07x12 - The Hot-Rod Truck

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to him a story about a

man named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely

kept his family shed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground some a bubble and cruise all that

is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old gems a

millionaire the Kim folks said Jim move

away from there said California is a

place you ought to be sold and loaded up

the truck

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

that's a girl

I reckon I could have guessed that

what's this contraption oh

this here is a hand-built wedge design

custom made rear engine turbocharged

twin spear she puts out 600 horsepower

at 8 000 RPM well I'd have never guessed

that oh Uncle Jeff like for you to meet

the newest superstar in my stable a girl

whose name is going to be up in lights

from coast to coast a girl whose name is

going to be a household word Mr

what was it again Gene Gene Rivers

that's right oh well howdy I'm proud to

meet you Miss Jean Gene is this your uh

whatever it is oh no

this belongs to CB who is CB

that's me Uncle John sweetie that's the

way I've known in movie land uh CB

dubodine star maker you bought this it's

great for my Hollywood producer Emmy

where's the truck when I drive up to

premieres in this Rascal folks will know

I'm important where's the truck my fans

will Mob me

where is the truck

I swapped it for this

I'll swap it back well you see it

weren't exactly even swapping

I owe a small cash balance how much

eighteen thousand dollars

oh money ain't no problem and see I got

this here Rich fella to back me uh he's

what you call him an angel who is he you

swap it back

I mean Uncle Jed can't we talk about

this after she's gone

when is she leaving could you give me

the 18 000. go up it back

but don't ask me to do that I ain't

asking I'll get a move on because we

planted a birthday surprise for granny

would you believe I got the car as a

birthday present for granny oh I bet if

I took her for a ride she'd fall in love

with it yes bro when are you going to

learn that honesty is the best policy

now if you just come up to me and said

straight out

Uncle Jed could I please trade in the

truck for a new car you'd have my

respect

how could you can I please trade in the

truck for a new car oh that's honest do

I get the money no but you got my

respect

take that back where you got it and

fetch the truck home

you know something you don't deserve to

have me for a nephew they will be

but when I see the trouble that other

folks got I grin and bear it

I'll show you one of these days I'm

going to be rich and famous the idol of

millions the biggest man in the business

and then you know what I'm going to do

I'm going to run away from home

[Music]

excuse me Chief I thought you'd like me

to remind you of today is Granny's

birthday oh bless her heart remarkable

little woman I want you to go out and

get her a fabulous present something

really breathtaking and spare no expense

and while you're out get her a little

something from me too

[Music]

a little something yeah and a beautiful

car to go with it you know something

with roses and lace and sentimental

poetry like um though your hair is very

gray may you have a merry day hey that's

pretty good never mind the car just type

that up and I'll sign it right cheap

that's cheap as in Indian that's cheap

as in skate

I guess I am being a bit too Frugal but

if I could only think of something that

Granny would really want I can show you

just the thing

a few days ago granny and I were looking

through this catalog and we came across

a picture of a hickory rocking chair

Handmade by Craftsman in the Ozarks oh

here it is she absolutely fell in love

with it she must have looked at this

page for half an hour yes I can see her

granny would really like this

okay yeah

have this framed and give it to her from

me

[Music]

well there she is Uncle Jed hope you're

happy I'm happier than I was where's

your girl he was like a Hollywood

Superstar is going to be seen driving

around an old wreck like this I might

even have to give up my own career as a

world famous Hollywood producer come on

Uncle Jim let's give Granny that little

old yellow custom-built job for her

birthday she'll love it Randy loves this

old truck she loves these old shoes of

hers oh folks like old thing

oh

see she's falling apart and then you put

her back together again

okay

come on Duke

let's go out and warm our old tired

bones in the Sun

it's cold winter nights it's kind of

hard on a senior citizen

still say granny love that little yellow

bone well I think I know what's best for

granny but if you just let me take her

for a ride I don't want to hear no more

about it you mean he's going to keep

that old broken down wreck around here

forever I don't save forever

as long as she's still working well

these cool mornings it takes forever to

get her started maybe but once she gets

warmed up she's going pretty good she's

eyesore she's a disgrace to the family

come on could you let me just push her

off a cliff collect the insurance

he's gonna do me in from a 50 double

indemnity

what kind of birthday surprise would

that be for granny it'd be a great

surprise if you let me give her that

little yellow b*mb now he wants to blow

me up

let's forget about the insurance it

don't amount to nothing know how first a

stripper of everything we can sell

me so that's why Jen took my shoes then

I'll throw what's left on the city dump

now I ain't even gonna get a decent

burial

I realize she's old and starting to fall

apart yeah that's the truth one good

kick could finish it

oh he ain't gonna kick her to pieces or

push her off a cliff

no thrower on a city dump

when the time comes that she can't go no

more we're going to ship her back to the

hills and give her to some poor kids to

play with

as long as she can still get the job

done we're going to keep her oh shucks

and get through you take a broom and

sweep up all them leather Scripts

God

[Music]

