02x08 - Time Release Capsule

[bunniefuu]

Breaking news.

Tri-state Science Fair champ

and H.G. Wells superstar
Harvey Sniflekins is sick!

Yes. The life of Harvey the rat,

beloved mascot of
the junior science squad,

is hanging by a thread.

We go now live to action reporter
Donny Ronkonkmoe

who's standing by with Mr. Angst,

H.G. Wells' science... man.

Well, uh, one day Harvey was running
in his wheel,

happy as a rat... clam...
And then, well...

He wouldn't get out
of his little bed.

The junior event club
is calling it exhaustion,

but I know better.

Oh, it's all my fault!

[weeps]

I shouldn't have
pushed the little fella so hard.

Some say I was basking
in his glory.

And so what if it's true?!

At least I bought home the sides for our
goal, didn't I?

Oh, but at what cost?

At... what... cost?

[sniffle] Everyone on
the H.G. Wells news team

wishes Harvey a full...

And speedy...

And on a lighter note,

which following that story
is pretty much everything...

Ah! "Tomorrow's lunch is fish sticks."

Once again,
tomorrow's lunch is fish sticks.

"This is Keely Teslow
saying toodles."

Ahem. This is Phil Diffy
saying toodles.

"Smile at the camera.
Shake hair attractively."

I mean... I mean "cut."

No way, dude. Mm-mmm.

Cut.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

This is where we will be burying

the H.G. Wells time capsule,

and it will remain buried here
for 100 years

until it is opened by
students of the future.

Um, what sort of things should
we put into the time capsule?

An excellent query, Miss Teslow.

Your items should
not only reflect who you are,

but who we all are.

I myself struggled
with the question of what to choose.

That is until I checked
my coupon caddy

where I found not only Enrique's secret
recipe for lobster bisque,

but also a coupon
for "buy one can of tomatoes,

get a dented can free."

Tomatoes, people.
I'm going to be putting in

a can of pickford's
famous tomatoes.

Hey, uh, Mr. H.

Yes?

I'm just, you know,
brainstorming here,

but what if we
filled the entire time capsule

with those cool jumping snakes?

So then when they open it
in 100 years...

Ka-bloohee!

Huh?

What? That comedy's timeless.

- Can we put it Owen?
- Yeah.

Sweet! Wow!

Uh, don't touch.

I know. I have some jeans that were
totally in over spring break.

People in the future
are gonna know

we were the most
stylish kids ever.

Besides, I'm never
gonna wear them again.

Keely, this is a time capsule,
not a thrift store.

What?! Think how much
people would learn

if we open a time capsule from


and found a pair of
low-ride stretch jeans

with sparkles down the side.

Well, we'd learn that the west was
a lot Wilder than we thought.

Let me be the first
to donate for Harvey's

upcoming trip to the ratologist
in Phosphate City.

And how come I'm the one who has
to baby-sit this rat?

Well, who else
would be in charge

but the junior
science squad captain?

We lead by example, Miss Diffy.

So I'm supposed to act like
a nerdy bald guy.

I heard that!

OK, people!

Start forking over
the green stuff.

The higher the denomination,

the quicker this bell
stops ringing.

You're a furry little goldmine.

[english accent] Tuppence for
a sick rat, governor?

Look at the poor little thing.

Hey. He looks fine to me.

Sporadic wheel running

followed by complications

is a typical symptom
of Harvey's condition:

Rata... ticulosis.

Oh.

The problem's not gonna
be raising money for your rat scan...

It's gonna be how mamasita's able to
spend what's left over.

I wonder if I should put this kitty cat
bag in the time capsule.

Oh, this is so difficult.

Have you figured out
what you're gonna put in?

How? All my cool stuff
is in a whole other century?

Well, put in something that
reflects who you are now.

You know...
♪ 21st century Phil ♪

I don't know what the big deal is with
time capsules anyway.

I mean, who cares
if we're remembered 100 years from now.

It's not like some
superficial jeans they got at a mall

or some goofy kitty cat
bag is gonna help.

That's not what I meant. Um...

First, you made fun
of my jeans idea.

Now you're totally ripping
on my kitty cat bag,

which, by the way,
is as functional as it is adorable.

I... I know.

Why don't you just put in

some future thing or something

and be all,
"ooh, I'm Phil Diffy.

I'll all cool from the future?"

Keely, I wasn't thinking.
I just said it.

Well, it makes me wonder what you'd say
if you were thinking.

OK. You know what? I'm gonna avoid
the entire problem

by not saying anything to you.

That can be arranged.

OK. That's just me
not thinking again.

Seems a little light.

Whatcha got there, honey?

Oh, nothing.
Especially... not money.

Well, something tells me this
is not where these curtains go.

Not a problem.

[starts electric knife]

What do you think?

Another shower curtain's
in the kitchen.

