02x06 - I Just Don't Get It

[bunniefuu]

* Pick up the masses *

* Assume the crash position *

* Hold on tight *

* Take a deep breath *

* For a new kind of cartoon show *

* It's... *

...where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages

Here are your hosts, henry and june.

Hello, kablamsters.

Henry and june here

Welcoming you to kablam.

( Yelling in pain )

Wow. Lookee here, henry.

It must be time to reach into the ol' kablam mailbag.

Seth rosenberg of hong kong writes

"Dear henry and june

"How did you two snag

The most coveted jobs on cable television?"

Good question, seth.

Perhaps the best way to answer that

Will be to show you our actual audition tapes.

Roll 'em.

All applicants for kaployment

Have to go through a rigorous screening process.

First, I was tested for strength.

Then for durability.

And then for the final test, they dropped a safe on me.

Sure it was grueling

But nothing this good comes easy.

Now let's take a look at june's audition tape.

Uh, no one wants to see that.

Oh!

June doesn't want us to see her tape.

This must be good.

Roll it.

Hi. I'm june.

Welcome to kablam.

That's it. Perfect.

You're hired.

Hey, that's not fair.

( Whistling )

Life isn't fair, henry.

But thankfully, there's action league now!

It's next.

Man: dateline: the evil empire of nextdooria

Where a high-flying thunder girl spies

On a secret m*ssile site.

* Thunder girl *

* Taking some pictures *

* Spying on missiles *

* With the wind in her hair. *

( Screams )

Oh! That didn't hurt a bit.

Ow!

Ah, the famous thunder girl.

So beautiful...

So doomed.

Starring...

He's super strong and super naked.

She flies like thunder.

A former navy commando

With an attitude as bad as his odor.

And...

With the power to melt.

Today's episode:

With thunder girl trapped behind enemy lines

We find our heroes banding together

For a daring rescue mission.

Count me out, chief.

It's taco night.

Tacos!

Can it, you clowns.

Everyone goes.

To stay in constant contact

You'll bring this high-tech two-way receiver.

All: ooh!

Shiny!

This baby cost a lot, so take good care of it.

Got it.

Check.

Right.

Your move, melty.

Move out!

Meanwhile, in a fetid foreign prison...

This is inhuman.

My cellmate just ate its young.

Let's dispense with the niceties, thunder girl.

Join me, and together we'll rule the world as king and queen.

Nah. I got to get back.

It's taco night.

Pretty little fool.

They'll give you gas.

As colonel mayor is rejected

The league is ejected into action.

Hey, aren't you supposed to do this

With parachutes?

Aw, geez, mates

The chief couldn't afford any.

( All yelling )

( Groaning )

Watch out!

Ow!

Geez!

My head!

Mommy!

Starting to hate that phone.

( Ringing )

Hello.

Yeah, flesh, it's the chief.

How's the phone?

Are you morons taking care of it?

Sorry, chief.

I'm going to have to call you back.

Hey, any of you guys know where thunder girl is?

Ah, the famous action league.

We finally meet.

Just in time

To watch me annihilate your nation's capital.

Colonel, no.

Let's not be rash.

We can negotiate.

I bet the yellow-belly doesn't have the guts.

I'll take that bet.

( Laughing )

You lose.

Nice work, melty.

Way to talk him down.

Can no one stop this madman and his missiles?

Will our nation's capital become squashington, d.c.?

Stay tuned for the action- smithereen conclusion of...

We'll have more action later.

But right now, feast your eyes

On our spic-and-span, april-fresh studio.

Henry: while you were gone

We were busting our humps

To clean this place from top to bottom.

We? I'm the one who mopped, scrubbed, dusted

And deloused mr. Foot.

Well, I did the laundry.

Don't our clothes look great?

Henry, uh...

What did you use to wash our clothes?

This.

You idiot!

"Disappearing ink."

June, let me in!

No! I'm not decent!

Um...

Don't you disappear just yet?

Uh, here's prometheus and bob.

What you are about to see is top secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a caveman.

They have been code-named the prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape : ice skating.

( Grunting )

( Distorted voice ): watch.

Okay...

Get going...

Go on...

( Groaning )

Get going...

Why, you wimp...

( Yelling )

Hoo-hoo.

Get out of here...

( Laughing )

Aw!

( Grunting )

( Whirring )

( Yelling )

Oh, no!

Ahh!

Hey...!

Let go...

Give me that...

Let go...!

Let go...!

Let go...!

( Rumbling )

( Groaning )

( Mumbling )

Hey! Put that...

Oh, come back here, you little...

( Whirring )

What are you doing?

( Rumbling )

( Shrieking )

Hey...

Hey, kablamsters

Keep your tushie on the cushie.

Still to come: life with loopy...

The offbeat...

And when we return, more action league now

Right here on...

A spy mission, failed.

A rescue mission, failed.

Failure, failure, everywhere.

As time runs out, the action league

Puts their heads together to save our nation's capital.

What is our nation's capital?

Sacramento?

This is cool.

It's like one of those hamster wheels.

Hey, I'm starting to feel the burn.

Whoa!

Seconds to impact.

Action losers.

Whoopsie!

Uh-oh. Here's trouble.

Good one, flesh.

Come on!

( Squeaking )

Our only hope is to reroute the m*ssile

To where we'll do the least damage.

But blimey, we need some coordinates.

( Phone ringing )

I'll get it.

Hello.

Chief: hey, why did you

Hang up on me, you naked numskull?

Say, chief, what are your coordinates?

Degrees longitude, degrees latitude.

Thank you.

Got it.

It's working.

Hey, what's that noise?

Chief... Chief...

Guess he got cut off.

( Exploding )

Ouchies.

