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09x12 - The Great Revelation

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Beverly Hillbillies". Aired: September 1962 to March 1971.*
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The Clampetts move to Beverly Hills after striking oil in the Ozarks,

09x12 - The Great Revelation

Post by bunniefuu »

come and listen to my story about a man

named shed or a mountaineer barely kept

his family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground

oil that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing in Old Jeb's a

millionaire the chemical said can't move

away from there said California is the

place you ought to be sold and loaded up

the truck and the move to Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars The

Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

now calm down Bessie

[Music]

come on give me a kiss

[Music]

hey how about a frogman getting in on

some of that kizzy okay

who you want to kiss first shorty or

bestie

stay right there and I'll show you

Ellie May you know what I just found out

what pal shorty kellums told me why

granny was so dead set against Mark she

thinks

what's this Critter one

I want to give you a kiss

uh let's just settle for a handshake

what was that about granny and me pause

found out why she don't like you I

already know because I'm a naval frog

man yeah but to her that means from your

navel down you're a frog you're joking

and seeing you like this we're in the

bottom half of your suit that convinced

her no wonder she's been trying to bust

us up

he thinks I'm a freak and that ain't all

she thinks you can turn other folks into

water Critters like seals and frogs just

by getting them into cement Pond oh boy

come on granny I bet you spend word half

out of her mind I'm going to come get

her now and Mark you sure how you suck

out of your rubber suit right I know how

to handle our suffering and misery

hey Granny can I please have another

help and regretch Jeff so how long have

you been eating breakfast now

oh shucks as long as I can remember

I mean how many happens of grits have

you had

a couple of million a record I'm talking

about this morning oh this morning

probably no more in a dozen is there no

bottom to that stomach of yours well it

ain't just the stomach your feet

so not bear it's a giant brain that

Rascal gets hungry ready

[Music]

will you please come down and see me in

pond with me I'd be glad to anything to

get out of this kitchen

it seems like there's nothing but work

work

where'd you say we was going see Man

Pawn

what fur well you'll find out when you

get there

is Ellie's frog Gomer down there yeah he

waiting for you come on what are you

aiming to do to me we need to put an end

to all your worries and Mysteries now

don't be scared come on you're gonna

drown me oh yeah yes you are Jethro's

save me okay ready quickly finish eating

these grits

come on granny yeah please Jim I got a

lot of good news left in me yes I work

hard I won't complain but don't drown me

granny hey it's a terrible way to go I'm

so scared to walk or anyway you listen

to me if you're good

to get me here I'll make it easy for you

stop me

Jethro you told your granny down to the

cement pond it's happened yet you're

gonna drown her no I'm not gonna drown

her so what are you gonna do he win that

problem

turn her into a duck I love duck eggs

[Music]

please

[Music]

Jeff bro don't let that frog monster hit

me Ellie don't let my change me into a

duck a duck Jeffrey wants to eat my eggs

granny all I want to do is show you that

I'm not part frog of course you ain't of

course you ain't change you're a

beautiful man perfect can't go without

you sure mark

[Music]

[Applause]

he sheds his skin like a snake save me

boy don't let him get your old granny

foreign

it's just a rubber suit he ain't no

water critter

and he can't turn nobody else into one

neither so you don't have to be scared

of him no more

let's give you the idea that I was

scared

[Music]

Jen I am the happiest woman in the whole

world today is my granddaughter's

wedding day wedding day well why not

there's nothing to her and mark from

getting married now well there's one

thing he ain't asked her

I'll take care of that oh no you don't

if it happens it's going to happen

natural without no help from you Jim

I'll be so Sly about it they won't even

know I'm helping

Rocco being directly so I'll go up and

change slip into a wedding dress honey

a what granny means a pretty dress

darling

it was real Sly granny that was just a

slip with Mark I'll be there Sly as a

fox you'll be as quiet as a mouse can

[Music]

one word

well that's different but don't you

start it

well Mr Clement I guess there's nothing

standing away of our plans now

uh Mark uh what plans are you referring

to Lance fire oceanography research

oh them

you want a cup of coffee Jed yo granny

I'm gonna fetch Mark that chick for 48

million dollars what a handsome Dowry

it's for research

and don't you forget your promise don't

worry

we'll be right back

[Music]

