08x13 - The Hero

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

said California is a place you ought to

be sold and loaded up the truck

kills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly hillbilly

thank you

oh granny there's some fellas putting a

sign on the front of our house what kind

of sign Ellie great big thing we had

white and blue real pretty welcome hero

welcome hero did you ask him who said to

put it up yes sir they said it was Miss

Drysdale Miss Drysdale that is present

we best go talk to him

I know he said it is a big Rascal pretty

too just like you said where's the

fellas that put it up recognize God

hey

come from this drive deal had to put up

how come we don't know she must think

that one of us is a hero

oh yeah that's me

yeah what'd you ever do for mister I

damn I just saved her valuable French

poodle dog that's all

you forgot she'd give you this big hero

sign there's another great story by that

poodle log ready I just saved it Jethro

well I was out back this morning and I

heard this dog of wine so I looked

through the Hedge and there was a

looking fella he had a hold of Miss

drysdale's funeral and he was cutting

off all his hair no yeah so I says hey

you I says let go of that dog did he let

go oh so I went through the Hedge and

asked him again well he just looked at

me and kept on a cut so I grabbed a hold

of him and shook the dog loose what'd he

do he kept yelling masseur masseur so I

told him to go back to his sewer and

leave that dog alone

and then he slapped me he slapped you

did he

it didn't hurt me but it made me awful

man so I picked him up and chucked him

in the swimming pool

he sure did he scampered out of there

and took off like a wet jackrabbit and

once I had him on the Run Mr Drysdale

took off the chase no fooling yeah she

kept running after him yelling Andre and

he

honest little fella you ever did see

[Music]

I'll never be able to get Audrey to make

another house call and he's blacklisted

me with every photo beautician in

Beverly Hills well now Margaret I don't

and look at poor Claude he had to wear

his raincoat so no one can see that he's

only half clear

go to Daddy and let him comfort you will

you stop calling me that dog's daddy

you're a cruel and unnatural father

lastly morning I've had this time

people didn't deliver the welcome hero

Banner for the front of our house oh

don't worry about that now I've got a

tremendous Hero's welcome waiting right

here at the bank for our nephew

Lance Bradford is my nephew not yours

wow I can be a father to a dog but I

can't be an uncle to a hero look what

I'm spending on your nephew's reception

electric sign 1500 bucks bleachers 600

ban 400 confetti streamers why the

astronauts didn't have a bigger

reception it's no longer that deserves

he's the pride of the Air Force jet

stream Bradford okay okay but I'm still

spending a bundle and all I ask is one

little favor I want to invite the

crackers no oh but there are next door

neighbors our biggest depositors they

are your biggest depositors and believe

me that will change when Lance takes

over the bank

I'm making him vice president but he's

not taking over that only a question of

time here but he is brilliant and daring

with his intelligence and personality he

bringing in accounts that will decide

excuse me Mrs Drysdale I'm terribly

sorry to interrupt but your driver just

Telephone from the airport the hero's

plane has landed and they'll be on their

way here immediately oh how thrilling

come Claude we must be ready to greet

your cousin the hero

get into your uniform

oh chief of a place don't make me get

into that ridiculous outfit ridiculous

it's patriotic well you should feel

honored of all the people in this bank I

have chosen you to portray Uncle Sam

out

hello Miss clavith there's the Melbourne

drives there listen I don't have time to

explain but please come over to the bank

and bring your family yes we're having a

big Hero's reception

[Music]

it was Mr Dre do you and guess what he's

having a big heroes reception for Jethro

down at the bank and he wants us to come

right over see I told you hot dog sure

he's making a big thing out of you

saving that dog come on let's go come on

[Music]

get out of here

[Music]

come out here to the curb Chief please

please don't make me do this great

besides I'm going to give you a bonus

really what is it you get to keep a

beard

here

Flags cheers for the hero

thank you

foreign

[Applause]

[Applause]

Uncle Sam salutes you

and thank you for your valorous service

it is now my honor to turn you over to

your new commander-in-chief the

president of the Commerce Bank

[Applause]