Kinda reminds me
of the roast beef

that keeps falling out of
the medicine cabinet.

You catch my drift, Mom?

Someone having a bad day?

Oh, no. It's fine.

I just said the wrong thing
to Keely today,

and now she's all mad at me
and hates my guts.

Mr. Perfect made a mistake?

Pinch me! I must be dreaming!

I said, "pinch me!"

What's this?

"H.G. Wells time capsule."
What's a time capsule?

Oh, it's just the reason
that me and Keely are fighting.

It's one of those containers

that present-dayers put junk in.

They actually think that
people in the future

care about remembering them.

Oh, right! Time capsules.

They sort of went
out of style once people

could actually
time travel for themselves.

Muskrat gravy!
I've seen this thing before!

Dad, that's impossible.

I mean, the school
just got it today.

No! It was back in the future.

Your mom and I
just started dating.

We were on one of our
famous romantic picnics.

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Stretched out like
A pair of sh**ting stars ♪

♪ On any given day ♪

♪ Love comes into play ♪

It says it was buried
a hundred years ago.

Should we open it?

Let's bust that sucker open, Lloyd!

[hatch creaking]

Wow! Tomatoes!

Oh! And a recipe for lobster bisque!

The reason lobsters went extinct.

This stuff must be
worth a fortune.

Ooh.

Beautiful.

And I've kept this ever since.

I played it for you
every bedtime when you were a baby.

[lullaby playing]

My binky busic box!

I mean... ahem...

My... my music box... Thingy.

It was the first thing
to make you smile.

And it still makes you smile

even though you're
fighting with Keely.

Aw! Baby wrother's
binky busic box!

And when you were a baby,

we used to sprinkle
your little tushie

with honey-scented moon dust.

That never leaves this house.

Wait a second.

You found tomatoes?

Hackett said he was gonna put
a can of tomatoes

into the time capsule.

That means that...

The one that you found
back home in the future

is the same one that we're gonna be
burying here on Friday.

So if we leave ourselves a note in the
time capsule before it gets sealed,

your mom and I will read it

when we open the time capsule
in the future.

That is so romantic.

Forget romantic!

We write a note warning us

not to take any
time-traveling vacations.

If we don't time travel,

we don't get stuck
in this century.

The Diffys are back in 2121.

Are you saying
we'll be going home?

No. As soon as that note
lands in the time capsule,

we'll immediately disappear.

It'll be like
we never took our time trip,

because, well... we didn't.

Well, at least we'll still
have our memories.

You guys don't get it.

If we never took our trip,
we never got stuck here.

There are no memories.

But that means that
we won't remember anything or anybody.

I won't remember Keely.

She won't remember me.

Good thing she hates
your guts, huh?

Hey, Keely. Look, uh...

I'm sorry about
what happened yesterday.

I really shouldn't
have said what I said.

I'm sorry, but do I know you?

OK. I deserve that.

Are you one of Owen's friends?

Yes! Yes, one of
Owen's friends. Phil.

Nice to meet you.

Keely, come on.

We're, like, best friends.

You're my partner in video lab.

[chuckles] Video lab? Please.

I'm junior-varsity
cheerleader co-captain.

And for the last time,
I never met you.

Say, Keels.
You ready for the big game?

Owen, you're such a rascal.

That's what I keep telling him.

Has anyone seen my roast beef?

[echoing] Seen my... Seen my...

Now this is getting freaky.

[voice over] Keely?

Keely?

Keely!

Bad dream about Keely?

No. No, of course not.

Oh. Well, that's strange,
because in your sleep,

you kept muttering
something about

"Keely. Keely. Bad dream."

OK. I had a bad dream
about Keely.

It's hard enough telling
her that I'm leaving.

How am I supposed to tell her

that once I put the note
in the time capsule,

I disappear, and we're never even gonna
remember each other?

Sweetie, I know you probably
don't want your mom's advice.

Oh! Yes, I do. I'm just a kid.

Please, somebody advise me.

Don't tell her you're leaving.

You still have a whole day
left together.

Just make it the best day ever.

Thanks...

- Mommy.
- Aw!



[giggles] 50... 60...

This is the best day ever!

And yet my inner scan tells me

I can take this so much further.

What can I do to keep this
rat train on its tracks?

Phil! Perfect!

I've been working on
what to write to myself.

Tell me what you think.

"Dear future Lloyd,

"how's it going?
I am fine. You look great.

"Whatever you do, don't
rent a used time machine

from Marty's used time machines
and water slide."

What do you think?

You got our time machine
at a used time machine place?

They had a water slide!

[announcer] Live from the H.G. Wells
junior/senior high broadcast lab,

it's the first annual
"Save Harvey" telethon.

Here's your host for
the next 24 hours,

or into the school day...

Pim Diffy!

[applause]

Thank you, the janitor with sideburns.

