03x02 - Money Train 2

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath...

For a cartoon crama-ganza!

Iiiiit's...

Kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts, henry and june.

And u.s. Department of education

Greetings, kablam!fans.

I'm june.

And, you guessed it, I'm henry.

You know, henry,

I'd don't know where we'd be

Without our legions of loyal fans.

I do. Canceled.

And that's why we're proud to introduce

Our viewer of the month award.

It's our way of saying muchas gracias.

And now, live via satellite,

Our first winner.

Somebody who represents the very best

A kablam! Viewer can be.

Louis tennenbaum of ossining, new york!

Thanks, henry.

Or can I call you henroid?

[Boing!]

Hey, big up to my man, mr. Foot.

Sir, you rip!

[Grr]

I tell you, man,

When you're serving - for grand theft auto,

Kablam!really helps the time go by.

Hey, check this out.

[Foghorn]

O.k., Convict. Time's up.

Back off, jack!

I'm talkin to kablam!

Hey, where's your studio at?

When I get outta here, I'll come see you.

I got more tattoos I can't show on tv.

Well... There you have it.

Our first... And last...

Viewer of the month.

Here's our first cartoon.

Fondue: who's the savviest bargain hunter

In the tri-county area?

♪ My fishin' buddy fondue! ♪

Ooh, what's this?

It's my brand new previously owned computer,

Perfect for organizing the family budget,

Planning menus, making lists.

Fruits on that.

Let's do something we can both enjoy,

Like swordplay with pointed sticks!

Ooh!

I don't have time for this.

Now get lost! I'm booting up.

Color me outta here,

And let me just add

That you have your priorities all screwed up!

[Beep beep beep]

[Owl hoots]

I'm in! Rock the kasbah! I'm in!

Ah, fruits.

I just remembered.

I don't know how to use a computer.

This thing is totally useless.

Hey! This looks like...

Solitaire!

Maybe it's not totally useless.

Fruit sorbet. I lost.

"Play again"?

You mean... No messy shuffling?

Hallelujah!

[Yawns] ah...

Fondue! You've been up all night!

What's with the computer, duder?

Thinking: if I tell that little snorer what I'm really doing,

He'll wanna play. He'll hog it, and I'll never

Get to play again!

I so hate selfish people.

I've been working to organize our domestic bliss

With technology.

Hmm...let's see, red queen on black king.

Well, give it a rest, you silly gosling!

Today's the day we've been waiting a lifetime for!

Oh, uh, go on without me.

I--i'll catch up later.

Catch...up?

How can somebody catch up

When you're goin' deep sea?!

Snap me down! I got a nibble.

Uh-oh.

I gotta tinkle.

Maybe...

Just one more game.

[Water gurgles]

That's funny. I don't have to go anymore!

I'm warning you, burglar.

I'm calling the cops!

Just as soon as I finish this game.

No more! I wanna stop!

I'm tired of solitaire!

Oh, if only I hadn't been so selfish,

Then sniz would be suffering instead of me!

Fondue is gonna jones proper

When he sees the catch du jour of the day!

Unlawful entry!

Sports medicine!

Fruit c*ck!

Fondue!

Huh--what-- I mean--

Warp speed !

Thanks, sniz!

You lifted the curse!

You saved me!

Fruits on that.

If you're gonna play games, you're gonna play 'em with me!

But it's solitaire, as in solitary.

You can't play with anybody else.

In fact, I can't play at all anymore,

Unless...

Snush. I lost.

Sniz: would you like to play again?

Press here.

Yes, computer. I would.

[Honk]

You're the best, snizzy, baby.

Now that's what I call kablamer-tainment!

You said it, hanksy.

Almost as kablamer-taining

As the newest broadway sensation...

Martina hingus calls it...

But don't take a wimbledon champion's word for it.

See for yourself.

♪ From the moment they flip down onto the page ♪

♪ You can see just why kablam!is all the rage ♪

♪ We're henry and june in between each cartoon ♪

♪ I make his temper sh**t straight to the moon ♪

♪ June, when will you start acting your age? ♪

♪ Ah, pish posh, henroid ♪

♪ Just turn the page! ♪

♪ They're turning the page ♪

♪ Yes! They're turning the page ♪

♪ Those two delightful scamps ♪

♪ Who make kablam! All the rage ♪

♪ Are turning the page! ♪

Kablam!,The musical!

Now and forever.

At the brooks/robinson theater.

Narrator: dateline.

Attic museum of ancient history

Where a brilliant bauble is blatantly burgled.

Heh heh! I'll be rich!

Richer than merv griffin!

The next day...

Blast it! That opal was a national treasure!

Lab guy, analysis!