Mr President Uncle Sam and Margaret

honored guests my fellow Americans

I join your ranks today not as a hero

but as a fellow employee of this great

Bank no longer jet stream Bradford

Terror of the Skies but just plain vice

president Bradford so in the future

don't look up to me as a hero look up to

me as the boss's nephew

look up to us Lance you're still a hero

to us you're a Dreamboat welcome to the

bank we'll be seeing you doll lovely

ladies the eagle of the wild blue yonder

salute you

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

little fella he really wants to see it

we're gonna have a look at him doctor

oh God sure do feel bad about that after

him flying clean from Texas for my hero

reception your hero reception oh didn't

you know what it was all about I rescued

Miss drysdale's dog what a catastrophe

an unqualified Fiasco yeah we thought it

was real nice too till our boy fell on

his head how is he is he badly hurt no

he's commencing to come around now

[Music]

who are you I'm your doctor I thought I

was out of the Air Force

I Mr Clampett uh could I ask you and

your lovely family to leave before my

wife recovers consciousness

oh is your wife unconscious yes when

Lance fell in his head she fell in there

she faked

come on everybody

she'll hope he feel better I just

started too who are you

I'm Ellie Mae Clampett what's your name

just call me jet stream well pleased to

meet you Mr strange

oh

look at that the old reflexes are just

like lightning again

well I think I'll take a look around the

bank are you sure you're all right of

course that's the Air Force training you

crush your plane you climb right into

another one and take off

old jet stream as good as new nerves of

Steel eyes like a hawk

I just closed the door

one thing a pilot's got to have great

peripheral vision

tricky door

good

yes

what

oh no oh no

oh bad news Chief good and bad my wife's

still unconscious oh what's the good

news

that was it but what is the bad news

well all the employees were out front

somebody robbed the bank

that's true

let you walk a little Feister

not and dragged this dog I can't

but I told you Sergeant we can't give

you a description of the robbers the

bank was empty at the time all my

employees were out front cheering and

waving Penance and

of course I have security guards but

they were out in front too carrying

balloons

I know they're supposed to carry g*ns

nothing

just a moment Margaret I'm talking to

the police good I want the it's

arrested at once this

is

what

Crazy Horse

pulling while the rest of the family

waited in the getaway truck I rescued

him just in time

I'll call you back Sean

Melbourne aren't you going to tell the

police about the attempted kidnapping

Margaret stop worrying about the dog the

bank's been Rod you simply can't put

things into perspective can you you

can't separate the important from the

unimported

oh laughs I'm so glad you're here

perhaps you can restore order out of

chaos somebody better did you know your

employees were all out in the street and

your bank was robbed yes I know that

pretty sloppy way to run a bank hear

that Melbourne Lance has been here less

than an hour and already he's put his

finger on your trouble you run a sloppy

Bang

did you give the police a description of

the Roberts no I can't I don't have one

if you're an Air Force you'd be

court-martial you hear that if you were

in the Air Force you'd be called

Marshall but I'm pretty disappointed in

the entire operation here

you hear that Melbourne Lance is

disappointed I heard him I heard I don't

mind telling you I'm uptight about this

whole setup I think I'll take the

company playing up for a spin and unwind

what company plane

do you mean to tell me that this bag

doesn't have a plane no

well how embarrassing what does a bank

need a fine for an executive Jack could

give this institution some class oh it

desperately needs car slab I could

probably pick you up a nice little jet

for half a million

not for me yeah you heard what lad said

that's how he unwinds he takes a plane

for a spin well I've got a cheaper idea

you can take a dog for a walk

I know it's hard for you Earthbound

people to understand

Melbourne via I hope you've learned

something from this meeting with Lance I

think I have I'm a city home now and

meet with the Caterers about tonight's

party what party

homecoming party for our hero oh yeah

I'd like to take Lance along if you can

spare him I can spare him

see you later about that executive jet

uh would you like me to put out a few

feelers yes no money just feel it

[Music]

