02x03 - Hurts So Good

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath...

For a new kind of cartoon show.

Wicket! Wicket! Wicket!

Iiiiit's...

Kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts, henry and june.





Aloha, kablamaholics.

Thanks for joining us.

You know, it takes more than great cartoons

To put together a show like kablam!

That's right, henry.

It also takes staples.

And as you can see, our supply is running dangerously low.

That's why we're holding the first ever...

Our operators are standing by,

So show us how much you care.

Pledge your staples now.

[Crickets chirp]

Surely the great entertainment on kablam!

Is worth a few measly staples.

Did we mention that bigfoot knows where you live

And can pluck your head off like a grape?

[Rings]

[All telephones ringing]

Now, that's the spirit of giving.

And in return, we'd like to give you the gift of laughter

With sniz and fondue.

Worst movie ever!

Man, sheckel is way past his prime.

Psst! Fondue, come here!

What?

What are you doing?

It's called plexing. You hop from theater to theater,

But you don't get caught!

I...i...isn't this a criminal offense?

I mean...

Life moves fast. In or out? In or out?

I-uh-oh...oh...

Excuse me, sir.

Huh? What?

May I see your ticket stub?

Uh...sure.

Your film has already let out.

Are you having trouble locating the exit?

[Muttering]

Well, well!

Ooh! You scared me!

You silly gooseling, why'd you wait for me?

Oh, I just wanted to ask you a question.

When did you become a psychotic criminal?

Look, guy, that sheckel movie just stole . From me.

For once, I wanted cinematic justice.

Justice? You call breaking the law justice?

Try and look at it this way.

There comes a time when you just have to write your own plot

In this nutty old movie of life.

Champs, get ready to have your lives changed!

So, snizzet, I guess you got your money's worth this time.

No way. He didn't.

'Scuse me, sir.

The exit is to your left.

Oh. Um...i...

We...uh...

I mean, uh...

Nothing.

Fondiones! Are you stokey-stoked

For the creature that chewed with its mouth open?

Guy, I'd rather put my hat through a paper shredder

Than see that dreck!

But I shall accompany you to the cinema

To make certain you plex no more.

I must say, I was wrong.

That pick was strangely satisfying.

Worth all pennies.

I loved it!

Shall we proceed directly to the exits?

Whatever you say.

But aren't you wondering about my shirt?

♪ Ta da! ♪

Multiplexer!

Ah, fruits!

Sniz.

Sniz!

Sniz, come outside at once!

Shut up at once!

This is your last--

Shhh!

Sniz!

Somebody needs to work on his technique.

For the last time,

If you don't sign this confession,

We're keeping the hat!

No way am I signing this!

Oh, yes, you will!

Plexer!

I'm no plexer! It wasn't me!

It was--

Uh, that is to say--

Who are you covering up for?

Who's the plexer?

I didn't do it.

I didn't steal the magical twig.

Come on, dew-breeze. We know it was you.

It wasn't me. It was...uh...

I hate to say.

Who ya covering up for?

Who's the twig stealer?

It's me!

I did it!

Sunshine squirrel?

Don't punish misty dew-breeze

For my psychotic criminal behavior!

Fondue!

Punish the squirrel...

Severely!

Fondue!

Fondue?

I'm too late. Good-bye!

Stupid multi-plexer!

Aaahhh!

You are hereby banned from -plex cinemas

Indefinitely!

Fondue!

Gasp!

Wait! I'm he. I'm your plexer, not him.

But I've changed my ways.

From now on I promise to pay honest roll

To see bad movies like everybody else.

Then you're banished too.

Sniz, you're cured of your ill behavior!

Yes sirree!

Here. Catch!

Love ya, man!

Kinda bites that we're banned from the -plex.

Truism. I guess now we'll have to check out this place!

Whoo-hoo!

Hoo-wee! Yes sirree!

Another pants-ripping episode of sniz and fondue.

And so well stapled together.

Remember, if you'd like to continue enjoying

This kind of kablamarific entertainment,

We need your staples.

But we wouldn't expect something for nothing,

Would we, henry?

No, june, we certainly wouldn't.

