02x16 - Home for Christmas

[bunniefuu]

hi as our Christmas present to you we're

bringing you two episodes back-to-back

including our Christmas show happy

holidays

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one these sloppy joes are great I think

I have another one I don't understand it

never has a second sloppy joe at home

sure why not

great-grandma why are the sleeping bags

wait a minute something tells me this

isn't the kind of a contest where you

guess how many jelly beans there are in

a fishbowl hey grandma this is a good

kind we're gonna want a sports car that

goes 200 miles an hour yeah me and all I

gotta do a billboard longer than anybody

else

what do you mean you're gonna live on a

billboard it's the W am radios life in

the fast lane contest when big big big

with when we're way but that's the

craziest thing I've ever heard

what kind of a nitwit would subject

themselves to public humiliation just to

win a car I'm glad you're here I want

you to do something just fifty bucks I

thought those magazines didn't come out

till the first of the month no we'll get

those later this is for you I want you

to go to the beauty shop get your nails

done a facial the works Eddie did you

hire a new secretary quite a kidder no

look you did such a nice job on the roof

I just want to show my appreciation no

no come on come on get out of here can I

use the car we used it last week

hey Frederick you called sir about you

up there just about you know we're

placing that asbestos isn't quite the

breeze you said it to me come on Sam

take a load off your dogs you know it's

been a long time since you and I had a

father/son talk if that's what this is I

believe it'll be our first one sir

Freddie you're my favorite son

I know I tell your brother that but I

don't mean yes I think he knows that I

don't know if I ever told you about my

father and the kind of a man he was

I believe he's still alive I was a big

disappointment to that man all he ever

told me was it I was no good

and an embarrassment he wouldn't even

claim me as a tax deduction sir pain you

must have suffered I know you and me

will never be like that good now hold

that thought now son when I'm not around

what are the things people say I'd

rather not say sir come on you can tell

me I can take it well one that comes to

mind is hey there goes that tasteless

idiot in the pickup truck mind you I'm

only paraphrasing alasa

I've suffered a life full of such

indignities but that could change with

your help my help sir son what's missing

from my life is that thing that ticket

that passport to prestige but you can

get it for me I'll do it anything as

long as it's within the bounds of the

Penal Code I want you to enter that wham

contest and sit up on that billboard and

lend me that Ferrari

that's a top-drawer idea sir however I

sincerely doubt you're right I don't

deserve that car it's just a for one

brief shining moment I thought I could

be somebody guess I'll just file that

along with the rest of my broken dreams

yeah wait despair not that cars as good

as yours I know you'd come around let's

celebrate

go get me a beer

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why are you doing this I told you it's

gonna be great

hey this is me you're talking to okay so

I'm doing it for my old man it's just

what I thought Freddie you can't let

your father force you into doing

something you don't want to people don't

understand my father if you were born a

hundred years ago they'd still be

singing about his exploits yeah they'd

be singing about a guy hanging from a

tree in Dodge City he's just using you

to get a new Ferrari what about our

camping trips school dating I mean this

could be the year we finally don't get

beat up by seniors you can the gloom and

doom with the lightweights in this town

I won't be up there more than a week

you better hope it's only a week

remember that time you went away to camp

and you came back home and there was

that Greek family living in your room

this is too handsome for radios same God

and we're coming to you live from

downtown Mayfield where our well life in

the fast lane for robbery giveaway is

about to get green light ignited and

ready to rock and roll

we don't have to stand here and watch

Freddie being put away like this yeah I

didn't expect to see this until he was

18 you've given him spare change you've

crossed the street to avoid him that

never be done hey Don welcome Jorge

- is a freelance writer of Wham welcome

for gods

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look at a man lock up his own child just

to win a car no grab my Freddie wants to

do this sure just like you wanted to be

a scarecrow and Eddie planted that

garden you always arguing with me you

know the thrill of this board the cries

kids to join street gangs dude with a

wide open social calendar

the pride of Mayfield hi

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hey will somebody take her to the

first-aid tent that's my son and that's

my car

boy this food is real good I like good

food what do you think I think it's good

almost as good as my wife mate she used

to think I talk too much I don't talk

too much I hope you don't talk too much

this food is real good huh father is

that you yeah I just wanted to see how

you're doing at your new digs that's

heartwarming sir things are great up

here when the police are sure is that

that rock-throwing incident this

afternoon won't be a reoccurring problem

I don't want to hear all the details

just make sure that nobody gets near my

Ferrari

I've been keeping an eye on it sir horn

things at home great listen I figured

out there was one less mouth to feed

we're gonna be eating pretty good around

here

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you like music I like music I like all

kinds of music especially the blues oh

yeah

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32 well milhorn

they're only two contestants now Oh

brand-new beautiful Ferrari and what

will it take courage

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ready happy holidays any message for the

folks at home

oh yes dawn I just like to say hello to

my friends and family well I hope to be

home for Christmas

oh I'm sorry dirt come on just go have a

happy Thanksgiving Joey okay

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let's bow our heads and give thanks for

our many blessings

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[Laughter]

