09x10 - Shorty to the Rescue

[bunniefuu]

The Beverly Hillbillies

[Music]

yes sir

look what I done learning

catch it boy

what'd you have to do with it you need

to be healthy Mark says when we go to

farm in the ocean they'll use Critters

like this for farming

how do you like that that's right Claire

really I don't see how much you said to

be around a farm

well

I'll commit learning the other things is

fixed markets here Ellie uh uh does

granny know that Mark give you that

critter

no sir not yet

well I believe I'd keep it that way if I

was you it'd just get it right I think

we say for a while Paul Gray's been

sticking real close to the house this

morning almost like she's expecting

somebody

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

I'm here granny shorty to the rescue I

told you to get here as fast as you

could why didn't you fly I did one

downgrade hit for near 40 mile an hour

I meant in the airplane oh no fella

needs a car out here I'm still single

you know

I figured to take me Hollywood cutie I

ain't got no time for Dayton I told you

on the telephone I got troubles and I

need you

what in blue blazes are you doing with

all the damn g*ns well when you said you

had trouble I figured we'd need you more

we you ain't never fired a g*n in your

life I can load for you

kind of trouble I got calls for brains

not good

I brung them to what's the problem Ellie

Ellen's love

the Frog what

now what do you want I want to know what

you two are supposed

oh hey look at the g*ns hey

are you starting to Feud is that it can

I be on your side or who we fight leave

the g*ns alone just take shorty

suitcases in the house

see where's granny I want to know what

y'all is doing

like I told you it's for me to know and

you to find out Randy

must pay off Dustin Lee here it sounded

like you said Elliot fell in love with

the Frog well he ain't all frog just

half he's what you call a naval frog man

from the navel down

he's found you joking and that ain't the

worship it when he gets into the water

he goes all from does Ellie know she

don't care he has thrown some kind of a

spell over her you mean they might get

married ain't that a frightening thought

that's why I sin for you you gotta help

me stop him

why me because you're the only one I can

turn to

you're from back home you're a hill man

you got Horse Sense so Jen

used to have now he's got water on the

brain just like the rest of the family

no that frog man has got Jed believing

that he can Farm the ocean Farm the

ocean ain't as pitiful tell you

everybody but me has gonna start Raven

well look who's here sure to k*ll him

how are you fine Jed fine how's yourself

well I couldn't be better what brings

you out here to California well granny

call long distance and said in

for the holidays yeah that's it said

we'd have a white Christmas together

white Christmas in Beverly Hills ain't

you hurt we're gonna have white smog

this year well anyways uh glad to have

you out here shorty now if you'll excuse

me I gotta go talk to Mr dry Dale about

my new project what project is that Jeff

uh what they call oceanography shorty

it's uh fireman oceans and such

well did I tell you

you're right granny a man's gone soft in

The Loft now you can see why I need you

yeah

I'll go wash up and we'll put our heads

together

fine

[Music]

mark

hi granny whose car oh it belongs to a

fella from back in the Hills certainly

occurs in Arsenal I wouldn't want to

cross him oh he wouldn't

what did you say Mark I wouldn't want to

follow that well aren't mad at me

how do you know what that he was mad at

you why would he be mad at me you mean

Ellie didn't tell you about him told me

what that they was engaged back in the

Hills no oh yes

Ellie was promised to him when she first

come of Marion age 12.

who is he what's his name

kellums

he's the best shot back in the hills and

he's vowed to drop you on sight because

you stole his girlfriend I'm sure glad

he left his g*ns in the car

oh them is just as outside g*ns he's in

there waiting for you with his inside

g*n

strange that Ellie never never mind that

just be glad that I seen you before the

k*ller did or he put so many holes in

you you throw a pokey dot shadow

I got my shaving kit granny

howdy my name's callums kellums that's

right yeah meet the k*ller

I'm shorty glad to meet you k*ller

[Music]

