02x08 - Better Than A Poke In The Eye

[bunniefuu]

Pick up the message!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath

For a new kind of cartoon show.

And u.s. Department of education

It's kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide!

Now, to take you inside

And turn the pages,

Here are your hosts,

Henry and june!

Howdy, kablamites.

Welcome to the show

America prefers to one over pinkeye.

Today, we're kablaming to you almost live

From our very own kablam!studios tour,

Where we put the "you" in cartoons.

Let's get goin' here.

I'm fryin' like bacon!

Very good, sir.

Mr. Foot, don't stop till the fun runs out.

Our tour begins here,

On prometheus boulevard,

Where, up on the knoll,

You'll see the home of tv's craziest kid, loopy.

And look out, all you brussels sprouts.

Because there's the old loopster right now!

Gollers, fans,

Look over there!

Kablam'ssuperstrong,

Supernaked superhero is now superclose!

Hey there, flesh!

Uh, henry?

That's not the flesh.

It's just some naked guy.

[Screams]

You! Come back here!

Whoopsies!

You never know what you'll see on the kablam!studios tour.

But we do know what you'll see next...

Action league now.

[Applause]

Announcer: dateline: endtable tv studios.

Before a global audience,

The action league's most unclothed member

Prepares to bare all.

Today's topic, "heroes that hurt."

Flesh, you've got it all.

You're superstrong and superhot.

Yet, there's something missing.

That's right, lola.

My clothes!

Yes, but there's something else,

Isn't there?

You've never met your parents,

Have you, flesh?

No, I haven't.

[Cries]

It hurts, I know.

But flesh, what would you say if I told you

That I have a wonderful surprise for you?

I'd probably say,

"Is it a burrito?"

Better!

Flesh, meet your long-lost parents!

[Applause]

Mommy? Daddy?

Fleshie!

Ow!

Whoopsies!

Now that you're a happy family again,

Tell me, how are you gonna make up for lost time?

Oh, we've got plans.

Big plans.

Announcer: action league now!

Starring the flesh.

He's superstrong.

And supernaked.

Thunder girl.

She flies like thunder.

Stinky diver.

A former navy commando with an attitude as bad as his odor.

And meltman.

With the power to melt!

Today's episode...

Flesh and blood.

We find our heroes at action headquarters,

Rejoicing over the flesh's remarkable reunion.

How come he gets to be on tv?

It's just because he's naked.

You should see me naked.

I'm glorious!

Announcer: meanwhile, the flesh family shares some long-overdue quality time.

Mommy, daddy, all these years,

There's been something I've been dying to know.

Maybe you can finally tell me.

Was I always this buff?

Uh, oh! No time for questions.

Here we are, home sweet home.

This is our house?

Boy, we must be rich! Rich! Rich!

Not yet, but we will be.

Uh, I mean...yeah! Yeah, we sure are rich!

Golly, wouldn't you know it.

I forgot the keys.

Would you mind

Breaking that window for me, son?

"Son." I love that!

[Humming]

Ow! Ow!

Whoopsies!

[Mother and father moaning]

Boy, what a pad.

This place is a gold mine.

What's that, daddy?

Oh, I said, "I'm in a real bind."

I have to move all of our valuables to the car.

I'll help!

This is even easier than I thought.

Buff-boy's a real pushover.

♪ We are fami... ♪

Oops.

Ow! Ow!

Whoopsies number two!

[Mother and father moaning]

Announcer: meanwhile, the action couch potatoes continue to vegetate.

This just in.

The flesh and two criminals impersonating his parents

Have been caught on videotape

Robbing megabuck mansion.

♪ We are fami... ♪

Oops!

Ow! Ow!

Hey, why's the flesh get to be on tv all the time?

He's not so great.

What makes him so great?

You morons!

The flesh is in more trouble

Than a snowman in a steam bath.

We gotta get a move on!

The flesh: well, I guess that's everything.

Such a good boy.

Now let's make our getaway.

Uh, i--i mean, let's go!

All right, everyone freeze!

Oh! You go, chief!

Hi, everybody!

Want to see my room?

It's not your house, flesh.

And they're not your real parents!

They're not?

Yes, we are, son.

Now come along. Let's book.

