02x04 - Harold's Glow-in-the-Dark Brand Butter

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position!

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath,

For a new kind of cartoon show.

And u.s. Department of education

It's kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide!

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts, henry and june!

Hey, hey, kabalamatons!

I'm henry and this is june.

Welcoming you to another artery- clogging episode...

Of kablam!

[Laughing]

As you can see,

Some of the funniest moments on kablam!

Are the ones we don't plan.

We call them kabloopers.

You'll just call them hilarious.

So sit back as we present

Kablam's kabloopers, flubs, and miscues.

Roll the ugliness.

June: what's in a name? Plenty, if you're henry.

Hi! I'm harry.

Ahem. No, I'm not. I'm henry.

Can we cut?

[Embarrassed laugh]

If you think forgetting your own name is moronic,

Check out this kaflub.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Crash]

[Cat screeches]

Hee hee hee hee!

Finally, here's a backstage kablooper

That we think redefines the term "slack-jawed idiot."

[Electrical sizzle]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey! How come all the kabloopers

Are of me?

Ha ha ha ha!

Is that right?

I didn't notice.

Ha ha ha!

It wasn't thatfunny.

Yes, it was.

Almost as funny as action league--

Whoa!

I'm not going to say it.

Narrator: dateline-- action headquarters,

Where the chief issues a high-security alert.

Listen up--

I just got word that hodge podge has escaped from the asylum.

He'll be coming after us like a mad dog on a motor scooter.

Be on the lookout for anything suspicious.

Look, everyone-- unmarked packages!

Give me that!

Me first! Me first!

Hey, mine!

What the...

Huh?

Boring.

Phooey! No chocolates!

What kind of whacko nut-job would send us these demented presents?

All: hodge podge!

Glad we could get together!

Starring the flesh--

He's super-strong and super-naked.

Thundergirl--

She flies like thunder.

Stinky diver--

A former navy commando with an attitude

As bad as his odor.

And meltman--

With the power to...melt.

Today's episode...

We find our heroes facing a ghastly blast from the past.

Gollers, hodge podge,

What do you have against us?

You jerks ruined my life!

Remember when I was the action league accountant?

It was tax time,

But I was the one who paid the penalty!

Uhh!

[Blender whirs]

Whoa!

Aah!

And then that med school reject botched my operation!

Oops.

Nooooooo!

Thanks to you, action league,

I'm nothing but a mutilated mutant,

And it's not fair!

You know, I'm so sick of people moaning

About how bad off they are.

I say, tough noogies!

On the other hand, that is a really sad story.

[Whirring]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Uh, listen, hodge podge,

I-it was the other guys' fault.

Besides, look at me-- I'm already melted.

[Sawing]

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Ow!

Later that day,

At big kitchen super-secret laboratories,

An important package arrives for an important lab guy.

Daddy, look what I made in science class today!

That's nice, dear. Now run along.

But can't I stay here and be a scientist like you?

No, quarky. It's too dangerous,

And you are too young.

Go and practice your ballet.

[Disappointed] all right.

But I hate ballet!

Oh!

Uh...a little help?

Bill the lab guy, you've got to reassemble us!

I feel like humpty dumpty at the end of that story

About humpty dumpty.

Chief, there's nothing I can do.

That's what you told me--

And look how nice I turned out!

Hodge podge, you were in a million pieces.

There really was nothing I could do.

Stop saying that, you hack!

Now there issomething you can do!

You can beg for mercy!

Oh, no. Help.

Don't worry, you guys.

I'll put you back together.

I'll show my dad I'm a scientist after all.

Stinky diver: all right!

Go, girl!

Meltman: come on, quarky! Save us!

Flesh: yes, please.

[Whirring]

Um, mercy. Mercy.

Narrator: is bill the lab guy a goner?

Can his dissed daughter rebuild the action league in time?

Stay tuned for the action- julienned conclusion of...

Grrr!

That hodge podge makes me so mad!

I can tell.

And so can our audience, thanks to those cartoon anger fumes.

I'm not angry anymore.

Now I have an idea.

Of course you do, june.

That light bulb is another way

Cartoons tell the world what's on their mind.

So, june,

What's on your mind?