you've set him up you listen to me and

you listen good

I don't care what my

what my oceanography is baloney farming

the ocean is baloney and you're not

taking one red Penny out of this bank

for any such nonsense is that clear Mr

Clampett

I thought you were being a tiger all of

a sudden I am a tiger and I'm going to

stay a tiger I've decided there's only

one way to handle a simple man like Jed

clabbett as with Force Power Authority

well bully for you but you happen to be

wrong about oceanography says who says

every thinking scientist an ecologist in

the world well we must save our oceans

from pollution our environment is in

terrible Danger The Very existence of

our planet is at stake is it going to

cost money

foreign

is going to hear right from the Tiger's

mouth

Miss Gene uh Mr Drysdale I know you're

busy and I won't take a minute I just

want to say that I've made up my mind to

put a heap of money into the study of

oceanography is that your final decision

yes sir it is

beautiful

100

baloney

have to contend with went right here in

my own bank

Miss Hathaway can't you understand we

must save the ocean from pollution our

environment is in terrible Danger The

Very existence of this planet is at

stake if you are not to be believed

Mr Clampett please me right sir that's

right I do and I'm kind of surprised at

you Miss Jean generally you're real

smart well not with this when it comes

to oceanography she has a blind spot

which if you are the lowest the most go

ahead revile me call me names

but I stand with Mr Clampett and so does

every thinking scientist and ecologist

in the world how can you be so

completely not another word Mr Clapton

and I have taken enough abuse from you

now get out of my office

Chief oh no you'll be fired

I don't know how much fun

humiliation I can stand I tried to

remind me I'm just in the face of it all

again I'm I'm sorry that I had to turn

into a tiger like that

but I decided the only way to handle a

simple woman like Miss Hathaway is with

Force Power Authority yeah but you got

her balling oh not me Mr Clampett

fear the fear that you'll withdraw your

money from this bank and she'll be able

to work well I don't aim to draw it all

out maybe you're just half

well even half would upset her

[Music]

uh Miss Jamie

I I'm sorry but I think it's only fair

for me to haul off and tell you that I'm

going to draw half of my money out of

this bank and spend it on oceanography

and ecology and such

that seemed to make her real happy that

was hysteria well damage is done so

let's go on down to the cashier and get

the money no wait

that might push her over the edge

emotionally let me bring it to you later

well whatever you think is best I'll

leave it to me

well she won't duplicity did not work

despite all your devious conniving

honesty and virtue have triumphed

cashier

make out a certified check for 48

million charges of the clever to come

wonderful also send up two husky guards

and a straight jacket

a jacket for

she was a straight jacket four

Chief what do you intend to do with the

straight jacket I'm ready for Middle

granny

I thought you was gonna shave what made

you think that

well you came to get your shaving kid

out of the car I don't keep no razor in

there or do you keep in there aftershave

lotion what do you need that for if you

don't shave drives the women Wild

Well you spoiled everything I had mock

Templeton believing that you was a

k*ller I am a k*ller

Lady k*ller

hello Ellie Mae sure it's good to see

you again don't hug Melly he thinks

she's a lady k*ller already well it's

just a back home friendship huh granny

well if you want to show him some back

home friendship give him a kiss kiss

yeah go on a great big smooch do what

your Granny says hurry up Ellie

foreign

Disturbed The Lover's reunion lovers

how about one for the road

shorty you're a rascal how about one for

the Rascals

they are doing a lot of kissing

naturally like I told you into the days

years ago on the level no back in the

Hills

you'll run the wrong and forget about

Ellie them two will be tying them out

any day now and she can't marry him he's

too old oh don't let this looks fool you

them whiskers hides the face of a boy

they certainly do now I'll tell Ellie

that you wished your ever happiness so

long mark

can't go without seeing her I want to

know why she never mentioned Mr Collins

before Oh don't blame her it was her paw

that promised her hand when she was 12.

yeah folks was beginning to call her a

Old Maid well they get married early

back in the Hills but couldn't her

father found someone younger and maybe

better looking Mark you gotta understand

poor is a church

melons was wealthy he offered yet a mule

a mule for his only daughter the way Jed

felt about it he wasn't losing a

daughter he was gaining a mule

what's going on oh oh Jed you just in

time to say goodbye to Mark he has some

Rush away no I don't and I'd like to

talk to Mr clamber he's too busy oh I'm

not uh what do you want to talk about

Mark Ellie and The Mule

alien a mule

remember that Jed

I

dude

at his house that's what happened to

Ellie is a mule

that's her Bandy ready

what are you up to

this is the second chorus

wait a minute I just settle down

granny I wish you hadn't made me kiss

shorty that rescue wouldn't turn me

loose granny made you kiss him no no it

was love that doesn't it I don't love

shorty he's just my friend aren't you

engaged to marry him

very shorty course not what made you

think that Mark granny told me

granny told you

she said you promised Ellie to shorty

when she was 12 years old

Randy said that said your father trade

you for a mule

that's terrible

where you going granny

you all thrashed this out amongst

yourself

I don't want to get mixed up in other

folks problems

[Music]

