09x04 - Mark Templeton Arrives

[bunniefuu]

The Beverly Hillbillies

laughs

hey Granny I'm awful hungry can I have

something else

emergency

where you going granny medical emergency

here I am Millie who's alien one of the

neighbors you know ma'am it's Fairchild

[Music]

your bear you call me the doctor

apartment all ain't no varmint

well he ain't people and I'm a people

Doctor well take a look at him he's

breathing heavy and he moans

considerable and his nose is warm

please doctor

well

I have swore a old to end suffering

wherever I finds it

all right oh thank you

Dr Granny's Gonna Make You Welfare child

stick out your tongue

maybe you'd better reach into his mouth

and get it

let's hear how this just sounds

say 99.

99

he came tall

oh I forgot

he's got the crew belly and a touch of

the grizzly fever can you cure him oh

sure I'll cook up a strong POTUS for his

chest that'll draw out the information

you keep him warm

yes

oh

there's an apple here to see you Admiral

well he's handsome enough to be an

admiral divinely tall broad shoulders

one of those rugged men of the sea ask

him to come in I

I'm not busy

too bad

come in sir

all right girls back to the secretarial

pool we might go to Darlene

yes Lieutenant are you Jane Hathaway

that is correct Miss

Jane Hathaway I missed misspelling

nettingly and you may go Miss Mattingly

it's Templeton man of course Matthew

Templeton well you're the man I found of

the forest what Forest is that

and they go Darlene

that was my brother who found the force

Miss Hathaway my name is Mark Templeton

well the resemblance is striking well

we're often mistaken for one another

I'm looking for the Clampetts and my

brother said that you could put me in

touch with him indeed I can I'll give

you their address and telephone number

matter of fact if you need

Transportation I'll be happy to drive

you over I have a car but I would

appreciate an introduction oh the

pleasure is mine so this is Mr Drysdale

returns we'll drive over

all right what's going on here

right there Miss Hathaway is

entertaining A very handsome Navy man in

your office oh she is is she go back to

your desk now no coffee breaks today

[Music]

Miss Hathaway This is a bank not the Uso

break it up Chief may I present

Lieutenant Mark Templeton of the United

States Navy oh are you here to open an

account no sir make alarm no sir shove

off sailor

see Anchors Away both of you I'm a busy

man

foreign

I am terribly sorry Mr drysdale's been

in a foul mood ever since interest rates

went down

how's the bear poulters coming doctor

got it all cooked Ellie

I will just let it cool tonight

sure smells strong what's in it well

your base is skunk oil and turpentine

then you thicken that with sulfur dog

beans stinkweed rock salt hog bristles

and minced beetles and then right at the

left I Australian a double handful of

diced c*ck birds and nightcrawlers

now while it's cooling we'll take his

temperature and we'll check his part

it's gone

great got it

did you eat what was in that pot

yeah and from the way it tasted you must

have cooked it I cooked faster

you're slipping granny that's all I

could do to choke it down

[Music]

greetings Mr Robin Jean

I'll bet this gentleman looks familiar

to you

he does for a fact you're that preacher

from back in the Hills Matthew Templeton

well actually I'm his brother Mark

aren't they look-alikes

two peas in a pie I understand there's a

little mix up with my brother

here was for a fact granny had him and

my daughter Ellie halfway down the aisle

before she found out he was married

Matthew was awfully upset about that

not as upset as granny well come on

inside and meet the family

beautiful home you have here Mr Clement

yeah thank you it's a lot more than we

need

salt and

[Music]

they just look alikes granny that's the

preacher's brother granny this is

Lieutenant Mark Templeton and he's not

married

pleased to meet you Granny

you ain't got a wife no man you're

absolutely 100 single yes ma'am engaged

no man

I'm glad to make your acquaintance take

him into the fire Miss Jane

keep your g*n on them Jen what fur we

ain't letting this one get away

[Music]

and that's what stops up the skunk oil

let's get this outside before it smells

up the whole house company's here to see

you where is it remember that handsome

preacher back in the Hills sure do well

this is his brother and he's bigger and

handsomer and Schindler

and he's here to see me he ain't here to

see me now get upstairs and Deuce but I

love Granny my Bear's up and gone he

must be well good now get upstairs and

scrub yourself with Lysol it's the only

thing that'll cut that skunk oil yes

okay I declare you are gameier than a

goat in August Ellie is a perfectly

lovely girl Lieutenant yo oh here she

comes now

keep going Ally that was Ellie no no

he's our hired girl poor thing she was

emptying the garbage and fell in it

Allie's up in her Boudoir doing some

fancy sewing and jotting down some of

her famous recipes and having her

picture took for the cover of a beauty

magazine

I'll go tell her you're here

you'll like Ellie Lieutenant she's

really something so who's granny yeah

[Music]