In laymen's terms, it got ripped off.

We're just lucky he didn't open that sarcophagus

And trigger the mummy's curse.

Hey, there's a dead guy in here!

No! I was afraid of this!

You've awakened the spirit of the undead.

Run while you still can!

I'm not afraid of any mummy's curse!

But i--i just remembered, I have a dentist's appointment.

Me, too. Yeah!

Bye! Later!

Ha! What a bunch of 'fraidy cats!

[Moans] uuuhhhh!

Today's episode...

With the whereabouts of the hijacked gem unknown,

Our heroes make a crucial discovery.

I found it!

The opal?

The remote!

Let's watch oprah!

No, scoobyreruns!

Moesha!

Meanwhile, at action headquarters...

If we don't recover that jewel,

We'll be in more trouble than a round peg at a square dance!

Frankly, I'm worried.

Frankly, I'd be more worried about the mummy's curse.

Will you can it with that mummy mumbo jumbo?!

You're right.

I'm being foolish. Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm late for a--a dentist's appointment.

Oh, sure!

Just run away when you're losing the argument!

Uuuhhhhh!

Uuuhhh!aaah!

And so, as a marauding mummy searches for vengeance,

The action league searches for something to watch.

For a limited time only,

You can buy your very own egyptian opal

Just like the kind you find in...

Eh...museums.

It's the mayor!

And he's got the opal!

And look! It's that mummy person!

Crikey! It lives!

Uuuhhhh!

Eat cold steel, band-aid boy!

♪ Thunder girl, fighting the mummy! ♪

[Smack]

♪ Then again, maybe not ♪

Hey, mr. "I'm so dead and you're not."

I'm about to get mad.

Whoo--whoo--whoo!

Whoa!

O.k., I'm mad.

Uuuhhhh!

Go away! Help! Save us!

Will the miffed mummy make mincemeat

Out of our zeroes? I mean...heroes?

Will the mayor make a million on a museum marvel?

Quantities are...limited.

Order now.

Find out in the action swiped conclusion of...

Go wake your grammy!

There's more kablamy!

Still to come...

Prometheus and bob,

Life with loopy,

And when we return,

More action league now!

Right here on kablam!

A jewel taken...

A mummy awakened.

As a familiar foe auctions off an opal,

An enraged relic takes on the wuss squad.

All: help! Help!

Mayor:...not . Not .

But just cents!

Uuuuhhhhh!

Blimey!

The mummy wants the opal he saw on the telly!

Let's follow him.

From a safe distance.

Flesh: no one throws the flesh into pottery

And gets away with it!

Ouchies!

Did I say cents?

Cents

If you call now.

Uuuhhhh!

O.k. For you, only cents.

Up there!

The opal!

Opal schmopal.

We must get the mummy back into his sarcophagus

And then recite the incantation.

O.k. Make me your best offer.

I got it!

Keep away from king tut!

Got it! You want it, tape head?

Go get it!

Uuuhhhh!

Owa. Tajur. Kayam.

Now he can sleep another , years.

All right!

We did it!

Boy! That mummy packs wallop!

I owe you an apology.

I should have listened to you.

Uh, chief...

No, no. I can admit when I'm wrong.

You know what my problem is? I just don't listen.

I've got you now, mr. Mummy.

Aah! Flesh! It's me!

[Thud]

Hey!

[Thud thud]

All: ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Thud thud] oh! Ah! Ow!

The end.

Ooh, I hate that mayor!

Lousy, no-good villain!

I wish they'd take all the villains

And shred 'em into a fine mulch.

Good idea, june.

Or is it?

You see, villains play a crucial role

In the world of super heroes.

In fact, without villains,

There wouldn't be any heroes.

Allow me to demonstrate

With this special "villain free" clip from action league now!

Dateline: action headquarters.

The end.

Pretty dull, huh?

O.k.

Can we move on?

The villain, or...

As he's sometimes called,

Commits loathsome deeds that the hero must overcome.

Could the, um, antagonist

Be some pompous windbag

Who's cutting into our cartoon cramming time?

Now you're catching on.

The antagonist could be anyone who--

Nobody likes a know-it-all.

But everybody likes our next cartoon.

Here's prometheus and bob.

Narrator: , years ago,

An alien videotaped his attempts to education a caveman...

The prometheus and bobtapes.

Tape number .

[Electronic-like voice] hey!

Pretty neat, huh?

Uhdunno.

Go away, bob. Go on. Back, back, back.

Hey!

Hey, bob.

And...look!

Hey!

Yeah. Grab it. Grab it.

Come on. Roll me the ball.

Come on.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

O.k.

Ehhh...

What? Hey! Hey!

Gimme that!

