08x08 - Manhattan Hillbillies

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to him a story about a

man named jedipura Mountaineer barely

kept his family dead and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bumble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

the kinfolks said Jed move away from

there said California is a place you

ought to be solder loaded up the truck

in the motor Beverly Hills that is

swimming pools movie stars The Beverly

Hillbillies

foreign

bigger than downtown Springfield it's

even bigger than Joplin sure Got Bugs

will be these buildings are stored in

silos

careful crossing the street everybody

dead we gotta find Mr General store and

buy an ax we'll need a couple acts as

we're going to build a cabin in Central

Park

Smith shop too what you need with the

blacksmith granny well we got a Dandy

place to pitch horseshoes over in our

park that's the truth the record will

find a blacksmith again and it's down

this size sure

[Music]

any luck sorry Chief I've covered that

entire half of Central Park not a sign

of the Clampetts I cover the other half

same look we give up

never as tired as we are every square

foot of Manhattan must be covered with a

fine tooth comb Chief your dog a

determination inspires me good now call

me if you find him I'll be resting at

the hotel wait a minute you expect me to

conduct this enormous Manhunt alone no

hire a detective agency whatever help

you can afford I am done with my last

few cents you haven't even given me last

week's salary I'm sorry I just can't

afford it well at least let me have a

little mad money I can't spare it

you don't really expecting me what do

you want have you run into any muggers

in the park no you have now hand over

the place lady you can see for yourself

I have no money oh I I don't believe her

look last week's salary this week's

salary next week's salary is a 10 bonus

nice fall now you oh I'm sorry fellas

all I've got is this watch let's flow

oh Chief thanks a lot I asked for some

mad money that was certainly it I'm

curious

[Music]

come in

[Music]

what are you looking at Central Park

from the Spanish point with these

powerful binoculars I can see every tree

rocking Bush well At Last you've come up

with an intelligent idea now if you can

locate safe

where where

the ride of the lake

it's been they haven't left New York oh

you're wonderful there's a bonus in this

for you

I just cashed a check huh oh this is so

thrilling there they are they haven't

left

here's everyone 100 can you can you see

all of them let me count one two three

four here's another hundred five six

oh

seven seven precious little white

breasted nut hatches

well granny we didn't find your

blacksmith shop but we sure found one

Humdinger of a general store biggest I

ever did see what was the name of them

fellas that run it General

well let's see there was three of them

uh Aber uh somebody and Fitch

any big Skillet granny sure is

firewood well I test out my new fishing

pole in that Lake Yonder yes I am yeah

true roll up your sleeve because you and

me has got some trees to cut down so we

can convince building our cabin yes sir

and work out the appetite because I'm

gonna bring back a mess of perch oh

granny uh see can you catch some of them

New York fish and Honest John was

telling about then what he called uh the

filthy fish

I'll get them

[Music]

these capabilities looks a lot like bass

don't they yeah

sure hope they taste like them come on

boy we got to catch some more logs can't

we have bills first I ain't cooked them

yet Buzzard boy

right in the corner where you are right

in the corner where you are seven one

time from Harvard they lead across the

bar right in the corner good day to you

oh howdy Mr policeman

what do you think you were doing here

and what might this be oh that's a

doctor Central Park all right lady are

you deaf no I can hear fine

you've broken every law in the book

first of all you can't fish in that Lake

secondly you can't start a fire and you

most certainly can't put a cabin up here

well Honest John said we could well

Honest John there's no beings about the

law he does too he's a good friend to

all of you New York policemen is that

sir well I never heard that man what

what's his last name we called him

Honest John so much this kind of slipped

my mind

oh Shaffer

oh Shaffer is it

and they call him Honest John you say

yep

yeah

now I understand how he came by his name

personally but I'm sure he saw to the

Earth and he told us that we could do

it

Honest John O's Schaefer said that then

it's Gus that's what he told my

son-in-law

and what might his name be

Jed his last name

oh clamp it

okay

that's right and where might he be from

fantaso

is that by any chance in the old country

I

bet you some more firewood thank you

honey

well Colleen must be your daughter no

doubt oh she's my grand

service you don't know gold enough to

have a granddaughter

that's what Honest John said

a very observant man and what's your

name Jack Ellie May or Clampett oh sure

thank you Mr police

[Applause]