Two words:

Thought balloon.

As you can see,

June isn't much of a heavy thinker.

Oh? And you are?

That's right. Behold!

Ah. The ever-popular birds of pain.

I just got another idea.

Let's watch prometheus and bob.

Birds of pain?

What you are about to see is top-secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a caveman.

They have been code-named

The prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape : milking.

Hey, come on. Come on.

Yeah. Watch me.

Huh?

Watch.

[Squirt squirt]

Uhh.

Hey!

Huh?

Watch.

Drink.

Come on.

[Chomp chomp]

[Sigh]

Ok.

Oohh!

Stop that and watch!

[Squirt squirt]

Yeah, yeah.

Ehh!

Ehh!

What?

Ehh! Ehh!

[Sigh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Squirt]

Yeah! Great!

Keep it going. Yeah.

Get out of here, you!

[Angry gibberish]

[Moo]

Aaah!

Hey, hey...what?

Where is he?

Hey, come back here!

Owww!

Give me that!

[Rumble]

[Alarm goes off]

Huh? I'm ok.

Whoa!

[Crash]

Hey, kablamsters!

Keep your tushie on the cushie!

Still to come: life with loopy!

The off-beats!

And when we return, more action league now!

Right here on kablam!

Narrator: an accountant, sliced!

The action league, diced!

A lab guy, sli--

Uh...back to our story!

Hodge podge, wait.

Think of what you're doing.

I am--

And I'm loving it!

Not so fast, hodge podge!

Huh?

Oh, my gosh-- look at me!

I'm a freak!

I amlooking at you.

What a vision of beauty you are!

Uh, yeah.

Bill, can we talk about your daughter, dr. Frankenquarky?

My soul mate! My destiny!

Aah! Ow.

Together we will mend the pieces

Of our broken hearts!

Back off, you hunk of junk!

Aah!

Eeeeyyaaaaah!

Hodge pate, anyone?

Daddy! I did it!

[Kiss]

I'm just like you!

I'm quarky the lab girl!

Quarky, I was wrong.

Thank you for teaching me something about being a parent.

Now where's the rest of the action league?

You mean those other parts?

I tossed them out.

Like you always say, a clean lab is a mean lab.

That's my little scientist.

Action league: quarky? Quarky?

Help! Quarky!

Narrator: the end.

Say, henry,

What do you call a cross between an arch-villain

And a truck that's ram tough?

What?

A hodge podge dodge!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

June, are you through wasting our time?

Do you have any idea how much animation costs per second?

I'm sorry, henry.

You're right.

But let me ask you something.

What do you call a cross between a boll weevil

And a patriot m*ssile?

June, which part of "no more jokes"

Don't you understand?

It's not a joke, henry--

It's right behind you.

Oof!

I was just curious about what you'd call it.

[expl*si*n]

Hi. I'm larry.

Hear that?

That's the sound of my sister loopy not driving me crazy.

But if you think my life's always this peaceful,

You should have been here last tuesday night,

When I was trying to get ready for my stupid school field trip.

[Loopy shouting]

Larry! Larry!

I'm a viking cheerleader from venus!

V-i-k-i-n-g!

Lamebrain larry can't catch me!

Yah-yah-yah-yah!

Loopy, you're going to lose your voice

If you're not careful.

Yah-yah-yah-yah!

Larry: well, loopy should have listened to what mom had to say,

Because the next morning, her voice was gone.

Uhh?

Lost your voice, eh, shrimp?

Well, why don't you go look for it?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Now, most people wouldn't have taken that kind of advice too seriously.

But loopy's not most people.

[Ring]

Hello, little lady.

Welcome to the lost and found.

What could we do for you?

Ah, lost your voice, have you?

You've come to the right place.

Can you give me a description?

Oh, right, if you could do that,

You wouldn't be here, would you?

Tell you what,

We'll lend you a new voice until we find your old one.

[Assorted voices]

Try this on for size.

[Speaking japanese]

[Squeakily] the voice I'm looking for is--

Chattering chipmunks? This isn't talking!

It's squeaking!

Don't get your tonsils in a tizzy.

How about this one?

[Low-pitched] ooh, baby.