I was just calling you about the money

ah there it is a certified check for 48

million I'm sorry for the delay but we

had a little problem with Miss Hathaway

what kind of room well there's nothing

to worry about I'll see that she gets

the best of care care what's wrong with

her Nana let me worry about her you just

have a good time spending all this money

Mr Drew what happened to Miss Jeans well

unfortunately she gotta look at this

jacket but the doctor says a couple of

years in a sanitarium and she'll be Josh

Sanitarium

Mr tiger wait a minute I Wanna Miss

James ah don't get too close it took two

husky guards and me to get her into that

space

I think she's trying to tell me

something let me get that gag out of her

mouth no no no be glad it's there when

she saw that check she started screaming

calling you names I was shocking I feel

terrible forget it what's one secretary

compared to the importance of spending

48 million to grow seaweed

Miss Gene I can't let this happen to you

now watch you see this old check and

tear it up into little bitsy pieces

look at that Mr dryer deal she feels

better already well that's you my friend

a small loss for oceanography a giant

game for Humanity

you're gonna be all right Miss Jane

don't you worry about a thing you take

good care of her Mr dry day oh I will

as soon he feels granny only about a

half hour or so

[Music]

what Incarnation is that together for oh

I'm going down to cement pond get a look

at that Mark Templeton I ain't never

seen a fellow that's half frog well

don't let him get you into the water or

he'll turn you into a frog you Josh it

oh no I ain't and if that happens

there's only two ways to turn your back

what are they take you to Dr cleaner or

get you kissed by a pretty girl

I'll take the pretty girl this ain't no

joking man

turn me into no frogs

[Music]

I Want You the Way You Are

such as it is

so in order to keep Miss Gene from going

Plum out of her mind I tore up the chick

oh Paul that's shame oh well I haven't

changed my mind about oceanography quick

as she's herself again we'll work

something out good it's a wonderful

cause and right Anderson too Ellie tells

me we're going to be using Critters like

that to help us Farm the ocean that's

right excuse me I'm not gonna slip out

of this gear and get dressed I'll get

dressed too here Paul you can play with

the seal if he does good be sure to

reward him with a little piece of fish

all right now remember don't say nothing

to Granny about you having that Critter

oh I want Power

all right fellas see what you can do

you leave Nelly oh yes sir shorty

hi Jim hi shorty where's that there uh

frog fellas oh he's in the dressing room

putting his clothes on

it I want to get a look at this frog

glaze and these flippers

I'm going in here show them to you he

will sure

he ain't self-conscious about it huh not

at all hot dog I ain't never too

oh

what's that thing

that's a shield

be clear

I've never seen one of them things

before they don't have them back in the

Hills they're the ocean Critters

[Music]

cute little rascal

he got whiskers just like me

yeah he does favor you a mate

[Music]

all right shorty

granny I'll get dressed and help you oh

thank you darling is shorty done with

the cement Pond yes ma'am oh good

let's go fetch oh yo ma'am don't go down

and see me at five why not

well it's awful cold down there and you

might freeze now you right here I'll be

right back

her with bare legs and I might preach

what kind of foolishness is that

I best go see what's going on

where are you going to see man Pond oh

no no don't do that why not well it's

awful hot

Ellie says it's cold

well it's both the air is hot and the

water's cold cheers

what is it that you and Ellie don't want

me to see

not sooner or later you might as well go

on down there get all the screaming and

yelling over with he's

I think so but uh it's likely to route

you I am safe

it's happened shorty

I hear you splashing around but where

are you

it's you all right you still got your

whiskers but you ain't a frog what area

well granny go ahead let off steam get

it over with Mark ten percent done this

didn't he yes he did

how come he ain't a frog well the Frog

wouldn't be no help to us Farm an ocean

if I'm in the ocean yeah Mark says we're

going to use that little fella for a

farm animal he's going to fetch and

carry first you aim to make a beast of

burden out of him I won't hurt him he

likes it watch here

[Music]

thank you

that's a good fella here you are

what was that

well every time he does a good job I

give him a piece of raw fish

your heart has turned to stone

put devil out of the water ah he likes

it in there

come on let's eat

shorty you got yourself in this mesh

because you wouldn't listen to

oh

[Music]

what's the use your life is rude and all

you want to do is play ball

[Music]

well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his skin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heap and helping

of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set his Bell take your

shoes off and I'll come back now here

this has been a film