04x08 - And Freddie Makes Three

[bunniefuu]

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what's this your dad actually gave 14

cents to a charity

not exactly he threw some pop bottles at

a bow for my interpretation the IRS code

only to miss the boat look you know I

work all week you know if I want to go

have a beer with my buddies after work I

can all right no not on the same night

you told me you've taken me out to a

nice dinner hey we're out aren't we

hi would you folks like seen this going

out for a nice meal compared to your

cooking yes now you ain't worth it I'll

get your check don't what are you

staring at me

I am nothing um I was just noticing what

a lovely ensemble you're wearing all

your men are just alike we have one

night out of week and this is this idea

of someplace special well it is a

veritable slice of Americana

don't worry my life is such a mess

far be it for me to interject a ray of

optimism but it's always darkest just

before dawn cuz you please just take me

home home I just a minute Jim

the damsel in distress needs a ride home

and a strong shoulder to cry on

I can't believe now not you give me your

keys

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do I turn here if you want I'm gonna

need better directions than that to find

your house

I'm sorry I guess I'm still upset yeah

all the guys I meet turn out to be

creeps you know what it's like being

stuck with the same inconsiderate person

day after day yeah I once had the same

homeroom teacher two years in a row

well what's your name anyway I'm Kara

with two R's

no I'm Freddy Rick Cedric but you can

call me Fred with one

boolie swab what I mean yeah I finally

understand what foreign films are all

about because I'm in love I didn't love

love it was that for believing me

stranded at work you know I didn't know

which was worse coming home three hours

late or on time without my dad's car

yeah that's a tough one all right her

name is Karen with two R's

she's got an apartment a full-time job

you know what I'm saying Kip an older

woman and we went for a walk together

pretty good come here

I don't think I hit you hard enough you

should see your hands she does nails for

a living she really wants to get into

hair straight to the top Oh Kip I'm

telling you she's got it all and dad you

know what they say about few Titian no

oh me neither I was hoping you did what

does it matter the world is my oyster

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cheering Thank You mr. cleaver we're in

the garage and guess what I am in

yeah yep what are you doing out there I

think you got it now dad I think we just

saved you a lot of money you're right

your allowance has gone for the next two

weeks

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hello hello hi does Karen Montrose live

here yeah could you get it for me please

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the paperboy this is my friend Fred what

are you saying cute kid

I'm sure in time you'll learn to channel

his aggressions about the mess let me

just pick it up real quick no that's

okay

you should see my room I mean my place

here these are for you oh they're

beautiful

Thanks let me just get something to put

him in great so uh Hank you don't happen

to have any brothers or sisters or

fathers around do you no just me and mom

Oh Fred

uh I've got some bad news just before

you got here babies that are called and

canceled oh well I guess I could look

after him for a little while no I was

thinking more long lines you know we

could just stay here and get some pizza

yeah yeah I'd like that even better

watch out for that railroad silo yeah

but next time watch out for those poked

on bugs but hey you have to be a big boy

okay

I'll only go Fred taps me Henry

alright so K I'd be happy to tuck you in

tiger go get your PJs huh I haven't

tucked anybody in since my father's 40th

birthday party you know Fred um you're

not like the other guys I date I mean

you're so good with Hank and you're so

sweet and so clean-shaven

I'd be happy to see what you got here at

dr. Seuss quite prolific although not

much of a vocabulary for a doctor

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you guys Wally and Mary Ellen come on

where are you guys well let's go hurry

up my dad didn't want to be stuck alone

with the Haskell's the same girl for

three weeks I still can't believe it

yeah I know I just hope we don't have to

have dinner with them every time he gets

a girlfriend how could that be because

Freddie wants to introduce everybody to

Karen because he wants it to be nice so

as she really as old as everyone says

Kelly age isn't important what's

important is how she and Freddie get

along she's 23 23 what's a boy in high

school doing with a girl that age never

mind

hey everyone why was 6 afraid of 7 1 7 8

9 precious say it don't spray it Gert

and would anyone like some coffee

oh yeah I would my carrot yes black

black for me to please him with cream

what do you think what she seems very

nice

well yes but she seems older than 23 to

me did you see your hands

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so romantic their hands and I love her

shoes expectant Freddy I do believe you

mean Fred take it from me it's nothing

serious you know this is Freddy's first

girlfriend but he's just infatuated with

her that song she's pretty cute alright

it's hard to believe she has kids the

same age as Mary Ellen's what's that

supposed to mean well it just means hey

guys don't you think this is a little

obvious what's going to Capistrano

a lovely evening don't you think very

nice and good coffee it is I'd like to

propose a toast to the cleavers for

their generosity and hospitality Kip

Kelly and Holly fur

be my friends through thick and thin to

mom for always being there and helping

me through childhood to dad for showing

me the other side of life into someone

who in just three short weeks it's

become the sunshine of my life to Karen

the future mrs. Fred Haskell

[Applause]

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excuse us

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[Applause]

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[Applause]