[Music]

how do you like it Uncle Jeff

what

have you fetched to him now I just hears

what you call a dune buggy I mean

walking around the cars oh that's a

fella

I'm glad you told me this time I don't

think I could have guessed

they call him medicine man

the engine heck no Indians don't dress

like that no more just Angry Young

protesters

what's she angry about everything you

name it he's mad at it you see he's

spoken for the new generation a medicine

man this here's my Uncle Jed howdy there

how are you

[Music]

for a spokesman he don't say much don't

mean he's mad at you he's mad at the

establishment

the way oh the folks that runs things he

says there's a bunch of spigots there's

bigots yeah there's a heap of spigotry

in this world but I told him he wasn't

like that useful of love and kindness

and generosity

where is the truck I told him money

don't mean nothing to you use a flower

child where is the truck I told him

there were no generation gap between us

where is the truck

I swapped it for this

swap it back but I saved you fifteen

thousand dollars this will only cost you

three swap it back the spokesman for the

Angry Young Generation can't drive

around and no Detroit iron he's got to

have himself a flower car swap it back

they're commencing to widen the Gap the

news I tell you

you're bugging me you're putting me up

tight you keep on like this and he's

gonna have us a freak out and one freak

out already and you're on the way to

making it too

give you one more chance to relate to my

generation are you gonna buy me this

dune buggy no are you gonna buy me this

dune buggy for Granny's birthday

then I'm gonna drop out

what does that mean that means that

young folks like him and me is going to

run this world

let me drop off myself

I'm protesting you I'm demonstrating you

I'm just setting you because your value

systems is all right oh I'm putting you

down spigot cause you don't tell it like

it is

right I'll tell it like it is you get

that truck back here in 15 minutes or

you're gonna eat Granny's birthday cake

standing up yes sir come on soul brother

that old establishment cat means what he

said

[Music]

come on now

thank you okay

[Music]

what you doing Nelly

oh granny we just pulled out a surprise

we thought you was taking your nap nap I

wouldn't close my eyes in this house I'd

wake up on the city dump

Duke and I've been working for the last

three hours

Sandy this is your birthday

don't mention me being a year older days

ready to scrap me now

well mostly Jethro he says I'm an old

red he's all for selling my clothes and

pushing me off the Cliff's dark naked

not k*ll him every way but lives

your Paul says as long as I'm able to do

my job he'll spare me

but as soon as I can't go on he's going

to give me to some poor kids to play

with

let's get these birthday things out of

here honey I just don't believe God say

a thing like that oh I hear them honey I

hear things that'll make your hair curl

thank you

foreign

there she is Uncle Jed but she's in bad

shape and so am I what's your trouble

[Music]

I got identity problem I don't know who

I am I freaked out as a Hollywood

producer I freaked out as a protester

I don't know who I am you can't do my

own thing

why not because I don't know what it is

I do it's eaten we're gonna have a

birthday party for granny and you can do

your own thing till you're full as a

tick

well that takes care of me but that old

truck needs some work if it's going to

keep running

well that's better in shoving it off a

cliff or kicking it to pieces

it's true Ellie oh Duke and me was on

her way out to w*r my poor old bones in

the Sun and when I opened the door I

hear them talking okay Uncle Jed it's a

deal

I won't push her off a cliff and I won't

strip her and throw her on the Junkie

I wanted to take her over and have a few

new parts put in her

Lily

now that he's going to transplant me

some new winners

so they can keep me working for another

80 years

I won't let him Granny

don't doze off Duke you wake up with

pussycat parts

but you want to wait till after granny's

birthday party I best get the truck

running good first Uncle Jed I reckon

you're right then we can drive Randy

down to the butcher shop and she can

pick out her own hog do some money hot

dog I can buy the old truck a lot of new

parts of this just get what you need

[Music]

here's your shoes granny

I work faster without him look at me

[Music]

when the door it's your heart it's your

birthday

I ain't got a birthday coming up for you

what's the matter with you not him I'm

young kid I can earn my earn my keep

I don't have to work for your teeth

[Music]

now sit down and rest yourself quick as

Jethro gets back we're gonna drive you

down to the butcher shop

yeah it was going to be a surprise but

we're going to let you pick out your own

home

[Music]

and he's gonna transplant me with

hugging man what are you talking about I

hear doing dancehall scheming to get me

new parts we have new parts is for the

truck and Ryan taking me to the butcher

shop well to get your hog for your

birthday you've been saying you wanted

to saw down some side Meat make sausage

and render some fresh lard oh you had me

awful cheers come on

let's go get my hog because Jethro gets

back with a truck he's out having it

fixed up Chad I don't want that truck

changed

the way it is I'm going to change a

thing he's just getting the parts

[Music]