That's why for a pledge of , staples,

We'll send you these handsome meltman oven mitts.

For staples, you'll get

This prometheus and bob air freshener.

Mmm! Mesozoic!

And if you pledge right now,

You'll also get my brand new power tools calendar.

With photos that reflect my ever-changing moods.

[Dial tone]

Uh, actually, I think we just ran out of those.

[Phones ring]

And speaking of scary shirtless guys,

Here comes the flesh and the rest of the action league now.

Dateline, chlorine lake.

A summer crowd turns out

As the mayor turns a tidy profit.

Ah-ha! My new resort will make me rich this summer!

Rich! Who's next?

Yes, please. One wiener.

That'll be bucks.

Announcer: but as the flesh feeds on a frank,

Danger st*lks an unsuspecting prey.

Aaaahh!

Save me!

Help!

Hey, look. That guy's waving at us.

He must be one of our fans.

Howdy, good citizen!

Aaaaahh!

Help! Save--

I wonder why he stopped waving.

Maybe because he lost his hand?

Blimey! Everybody out of the drink!

[Screaming]

Starring the flesh.

He's super strong and super naked.

Thunder girl. She flies like thunder.

Stinky diver. A former navy commando

With an attitude as bad as his odor.

And meltman, with the power to...

Melt.

Today's episode...

We find our heroes in a somber mood,

Pondering a terrible tragedy.

Hey, bill, don't bother reading his lifeline!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Just as I thought. The k*ller's a trophy bass.

I've been wanting to study this magnificent creature for years.

You can study it after we harpoon it,

Gut it, and serve it up with chips and vinegar.

Come on, g*ng. We've got a job to do!

So have i, mr. Diver. So have i.

Moments later...

You can't close the beach

Just because of some freak accident!

These waters are safe! Safe, I say!

Well, I guess the water's a bit choppy today.

Meanwhile, bill the lab guy

Combs the deep end using state of the art optical gear.

Oh! This is cool!

Look at the colors!

Whoa!

Uh, daddy, shouldn't we be looking for that k*ller fish?

Uh, right, of course.

Make ready the viewing cage, quirky.

Announcer: meanwhile...

Look, everyone, it's me, your mayor!

Enjoying the super safe waters of my fabulous resort!

How relaxing.

[Chomp!]

Anyone up for a little marco polo?

What a specimen!

His physiognomy unchanged for millions of years!

It's like looking into the gaping jaws of the past!

Oh, no! I was afraid of this!

That's bad.

With bill the lab guy in over his pointy head,

Can the action league save him

From becoming action chum?

Have you ever seen this show before?

Stay tuned for the action soaked conclusion of...

Hey, kablamsters,

Keep your tooshy on the cushy!

Still to come, life with loopy,

Prometheus and bob,

And when we return, more action league now!

Right here on kablam!

Fish hungry.

Mayor kneed.

Lab guy lunch.

With time running out,

The action league makes the kind of rescue

They're famous for...

Aaaahhh!aaaah!

A really stupid one.

Stinky: I'm going in. Cover me!

All: wheeee!

Bass repellent. Get your bass repellent!

Uh-oh. Here's trouble.

Meanwhile...

Lab guy, you're alive!

Now out of the way so I can terminate

This monster with extreme prejudice.

Stinky, no! In the name of science,

I can't let you! He's not evil.

He's just hungry!

Ahhhhhhhh!

You said a mouthful!

Hey, fishy, the buffet is closed!

Whoa!

[Gurgling] whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!

Blimey!

Oh, stinky...

When will the k*lling stop?

You science guys just don't get it, do you?

Man was born to dominate the earth

And to crush his adversaries in the wild!

Period! End of sentence!

[Horn honking]

Blimey!

Announcer: the end.

That was some action, huh, june?

Sure was, henry.

And we've got plenty more,

Right here on the staplethon.

We do?

Yes, we sure do!

We are loaded for bear.

Boy oh boy!

[Phones ringing]

Well, what do you know?

Look who it is, henry.

Our very own kablam! Stagehand ron spiegel.

Hi, ron.

Looks like you've got some flappage there.

Yup.

Tell me, how do you handle a tricky situation like that?