Now I'm talking the language of love.

Very soulful.

He grooves.

Ok. Now let's have that description of the voice you lost.

Well, it's bad and beautiful

And looking for love.

See, I ain't been treating my baby right.

Sounds like that voice we had in here this morning.

Well, lay it on me.

Uh...we gave it away.

To an opera singer.

My voice is singing opera?

You'd better hurry if you want it back.

The opera's leaving town after today's show.

Larry: meanwhile, I was wishing the opera had left town yesterday,

Because there I was--

In the front row center at the field trip flop of the century.

Then all of a sudden...

Loopy?

Hey, sweet thing--

Give me my voice back.

[Loopy's voice] scram, loopy.

I've found someone who takes better care of me.

Please come back, baby.

Loopy misses you so bad.

I'm going to give you t.l.c. From now till eternity.

You promise?

Cross my heart, baby.

[Low-pitched voice] seems like you two want to be alone,

So why don't I split this scene?

[Low-pitched] ooh, come on, baby, now.

Do that funky thing.

Lay that opera on me.

The groove just makes me sing.

So thanks to loopy, I gained a new respect for the opera.

And loopy gained a new respect for her voice.

I just hope this peace and quiet can last forever.

[Drilling]

Larry: aaaaah!

[June's voice] boy, that life with loopy was...

[Henry's voice] ha ha! You sounded just...like...me.

[June's voice] boy, that life--

Grrr!

[Crickets chirping]

Look! August is playing dorkball!

It's called paddleball.

It's called stupid.

[Laughter]

That last ha always gets me.

They never stay, never stay small,

And the populars don't like them at all.

But that's ok, life is sweet.

They cool.

Aah! Aah! Aah!aah!

They the off-beats.

I'm sick and tired of being a dork.

We think you're fine just the way you are.

Right, september?

No comment.

Well, I'm not going to be a loser anymore.

You can't become cool just like that, august.

Just watch me.

Behold--the suave-o-matic .

Guaranteed to make me as cool as elvis,

With half the fat.

He's turning cool before my eyes.

I haven't turned it on yet, rapunzel.

Sorry.

I've set it for coolest factor .

Is it on now?

[Cool voice] you bet your sweet bippie, toots.

Toots?

What's shakin', bacon?

Hey, it's august.

Yeah, but there's something different about him.

Something...suave.

Check it out.

Ooooh...

Ahhhh...

That was amazing.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

♪ Oh, baby ♪

[Disco music]

Feeling funky!

What's up, bongo baby?

We were wondering

If you want to hang out.

Not now, betty anne.

Being suave.

Let's go, guys.

I sure wish august was dorky again.

I miss him.

Don't worry.

August will come back.

Besides, how much fun can he have with the populars?

This has been the coolest day ever, august.

What are we going to do next?

I've saved the best for last, dudes.

Paddleball.

Paddleball?

Isn't that that dork game?

But I like paddleball.

Electronic voice: paddleball outside coolness parameters.

Initiating self-destruct sequence.

Oh, boy.

Wait a second.

August isn't cool at all.

He's just wearing some kind of weird doohickey.

Once a dork,

Always a dork.

[Laughter]

August! You're back!

I blew it.

The populars hate me

Even more than ever.

I ama dork.

We still like you,

Even if you are a dork.

Really?

Yeah.

Do you still like me, too, september?

Sure. But I'm paid.

You guys are the best.

Well, that wraps up

Another room- clearing episode of kablam!

Yes, it sure was tasty--

Just like harold's glow-in-the-dark butter.

Why are you talking about butter?

It's not just butter, henry,

It's harold's glow-in- the-dark butter.

The glow is how you know it's harold's.

What? I'm harold's official spokesperson.

I beat out wesley snipes.

June, I'm surprised at you.

As hosts of kablam,

We have a responsibility to--

Hey!

Oh, no!

The lights went out!

Luckily, we have harold's glow-in-the-dark butter

To guide us.

It just tastes better when it glows.

[Sniff]

June!

Henry! You're melting the product!

All right. I'm sorry.

I promise I'll never do that again.

Thank you.

See you next time, kablammers.

Join us again next time.

Same kablam!time, same kablam!network.