you like putting a Mark Cuban

what kind you making yeah let's see what

we got here

Ash felt rice all over you that's all

right it won't hurt anything true true

as a matter of fact it's kind of fun

having rice spilled all over you

here and Marcus will pay for a lot of

research

what do you got all over you rice I must

look like a groom at a wedding he

brought it up he brought it up

all right son now let's get down to

business come on Mark we're getting out

of here bring it back

hey Granny you got anything to eat you

like rice yeah here

[Music]

hey man Mark is waiting in the Parlor

he's got news for you what is it Paul

well I think I let him tell you

what you want to tell me Mark Ellie I've

decided to resign my commission and

leave the Navy

well actually there's several reasons

let's sit down talk about it well Mark

I'll see you before you leave for San

Diego

great what's going on in there he gonna

pop the quest

I don't think so well let's listen and

find out oh granny Mark's saying goodbye

to Ellie goodbye

after what he's done what'd you do

let's listen and find out I am alone

they want to talk Mark's fixing to leave

he can't leave with Ellie in that

condition what condition

single I know this seems like a sudden

decision Ellie but I really think it's

for the

excuse me y'all

they told me to fence in this wood in

case you can't sh**t to cause a fire in

the fireplace

there's already plenty of wood here

besides I'm just leaving

foreign

you're too late to hear anything granny

he's leaving

Manny my goodness

how did I get in there I must have fell

asleep and Jethro pile wood on me

no I didn't you said

[Music]

hey hey what's going on I'm doing my

best to keep him out of the Parlor Jed I

had to roused him out with a piece of

firewood

Brandy you're making me out to be one of

those he's trying it again thank you

well Mr private I'm really looking

forward to working with you in our

oceanography project me too I give you

the check didn't I uh

yes sir fine and Daddy I'll stop at the

bank on my way and open special account

so long

[Music]

well Ellie the last time you see me in

uniform a few days I'll be in mufty good

luck mark

[Music]

oceanography Institute well I see you've

heard the new food right so Mr clapper's

48 million will be used for research

right

so you don't seem very upset right

but Chief the 48 million will come out

of your bag wrong right

you're the treasurer of The Institute

right who made that decision you

Know Chief if you control the money

there'll never be a penny of it released

for research right wrong

wrong

right

Mark my boy welcome aboard oh I'm glad

we're going to be Shipmates on this

project

who made you treasure well I volunteered

forget it what do you mean we've already

elected officers Mr Clements president

and I'm Treasurer you can't be Treasurer

you're in the Navy I'm on my way to the

base now to resign my commission you're

leaving the Navy

yes ma'am I devote my full time to this

project traitor collar designer yellow

belly you Mr Drysdale

I came here to deposit Mr Clement's 48

million in a special account

but in view of your attitude I think

I'll do business with another bank I

said it now say it again

Howard Trader designer yellow molly hey

sorry Mark I had to use such language in

front of you but she deserves it man you

are not to be believed you blame Miss

Hathaway goodbye

no you would do this to an Old Navy

buddy would you

a wounded veteran a hero oh spunky guys

damn

I'm afraid I would skunky that's spunky

hold it sailor yes up to now respect for

that uniform is held my temper in check

but this is it now take off that jacket

and get ready for the thrashing of your

life gotta be kidding what's the matter

you afraid of course not then peel off

that jacket

it's ridiculous and don't think your

size is going to give you an edge buddy

it's speed and courage is going to win

this fight you're up against a tiger now

step outside

all right tiger now get out there and

give him the thrashing of his life

she's small but she's fast

as you said Lieutenant he is not to be

believed tell me something Miss Hathaway

what's a nice girl like you doing the

place like this well every normal woman

likes to feel needed

and around here the need for someone no

I lost my Chapel Lieutenant I've cooled

off now I hope you'll accept my apology

that's okay and I want to wish you and

Mr Cloud but every success with your

project thank you now I hope you're

discharged in the Navy go smoothly and

if I can ever be of any help please let

me know well thanks again

it's a long mate

congratulations Chief when the chips

were down you took it like a man the

taking was easy the trick was getting

his jacket

no touch his pocket you have sunk to the

level of a petty Thief since when is 48

million Petty

[Music]