[Music]

by the way did you find your binoculars

yes I found them oh I'm sorry I lost my

temper and threw them out the window but

I'm sure they're not damaged those new

shock resistant materials that

[Applause]

is that the binoculars it is oh well now

here's here's a dollar have them

repaired

you are one in a million Chief ah what's

money for now look we've got to find the

Clampetts I want you to get in the taxi

I'll pay for it don't worry you can know

me

I want you to scour Manhattan from one

end of the other and just how much care

Fair do you plan to allow me for this

well how about 20 10 5. say it's it's a

it's a beautiful day what's wrong with

walking

expect me to walk the entire Lane and

with the Manhattan hello uh break it up

a little jogging it's great exercise I

have a better idea

I am going bird watching well how do I

find the planets there's the window

there are the binoculars and there's a

dollar to have them repaired lots of

luck

hey any of them could build these left

not a bone or a head nor a fin you've

chomped everything but the skillet well

I was hungry

should I come along we have chop logs

for the cabin oh Laurel and Jethro meal

hand let you slip behind that bush over

there and change it to a pretty dress

so you walk around the park and meet

some fellas all you do is your paw says

yes ma'am

you know Jed speaking of Honest John he

sure is a favorite with the police oh I

know where that green a great big Burly

policeman came by here today wanting to

raise a fuss you should have heard him

when I mentioned Honest John

oh Shaffer safe that man is the salt of

the earth I never seen a man more

popular with a law

I recollect when the police drove him

here in their own car remember we're

giving you 24 hours

come on Pals call on me anytime thanks

for the lift glad to see you Mr Krampus

uh what did policeman mean

uh what did you hear

he said he was going to give you 24

hours oh that yes what is the ordinary

New York closes promptly at 9pm lights

out whatever due to my influence I have

persuaded the police to leave the city

open for 24 hours so that you may see it

at night

another thing Times Square Broadway 42nd

Street all the famous thoroughfares will

be lit up just for you

[Music]

it comes Honest John no no the policeman

his name is O'Sullivan and he comes from

back in our country

[Music]

a place called cork time for that eight

here

same to you policeman oh Sullivan oh no

please please call me Tim all right Tim

if you call me granny granny it isn't it

listen I was telling me wife how I met

you and she sent along a bag of cookies

that reminds you of the Old Country well

ain't that nice

landscape

look at that

takes you back doesn't it huh yeah oh

shake hands with my son-in-law Jeff oh

example is it that's right Officer Tim

to you Jade me boy thank you Granny says

he's from back in our country Faith than

I am God's country I call it three two

Granny says he's from Cork right she is

and you're from Caney County born and

raised there until by the look here you

came from the old side old and Rocky we

had one devil of a time trying to farm

there

farming people were you we tried but

that land was so poor you couldn't raise

a fuss on it

we can listen to the Widow the man oh

granny girl you got the finest family a

man good meat you ain't meant Jethro yes

well they can hardly wait I'll go fetch

him for you

you say it was for a fact tell me was

there a pink bog near your place I don't

recall Pete but there was a clam bar

it was Clem

shake hands with officer O'Sullivan how

did you throw me boy oh we can look at

that face he's got the map of Ireland

all over it I thought I told you to wash

all he's doing is chopping logs

oh boy I'll be right with you I'm sorry

to rush off Tim but we got a lot of work

to do oh I understand gently boy and may

you have the strength of ten thank you

with Jethro we got the appetite at 10.

oh what a grand family

say listen I wonder if I could bring me

Sergeant by to see all of your little

bit later he's gonna find that sure I'll

become a possum

awesome

just like back home oh we'd love a bit

of old Erin

I'll try and find old Aaron but if a

cane of possum is a possum

yes well I'm a little late goodbye for

now a granny girl as my mother used to

say May the wind be ever at your back

it'll be a long time in heaven before

the devil knows your God

[Music]

that's a nice man

I hate to tell him that his wife's

cookies is spoiled and turn greens

wait here for me caddy hold it now

you ain't disappearing at the Central

Park owing me 34.80 are you suggesting

that I would sneak off leaving you to

hold the bag no I'm suggesting that you

don't

you say it was 34.80 and that don't

include a tip who said I had to give you

a tip I do see here my good man New York

cab drivers have a reputation of being

rather Surly now you have the

opportunity of changing that image I'm

gonna change your image how would you

like your nose over here all right 24.80

34.80 here we are

10 20

35. now you owe me 20 cents are you

kidding not figured out for yourself

thirty five dollars in fact 34.80 looks

for it you had me driving all over the

island of Manhattan looking for four

creeps I got two traffic tickets because

you had me watching the sidewalk when I

should have been watching the street

now are you gonna give me a tip

very well

invest in railroads

[Music]