The only place you're going

Is up the river, you phonies!

Fleshie, stop them!

Remember your father's blood pressure.

I'm so confused.

What do I do?

Announcer: is action blood thicker than action water?

And what does that even mean, anyway?

Find out in the action-spawned conclusion of "action league now!"

That action league.

They're always in a peck of trouble!

Speaking of trouble, henry,

I don't remember this being part of the tour.

I think mr. Foot might have made a wrong turn.

Wrong turn, my eye.

This thing's on a track.

June: oh, my!

Is that an alien craft?

I sure do hope they come in peace.

[Gasps]

I don't know, june.

But it looks to me like a martian invasion!

Somebody save us!

Yeah, somebody save us.

We're being invaded by a hubcap.

[Click]

Hey, everybody!

It's our favorite intergalactic odd couple,

Prometheus and bob!

This might be a good time to remind you

To keep your arms and legs

Inside the tram.

And your mouths shut.

And while you're at it,

Keep your eyes on this next cartoon!

Announcer: what you are about to see is top secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a cave man.

They have been code named the prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape : trapping

[Humming]

Hey. Quiet.

[Mutters in alien language]

Get out of the way.

[Mutters in alien language]

[Mutters in alien language]

Watch me, will you?

Ah!

Hey!

Hey.

[Eating]

[Static]

You.

[Mutters in alien language]

Ok?

Hey.

[Mumbling]

[Bell rings]

Oh!

[Eating]

Hey!

Give me that, will you?

Hey!give me that!

[Babbling in alien language]

[Distant snarl]

Hey?

[Snarls]

[Static]

[Humming]

Shh.

Hey.

[Snarling]

Oh! What are you doing?

[Yells in alien language]

[Distant roar]

[Monkey screams]

[Bell rings]

[Tiger snarls]

Hey.

Hey!

[Static]

[Snoring]

Shh.

Ha ha ha!

Uh?

[Speaks in alien language]

Hey.

What the--

Whoa!

[Bell rings]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

[Speaking in alien language]

[Yelling in alien language]

[Static]

[Speaking in alien language]

Ha ha!

[Bell ringing]

[Monkey squeals]

[Grunts]

[Snarl]

[Bell rings]

[Alien screams]

[Snarls]

[Fighting]

Whoa!

[Snarls]

[Static]

Announcer: end.

[Tiger roars]

Tape : spear.

Hey.

Hey. Oh!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

[Panting]

Um...

Oh!

[Chitters]

Yah.

Uh-oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, k*ll! Yah!

[Screams]

[Static]

Announcer: end.

Announcer: hey, kablamoids!

Stay where you am!

There's cartoons to cram!

Still to come,

Lava...

The offbeats.

And when we return,

More action league now!

Right here on kablam!

Kablam!

Action league now!

Imposter parents: bad.

Action league: good.

As both sides barter for his action soul,

A befuddled flesh is faced with an impossible choice.

Eeny, meeny, miney...

Um...

Oh, what the heck?

I'm staying with mommy and daddy.

Wrong answer, mate!

Now step aside!

Don't worry, parents!

I'll save you!

Ow! Ow!

Whoopsies number !

Mommy! Daddy!

For cryin' out loud, kid,

We're not really your parents.

Please, just take us to jail.

Yeah, anything's safer than being with him!

Announcer: later that day...

I wonder if I ever will meet my parents...

I wonder if we'll ever see our son again.

Oh, I'm sure we'll run across him someday.

Ow! Geez! My spine! Medic!

The end.

Ouchies!

The league really got creamed there.

I'll say.

And for me, henry,

What really made their excruciating pain so hilarious

Were the amazing sound effects.

Absolutely, june.

And right now, folks,

We're gonna give you an insider's peek

At just how we make those effects...

So amazing.

Let's start by taking a look at a classic kablam!moment.

[Silence]

Pretty funny, huh?

But something's missing.

[Murmuring]

That's right!

It's the sound of the anvil conking henry!

Now, let's take a look again.

And this time, we'll show you

How we create our incredibly lifelike sound effects.

Ready, guys?

[Footsteps]

Ow![Birds chirping]

Beautiful![Applause]

That's a keeper!

Thank you, thank you.

