02x13 - I.R. Wild Baboon

[bunniefuu]

I was a young man when it all began. I

was filming a nature documentary in the

jungles of Saskatchewan, Canada.

My field of expertise, endangered

species. I was to immortalize these

fading creatures on film to catalog them

for future generations.

This quest was not without danger.

For I was on the trail of the very last

baboonus trailerus mobilus stupidus once

this land was teeming with trailer

baboons.

The Mobilis stupidus is known for its odd

migratory habits, always nesting its

trailer in inhospitable habitats,

sniffing his finger. Scientists believe

it to be some sort of mommy fixation.

In no way did I wish to disturb the

lifestyle of this beautiful and majestic

creature.

But I needed to know where he was going

and why. It would be my job.

No, duty, for I am

whistle!

Four!

I followed the imbecile primate to the

Happy Hole driving ranch.

Clearly, there had to be a more serene

environment for this baboon to exist in.

This poor idiot creature. No wonder

they're going the way of the dodo. I'll

save you!

I next found the endangered dimwit at the

Happy Hole military firing range.

I needed to get closer to observe what

was going through his mindless mind.

hmm Again, he misses his mommy. The

trailer baboon has a sixth sense

regarding his trailer. A

mess cleaned, PBS on the television, a

toilet flushed. Any of these things will

alert him that something has violated the

sanctity of his trailer.

Click.

Click.

Ching-a-ching-a-ching.

Again, the baboon migrated. But why?From

the tornado-swept plains of Kansas...

...to the cheese swamps of Madison,

Wisconsin. I attempted to

follow the baboon without directly

confronting him. But when he migrated

into human territory, I was forced to

confront him man-to-man.

Excuse me, sir. Would you mind telling me

why you keep moving your home?Because

you always following I are. I

are trying to get away from pesky reasons!

I am deeply sorry, Mr. Baboon. I had

no idea that I was the cause of your

horrible migration habits.

I promised the baboon that if he would

live in his natural environment, I would

stop following him forever more.

That was the last time I observed the

elusive wild baboon. The world lost

yet another link in

its growth of diversity.

Goodbye, baboon.

And that's how I ended up in Folsom

Prison. Yes, I got multiple life

sentences for allowing a baboon to ride

his trailer over the falls. But now that

I know my story will reach the world

through your paper, I can face my fate

with pride and certainty. What?

Oh, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep!

As it all started 17 years ago...

Ride in the hole, weasel!

Baboon k*ller.

My wife was a baboon.

Solitary is too good for the likes of

you. Oh, they give

you solitary too.

Cow?A pumpkin?Did you have one of them

weasel dreams again?Yes.

Well, hop in between Dad and

me.

Looks like we all had a weasel dream.

Hope you don't milk the bed, pumpkin!

Would someone please do me a favor?Go to

my house and wake me up. Don't ire us out

yet. I'm serious. Wake me up.