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04x04 - Revolutionary Weasel

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "I Am Weasel". Aired: July 22, 1997 – 2000.*
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Series centers on I.M. Weasel, a smart, noble and successful weasel, I.R. Baboon, an unintelligent and rude Hamadryas baboon who is envious of Weasel and often acts as his frenemy, and the mischievous Red Guy, who often antagonizes the duo.

04x04 - Revolutionary Weasel

Post by bunniefuu »

Why is those kids always running around?

They're just playing w*r. IR Jr., Little

Weasel, come here. How would you like to

hear a story?Sure, Grandpa Weasel.

Let me get my family album out. Let's see

now. Ah, lookie here. My

great-great-great-grandfather, Jeremiah

Weasel. He fought in a real w*r, the

Revolutionary w*r. It all started with

the King and Queen

of England. Ooh, 43,398,217!



Bad news. The Royal Treasury is down to

its last 100 billion shillings. My

last 100 billion?How could that have

happened?

Mm-hmmWhere to get my money?We could

tax the colonies. Colonies?What

colonies?The Americans, your hineyness.

Oh, the colonies?Oh, that's a

great idea. Well, what are you

waiting for?Now, where was I?

Oh, yes. One,

two, three.

His Royal Heininus, the King and Queen of

England, hereby decrees a tax on all

pants?! What this pants?

Come on, it's time we show the King what

we think of his taxes.

So the colonists dumped all the pants

into Boston Harbor. They did what?

And that led to the battle at Fort

Ticonderoga.

Baboon, ready the cannon!

Aim cannon!

Fire cannon! In the

name of freedom, I demand you fire the

cannon!

Firing baboons! Retreat!

Well, what do you know?A perfect

specimen red butt monkey.

The zoo. Sounds nice.

Bad news, sire. We lost Fort Ticonderoga.

Whoa! Go look for it someplace else and

stop bothering me! What a historical day.

The signing of the Declaration of

Independence. I've been practicing my

signature all week. I are signing

Declaration, too. Don't be absurd.

Only important people can sign it.

Come in. Here I am.

That was a good one, Ben!

All right. Joke's over. Simmer down,

guys. Gentlemen, for too long we've

suffered under the King's tyranny. TJ's

right. We want the freedom to wear pants.

John Hancock. Put your John Hancock on

this famous document. Weasel, put

your, uh.. weasel on this famous

document. Uh, I can't signing too.

Same as everyone else, a funny

wig-wearing man. Baboon, I

told you... Let the monkey sign it.

It's for everyone. That includes him,too.

Be careful. No worry. I

are wiping kinks off.

AyeUh-oh.

No! No You're ruining your tippy back!

I are not finished to sign! Oh, yes,

you are.

Find documents.

Get that monkey and weasel!

Keep running!

I can't believe you ruined the

Declaration of Independence! Do me a

favor, just go stand over there and don't

touch anything. I don't want you

destroying any more historical artifacts.

Whoa!

What was that?Hey, you stupid monkey! You

cracked the lemony bell!

Somebody stop that red-foot monkey!

Oh, look! Here's Jeremiah Weasel at

Valley Forge. Men, I know it looks

hopeless, but we must keep our spirits

up. We have to hang together or else...

Wait a minute. Where's Baboon?

Baboom! Fall in line, soldier.

General Washington, sir. Men, the British

forces are upon us. We're cold,

wounded, and outnumbered. I'm afraid

there's nothing else to do but... the

butts... the butts... funny butts!

I mean,

wait a minute. That's it.

You know, that's so crazy, it just might

work.

Look, they've got a baboon. Why don't we

have a baboon?We don't. We have a baboon!

Steady, man. Above!

Butts!

And so, they laughed so hard they

couldn't fight. I'm terribly sorry, old

man. I owe you an apology. Those fake

butts really saved the w*r. But, Grandpa,

whatever happened to the king and queen

of England?King and queen of England

pizza delivery! Your pizza in five

minutes or less, or it's on me. You're

one minute late. Oh, right. I guess

it's on me.

I'll never forgive my ancestors first

girl wake up. Never!