[Applause]

where's Chris Hathaway she went up to

the climates with Lieutenant Templeton

he's a friend of the Clampetts well he's

gone up there to meet Ellie May lucky

girl and I threw him out of my office oh

this is terrible

[Music]

I'm coming

hey come here thank you Mr mammoth

well what do you think of my boy

Lieutenant Templeton your boy

well did Miss Hathaway tell you that I

am the one who sent him over to meet

Ellie May well no sir she didn't well no

I hand picked that lad from the entire

United States Navy you sure picture

Danny well I told you I'd be the one to

find the right man for Ellie you know

him well do you he's like my own son

oh yes Mark and I gee

you doing here well you may ask shame on

you you didn't tell Mr Clement

everything

never mind I won't embarrass you let's

go well this is the terrible tempered Mr

Drysdale

you'll never forget do you I had to

speak rather sharply to him in the

office he's always been a sensitive lad

well see you later mark my boy mark my

boy Mr Drago said you like a sun tune oh

brother oh you're right brother is

better I'm a little young of your father

image let's go yeah here comes really me

now you two can get acquainted mark

wow ah Ellie May allow me to present

Lieutenant Mark Templeton of the United

States Navy

howdy Mark pleased to meet you the

pleasure is mine Ellie May

now that I've brought you together May

the ship of Happiness carry you across

the Sea of Tranquility into the harbor

of bliss

[Music]

by my eyes my children

all right

you are the biggest phony the lowest

fake the most unprincipled scoundrel who

ever lived thanks

yeah they you young and sit right here

in a parlor and get acquitted well thank

you Mr Klamath hey me do you want to

serve Refreshments serious cider and ice

box thank you Paul nice gold glass of

cider sounds pretty good to me right now

how about you Granny

granny

granny

what do you want Chad how about a cold

glass of cider yeah me a tall one

now today's a few questions I would like

to ask you Granny

what do you want Chad I need you in the

kitchen

you young ones will have to excuse me he

needs me he's a widower you know it's

sad when a man ain't got a wife to look

after him pitiful I hope that never

happens ready

I'm coming Jim

just amazing how much you look like your

brother well it's just amazing how much

you look like the hired girl we ain't

got no hard girl I kind of figured it

couldn't be too as pretty as you

what do you want Chad I want you to

leave them youngins alone wouldn't you

like to know something about the man

that is proposing to your daughter

granny they ain't even shook hands yet

how do you know for sure that Fella's a

sailor these fast workers ready well you

just leave them alone for a spell

Jed it's a father's duty to know

something about the man that's courting

his daughter I don't know for starters

he's nice looking he's single he's an

officer and Mr Drysdale hand-picked him

out of the whole United States Navy

ain't that awful dangerous it's spending

so much time underwater well we go

through a very thorough training course

at the Frogman program before we ever

start working with the porpoises in

Wales how do you work with them right

now we're conducting experiments and

communicating with them we think we

might be able to interpret their

language you mean they talk

you know Sanchez they emit a series of

sounds which were trying to decode and

understand that yeah I could understand

them okay what makes you think so well

Paul says if you can understand Jethro

you can understand anything

I gotta do some chores outside yeah yeah

you run along Jed before I go I want you

to promise me that you'll stay in this

kitchen and leave them youngins alone

I promise

Kenny can we have that cider now oh sure

honey how are you two getting along I'm

finding daddy you like him sure do you

know what he spends a lot of time in the

ocean now I suppose he does on the boat

no ma'am underwater swimming around why

would he want to do that well he's

learning to talk to Critters that live

in the ocean

he talks to fish

well sort of whales and porpoises and

such while he can stay underwater for

about an hour

later

That Ain't Human

an idea of any help oh no no and Ellie

you take the cider into the park I want

to have a word Mark here yes I'm granny

my granddaughter tells me that you spend

lots of time swimming around in the

ocean yes ma'am that's right she tells

me that you talked to the critters who

live in the ocean well I tried to she

tells me that you can stay under the

water for better than an hour

that's right I can ain't that hard to do

not for me I'm a Frog man

you're what I'm a naval frog man

well

excuse me

oh no

they're great they're checking back to

Stewart's better than the first not as

salty granny what's the matter

oh Jethro I just had a terrible shock

what is it your cousin Ellie has found

for a freak

a freak he's a half man and half frog

from the waist up being beautiful but

from the navel down he's pure frog

[Music]

