08x03 - Silver Dollar City Fair

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to my story about a man

named shed a poor Mountaineer barely

kept his family fed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

looking folk said gent move away from

there said California is a place you

ought to be sold a loaded up the truck

and remove the Beverly Hills that is

swimming pools movie stars a Beverly

hillbilly

foreign

thank you I have some papers for Mr dry

stick oh I guess you're still up at the

campus they've gone back to the hills

and the chief foolishly agreed to take

care of the house Jethro and the

critters and the what Critters that's

Hilltop for animals

oh hello chief how's everything up the

Mansion mansion you mean Menagerie this

place makes the zoo look like

shall save you a stack of pancakes

mutton

sounds like jethroat

[Music]

you're cooking pancakes for the bear I'm

cooking pancakes for everybody I figure

that's one thing that we're all like you

see with syrup

[Music]

correction

one of them doesn't like pancakes

listen Miss Hathaway get me on a plane

to the Hills right away I've got to

bring the clappers back

[Music]

oh and have you noticed folks's

commencing together for the fair yeah

yeah where's Ellie B I don't know why

well he's having a cake baking contest

for all the single girls and single

fellas is going to judge you I gotta

find Ellie me but Jim she's such a

miserable cook I know I gotta make sure

she don't enter

don't need three contests already this

morning was uh one of them Kate bacon oh

no Santa

I entered that one yesterday

now for the fair you don't want to spend

the day in that hot kitchen baking a

cake oh I bake it last night when it was

cool all I gotta do now is decorate what

other contest generally mate oh basket

weaving and post hole digging and

fundraising

Jed what are we gonna do about that cake

well that mother contest might help us

we could hide it in her basket buried in

the post hole and raise a barn over

it's a mighty fetching outfit you're

wearing thank you I made this hat myself

I thought your hair was on fire

Mr Kellum yes Mom I'm looking for a

suitable place to hold my daughter's

wedding reception oh yes I had your

daughter's getting married

congratulations

thank you

I understand your dining room might be

available yes ma'am and it is a Dandy it

accommodate 12 sitting at the table or

20 if they eat standing

but the gold but it's done now we'll uh

talk about the decorations in the menu

later but I would like some white doves

oh they may be hard to find would you

settle for roast turkey

I meant live white doves to sit around

billing and cooling oh oh well if it's

live Birds you won't let me get you some

purple martin they not only Bill and

cool but they'll keep down the bugs

thank you

can I borrow your broom oh hi to miss

Bradshaw anime I brought my cake on a

kitchen table and it busted into little

pieces that's your shame really well I

guess that'll keep you out of cake

baking contest oh no sir the Cake's fine

it's the table I gotta sweep up

oh sweet girl uh too bad she's such an

atrocious cook now my daughter is a

wizard in the kitchen and besides being

divinely attractive

Big Mouth attracts you why that girl is

so homey if she dropped her handkerchief

in a Boy Scout camp she'd have to pick

it up herself

Victoria Rose is the bell of this County

believe me a lot of men are going to be

miserable when she gets married really

how many men is she marrying

Marion prune face ah look who's calling

me a prune face why you got so many

wrinkles your face could hold a five-day

rain

ladies ladies

I think your fair is about to begin if

y'all don't want to miss the opening

Square tonight

that's true I think I'll stroll over to

the Pavilion too bad Ellie took the

broom you could ride oh I'm not going to

stay in here and be insulted well if

you'd rather go outside and be insulted

let's go and no place but upstairs

you can watch it from the porch up there

now scoop we're dead I won't be able to

see Randy you got eyes like a hawk

[Music]

Granny's your love to Terry and Dale

really don't you yep been going on for

years I keep hoping granny will quit but

she's a hard dog to keep under the porch

[Applause]

there's about to commence

[Music]

nobody calls a square dance like oh I'll

need k*ller surprise everybody

[Music]

say hi everybody

[Music]

[Applause]

Affair is officially open come on Ellie

let's go kick you out a husband

wait a minute granny hold it hold it

granny

Johnny may miss Hathaway come in

what is the idea of the gorillas

the law of the junk the survival of the

fetish what do you mean I'm looking

after a bear a mountain lion a

chimpanzee another assorted wild animals

they fight over the food if I don't

scare them I don't eat well that should

certainly intimidate the fiercest feet

well there's one a dozen phase

oh you've never heard such vicious

snarling and growling no other animal

will go near the food until it's

finished feeding it's a general that's

what it is

[Laughter]

talk about King of the Beast next to

that kid a lion's a pussycat

as you reach the climates back in the

Hills yes I just spoke to Granny at the

hotel back in Silver Dollar City

what's the news Well I have good news

and bad news Granny says they're not

coming back

stay there and get Ellie May a husband

and after she's married and settle down

the whole family might stay there

good boy

okay now let's hear the good news that

was it

that was the good news wait until you

hear the bad

forget it you couldn't possibly talk but

you just said I only wants you to send

them their 85 million dollars

they did it

[Music]

did you ever see so many people in all

your boring days I don't think I have

shorty I lost alien granny in the crowd

clear everybody in the whole county is

here must be at least two or three

hundred people

well Ellie's gone I'd like to snatch

that kicker and get of it ah you're

too late Jed you rolled that cake out of

here half an hour ago roll it out good

putting their size of a wagon wheel away

in the world would you well I got a big

oven back there and I reckon maybe she

figured to win on size alone you know

Riley's case that thing must have

weighed a turn

[Music]