an invitation to the party huh oh what

party's that well the one Mrs Drysdale I

mean my Aunt Margaret is giving tonight

for her hero

well how about that she just don't quit

does she hey there's gonna be lots of

people here yeah big crowd

I wonder if she'd like for me to spray

my hair brush my teeth or gargoyle first

I don't think she'd like do it for

nothing who are you oh I'm the Fella's

big job when you fell on your head when

did you fall on yours

I had a man came over to invite you to a

party tonight oh well thank you is that

homemade oh yes sir I just got done

cutting it up and putting it out to cool

I have a piece sure help yourself

out it's going to take this into grant

and I'll be right back

say would you like to take a swim when I

get back I sure would it'll be a relief

to get out of these hero trappings and

be a plain civilian

okay be back Jeffrey

beautiful girl but she sure makes lousy

fudge

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

Fearless Falcon of the sky you want to

meet my Paul Mr Jed planter all right

pleased to meet you the pleasure is mine

and you've done that my granny's a

doctor how are you feeling son all

systems are go well I'll give you

something to fix that

you aviators must need a real exciting

life

we live in Fame and go down and Flame

that's what you call an a that means

he's been in lots of dog fights oh my

nephew gesture has been a few of them

really

yeah last one he had was a doozy

tell me yo what did he tangle with a

Russian Mig oh it was a French poodle

I mean where did your nephew have this

dog fight

was it in the Asiatic theater oh is that

front of the bank

I have a feeling my leg is being pulled

man he can take care of that too

gee whistling sure must be hard to fly

the fights airplanes well mostly it's a

matter of cool courage perfect judgment

the ability to react instantly you see

when you're flying at twice the speed of

sound you've got to have lightning

reflexes

I'll get it I got it

glare from the water

I ain't got the right medicine I'll go

mix up a prescription and be right back

ready maybe these two youngers would

like to visit first bill kind of get

acquainted oh all right I'll come over

to the drive sales and see you later I'm

one of the few doctors in Beverly Hills

that makes house calls you don't have to

bother I'm fine

out of prevention

[Music]

Isaiah would you mind taking some

pictures of me in front of my hero side

so that's where it is

yes ma'am it's a little bit high if you

kind of squat down and sh**t up I think

you can get it but I count three just

push this little button right here

see I'm gonna take these pictures around

get me some television commercials make

some money

one two three

thank you

you've done it wrong Ms Drysdale you're

supposed to push it with your finger

by doing it with your foot you're done

smashed it take that sign down

immediately I won't do no good now you

don't ruin the cam

stupid loud you boob you're a thief and

a kidnapper you belong in jail

excuse me Mr Drysdale I hope you won't

think I'm touchy but that ain't exactly

no way to talk to your hero hero you're

as much of a hero to me as Attila the

Hun

thank you that's better

in the silly Fathead

I don't understand you at all one minute

you treat me like a prince and the next

minute you're mean mouthing me you keep

this up and I ain't gonna come to your

party tonight if you show up at that

party I'll Crown you

there you go again now I'm a prince

[Music]

just on my way over to your place don't

you dare set foot on my property you

scrawny little witch what did you call

me don't get robbed granny she blows hot

and cold first thing you know she'll say

something nice

my name is social call is professional

I'm just doing my duty as a doctor some

doctor you're the world's greatest

charlatan now she's being nice

that's the use of trying to talk to you

people your illiterate cretans

was that good or bad

hard to tell that could go either way

I got to play games with her I gotta go

look after that Aviator Lance

Bradford last practice don't touch him

he's my nephew as a doctor it's my duty

to treat him no matter how bad a family

he belongs to I'm warning you stay away

from Lance Bradford he's my brother's

only son my blood flows in his veins

or it'll slow down your chin

stay awake I don't want you or any

member of your family to go near you

it's too late mrsdale him and Ella maze

this close already what

they shot by the swimming pool in their

swimming suits so that's your game you

don't fool me with this Dr charade

you're hoping to lure my nephew with a

beautiful face in his seductive figure

eat my type

come on

ain't flying off it's dangerous oh I've

had a few close calls I remember one

terrifying experience we were flying at

twenty thousand feet right through a

storm

plane was rocking and rolling and

bobbing and weaving being tossed around

like a kite oh my goodness it must have

been awful was the stewardess hadn't

given me a sedative I never would have

made

you must get away from here immediately

what's the matter these people are

trying to snare you with this creature

don't you see the Trap

no but I dig the bait

you stay away from this precious boy you

blonde Vixen you're a God minute it's

all right for you to mean Mount Jethro

and me but don't you call alien names

he's a peasant just like the rest of you

you little Fred has a bad thing and

foreign

if I could swim I would have joined the

Navy

[Music]

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