you'll see Elliot being a frog man isn't

as dangerous as it sounds we're

carefully trained and the Navy provides

us with the very finest gear

this wetsuit keeps me warm even the

depths where the ocean temperatures

might be 30 or 40 degrees

these flippers give me great underwater

propulsion

say I got an idea you got a swimming

pool sure do a great big one what was I

demonstrated for you oh fine and dandy

could I put on my swimming suit and join

you great

where's the pool oh around back and

there's a dressing room where you can

change see you there

[Music]

[Music]

Saints in heaven it's worse than I

thought

[Music]

[Applause]

the Frog half is taken over

there he goes what's the spotter to fly

[Music]

Ellie honey

don't go up there but why not I hear

Mark splashing around in the pose yeah

well hearing them is one thing seeing

them is something else do you mean Ellie

remember when we had such high hopes for

his brother Matthew and he turned out to

be married yes sir but Mark is single

and I found out why get a grip on

yourself he's a frog man oh I know that

he told me don't worry well yes him it

does but he says it's nothing to worry

about yeah well that's easy for him to

say

Marxist there's lots of frogmen in the

Navy and they do real important jobs

well like when the astronauts drops in

the ocean it's a frog minute rescues

them well I ain't saying they ain't

useful but you don't want to marry one

why not why not have you ever seen a

frog man no ma'am

well all right go ahead one look will

cure you

poor darling she's in for an awful shock

of course it could be worse thank

goodness the top half ain't frog

[Music]

[Applause]

not lately I sure wish he'd chew up and

cook some videos for our company don't

be too anxious did you taste that stew

she made nope it was off

hey Granny I'm hungry get out of here

boy I got a serious family problem to

take up with your Uncle Jim ain't you

gonna cook no riddles no I ain't no

Scott ready I think it'd be kind of nice

of you was to fix something for really

deep I don't cook bugs

I ain't too sure of that after eating

your stew

well just clamp it so you didn't want me

to ask that temperature boy any serious

questions about his self that's right I

suppose it's all right with you if he

just goes ahead and marries Ellie Bank

after a proper courtship could be some

courtship if she kisses him she'll get

warts

Parts

I reckon that they'll be married in the

cement Pond and you will just float your

daughter up to him on a lily pad

what are you talking about I'm talking

about Mark Templeton you don't know one

thing about it already I told you Mr dry

jail hand victim where'd he find him in

a pet shop

that don't make sense it'll make sense

when your grandchildren turn out to be

tadpoles

you've been at your white lightning

no but it's a good idea let's have it

not till you explain all that crazy talk

one picture is worth a thousand words go

down to the cement

take a look at what at what Mr Drysdale

wants your daughter to marry

hang on to that jug you're gonna need it

really sh**t through the water so could

you if you had his hind legs nine legs

oh well anyway pal he wants to know can

he take me out to vittles tonight why

sure he can good don't let him order for

you honey you'll wind up with a plate of

grasshoppers

granny I think he better go lay down for

a spill

you'd like to join Ellie me for dinner

oh no thanks Mark you youngest woman

when I was taking along I thought we'd

hop down the beach that figures by the

way you have some shoe polish I could

borrow you bet you I'll bet you kid

it beats me how you can squeeze into

them shoes

your feet must be k*lling

me what'd you mean by that don't pay no

attention to her the way she's acting

today this must have been a bad match

The Lunatic has bought a log cabin no

electricity no telephone that doesn't

really sound that crazy for Grandpa Matt

Fleming went in search of his

grandfather is this great oh it's

terrific ocean

you can see I'm not a bonder I'm a

lawyer was himself maybe for the first

time you feel alive it's taking me 20

years to become a part of your life I'm

staying right here Mel Harris and Edward

Asner star in Out of the Woods premieres

tonight at 8 on Hallmark Channel

y'all come back now dear this has been a

film wise presentation

[Music]