06x21 - The Great Snow

[bunniefuu]

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all that is black gold Texas Tea well

the first thing you know old gems a

millionaire looking folk said can't move

away from there said California is the

place you ought to be sold and loaded up

the truck in the mood to Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars a

Beverly hillbilly

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thank you

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Ellie May how many times do I have to

tell you I don't like Mormons in my

kitchen we're running this little kid is

feeling poorly of course he's feeling

poorly he's two months behind in his

sleeping what you mean bears are

supposed to curl up and snooze all

winter but in this crazy California it's

summer all winter it's called in a mixed

up fella here it is January and look

outside

what do you see

the sun is shining the birds singing the

flowers is blooming so not to make our

body sick sure don't have no Seasons

here just to wet and dry you've either

got mud or dust who counted for you

Granny is that all I got yes ma'am all

the rest of the meals for me what is it

good

the First National Bank of one tussle

friend James president that's Jesse's

grandson Jesse James's grandson was

president of a bank yeah it's a good

thing Jesse never lived to see that

family

look at this beautiful snow

curious treaty

there ain't nothing prettier than them

big white flakes are floating down I

used to say that was Mother Goose

shaking out her featherbed

remember how the windows used to get all

icy that was Jack Frost Painting his

pictures these are great pair Jack Frost

and Mother Goose remember how we used to

scoop up a pair of snow and put vanilla

and sugar and make ice cream well he may

you're making me so homesick I I can't

stand it

what's everybody doing inside on a

beautiful day like this

you called this beautiful look out there

shine is shining the bird just singing

fires and blooming please gent you're

turning my stomach all right you like to

be back home and all that snow and ice

how soon can we leave you mean you want

to be back there we all do we were just

sitting here talking about how much we'd

all like to go back home to the snow

ain't that right youngin yes I'm ready

ain't that right Jethro huh well what

when are you gonna learn to pay

attention he's having a family talk what

about about how much we'd all like to go

back home to the snow not me who asked

you oh you said yeah

no I don't Uncle Jim look at all these

business opportunities that come in the

mail I'm going to be rich in Utah

what is all this boy offers for jobs I

can sell blue in the house to house

oh open a worm farm face a fortune to be

made in red winglers

and here's another grow mushrooms in

your own basement

here's an offer to be a western

distributor for a Eastern buggy rip

company

get this clutter out of my kitchen this

table is good how soon do we eat I may

never eat again this California weather

has took my appetite well they took mine

I'm starving but granny go eat some

small

you may just solve one of the biggest

problems out here granny if he can trap

that stuff on a plate he might just get

rid of it

no mood for a joke kid I'm home sick for

snow so bad that I could jump in a hole

and pull the hole in after

this is the only sudden hankering you

got for snow you used to hate it

me why the first Little Frost you used

to say it was so cold the Wolves was

eating the Sheep just for the wool

I never said the Sun out here is fried

your brain just like it's ruined my

beautiful hair the sunrooted police did

great my back home it was as black as a

raven's wing and washed in snow water

kept its soft as milkweed

granny you melted snow to wash your hair

because that's the only way you could

get water the whale was froze the trough

a pond a creek everything

well you even melted snow to wash the

clothes and they came out so Purdy yeah

and froze so stiff you had to carry them

in like cord would that was wonderful

didn't even have to starch them

all right I give up if you say you love

snow you love snow

nothing'll do but well you got to go

back and get your toes frosted

oh Mr dry damn

did you clamp it

Mr Clement what can I do for you nothing

for me thank you but uh granted I'd like

to go back home to the hill

well uh seems she got this calendar from

the First National Bank of bug tussle

and uh hello

hello

Mr right there you still married yeah

yeah yes I'm still here let me talk to

Banny

listen granny you don't want to go home

now it's probably snowing back there but

just look out the window the sun is

shining the birds is singing the flowers

are blooming I can't stand it another

day I've got to have snow now you get me

back home listen to reason for the last

time I'm telling you this crazy scheme

will never work you swear to that this

crazy scheme will never work no I mean

swear that this is the last time you'll