Ha ha ha ha!

Gimme that!

Oh!

What the--

Hey! Give me that!

Hey...hey!

Here. Take it..

No. No! No! No!

[Crash, glass shatters]

Chimp: eeh! [Pop]

[Shouts] welcome back, kablam-cycles!

[Pants]

We're on the final stage

Of our historic assent

To...the top of the page!

Sure, it's dangerous,

But we couldn't resist the call of the summit.

We're on our last tank of oxygen, henry.

Ooh...

I can't...go on... Much longer.

Stay with me, june.

Focus on the peak.

Focus! Just a little farther,

And we...

Don't you have someplace else to be?

Hi. Larry here.

You're not gonna believe this,

But just minutes ago,

Our planet was on the verge of total annihilation.

In fact, if it wasn't for me,

Well, let me tell you what happened.

Earlier tonight, I was trying to pick up foreign stations

On my short-wave radio,

When suddenly I started receiving a weird signal.

Hey, loopy, come and listen to this.

[Rrrrllllliiiic]

[Rrrrllllliiiic]

The frequency is too high to be coming from anywhere on earth!

It must be a message from outer space!

Wait...that sounds kinda familiar.

Let's try slowing it down a little.

[Uuuurrrrrrp]

[Burrrrp]

Whoo-hoo! There is intelligent life out there!

This is larry from planet earth.

Do you read me? Over.

Over.

That won't work.

You gotta speak theirlanguage.

[Burp]

[Buuurrrrp]

Duh-bu-da-i-ta-dub-uh--

Guess they got the message, huh?

Wel-welcome, space travelers.

Uh...we--we the people

Of the...planet earth

Bring greetings.

[Australian accent] well, we the people of planet urp

Bring a jumbo bag of munchies and a cooler full of fizzy pop.

Where's the earthling who sent us the message?

Right here!

Salutations, fellow belcher.

[Urrrrp]

[Buuurp]

[Buuuurrrp]

[Urp]

What's so great about burping, anyway?

What's so great? Don't be a dingbat.

It's the reason we're all here, mate.

You see, billion years ago,

This entire galaxy was set in motion

By a humongous burp reverberating out from a central point

In the universe.

We call it a big burp theory.

Only the most advanced creatures in the cosmos

Truly understand it.

That's why when you responded to our signal,

We knew that your planet was worth a visit.

So what are we waitin' for?

Let's get this party started.

Whoo-hoo!

Larry: yep. It was the party of a lifetime.

The only bummer was

No matter how hard I tried,

I was still having trouble communicating.

[Urp]

Well, loopy, we really are taken with your little planet.

I think our people are gonna love it here.

You mean, there's more of you?

Billion more, to be exact,

Out there in the mothership,

Just waiting for our signal to come on down and join the fun.

We've been looking for a place like this to colonize for eons!

Uh, cool, but...

What's wrong with your planet?

Well, it's completely trashed, isn't it?

, Centuries of nonstop partying

Have reduced our planet to rubble!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Wait. Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

[Beep beep]

Urpian scout to mothership...

No!!

Ah, now you're bein' a party pooper!

Larry: our party was beginning to look like

A close encounter of the worst kind!

But just then, I finally started to feel the effects

Of the soda gas bubbling up inside of me.

Problem was, when it finally popped out...

I was speaking the wrong language!

[Passing wind] ffffft!

Disgusting!

And we thought you lot

Were a civilized species!

Sorry, loop. Couldn't possibly share a planet

With people as capable of thatkinda behavior!

Come on, mate. Back to the mothership.

And so, thanks to yours truly,

The alien forces were defeated.

[Uuuuurrrrrp!]

Once more, the people of earth

Can breathe easily.

Well, most of them, anyway.

P-u!

Well, june, this show certainly has been cartoon crammed.

As advertised, henry.

Before we go, we're proud to introduce

A brand new feature here on kablam!...

The mystery page turner is...

O.k., Henry. Let's see if we can guess his identity.

I'll start.

Are you...

Wesley snipes?

Oh h* h*. No.

Though I enjoyed his work in money train.

Are you in a sitcom?

No.

Moesha!

No.

Are you a rap artist?

I think not.

I know. You're a supermodel!

No!

Well, you must do something!

[Yankee doodleplays] yes, I have done a few things.

I invented the lightning rod. I wrote poor richard's almanac.

My picture's on the -dollar bill.

Wait! Do you wear those little glasses?

Yes!

We are so dumb!

Of course!

Both: elton john!

[Buzzer]

That's it.

Johnny cochran?

Tia carerra?

I know! Martina hingus!

Al hurt!

Lenny kravitz!

James brolin.

Join us again next time...

Same kablam! Time,