I appreciate this opportunity Miss

Hathaway but I'll never be able to take

your place you've been with Mr Drysdale

so long too long I should have left him

years ago I'm sure I'll never be able to

please him it's really very simple first

thing in the morning simply bring him a

stack of mortgages to be foreclosed and

he'll laugh merrily until noon thank you

what's going on in here this is a

private office I am merely briefing Miss

Thompson on her duties as your new

secretary my resignation is on the desk

you're leaving me joyously and

jubilantly and relatedly

but why

will you find another man like me to

work for it won't be easy most of them

are behind bars

she doesn't read it I'm afraid she does

I have put it in writing read my

resignation

Mr Drysdale my conscience will not

permit me to be associated with a man

who has proven himself to be a liar a

cheat a bully and a card

I'll sue you for slander please do I can

prove every charge I've made now look

Miss Hathaway you're overruled how about

a cooling off period a vacation with Bae

a nice trip with all expenses on me oh

Miss Hathaway take it where would you

send her well how about Venice then it's

beautiful right if she leaves now she

could be back at a desk at four o'clock

to venison back well sure you just drive

out Wilshire Boulevard to the ocean you

make a left turn

well how about Marineland hey I've got a

pass I'm always halfway how can you

leave a sweet man like me you will never

be able to get another job like this

I'll Blacklist you I couldn't care less

I'm going to relax completely and enjoy

myself ah what do you do I'll take a

place at the beach the Grunion are

running Grunion water grunions all that

little fish that appear in the beach

certain times of the year they're

expecting a record run

running coming tonight huge Invasion

predicted oh that that's fun my time you

might not you're working late oh chin up

Helen hopefully he may appear rough and

mean but inwardly he is completely

rotten oh and uh you might as well take

this down the moment Mark templeton's

out of the Navy you're through talk

he's right

I got to keep that boy in the Navy

do you plan to do something terribly

rotten

if so might I watch I've never seen a

real Bounder in action

[Music]

is that you Mr Dragon

aye aye I just want to shake your hand

before shoving off but how come you to

be got up like this and told the g*n I

have an order to report combat ready by

1800 hours

combat ready you fixing to fight

somebody our Navy is the first line of

defense Mr Clampett and with so many of

the young men quitting now just when

they're needed they're asking some of us

old veterans to step into the breach

is our country in some kind of trouble

you haven't heard oh Mark didn't say

nothing please I

I wish you wouldn't mention that name

mark why not Mr Clement

I am proud of the Navy and it's

tradition for bravery and anyone who

would quit at a time like this brings

disgrace on all of us boys in blue

so if I don't come back

look after my wife oh wait a minute

what's going on you don't know about the

Grunion

Grunion never heard of him well the

Navy's been expecting trouble with him

for years and now it's here

Grunion coming tonight huge Invasion

predicted

does Mark know about that he's a

lieutenant in the United States Navy

seems to me he picked a pretty poor time

to quit well you're taking it calmly

I thought Miss Hathaway was going to

scratch his eyes out sure enough yes

when he announced he was resigning his

commission to become treasurer of your

oceanography project she was speechless

with rage and when he tried to give her

your check for deposit she slapped it

out of his hand is that a fact and when

because of my friendship to you I

accepted it she got so furious with me

she resigned no yes well just listen to

what she has to say about

Mark Templeton

my conscience will not permit me to be

associated with a man who has proven

himself to be a liar a cheat a bully and

a coward

it was harsh word I could just read it

yourself I'm sure you can recognize her

signature that's it all right

who are you talking to Jen it's Mr Dre

to you he's fixing to help the Navy

fight off the Grunion what's Grunion

well I know Mr Jaja was playing to you I

got something tinted

there are Fierce warlike people who are

ready to invade us where is he from oh

they're from the island of grand

well if the Navy is fixing to fight them

how come Mark is getting out because

he's a yellow-bellied coward and I

wouldn't let Ellie may have anything to

do with him unless he promises to stay

in the Navy

mark

did Judge Clampett speaking there's

someone I want to ask you do you know

about the Grunion the Grunion oh sure

some of my buddies are planning to go

after him what about you no not me all I

can think about is getting out of the

Navy

thanks Mark you told me what I needed to

know bye

Mr dredgy I just talked to Mark down in

San Diego

you didn't yep and there's no doubt

about it that boy is yellow as a summer

squash huh oh yeah yeah well I well I

told you song

well

I'm off to defend my country against the

invader

[Music]

[Music]

great fetch the g*ns we're headed for

the beach we're gonna fight the grunions

you betcha this country's been good to

us and we ain't gonna let her down just

what she needs it

may come on

[Music]

well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his skin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heaping helping

of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set a spell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here