tell me

now just remember this tape recorder is

a wreath and while Granny's listening to

the special weather report you turn the

air conditioning system down as low as

it'll go no place tonight what do you

expect with three feet of snow

well come in come in thank you Granny

did you bring my tickets to bug tussle

yes granny but I hope you're packed

you'll have to leave within 15 minutes

how come all travel has been canceled

because of the big blizzard what

blizzard you mean you haven't heard of

course not I forgot you don't have a

shortwave radio you see news about

emergencies has always broadcasts on a

special wavelength so the population

doesn't panic now just a few Civic

leaders have these Mayors councilmen

Bank presidents this Hathaway when you

turn the furnace control up as high as

it can go we don't want the clappers to

freeze in this league tonight

attention all Civic leaders repeating

the special weather bulletin a blizzard

is moving into Beverly Hills three feet

of snow was predicted with drifts

reaching as high as six to eight feet

the storm is expected to center around

Crestview Drive

that's our stream if you live in that

area do not leave your homes hungry

wolves have been seen coming down out of

the Hill

that's a sure sign of a blister

all said Chief good let's get out of

here before the snow stars and the

Wolves

thank you for the warning Mr Civic

leaders probably saved your life

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well the cold weather always aggravates

her rheumatism

no thanks Manny we barely have time to

make it to the rent a sled agency

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excuse me Chief Mr Chapman's calling

from the movie studio he wants to talk

to you before you send those snow

machines up to the Clampett Mansion okay

before you take this last crazy step in

this mad scheme of yours when you stop

and think what can happen if something

goes wrong

that's your problem

why am I because if it goes wrong I'll

blame the whole thing on you

right

yes yes of course I want the best

quality snow this is Beverly Hills

three feet will cost how much I don't

know look I want plastic not Platinum

all right but make it three inches

I will keep them inside the house with

wind machines and warmth yes I want a

wolf outside every door no Larry not

your nephew I want the kind of w*r with

big teeth pointy ears long hair

Larry I don't care if he does still

qualify

Larry

four-footed wolves now you get up there

half the dark because the clamp is good

A bit early all right goodbye now you

did set the air conditioning up as cold

as it was off yes and I hate myself for

doing it so they don't even know they've

got air conditioning they'll freeze

tonight no they won't at The crucial

moment we will mush to their rescue Bush

don't you want to share in the glory no

you want me to fight the wind and sew

along yes okay I'll do it all you have

to do is fight the wall

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can't you sleep neither really no sir my

room is like an ice block mine too I

wonder can we turn the furnace up any

hotter I don't think so when I was

sitting

critics and big old machines it's just

going full blind I'm trying to give

Granny credit she sure called to turn on

this weather of course I did

I know this cold spell was coming I seen

all the signs we should say something

sooner granny Jethro and me could have

laid in little firewood well I'll go

fetch them no way Ellie a Hungry Wolf

would get you any day no wolves and

Beverly

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that ain't no whipper will

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I know he says a wolf out there big

Rascal too they'll always come down out

of the hills from the cold wind blows I

ain't no cold wind to blowing

let's get to the kitchen yeah let's warm

up some of that possum stew we had for

supper oh I got lots of bitter Sid we

got ham and turkey and pork chops on

their way Jethro oh he's a belly come

through here about 15 or 20 minutes ago

headed for the kitchen

Salvage something

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perfect

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two line it's already a sleeping at all

Buzzard boy has struck

can't leave no Gristle

Locust would starve around that boy

that's not on his mouth

he's at the fingers out of his gloves

and he's gonna be snowbound with him

I better sleep in a circle like

partridges that way nobody will have

their back to him

the only thing he didn't get was a

little sausage must have left it for

seed

I want to try something

his stomach might doze off but that's a

24-hour mouth

foreign

oh hello Mr dry Dale

well he doing so good

yes rosette all the Beatles with him

inside and a wolves outside we used

twitched a rock and a hard place

well that's Mighty Brave of you

right I sure do thank you

for some riddles and nuts

and nothing nice

[Applause]