well how do you like it Uncle Jed

what is it it's the truck

our truck what'd you do to it I just put

on a few new parts

looks like more than a few I liked it

the way it was but I didn't change your

part granny just hop up there on that

old bench and I'll drive you down to the

butcher shop you ain't driving me no

place in this thing looks like a circus

Calio order these Pirates play music it

plays the sweetest music this side of

Indianapolis well under that hood is 442

cubic inches of raw power you get this

truck back I can watch but granny this

Baby's Got tack pods three-quarter Cam

and four on the floor you do as I tell

you there's gonna be one on the ground

do I have to Uncle Jed well more looks

to me like it's neither fish nor foul

it's foul legit I don't spend a lot of

your money well you better start a

little more and get a fixed right

okay can I go with him Paul

might be a good idea

for what

not when one of them

[Music]

thank you

what Incarnation have you done now oh

I've done my own thing that's what these

here wheels don't give me my identity

back I got my Superstar back and I got

myself respect back all right now get

the truck back

where's my truck forget it granny it

screwed all over the floor out at the

garage well somebody made him put it

back together again granny I've had it

without all wreck it's done tarnish my

image for the last time you

watch it baby you don't go put me down

in front of my Superstar you'll put me

up tight and I might throw a sitting at

you I might even Mass demonstrate you

where's my Hickory Stick come on let's

split back to the protest meetings

[Music]

sorry baby that would be a violation of

my civil rights

I'm gonna cut across and catch him

you'll never make it granny Josh watch

me thank you

hey doggy she's doing pretty good

she can just keep that speed till the

next Olympics we got us a mess of gold

medals

good news team I think I found something

granny wants even more than a hickory

rocker oh what is it a nice big hog

how much do they cost about a hundred

dollars a hundred dollars

is that your idea of good news oh well

that's what she wants for her birthday

you think she'd settle for a picture of

a hog no you think she'd settle for a

pig well she might if it were big enough

she's got it I guess wrap this and take

it to her

that is an out and out advertisement you

get them by the gross for 12 cents a

piece why don't you just give her one of

your bank calendars how much do they

cost 10 cents a calendar it is I'll give

her this for Christmas

you make Ebenezer Scrooge look like

Santa Claus now

are going shopping and you are going to

buy granny a decent present and you are

going to pay for it and you are going to

give it to her and you are going to

smile when you do it

now what do you say to that

I'm bad

[Music]

here he is back at the Citadel of the

decadent Ridge

my name's hydrange you now I'm a flower

child

is the kitchen free there's 30 or 40

more coming over for a happening in the

kitchen that's where it's at baby Jethro

wants to have a eat-in

come on

the only happening that's happening

around here today is Granny's birthday

party do we get biddles or do we

commands yelling police brutality you

keep this up and

what in the blue blazers

Chief listen to me you are making a

mistake what do you mean you said granny

wanted a hug when she said dress she

didn't mean like that

so the clothes came off the rack if you

think I'm going to have an outfit Taylor

Made for a hog hey jail Miss James what

you got there well it's a little

birthday present for granny and just the

way she wants it all dressed Rachel I

know you're a city fella but dressing

the hog is a lot different than dressing

a person ah you can say that again it

took me a half an hour to get his pants

on

years rather a strange side isn't he Mr

platypus well not compared to some I've

seen today I'm cute why'd you get him

this to drive down I foreclosed I I

fortunately found a farmer who had a

heart itself it's a birthday present for

granny let me uh why don't you take this

Parker around back and feed him and take

care of him I sure will Paul you know

some I like Hogs being hippies

[Music]

Hey where's my flower chip going with

that fat drunk

Brooke he's having a bad trip man he's

crawling on all fours it's a hog

he says in the kitchen he'll wipe out

our Eden

what's this my new Wheels where's the

truck the last time I saw it granny was

trying to talk four mechanics into

putting it back together again well it

looks like she'd done it because younger

had come

[Music]

on

come on by itself

[Music]

ready you got it back together

well the mechanics done it I just

persuaded them good

all it took was a little sweet talk and

a club about that club but why did you

have to push it ran out of gas Central

drained the tank for that thing of his

granny do you have to park this old

clunker next to my groovy new Rod watch

it boy why do you keep clinging to this

broken down old symbol of your backward

generation a new breed of cats is ready

to go to the Moon well here comes your

left off

it's a better car than that old pipe

organ that he's got are you comparing

this bucket of bolts to my fuel injected

custom built b*mb yes I am

how would you like to drag me fine I'd

like to drag you through two miles of

berry bushy I mean race

I can't raise him you ain't even got gas

I got something better

hey this ain't no way to spend your

birthday racing with Jethro I can't

think of no better prison than I'd

rather have and to beat the pants off of

that blow hard boy in a fancy hot rod

ready Jethro I have made arrangements

for the use of the Racecourse facilities

at Whiteman stadium in the valley

I'm ready me too I hear my volunteer my

services as official starter let's go

to your engines

[Music]

[Music]

eat my dust Jack bro

how'd you do granny

I brought him off in a quarter mile

never even got out of second gear

ready can I have the truck back no you

okay oh please granny I'll do anything

well be a good boy do your chores

respect your elders behave in general

and I'll let you work in my pit crew at

the next Indianapolis 500.

West Hamptons about that generation

oh I promise Kelly I promise

[Music]

well now it's time to say goodbye to Jet

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set his Bell take your

shoes off I'll come back now here