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composting I've been using sod for years

he's not the pigs wheel SADS good for

any kind of stain

oh no oil probably use the spray on that

sod the best advice you can give anyone

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oh you poor little things would you like

a drink

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slowly makes in three eggs for about two

minutes and then just drop little

spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet

and bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes

Mary Ellen you're a lifesaver

I'd hate to show up empty-handed at

Hanks school bake sale

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no guys Smokey's patrolling the kitchen

so why don't you set up with Speedway in

the living room I'll be right in to

start the race

[Applause]

very impressive yeah well I subscribe to

the gold diversion approach as espoused

in dr. Arjun licks book your child my

child have you ever read it I know oh

well then I guess I'll have to loan you

my copy sometime oh by the way did I get

a YES on lunch

oh good hi Freddy hello Wally hey isn't

it great to see Kevin and hey getting

along so well I mean finding appropriate

playmates is one of the toughest

challenges of modern fatherhood Yeah

right say I was thinking it there's a

ball game Friday perhaps you and I could

take the boys well actually Freddy I was

going with your father

perhaps another time man-to-man talk uh

yeah sure Freddie well what's on your

mind Freddy at Walia from now on call me

Fred well from now on call me mr.

klieber

Fred right mr. klieber sir listen now

that I'm taking on adult

responsibilities I decided I'd finish

school at night move into the business

world

I'd understand if you haven't got a job

for me right now but a recommendation

from you would go a long way in this

town well I'd love to help you out

Freddy but what type of work are you

qualified for perhaps something that

would reward my knowledge of

questionable accounting practices I'll

keep an eye open great in the meantime

I've secured a position in the special

services industry yeah that's great

yeah I'm delivering pizza on my bicycle

look don't you know how hard it is to

support a family I mean hasn't your dad

said anything about this well he did say

the babe has nice legs look Freddie I

don't want to tell you what to do but

being responsible for two other people

and I don't see how any 17 year old

could be ready for that your pessimism

is duly noted sir but I'm gonna prove

everybody wrong

you'll see

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oh hi there daddy today no I want to

talk to him about Freddy oh thank god I

was so worried about it

I know what to do don't worry GERD I do

go in there now he's watching The

Flintstones

out of my way Kurt Eddie

good you're a grown woman with an axe

how did he get past we have to talk

well it better be important look at the

dress one what's wear what a body

look Eddie everybody knows it's yourself

a self-centered person it's you're my

best friend I've never quite figured out

why I'm not gonna stand by and watch a

fine young man like Freddy ruin his life

Kurt give me the ax Eddie listen to him

be a father for once in your life hey

he's your oldest son he was gonna go to

college he was gonna make something of

his life Eddie you're about to lose the

only thing that you've ever really cared

about

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my baby that's my baby and I'm losing

him what can I do you can help him honey

because you love him and he loves you

talk to him Eddie you'll know what to

say I'm not any good at that most

personal thing I ever said to him was

stay away from your Uncle Pete sound

advice but now I need your help again

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come back and fight like a man rodents

again sir

I don't mind them getting into the corn

krispies but this one got into my

playboy collection I'm missing some key

pieces of miss October didn't expect to

find your home what with mr.

Rutherford's house being vacant for the

weekend yeah as much as these old bones

could stand to dip in the jacuzzi I felt

it was more important for us to have one

of those father-son talks like you

usually have with Wally's pardon my

skepticism sir but is this some sort of

cruel hoax I want to talk about this

broad your scene could we possibly refer

to her as Karen I mean we are talking

about my fiancee Freddie son I know this

type of girl

I've been chasing him all my life I'll

bet she spent more time looking at

ceilings some Michelangelo listen to me

there's nothing personal it's just that

I don't want to see you throw your life

away on a loveless marriage they did

look Karen needs me and Hank I need you

to do what clip your toenails and do

your taxes Hey this year we can go to

H&R Block there's plenty of fish in the

sea

just because you caught yourself a

mackerel doesn't mean there isn't any

tuna down the road for you look Karen is

not a fish she's a real-life human being

and she likes me me Fred Haskell she's

using you this Karen comes with baggage

what do you know about raising a kid

anyway well it sure wouldn't take much

to be a better father than you you

listen here Freddie as long as you're

living in this house you do as I say

well then I guess I won't be living in

this house anymore

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hi Alison I had a fight with my dad and

it appears I'm temporarily homeless fed

that's too bad but I'm sort of don't

worry I really think it's the best thing

that could have happened I'll take the

upper bunk in Hanks room until we

finalize our marriage what's he doing

here and why is he calling you honey

Fred you remember Jim Jim this is Fred

all right are you the new paperboy that

st*lks you alone

excuse us what's going on here and don't

tell me you're just taking in some

laundry why are you so bent out of shape

why should I be upset just because

there's another man in your apartment I

mean it's not like we're engaged or

anything afraid listen I mean you're a

cute kid

okay we went out a few times we had a

couple laughs but you said I was

different I was sweet I was sensitive I

will immature look maybe I am immature

and maybe I am just a kid but I thought

we had something really good going I

mean you know what I did for you and

Hank I moved out of my house well maybe

you made a mistake maybe I did

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good evening sir

beautiful night isn't it

although stars give me a headache

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look dad I never thought I'd say this

but

maybe you on the right track earlier

yeah

don't expect a lot of that in the future

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pretty yes sir

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