That's our favorite sound effect of all.

And now, on with the show.

[Squeaking]

[Crickets chirping]

[Dog howling]

[Match lights]

[Clanging]

[Sniffs]

[Barks]

[Whines]

[Ka-blam]

[Croaking]

[Twig snaps]

Ah!

[Croaks]

Kablam!

Welcome back!

Everybody having a good time?

[Applause]

Well, all right.

We're kablaming to you almost live

From the kablam! Studios tour...

Where we put the "you" in cartoons.

And nowhere is that more true

Than here at the henry and june interactive cartoon theater!

That's right,

Thanks to the miracle of kablamineering,

Visitors can actually experience

What it's like tohost kablam!

It's the thrill of a lifetime for some of our young fans.

Let's take a peek, shall we?

Hi! I'm henry!

And I'm june!

[Raspberry]

Ha ha!ha ha!

♪ My name is betty anne bongo ♪

♪ I sing this little song-o ♪

♪ I sing it all day long-o ♪

Bleah!

What's the matter, betty anne?

I think that something's wrong-o.

♪ They never stay, never stay small ♪

♪ And the populars don't like 'em at all ♪

♪ But that's ok ♪

♪ Life is sweet ♪

♪ They cool ♪

♪ They the off-beats ♪

Sprained wrist.

What could be worse?

Hey, betty anne.

It's about time those bongos hurt something

Besides our ears.

[Laughter]

Adult!

Miss bongo.

What's the damage behind the bandage?

Hi, grubby gru.

I sprained my wrist.

Isn't it tragic?

No young bongoteer should have to endure injury

Without a junkyard sundae to make 'em feel better.

[Collective gasp]

A grubby gru junkyard sundae?

Thanks, grubby.

Why do all the good things

Always happen to her?

He really made you a junkyard sundae?

Yeah.

I heard he wouldn't even make one

For the president.

I guess.

Didn't you like the sundae, betty anne?

Yeah. I just miss playing my bongos.

You'll see, betty anne.

The time will go like that.

That's easy for you to say.

You can snap.

Hello, betty anne bongo.

What do you think of this?

Oh! Oh, my toe!

I'm gonna get an even bigger junkyard sundae than you got.

That's nice.

But I really miss playing my bongos.

Your priorities are all screwed up.

Ow.

Tina. What's up, little lady?

Oh, mr. Gru.

A helicopter landed on my toe.

Let me fix you something cold to ease the pain.

Oh, that would be nice.

Enjoy.

Grrr!

Hi, betty anne.

I thought my bongomatic -d

Might make you feel better.

Thanks, august.

Oooh!

[Gulp]

Mornin', tina.

Lot of weather we've been having lately.

How about that dow jones?

What does it take to beat this beatnik?

Cool!

Ahem.

Check me out, betty anne.

It's gonna be an ice cream bonanza!

I can play my bongos again!

You need counseling.

Grubby gru: hit by a cruise ship.

I must say, tina, that is one sorry predicament.

Yeah, it's a drag.

Could you put more syrup on that?

One junkyard sundae for the unfortunate tina.

Now, grubby gru has a concert to view.

Oh!

Somebody help me with this spoon.

Well, folks,

It's the last stop on our tour.

What do you say we go out with a kablam,

A kaboom, and a big fat kablooey!

Hang on for the ride of your life!

It's the off-beats stunt spectacular!

[Applause]

Announcer: hey! It's betty anne bongo.

My, that's a groovy beat you're laying down!

Uh-oh! Here come the populars!

Pretty nasty, tina.

But it looks like you picked the wrong day

To mess with our resident beatnik!

Oh, no! They're getting away!

But wait! Here comes august and september

In the fanboat-o-matic !

Uh-oh! Danger ahoy!

Rapunzel, rapunzel,

Let down your hair.

See ya!

Wouldn't want to be ya!

[Applause]

Hiawatha!

Forget the "you"!

That just put the "woo" into cartoons!

Thanks for hitching a ride with us today.

Be sure to tell your friends

About the kablam! Studios tour.

And don't forget to stop in

At our fine gift shop on the way out.

The henry and june loofah sponges are priced to move!

See ya next time!

Announcer: join us again next time!

Same kablam!time,