Haley will cook then really cook then

cooking with guys we would you think I

thought we were cooking you were cooking

I was cooking are we cooking ready

that's cool or hot he was cooking I was

cooking fun we cook it slow down sorry

must have been spend too much time with

my competition interesting man though

you know before he choose back in

society he invented the fitted sheet

listen Freddy I just stopped by to give

you your Christmas present I would have

given it to your father but I want to

make sure you got it thank you but I'm

sure my father would have delivered it

to me come on Freddy he's making it live

on a billboard true but I'll be down

just as soon as I'm in the Ferrari what

if you have to live up there another

hundred and two days looks like your

friend there is used to living outdoors

you bet

I love the outdoors the outdoors loves

me no desk job for me nope unless the

desk was outdoors yep I love the

outdoors appreciate the cleavers

compassion

well the portable heater may well have

saved several of my extremities but I

have to do this no you don't it hasn't

been all bad but plenty of time to do my

schoolwork I haven't had a day of

detention all semester I've discovered

the blues you're as stubborn as your

father I take that as a compliment I

think you're worshiping a man who cares

more about this car than he does about

you

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I think we should open our presents one

at a time so we can all share in the joy

of each gift

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oh honey I dropped my watch it's exactly

what I wanted

oh you've been dropping hints since

April eggnog for everyone by a Plaza

Merry Christmas

here's Kip Hyatt Martha mrs. Potato Head

you sent me ah yeah dad got the

king-sized box of crayons he's been

drawing our portraits all morning wait

at Martha there's somebody here dying to

talk to you

[Laughter]

hello Aunt Martha you having a nice

Christmas beaver a guy can't get too

much cologne well no Aunt Martha um Mary

Ellen's my wife Kelly's my daughter and

she's in the fifth grade no my wife

isn't in the fifth grade my daughter is

always had real profound things to

Smokey's thanks mom how Johnny potential

he was really good every year next year

I'm gonna sit beaver to the door Merry

Christmas

Oh Merry Christmas Curt how's your

holidays oh it's great Baumer called

from military school and since the rates

are down Eddie let me talk to him for

three whole minutes what a wonderful man

tell her about the great present I got

you oh he got me an electric pasta maker

a new one oh how lovely this Italian

restaurant had great elbow macaroni no

she can fix it for me anytime I gotta

make sure that your weight is evenly

distributed hey smile mr. Haskell hey

great mask beaver you thought about the

right gift for the right guy what got me

it's the world's smallest radar detector

or the man with the world's smallest

brain where's your Christmas spirit this

is the best Christmas ever

Thanks okay honey hey guys let's get a

picture of everybody by the tree all

right

yep let me take the picture I saw the

pictures you took at the softball

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anyway you're going what are you my

travel agent

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Merry Christmas son good tidings to you

sir you get my card yeah Santa flashing

read off

nice touch all right just stop by to say

Merry Christmas

oh and uh Happy Thanksgiving all right

guess I better be going there's some

perfect games on a date

I know occasionally a sports page flies

by

frederik I never thought this had gone

this long

it being Christmas and all your your mom

would like someone to go to church with

her well I'm not about to go since that

ridiculous incident with a collection

plate so but you haven't got anything

else planned a date are you suggesting

that I come down sir if you want to if I

want to yeah sure I've been up here a

hundred and four days just to try to win

you the car of your dreams and right the

wrongs in society is heaped upon you and

now you see that I can come down well

that's rich hey you're not talking to

one of your friends I'm your father all

my life have been trying to win your

approval all I ever heard was Freddie

empty the trash Freddie wash my truck

Freddie do my taxes what did I ever get

in return I got a father and kids more

about a car than he does own son do you

think I care more about a paragon of

European engineering excellence than my

own flesh and blood hit a nutshell I'll

show you

I love you more than Monday Night

Football happy hour

I love you more than gin rummy you more

great free I long showers three-day

weekend kickboxing

I love you more than anything else on

this earth will be more than kickboxing

this is the best Christmas present

you've ever given me

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Merry Christmas Hank

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from our family to yours we'd like to

wish you the happiest and the healthiest

of holidays

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tonight at 8:05 Eastern when passions

mount for Jane Fonda and Michael Caine

they can only think of one thing

hurry sundown now stay tuned for another

special episode of the new Leave It to

Beaver next on the superstation

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