The end.

Wow, wasn't that ( bleep )?

Hey, why did they censor me?

All I said was ( bleep ).

Huh... That's weird.

What's wrong with saying ( bleep )?

( Bleep ) isn't even a bad word.

I have no idea.

Why can't I say ( bleep )?

This doesn't make any ( bleep ).

Hey, what do you have there?

Nothing.

You're the one who's bleeping me!

No, I'm not.

( Steam whistle sounding )

Why, you ( bleep )...

We swear you'll love this next cartoon.

Here's life with loopy.

Hi, larry here.

There comes a time in every kid's life

When he takes that first step into adulthood.

And for me, the big moment came last thursday night.

Larry, your father and I have something to tell you.

Son, you're getting to be

Quite the young man now

And we think you're ready to handle

The most exciting privilege the adult world

Has to offer:

Late night television!

Thanks, mom.

Thanks, dad.

I-i won't disappoint you.

They grow up so fast.

Well, I should have known

Loopy wasn't going to take this situation lying down.

No fair. How come larry gets to stay up late

And watch all the cool stuff?

Don't worry, loopy.

Your time will come soon enough, but now

It's bedtime.

So, this was it--

, Channels of fiber-optic fantasy were about to be mine

And mine alone.

One small step for mankind

One giant leap for me.

Man with russian accent: welcome to the chess channel.

We're only hours in the semifinals match

And already, the excitement is at a fever pitch.

What's this junk doing on late night tv?

Must be some kind of mistake.

Did you know that millions of americans

Are troubled by excess ear fat?

If you're one of them, then you owe it to your ears

To try the lobelizer.

( Groaning )

Got to stay awake.

Got to...

And in today's stock market news

The average share index showed a remarkable upswing

In the overall down cycle.

( Snoring )

Pee-hew! This ain't late night television

It's lame night television.

Seems like we have a cranky couch potato out there.

Let's see if she still feels that way

After experiencing late night television in person!

( Shrieks )

( Audience cheering and applauding )

Hey, there. Welcome to

Hangin' with the hankster.

You're kind of short for a celebrity.

( Audience laughing )

Cut it out, you canned cornballs.

If this is quality television, then I'm a brussels sprout.

Brussels sprout?

Let's see your mature viewer i.d. Card, little lady.

I don't have one.

( Alarm sounds )

Woman: warning: underage viewer.

Grab her, idiot!

Hey!

Come back here.

Ha! Last show on the dial.

I've got you now.

Loopy: larry, wake up, you wormhead!

Larry!

Get me out of here!

Loopy?

What's going on?

What are you doing on tv?

I'll tell you later.

Just call in and buy me-- quick!

( Phone ringing )

Hi, uh... I guess I

Want to buy a doll.

The funny-looking one.

You do?

Okay, fine.

The bill's in the mail, mister.

Thanks, larry.

I didn't know you had all that money.

I don't.

I've only got cents.

So, that's the story.

I guess I was hoping that late night tv

Would open the door to a whole new future

But thanks to loopy

I got a little more than I bargained for.

Dad: hey, mr. Home shopping

When you're done with that

You can sweep the garage

Clean out the gutters and reroof the house.

Don't worry, kids.

You'll have that bill paid off

By the time you're .

Welcome back, kablaministas.

A squirrel's stuck in your shirt.

This? Oh, no.

It's just a little chest hair I had the animators draw for me.

Manly, yes?

Did you know it's still growing?

Not growing, june. Animated.

Uh-oh.

You're a piece of work.

Well, here's something the animators know how to do right--

The off-beats.

( Jazz playing )

( Scatting )

( Sighs )

* La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la. *

Oh, no. I've got that song stuck in my head.

They never, they never stay small

And the populace don't like them at all

But that's okay, life is sweet.

They cool.

( Shrieking )

They the off-beats.

What's up, tommy?

I've got a song stuck in my head.

Don't sing. I'll be back.

Can't be too careful, you know.

What am I going to do?

What?

What am I going to do?

Sorry, I can't hear you.

What am I going to do?!

I don't know.

* La-la-la-la *

* La-la-la-la-la. *

How to get a song out of your head

Says this is very serious.

They recommend thinking of something else.

You're going to have to do better than that, tommy.

That's it, tommy.

( Tune resumes playing )

It isn't working.

I didn't know the dork convention was in town.

You can't tease me.

You're just a space slug!

( Crashing )

Ouch.

* La-la-la-la *

* La-la-la-la-la. *

This song is driving me crazy.

You're lucky.

I just got my song-away in the mail.

Tommy?

( Sputtering )

You got more than the song.

Quick, reverse the song-away.

Tommy, are you okay?

Who am i? And why is this song in my head?

Allow me.

Thanks, september.

* La-la-la-la-la. *

I don't know which one of the off-beats is the dorkiest.

Now I know.

Let me just say...

Look out, he's going to blow.

* La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la. *

But that's just a song--

The kind of song that gets stuck in your head... Forever.

* La-la-la-la *

* La-la-la-la-la. *

( Screaming )

Good work, tommy.

( Screaming )

( Sighs )

I feel much better.

Hi, guys.

Listen to this

* La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la. *

I've been singing it all day.

( All gasping )

Cool, huh?

* La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la. *

Uh, guys?

Guys?

Well... That just about wraps up

Another super-observant episode of kablam.

Henry, check it out. Nutty putty.

June, nutty putty is for wittle babies.

No, it isn't. Watch.

Do you mind?

See? Isn't that kabomb?

No, it's kastupid.

Who you calling stupid, ink boy?

June! Do something!

Okay.

Well, so long, everybody.

See you next time.

Join us again next time.

Same kablam time

Same kablam network.