And thank you for joining us.

We're hoping to break
last year's telethon record.

Which I see we've already tied!

And to help us do this,

we have our very special
guest: TV's Ben Savage.

[applause, music playing]

Thank you, everyone,

and thank you, Pim.

Pim, it's great to be here.

But more importantly, Pim,

it's great to be able
to use my gift as a celebrity

to help fight this terrible illness.

Ben's right.

Thanks, Pim.

Not that many people know this,

but studies show almost


suffer from the same thing...

Excuse me.



Um... rats.

[laughs] Rats? Ha ha!

On the phone, you told me Harvey
Sniflekins was a little kid.

Technically and legally,
I never actually used the word "kid."

I can't believe
I fell for this again!

Hey.

Look, Keel...

The last thing
we should be doing

is fighting about some
stupid thing I said.

Our friendship is different
from everybody else's.

It's already got
so many strikes against it,

we can't let something
like this get in the way.

Are you ignoring me, or...

Is your mouth just full?

Both.

Look, can't we just forget
this whole thing happened

and try to make this
the best day ever?

Maybe.

If you promise
you won't make fun of

what I finally decided to put into
the time capsule.

I promise.

Your kitty cat bag!
It's great! It's perfect!

No, not the bag.

This.

My binky busic box!

- Huh?
- [coughs]

I swallowed a cricket.

My mom says it was
the first thing

to make me smile
when I was a baby.

Yeah. I've heard
that can happen.

It'll be nice if I can
make some baby in the future smile.

Yeah. Yeah, it will be nice.

What are you doing?

- Something.
- [beeping]

Don't worry.
This doesn't hurt the tree.

There. "Keely and Phil."

What do you think?

I like it.

But just so you know,

in this century,
that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do.

Oh. Well...

What if I add "friends forever"?

Great, but can you write the number "4"

instead of the word "for?"

You know, "friends 4 ever."

No, because...

That's lame in any century.

Yeah. Right. Sorry.

Thank you, chief.

Harvey appreciates
the generous donation

made by Pickford's all-volunteer

Fireman's Reenactment Society.

But it's not enough, people!

These rats are not going
to cure themselves.

And if you don't believe me,

listen to what this
specialist has to say.

These rats are not
gonna cure themselves.

Without the generous donations of people
like you, I'm afraid that...

Harvey may never be able to desert
the sinking ship again.

Am I right, lilton?

Ha ha! I think
the patient checked himself out.

What?! Where is he?!

[high-pitched squealing]

I got rat cooties!

Daddy! Oh, no!

Congratulations!

Harvey's been cured!

And... all thanks to your
generous donations!

Miss Diffy.

The junior accounting club
has some questions

about the money you've raised.

Mainly... where is it?!

That can be easily explained.

Get her!

Students, parents,

members of my recipe
collecting circle,

and of course, representatives

of Principal Tillywhack's office,

thank you all for
joining me today

on this most momentous occasion.

Isn't this exciting?

It's like we're writing a letter
to the future.

Phil, you don't look so good.

Are you OK?

Now it's time for each student

to place his or her
personal item into the time capsule.

If I may go first.

This can of Pickford's
famous tomatoes

is to show the future that Pickford

was more than just
the birthplace

of beloved character
actor Rusty Grumble,

best known for his role
as "startled man"

in the indie Monkey Patrol
movies one and two.

Back in business.

This will show that Pickford cares about
all the future babies.

[applause]

Very nice sentiment.

This is to keep
the future... smiling.

Owen, are their
jumping snakes in that can?

Oh, no, sir.

[applause]

This note may not
seem like much,

but it definitely means
a lot to my family.

I thought being remembered


but I'd give a hundred years of memories

just to remember
the most important, special,

wonderful person I've ever met...

Keely Teslow.

[crowd chattering]

[Phil] And now...

Good-bye.

[laughs nervously]

Yes. Uh, well, um...

That was a little
performance arty.

It was still very nice, Phil.

Keel...

Phil Diffy,

this is the most embarrassing
moment of my entire life!

Um...

Let's go, Diffys! Go! Go! Go!

Say good-bye
to your money, chumps!

Rats.

Dad...

What happened?

I don't know.

If the note's in the time capsule,

then I should have read it in the future,

and we shouldn't be here right now.

For the woman I love.

Aw. And... For the man I love.

Hey. Looks like
we missed something.

Hundred-year-old peanuts! Yummy!

Oh!

Sorry, honey. Sorry.

It's all right. Here.

Oh, gosh!

[both laugh]

Hey, uh, big surprise.

Next week, we're gonna go
pick out a time machine.

[gasps] Sweetie, those time machines
are expensive.

Not at Marty's used time machines
and water slide.

Oh. It does sound like fun.

I know. They have a water slide!

♪ In every little way ♪

♪ Love comes into play ♪

[weeps]