I'm marvelous to see you again same to

you Mr dry there with you well yes but

right now he's out searching for you in

a taxi heck it had not take long to

search a taxi

no no I'm not

you're right Jessica where's granny

she's not looking for possums

oh Darren are you in there

hey lady oh hello boys have you seen any

possums no but I think we spotted a

pigeon

what do you got in a place

my valuables I'll give you a nickel a

piece if you help me catch a brace of

possible give us your money not until

you catch me a possum shut up and give

us your money now that ain't polite

your friend could learn some math give

us the voice that would throw you in the

lake you could learn some manners too

that's enough children let's go

[Music]

[Music]

I'm glad I finally found you excuse me

Chief but I found them well I found you

come here

get over to the hotel and arrange for

six tickets on the next plane to La fast

but you two haven't even asked for

cleverness

conversation

well Miss Hathaway is going to arrange

our passage back to Los Angeles you

leaving us so soon that we're all going

aren't we yeah you're on me ain't

finished our cabin yet Mr Clement you

can't build a cabin here Honest John

says we can't who's on his job Mr

Schaefer he's a fellow sold Uncle Jed to

park

and a Statue of Liberty and uh Staten

Island Ferry Brooklyn Bridge and the

Empire State Building Mr Clavin he's a

confidence man that's the truth I don't

remember when I had more confidence than

anybody

he's my spell you ever want to meet

no the man's a bunco artist

the Funko word is

follow the paint's Broncos

well I think it's

I've been a few of them myself

what are you Whispering about oh Jethro

just explained to me about Honest John

being a painter and artist well he's not

a real artist well you don't have to be

too good to slap a coat of paint on a

Bunco

yeah same here

you know Jeff there ain't a possum or a

raccoon or even a rabbit in this whole

park is that a fact

a body can't cook back home food here

there ain't enough Critters

well that's what I meant my critters

and they miss you Ellie they do yes when

I left they were whining and crying that

tears were rolling down their hairy

little faces

oh I gotta get home

what do you think granny well I gotta

admit that I miss my steal deal a peace

and quiet I like him still

how about you Jethro

oh come to think about it Uncle Jed I

can't wait to get on that airplane

homesick huh hungry they serve good

riddles well I reckon that doesn't it's

all fan out behind them bushes there and

change your traveling clothes and be on

our way yeah let's hurry what am I doing

I don't have to change

I was a grand Family Soul to the Earth

please it looks like they've gone

dear Tim we couldn't find old Aaron in

Central Park have gone back home love

Granny

oh Sergeant I'm sorry I guess they got a

little homesick and they went back to

Ireland well it is myself that's sorry I

didn't have the pleasure of meeting the

likes of the oaklands you missed our

grand family practical dude a grand

family

yeah are you familiar with that patch no

I'm not Timmy boy but if it's anywhere

near Killarney well let me put it this

way to you now they're nearer to A

Little Bit of Heaven

tonight

[Music]

[Music]

look out the window kid Honest John kept

his promise the whole city of New York

is lit up

every day

eat that birdie must be a million lights

on if ever there was a man of his word

it's Honest John shaffey what are you

people talking about them lights down

there I asked John had to pull these

leave more just for us him and the

police do just like that now listen to

me that man is wanted by the police

that's a fact he's crazy about him he's

glad you finally realize what a nice man

he is

is an angel I love him he's the sweetest

kindest darlingest most adorable

precious doll of a man that ever lived

he's fond of him too but let's not get

sickening about it

[Music]

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Charlie McKenzie has the perfect family

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how long have you been married I guess

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well I love a good story in a Hallmark

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Premiere Saturday February 12th at 9

only on Hallmark Channel

I'll come back now dude this has been a

film