Staple it.

Ok, great. Can we get a drumroll?

Wow! Let's see that again in slow-mo.

Ron spiegel, ladies and gentlemen.

Keeping kablam! Together.

Ron, would you like to introduce our next cartoon?

Not really.

♪♪♪

Psst! It's me, larry.

Wanna know a secret?

Last week somebody in this family

Had, shall we say, a wee accident?

No, I didn't!

A case of leaky lederhosen.

He's lying!

What I'm trying to say is,

Loopy wet the bed!

I did not!

Pumpkin, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Some of history's greatest heroes

Had plumbing problems.

Julius caesar, joan of arc...

Even you, dear.

I am not wetting the bed!

Honey, we know it's just a phase you're going through.

And we love you just the same.

Ok, nonbelievers,

Unbutton your ear flaps.

Here's the scoop.

Remember when elliot died

And you flushed him down the toilet because

That's where you said goldfish heaven was?

And then I dressed up as a goldfish and swam down to find elliot's ghost?

Uh...

Well, now every night, elliot's ghost

Jumps up out of the toilet to visit me.

Only trouble is he always leaves a wet patch in the bed.

Well, that's a very nice story.

But we'd prefer to hear the truth, young lady.

Grrrrrrr.

Larry: well, I felt kinda bad for loopy,

But come on, a goldfish ghost?

Get real!

[Crickets chirping]

[Door creaks]

Whatsa matter, kid? Something bothering ya?

Listen, elliot, we gotta stop meeting like this!

Yeah, you're right, kid.

It's been fun, but maybe it's time--

From now on, let's meet in the laundry room instead.

Hmm.

Loop, you know, I think it's time you forgot your old goldfish

And found yourself a new pet.

Come on, kid, lemme introduce you to some friends of mine.

There you are, loop.

An ocean of possibilities.

Oh, loop! Take a look at this one!

Kinda wimpy.

Ok, how about this guy?

Now, that's a good-looking fish!

Sure, if you're into post-nuclear mutation.

Don't worry, kid. There's hundreds to choose from here.

And one of them's got your name on it.

None of them?

What we have is special.

You can't just buy it in a store.

Ah, fish sticks!

[Meow!]

Uh-oh! Better roll your fins, elliot,

Or you're cat food!

Elliot, the back door!

Head for the bathroom!

[Meow!]

You poor thing.

You're real hungry, aren't you?

[Slurping]

Well, I guess we'll never know

Exactly what happened that night,

But I tell you one thing...

I got a feeling that's the last we're gonna hear

About loopy's little plumbing problem.

Welcome back. We're in minute of the staplethon,

And the kablamertainment is really heating up.

While we continue to take your pledges,

My cohost will now share with us a special talent.

I give you henry.

Now, that's what I call kablamertainment.

And now here's something you'll call

Prometheus and bob.

What you are about to see is top secret.

It is a video tape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a cave man.

They have been codenamed the prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape ...

[Scratching]

[Sniffing]

Hey!

[Speaking robotically]

Watch me. Watch.

[Moaning]

Huh? Jeez...

Watch.

Now you. Go ahead.

Ow!

[Screeching]

[Laughing]

[Growling]

Hey, come on.

Ready...

[Screeching]

Stop it, you, will ya?

Ok, come on.

Come on, you runaway!

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Huh?

Awwwwwww...

[Both straining audibly]

[Both wailing]

Well, that was quite an ending.

I'd say the perfect ending

To a very special show for all of us.

Thanks to you, we've collected a lot of staples

And a lot of memories.

But, you know, words alone

Can't really express our feelings.

[Piano playing]

♪ There comes a time in all our lives ♪

♪ When we need a helping hand ♪

♪ So thanks for showing that you care ♪

♪ All across the land ♪

♪ Keeping us together ♪

♪ It's like a brand new start ♪

♪ As long as we've got staples ♪

♪ We'll never come apart ♪

♪ You're keeping us together ♪

♪ One big family ♪

♪ And thanks to you, we'll always be ♪

♪ The best single show on tv ♪

So long, kablamoids!

See you next time.

Join us again next time.

Same kablam!time, same kablam!network.