the floor sure

decorated So Fancy with her name rolled

across the top and I said Ellie May

Claire

here goes any chance of denial who'd

done it don't you worry jet as pretty as

Ellie is there'll be some young fellow

bid on that cake so you don't bite on it

you know where granny Lily went

oh I recollect Billy saying she did her

basket weaving maybe he's there

[Music]

well I declare that is the most

beautiful basket weaving I ever did see

tell me beautiful young stranger are you

married no ma'am don't tell me that a

girl was your talent and the face and

figure of an Angel is single yes I am I

can't believe it why the single fellas

around here must be weak guys

sweet guys single fellas come up front

here where you can see

would you ladies please step aside so

the single fellow can get up here thank

you thank you

now tell me beautiful blonde young

single lady where are you from I'm worth

I was talking to this beautiful blonde

young single ladies with a sweeping

dispatch

Beverly Hills California a movie

thought I've seen a strike in

resemblance to marry Pittsburgh

tell me beautiful blonde young single

ladies what's your name Ellie May clamp

it and where are you staying at the

Silver Dollar City hotel did you hear

that you single fellas this beautiful

blonde young unwed stranger is staying

right here amidst you stranger

what are you trying to pull you do very

well that this girl

come on

[Music]

hey look at that candle

who is that lovely challenging girl I

don't know

who are you lovely talented girl

my name is Harry May

well Ellie May you sure do make a fine

camera thank you man I bet you nobody

here has ever seen anything chased as

good as that

and the candle ain't bad naked

see you got a sense of humor yes ma'am

you got a wife yes ma'am well skip to

the rear or you're going to get splashed

with hot flashes no I won't

laughs

when did you learn to make candles

darling

when I was 10 years old did you hear

that she's only been making candles for

four years oh I bet your husband is

proud of you

well I ain't married

did you hear me

this beautiful talented teenage candle

making love goddess

I bet you single men is astonished

we use single men raise your hands and

show your astonishments

let them single astonish young men step

forward

talented teenage handle making love

goddess a few questions

what is your full name child it's Ellie

Mae planted

don't tell me you're the daughter of

King Classic

if my Anthem multi-millionaire just mine

the man who's gonna put all of his 85

million dollars into his daughter's

salary

I don't know

did you say that Paul

he ain't here is he

now folks if you didn't see why this

girl is so beautiful this is her

handsome paw

he's the kindest sweetest most even

tempered understanding forgiven man that

ever lived

[Music]

over in the candle shop

okay did something happen granny not yet

but it's going to if you don't stop

showing Ellie May around his fair like

she was some kind of a pet hog you hear

that shorty he called his own lovely

daughter oh

granny no wonder I have to work so hard

to get the poor girl a husband ready I'm

just about of a mind to take you

upstairs and lock you in your room till

the fair is over oh please kid you

wouldn't do that to poor old chick Allen

chick Allen what's he got to do with it

well I promise to help him sell his

Mountain medicine you know like his

garbs and his roots and his berries and

such

he did and kick depends on that for his

living and my professional endorsement

would help him a lot I'm a doctor you

know I sure would like to see you help

chicken Allen sell his medicine thank

you

but you promise that to all you'll sell

on my word of Honor as Mexican to the

grandest noblest human being that ever

brought a brick

[Music]

a legend in his own time ready that's

enough I'm gonna get my medical bag and

mosey over to Chick's Place

okay

bless you kid

you're a prince among man

no kids

you can't hardly blame granny for

wanting to get nearly married ahead

he'll burn a Bradshaw's daughter she

heading out to me dead bet with Alberta

yeah but she did and if she loses

Alberta gets kicker clean up to a ball

that could be kind of humiliating and

painful that's two miles uphill two

rocks and brushes grenade a young woman

fact is she's

got an old and feeble

[Music]

gather around folks gather around for

the medicine shows they're fried up here

right up this way now

heated before you is a famous Indian God

specialist Allen a living

testimonials to the health given powers

of his old potions and elixirs oh nobody

knows how old this man is but he has

been Gathering berries and roots and

yards in these Hills for hundreds of

years

you might think that a man this old

couldn't budge out of that chair but you

are wrong

kids is gonna give us a dance

accompanied on the fiddle by his

grandson right this way Old-Timers

[Music]

thank you

[Applause]

[Music]

potions and elixirs for man or beef and

also dogs of Joy Indians have blood

purifiers and they thought but today we

are going to tell you about a new

product

Allen magic mud packs allowed to

demonstrate the beautifying properties

of this miraculous mug I'm going to have

to ask for a volunteer from the audience

would some lady please step up here

sorry madam we ain't got that much mud

how about you lady me ma'am yeah step up

here stranger

sit right here

the magic magic please

now I'm going to apply this magic mud to

the face of

foreign

[Music]

am I seeing such a beautiful complexion

as I see on the face of This Magnificent

creature what is your name magnificently

too are we might clamp it well

congratulations Mrs plants well it ain't

missing it's math

[Music]

it's beautiful gorgeous young thing with

the perfect features and figure to match

ain't married

oh you're at it again

I'll burn a Bradshaw

[Music]

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