you crack that whip one more time and I

am going to give you a necklace

always one complainer in the pack you're

wearing three layers of fur uh that's

another thing it's 85 degrees out here

where do we get inside it should be down

to 30 in there now don't forget our deal

you have my word you have to put this

over and you'll be rolling in dough to

Chief there's a woman

I'll relax stop but I see others out

there they're all stuck

sound effect record

okay boys start the wind machine

you go inside and tell the Panthers I'm

fighting a rear guard action against the

Wolves I'll make my entrance in a minute

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[Applause]

how will happen

is here

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ah there you are granny everything

you'll need to get you through the

blizzard this can't be powdered milk

chocolate bars Melbourne of the mounties

you have saved Our Lives well don't

forget my faithful Indian companion

White Fang

I didn't know you was an Indian

yes I am temporarily a member of the

famous Northern tribe that always helps

the mounties yes she's a Snook that's

no

you know I put these in the fireplace oh

yes of course he's out of firewood and

I've never been so cold in my whole life

oh don't worry granny by tomorrow

morning a blizzard will be over good

East Beverly Hills Winters is short I

mean for days K*llers

just how do you plan to get rid of the

plastic snow the studio has machines for

that

I hope they send a snowplow in the

morning so we can get out of here oh no

granny snowplows are for peasants here

in Beverly Hills they vacuum the snow

why didn't you know it turn it in and

leave everything to us yes Mr Columbus

already gone up to bed no man miss Dean

I just went up to get into my clothes so

I could fetch in some firewood

no jet have you forgotten about the

hungry wolves out there well I figure if

these two city folks got past them I

sure can what you see we got through

because wolves are frightened of Indians

engine yeah Chad it turns out that Miss

Jane is a Snook

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that's a no

anyway I wouldn't risk going outside

those wolves are vicious I'll tear you

to pieces though

oh no

everybody look at here

granny I've been watching him he ain't

moved for better than an hour they'll

sore for him so I'm fetched to man

oh my God

shall I warm up the getaway sled

the cold

EST house

of course look at them glassy eyes

you're right granny but we sure can't

let them fall out in here right there

you uh let me take a look at that

critter

any

this wolf is stuff

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don't worry Mr climate he didn't need

Jethro uh Mr dry deal uh what's going on

around here what do you mean

stuffed Critters

snow that don't melt that's wolf

dandruff it's very contagious

you want to tell me

well hi

I might as well admit it this this whole

business of phony the snow is plastic

the wolf stop the wind comes from a

machine the whole thing was dreamed up

to keep granny from going back to the

hills and it's my fault

I never said no better talk me into it

no this whole thing was Miss James idea

100 keeping up the whole idea Jane

that's about the nicest thing I ever

heard Taylor

going all that true just to make granny

happy

thank you now wait a minute it wasn't

all her idea oh that's true Mr Claire

but it was his idea to turn the air

conditioning down so it would be cold in

the house the only part I didn't like

welcome to the tribe snook that's

Chinook

problem now is to keep granny from

finding out she's been fooled but one

thing is sure we can't let her go

outside it's 85 out there I think I got

it it's a dry deal you lay down on a

sofa what is anything to keep granny in

a house or somebody needing her Doctrine

foreign

pretty good that ain't very cool but

it's got more body to snow back home

now you look at your own snow I'll bring

you some Ellie

where are you going

to get some snow to melt for my hair

I'll do that you better take care of Mr

Drysdale he's laying in the Parlor awful

sick what team should be the trouble oh

sore throat fever you need your bad poor

man he got that from helping us

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no ice cream is the best thing in the

world for fever and sore throat

that mission guys Dale no it's kind of

gooey but not bad what is it

that's no ice cream snow ice cream you

mean the kind that's falling outside

I'll try nice and fresh smile at Mr

Drive Dale

you let's get out of here

hey I'll make you some more just bring

it in another pan

I never did see snow ice cream work so

fast

wait grab those traces and give me the

world just a minute when do I start

rolling in dough the first thing

tomorrow morning is that a promise

you'll be needy for the stop I

repossessed a bakery

Charlie

I'm here I'm King on Dough Boy

watch that white bang

a blizzard sure brings out the

Brotherhood in man

what a sight a royal mounty pulling a

Snook

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you folks were kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set a spell take your

shoes off don't come back now here

this has been a film wise presentation

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