause.
-And see? The plane's not moving anymore.

I think I bought us some valuable time.

Let me explain something to you.

The plane still moves in the air

even if it doesn't move on the screen,
you ding-dong.

Ding-dong?!
[scoffs]

-Well, you're a knucklehead.
-Knucklehead?

Really, Kevin?
Knucklehead?

Guys, stop before somebody else
calls somebody a goofball

and we all regret it.

[girls screaming]

That's it. We're dead.

What do you think Mom's gonna do first,

-cry, scream or faint?
-Probably all three,

but we won't be there to see
because we'll be dead.

Hey, guys, awesome party.
Thanks for the invite.

We're not throwing a party.

We're trying to get
everyone out of the house.

We've got to get this place cleaned up
before Mom and Dad get home.

Which is in less than two hours.

And before you go there, pausing the
little plane on the computer doesn't help.

Wait, all you guys need
is this place cleaned up?

No problem.

Hey, girls!
And Fred...

See those potato chips on the floor?

-They're left over from Jonas.
-[all screaming]

Wow. They're good.

-They're fast.
-They're a little scary.

They're Jonas heads.

Macy, you are queen of the Jonas heads.

Please, please, please,
take back the presidency.

No offense, but I'm just
not cut out for this kind of...

-weird.
-Very few people are.

Friends again?

Always.

Unless you try to take over
my fan club again.

Then you should probably
watch your back.

Hey, anybody want to scrape off

real cheese crust
from an actual Jonas plate?

Who wants to vacuum
the Jonas living room?

You get to keep anything
you find in the bag.

[vacuum whirring]

OK, who wants to help me
scrub the bathroom?

Right.

-[rock music playing]
-♪ Oh, yeah! ♪

-[bell ringing]
-Mom and Dad alert! Places!

Hey, guys, we're back!

The place looks spotless,
Joe's not a blond,

and it looks like Frankie's
about to beat Kevin in speed chess.

-Checkmate.
-Game.

Well, everything seems normal to me.

-Just taking care of business, Dad.
-I missed you guys so much.

-[squeals]
-[Kevin] We missed you, too.

Aww.

We would have been home sooner,
but the plane made an unexpected stop.

-Oh, really?
-She doesn't mean in mid-air.

-Mm-hmm.
-See, I told you there was

nothing to worry about.

Hey, who moved Grandma's vase?

You guys know how fragile this is.

[exclaims]

Grandma's vase.

Did anything happen
that we should know about?

-No.
-Don't think so.

Why do you ask?

Are you sure there's nothing
you'd like to explain to us?

-No.
-Don't think so.

Why do you ask?

-Aww.
-We missed you.

-We missed you, too.
-[electricity buzzing]

[flatulence]

Joe was in charge!

-[tropical music playing]
-Oh, yeah.

-We definitely needed this.
-Mm-hmm.

And you know what? For the first time,
I'm not worried about the boys at all.

[chuckles]

-Oh thank you.
-Thank you.

Mm, this is delicious.

-Braid your hair, ma'am?
-No, thank you.

Oh, but you know what?
Foot massage would be nice.

Ooh...

-What do you think, hon?
-Yeah.

Ahh...

Why couldn't you just ground us
like normal parents?